You Know You're From London When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know which one.

You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

You step over people who collapse on the tube.

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

You've considered stabbing someone.

Your door has more than three locks.

Your favourite movie has Hugh Grant in it.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.

You know where Karl Marx is buried.

You consider Essex the "countryside"

You think Hyde Park is "nature."

You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain."

Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.

You've been to Tooting twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went camping as a kid.

You own hiking boots and a 4WD vehicle, neither of which have ever touched dirt.

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you.

You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.

You actually take fashion seriously.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You haven't cooked a meal since helping mum last Christmas with the turkey.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

£50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

You don't hear sirens anymore.

You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs.

You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.

Your cleaner is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favourite bartender is Irish, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch-seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsagent is Indian and your favourite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.

You say 'mate' constantly

Anyone not from London is a '******'

Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern ******'

You have no idea where the North is.

You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.

The countryside makes you nervous

Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.

You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from London.

 

Lm*ao!!!!

 

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

Guilty ... I do, in portugese, french, italian, german, creole and, thanks to a mate, inuit(sp?) or eskimo.

Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
You mean they aren't?

That was FUNNY!

And yes ... I am about to copy, paste and forward!

Cheers for making my day funnier ... MATE!

 

This cracked me up. Many instances could be replaced with... you might be in Deee-troit...

I loved the stars one, that is why I live 1/2 way across the state now. The indifference, stepping over. We are not so different. Public transportation is non-existent here, something that we still need to learn from the motherland. I can curse in a few languages too - different than mentioned.

EDIT: I had never been to Belle Isle. There are deer there, my whole childhood... In the City?

 

I guess I would be considered a Yankee ****** as I am from Charlotte, NC. I have not had the pleasure of visiting your country, however, my wife has. And my sister is engaged to a Scot who was raised in London.

The rumors seem to be true, you guys take SW seriously. Look at our forum and its depressing, I might have to desert my fellow statesmen to tag along with true Star Wars fans.

 

Lol One thing I would never accuse this of, is being serious about anything, that alone SW!

But, feel free to post here, the more the merrier!

 

The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.


Oh wow, that rings so true.

Sith-I-5

 

Altaira : I'd say that there is enough public transportation here, but somehow it manages to be both unreliable and expensive!

 

Too true
£1.20 for a bus ticket!!!
Your havin a laugh

 

Darth_Daver posted on 1/30/05 6:25pm

---

Altaira : I'd say that there is enough public transportation here, but somehow it manages to be both unreliable [i]and[/i] expensive!
[hr][/blockquote]

Yeah - British comedy doesn't stop at Monty Python & Eddie Izzard... A train journey here will cost at least twice as much as anywhere else in Europe, and the whole system grinds to a halt if leaves start falling off trees. Keeps us in stitches!

 

I living here almost one year and must agree. Buses and tube to travel? - bike is the best transport here. To save some money I shopping in outside(Elstree, Watford) couse everything is so expensive.
Noise is everywere even in my room
I've got 2 locks in door plus grate.
London becoming similar to L.A. in 'Blade Runner' -mixed cultures and languages(geez it's my fault too).
But these all things making special atmosphere in London.

Cheers

 

*laughs*

I might not be FROM London, but as I now LIVE in London, I understand and experience many of those things! And yeah, talking in postcodes is easy, because you can actually do it here. In Sydney, noone would say 'I was in 2100 the other day...' because it makes you sound like a prat. And I was looking outside last night wondering when I would see stars at night again. And the eye contact thing - in Paris they STARE at you, whereas here, if someone is looking at you, you freak out. And we're the same about drinks in Sydney. In town, my friends will pay $7.50 for something that they could buy for $3 at a bottleshop, I think you call them off licenses here. And we say mate a lot too, so now I say mate even more and I had people ask me today if I was English, dearie me.

 

My Dad gets that all the time.
I think its the accent that makes people wonder