ST Your Star Wars VII Headcanons

Captain Phasma is actually made out of plasma.

Kylo Ren mopes in his room. A lot...

Hux has no soul but he is on a mission from God to find it and the funk.

C3P0 is mindwiped and clueless.

R2 frequently mocks 3P0 because he gets mindwiped so often.

Luke appears, sees the kind of stuff going on in some threads here and decides to pop out again.

Han is to old for this sh#t.

Leia raps, it's a whole thing, deal with it.

Finn discovers he's force sensitive and uses his newfound powers to become the greatest sarlacc tamer in the galaxy.

Rey sells junk, opens up a shop and sells more junk. Eventually she makes enough money to buy a small house somewhere less depressing, like Tatooine.

Snoke is not an evil mastermind but rather a legendary snooker player.

 

Hux looks like such a goober to me. I can totally see Kylo and Phasma plotting against him.

 

The Knights of Ren are an ancient order predating the Jedi & Sith from the "beyond" of intergalactic space, where the dark side of the force is strongest. Their home world closely orbits an uncharted red dwarf star. The planet's orbit is tidally locked, so the knights' stronghold exists in a stormy, perpetual twilight zone.

Snoke has cheated death many times throughout the centuries, but as long as the light of the Jedi persists he cannot achieve true immortality.

 

Hux survives the destruction of the Starkiller but is severely wounded and trapped under rubble. Kylo finds him but instead of killing him (thus giving him a quick death), he instead decides to sit back and watch Hux have a slow and painful death.

 

Poe grew up hearing stories about Luke, Han, and Leia from his parents, and idolizes all three of them immensely. He spent many afternoons running around his yard pretending to be Luke blowing up the Death Star, or Han flying in for the last-minute save.

 

Jar Jar Binks is one of the Knights of Ren.

 

I don't have one.

 

The First Order found their entire "Army in a box" kit in an abandoned Star Destroyer. ATs, TIEs, Stormtrooper stuff. All neatly packed in that Destroyer we see in the trailers.

 

Please escort yourself out.

 

Phasma survives and becomes leader of the First Order...

 

- Luke has had a transition to female, and, due to his force powers, can keep his appearance young (he learned with Yoda, who lived hundreds of years, true that the young appearance didn't last long).

He suffered memory loss after an attack at his academy. Years later, at Maz, "Rey" realizes she is Luke. That is why in the beginning she believes she's no one, later to learn she's the last decently trained jedi. That way, the question "who are you?", asked to Rey , ties to the question JJ claims the movie is about: "Who is Luke?"

- Han and Leia are no longer together cause Han prefers Chewbacca.

 

Luke is so good at not being seen, J.J. doesn't even know where he's hiding.

 

I have my own st planned out that is probably better than the real thing lol not typing all that though. good thread

Force22 love the Han chewie bromance

 

• Kylo possibly has schizophrenia or bipolar disease
• Han and Leia were pretty bad parents
• BB-8 is planning on destroying the new droid that Poe gets when he returns from his trip with Rey. He does not like competition
• Finn is the living epitome of a cupcake. Cute, fluffy, sweet and adorable.
• A bored Kylo is the worst Kylo. When bored he frequently uses the force to knock stuff off tables, or when really bored, launch stormtroopers into space using the force, essentially turning them into human sattelites. Turns out stormtrooper armor can't survive in the vacume of space and none of Kylo's "trials" have ever returned alive...or to any planet's surface to be frank

 

Rey's staff-pole light saber causes blood to get all over the place during limb dismemberment, kind of like Ben Kenobi's in the ANH saloon scene with the bloody chopped off arm; no cauterizing light saber chops.



Snoke turns out to be an evil member of Yoda's race.

 

Phasma won't stop flirting with Kylo in the break room. This explains Hux's jealousy and dislike for him. It's really just a First Order love triangle.

 

Phasma's flirting with Kylo because she already knows that Hux's cannons are overcompensating for something...

 

Luke has been in exile for so long because he's been enjoying an extended vacation on a lush, tropical planet.

 

Snoke used to, pre going to the beyond, enjoy writing silly comedy scripts in which waterfowl would get up to various capers.

This earned him the nickname "Daft Play Geese" when he was at school. Occasionally he likes to be referred to by that name.

 

I am so confused

 

*ok this is kind of a dark one but still*

• If Finn hadn't have rescued Poe, Poe was planning on killing himself in order to prevent himself from being interrogated again or used as a bargaining chip against the Resistance
• Hux is space Joffrey. Nuff said
• Snoke is like the annoyed and sad father who always wonders "Where did I go wrong with raising my evil little child?" when it comes to Kylo
• Rey is her own special brand of crazy
• Leia likes Poe cause he reminds her of Han

 

Women with a chest larger then a b-cup can't become Stormtroopers because 2 save $$$ the FO uses male armor 4 both genders. Large breasts won't fit so busty FO women become officers instead.