Before - Legends Your Excellency - A Political Mess (OCs, Election, Humor)

Thanks for clicking! This is a story of firsts: my first Before the Saga story, my first political story, and my first story of 2008. I hope you enjoy.

Title: Your Excellency
Author: Onoto
Timeframe: A long, long time before the movies
Characters: Original Characters
Genres: Political Intrigue, Humor
Summary: When the Supreme Chancellor is forced to resign, the Senate has to scramble to find a new leader - or else the galaxy could split into a civil war. Gaines Hush, a mildly competent and easily excitable Senator, might just be the man for the job.



Your Excellency ? A Political Mess by Onoto

Romel was not a very large planet. It had no mainland, only a few little islands, and no major city worthy of note in the galactic history books. Romel had quarreled with the neighboring and equally irrelevant Adder, but even those armed conflicts did not elicit much galactic attention.

Romel had only two features that were attractive to other space-faring peoples: its location and its space station. Romel existed in a portion of space where little else did, and its sophisticated orbiting space station was therefore a critical hub for interstellar commerce. This made Romel important enough to warrant membership in the Galactic Republic, and therefore receive a seat in the Galactic Senate.

Gaines Hush was the forty-third person to represent the tiny world on Coruscant, and the early days of his senatorial career were well spent, if not particularly exciting. His next steps along the political ladder were, however, much more interesting.

**

Suite 755 ? Senator Hush?s Apartment

Gaines Hush was a large human in every direction, and his head of hair was either grey or ?at a level so distinguished as to be worthy of the greatest leaders of any age?, depending on who you asked. His substantial bulk made for a heavy step, which alerted Madame Hush to his presence long before he entered their bedroom, and his rumpled crown of distinguished silver told her that something had stirred her husband into a state bordering on mania.

?Was it a good meeting, Gaines?? she asked, setting down the file she had been working on.

?Napp stepped down!? the large Romelian senator cried. ?The Galactic Republic is without a Supreme Chancellor!?

?Well,? Madame Hush said calmly, ?I suppose the Republic best find a new one.?

?Find a new?Annetti, we?re talking about a division in the Senate!? As was his habit, Hush ran a large, meaty palm over his scalp, as if reassuring himself that his head was indeed attached.

?You?re sure you?re not just overreacting, dear? After all, you nearly went mad when you had to cancel your appointment with the Corellian senator. They didn?t declare war, like you ? ?

?Darling, I am not overreacting!? Hush collapsed into an armchair next to his bed. ?And given Romel?s relationship with Corellia at that time, it was a reasonable conclusion to draw!?

?Of course, dear. Would you like a drink??

?I can?t drink now. I must be in control of myself.? Hush?s hand once again checked the stability of his head. ?What with the division between the Tops and the Necks, I just can?t see a reasonable compromise. We?re doomed, I say! It?ll be the end of civilization as we know it!?

Madame Hush decided to change the subject as much as she could. ?Why did Chancellor Napp resign? He was elected only six months ago, and he seemed happy enough.?

?You haven?t seen the news, I take it.? Hush leaned back and sank into the cushions. ?Last night Napp got slobbering drunk and crashed into a waste hauler. Spilled sewage all over the place.?

?That?s definitely embarrassing,? Madame Hush said.

?It gets better. A member of the opposite sex who has starred in several holovids of rather dubious repute was in his speeder.? Hush sighed. ?As was her sister.?

Madame Hush winced. ?I suppose he had to resign.?

?Yes, he did. He provided enough material in one night to stock those two-bit late night comedians for the next thirty years.?

?But why is this so cata

 

That was fantastic! Such a detailed pollitical dance starring blackmail, backstabbing, and greed for personal gain.

The way they got that poor bumbling fool into office...

I liked this very much. Great writing, Onoto! Keep up the good work.

 

This was very funny. I could certainly see that the machinations going on behind the scenes would make this work so very well.

Great job.

 

Meredith_Kenobi: Politics provide an excellent environment for such roguish behavior, and the marvelous thing is that political fics can be funny or dramatic. I'd love to see more forays into the world of galactic politics, and I may just contribute a few more myself. Thank you!

dianethex: Thank you very much! Mallard and Ern were a lot of fun to write, simply because they live behind the throne, and that's where the action is.


I'd like to thank everyone who's read my story, whether they have replied or not. I enjoyed writing Your Excellency, and I'm pleased that I was able to present it.

 

That was so funny!

I especially liked this part: ?Senator,? Er?ntel said gravely, ?Lord Speaker Mallard and I have a very serious matter which we must discuss with you.

?It is very serious,? agreed Mallard.

Hush nodded slowly. ?Sounds serious.?

?It is. Very serious.?

?Yes,? Er?ntel said. ?Extremely serious.?

?In fact,? Mallard declared, ?I would go as far to say that it can hardly be more serious.?

Hush frowned so as to show he understood. ?I think we?re agreed. This is serious.?

Great job!

 

Great work, Onoto! There were lots of twists and turns here, but they all made sense and I was able to follow the events well. Mallard and Ern really showed how they got to be Vice Chairs--definitely some devious thinkers there. heh heh.

The "serious" discussion, the worries about Corellia going to war with Romel, and the origin of the name "Necks" was great, as was this line:

"...We could definitely use you.? He and Er?ntel exchanged a quick look and both laughed internally.

This was a very original story that was fun to read. Good job!

-Thumper

 

You put me to shame; I only wish I could write political intrigue like you do! That was fan-tabulously-tastic! Bravo - what a gem!

 

This was an excellent story! I loved all the politrickin', the twists and turns and backstabbing. It was very neat and I really appreciated the dark humour that ran as an undercurrent in the story. There were so many quotes that could apply to real world politics, here's some of my favourites:

Every one above is an elitist Top, and everyone below is a cranky Neck. Though I suppose I would be too if I had to look up at the speakers and get a crick in my neck

?But the pay is just as good, there are just as many underlings to kick around, and, as you well know, there?s a chancellor to take the fall for your mistakes. But best of all??

?No term limits!? The two guffawed for upwards of a minute.

?As Chairman of the Committee for the Promotion of Interstellar Unity, I think this would show the progress we?re making.? Hush smiled. ?And by ?we?, I of course mean ?I?.?

Most excellent. Well done, Onoto!

 

amidalachick: That was a fun scene to write. I'm a big fan of repetition, and that just tickled my funny bone. Glad you enjoyed it!

Thumper: What's a political story without some swindlers? Mallard and Ern fit the bill absolutely perfectly. Heck, almost every character in this story does. Thanks for your high praise!

Jade_Max: Thank you so very much. I love convoluted plots, and I'm pleased that I was able to do a good job.

yodas_waiter: Really, I just thought of the most underhanded/cynical/perplexing thing that I could, and then I slipped it in. Seemed to work. Thanks for stopping by.


I completely and totally whiffed on this in my opening post, but Your Excellency is a part of this month's OC Database Challenge. The challenge was to make an impossible situation in which the OCs had to come up with some sort of clever solution. There are about ten entries, all of which are exceptional, so if you like a good OC story, check them out.

Thanks for reading!

 

Goodness, if only real politics were this amusing! That was quite an adventure, and hilarious on all counts. Great work! This was a really fun response to the challenge.

 

Wow, these challenge entries are really setting the bar for originality!

Onoto, the political system you envisaged here was brilliantly realised. Right down to little things like Tops and Necks, and overblown titles like Chairman of the Committee for the Promotion of Interstellar Unity. I thoroughly enjoyed that element of the story!

Of course, the other great element was the beautifully organic humour Exactly the style that I like. I could imagine these two played by Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry. Accents like theirs only multiply on-page hilarity. In fact, Mallard, Er?ntel and Hush had a wonderful 'Yes, Minister' vibe going on that will make me want to read this one more than once!

Brilliant entry!

 

Probably the ONE compliment for all politicians is the unique ways in which they get their agenda done. Great story, and also very funny.

Raptor517

 

Great fic, Onoto. A very nice start to the new year. I can?t believe this is your first political story - written like a seasoned pro for this sort of thing, I think.

 

I liked the little intro about Romel. Nice set-up.

Tops and Necks! Never thought about that. The idea that the Senate would divide based on who sits on top and on bottom is certainly an entertaining one.

?It is very serious,? agreed Mallard.

Hush nodded slowly. ?Sounds serious.?

?It is. Very serious.?

?Yes,? Er?ntel said. ?Extremely serious.?

?In fact,? Mallard declared, ?I would go as far to say that it can hardly be more serious.?

Hush frowned so as to show he understood. ?I think we?re agreed. This is serious.?

SRS BUSINESS. Like Luton, I loved that section!

?But I can?t! The Necks stand for something, and I won?t allow myself to ? ?

?Alderaan.?

? ? but on the other hand, perhaps there could be advantages to appointing someone who?s not generally associated with us.?



All around, you did a stellar job of portraying all the politicians and their manueverings while keeping a crystal clear plot.

Great response, Onoto!

 

DWH: If real politics were this amusing, I'd run for office. Or I'd run away. I could see myself doing either one actually.

Futon: I looked up different titles and things that the SW universe uses, but you'd be amazed at how open the political fan fic sandbox is. You could do just about anything and not contradict canon. And it's funny that you mention Yes, Minister. It and its sequel are some of the funniest shows I've ever seen, and I tried to capture that feeling in this fic. Glad it worked!

Raptor: Come now, politicians can't be all bad! They're very...very...ooh, wait. I think you might have a point there.

BigE: You've caught me! The real name is Plato. I wrote this little fic a while back; it was called The Republic. It gave me some good practice for Your Excellency. Oh, you don't believe me, huh? Well, here's your proof: Plato kind of vaguely rhymes with Onoto. QED, my friend. QED. No, seriously, this was my first political effort. I'm ecstatic that it worked so well. Thanks for the praise!

Face: I knew I needed a good way to set up Hush's identity and clarify the situation somewhat. That little 'prologue' also was darned useful in setting up the Adderdite bit. As for the Tops and the Necks, it seemed like as good a division as any. I imagine they are seated by sector, so it isn't totally outside the realm of possibility. I'm also pleased that you were able to follow the plot. I was afraid that it was a bit muddled; it's difficult for an author (at least for this author) to be entirely comfortable about such things, so it's reassuring.


A big to everyone who's read this story. It was a lot of fun to write, and I hope y'all enjoyed reading it. Thank you!