Saga Young Old Man - A Completed Obi-Wan/Anakin Vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Jan 20, 2004.

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  1. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Young Old Man
    By LuvEwan

    *Response to Obi-Wan Workshop Challenge, created by o_e and red_rose_knight...but since we've switched topics since then, I thought I shouldn't post it there. I got a little sidetracked and ran out of time. ;) I hope it doesn't sound odd, since I finished it about a month after completing most of it. [face_blush]
    *PG
    *Summary* The effect the events of Naboo have on the survivor of the Sith encounter, shown from a different perspective. A completed vignette.
    *Disclaimer* Everything belongs to Lucas
    Angst/Drama/POV
    ||| \/ |||


    I'm stirring the stew, a gray concoction of potato chunks seasoned with little more than a few shakes of salt and a dash of pepper (pepper's not what you'd call an abundant commodity here, so it's only used once in awhile, mostly when the soup's tasteless--or when the taste is a bit too overwhelming). The line's dwindled some and the tables are packed with our 'patrons', spooning thick globs into their mouths or taking bites from dry slabs of bread.

    Over the din of those who spare moments from their meal to converse with their fellow diners, I hear Taglahan's voice, full-bodied and jovial, as always. "Hey, sweetheart, look who's here!" He shouts, with that unmistakable spike of delight that can only be caused from one source.

    I'm already grinning as I wipe the beads of sweat from my forehead with the corner of my apron. I squeeze through the cluster of other servers, wishing for only the twelfth time today that this place better provided for those with less-than-svelte figures, and head toward the sound of my husband.

    Taglahan's standing near the doorway, talking with a wide smile to a man that was once young.

    Sounds silly, doesn't it? Every old man was young once. Not a very difficult concept, especially for someone whose been working here since before this particular old man was born.

    But, not to sound too philosophical, there are different definitions and degrees of aging. Some measure it in years. Others in those lovely lines and wrinkles that tug at even the most stunning face.

    I see it whenever the old man looks at me, his eyes worn and haunted.

    From those eyes, you'd think they'd seen years upon years of hardship.

    But this old man doesn't lean on a cane or cough heartily into his balled hand.

    This old man has auburn hair shorn close to his head, unmarred by even a single silvery strand, and smooth skin with vague tints of gold.

    I've seen suffering here. Unfailingly every day, shuffling in at all hours, shoulders weighed down by more than sickness or exhaustion. Wrapped in wormy layers of ancient hand-me-downs, they make their way to the soup line. I look into their faces, their lost faces.

    And the most I can do is place a bowl of steaming food in their trembling hands.

    I know they're grateful for it.

    But what do you give the old man who comes here in his sandy tunics, tucked nicely into his belt and cream-colored leggings, who may be a little on the thin side but nowhere near emaciated, who can't spread his hands out and wait for that warm sustenance?

    He's not cold and he's not hungry.

    But he's here.

    To offer charity-not to receive it.

    I know I have a big heart in me (big to match the rest of my body, I guess) and it's had to withstand some terrible, wrenching scenes before.

    So it's interesting that when I head towards the very worst of them, I'm smiling, my arms lifting to enfold the cleanly dressed, well-fed old man, barely twenty five years old.

    "Obi-Wan." I say, sounding like a lonely, old lady when really, only the second half is true. It doesn't matter how many years we find him walking through our crumbling doorway, I can never banish the warm fondness that seems to soak into my voice whenever he's here.

    He musters a smile, the wintered man, and we embrace, the dimpled tip of his chin coming to rest on my shoulder for a moment.

    I pat his back, eyes sealed. "It's good to see you around, kid. We've missed ya."

    His face presses against my neck for a fleeting
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, I liked this. The story of the painting and the sharing of doing a good deed was lovely, even if it was destroyed by vandals. A good metaphor for the darkness that would be the Empire clouding over everything that was once beautiful. And Obi-Wan trying to do his best with Anakin (loved the ice cream for breakfast - doesn't everyone?)!

    Good job.
  3. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Lovely vignette LE. I loved the story of the mural and the way the speaker talked of Obi-Wan as old before his time was heartbreaking.

    Your vignettes are always among my favorites. :)
  4. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Very touching look at how much the events on Naboo changed Obi-Wan. It was nice to see how much Qui-Gon cared about him and how Anakin longed to know him better. :)
  5. Forbidden_Donut Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2004
    Touching, exquisite vignette. I liked this.
  6. diamond_pony2002 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2002
    star 4
    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. Lady-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2003
    star 3
  8. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I had to keep myself from crying!
  9. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
    OH THIS WAS JUST WONDERFULL!!! ~CRYS INTO HER TISSUE~
  10. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Beautiful job, LE. You satisfied my craving for angst. The images and metaphors were really well done. Can't wait for more from you soon!

    Shaindl

    PS: DP2002, can you edit your message so that we don't have to scroll back and forth to read the story, please? Thanks.
  11. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful story, LE. Very deep and touching descriptions.

    By the way, when are you going to update one particular story? ;)
  12. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    diane Thanks so much. You're such an expert at symoblism and metaphors, so it really means a lot. [face_love]

    Sheila Thank you. :) I always look forward to reading whatever feedback you have for me.

    o_e Aw, shucks. [face_blush] It feels great to get a reaction like that from so many fantastic authors, like you! ;)

    Forbidden_Donut [face_love] I'm glad you liked it.

    diamond [face_blush]

    Lady_Kenobi Thank you. :)

    PK [face_shocked] What a great compliment! :)

    Jenny :) Thanks.

    Shaindl You know how much your opinion means to me. :) I'm glad to supply the angst..I only hope I can write happier things more often. ;)

    Jedi_Nifet It's been updated...Whoops. I should've told you to sit down first. Shocking, huh? :D And thanks for your support. [face_love]
  13. Lady-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2003
    star 3
  14. Kazzy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2002
    star 4
    A beautiful, beautiful image, perfectly portrayed. You have done a stunning job showing the emotions here, and the scenery. Just beautiful.
  15. Laine_Snowtrekker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    Wow! I loved this! This is so sweet.
  16. In_Luv_wit_kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 3, 2003
    star 1
    That was incredible. really. you know i think you should have written JQ instead of jude watson. honestly, i'd rather read this than any of the Quest books anyday.
  17. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Lady_K Thanks for the little revival. :D

    Kazzy [face_blush] Thank you so much. That's very generous of you to say.

    L_S Aww. 8-}

    In_Luv_wit_kenobi I'm so honored that you would be inspired to say that--although I'm no fan of Watson either. ;) Thank you. [face_love] But I don't think I could create a real plot to save my life! [face_laugh]
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