THE INTELLECTUAL CHICKEN For all you philosophers out there..... Q: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? A: Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads. Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was. Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him. Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" Bill Clinton: It wasn't me. I wasn't chasing the chicken. There was no inappropriate relationship between me and the chicken Newt Gingrich: Because the Chicken was kicked out of the coop. Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?" Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will. George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads, balance your checkbook, and solve your Y2K problem Colonel Sanders of KFC: I missed one?