Youthful Mistakes

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by KnightMara, Aug 5, 2000.

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  1. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
  2. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    Whoohoo! 300 posts! Well, now it's at 301, but still. . . Cool!
  3. Jedi Master Mara Jade Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 1999
    star 4
    Whoa! Thanks for the double-posty, KnightMara! What an awesome surprise after that dry-post period!

    I seem to remember a version of that sandpeople story in one of the EU books...might have been the small section of <gag> Children of the Jedi. If it was intentional, good connection! (If not, it was still cool. =D)

    I'm glad we got more information on the relationship of Owen and Obi...I like your interpretation. Though Owen seems sort of dictator-ish, acting like that. I guess it's just fear and his idea of "tough love", though.

    Thanks again - - I hope you have time to post again soon! =)
  4. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    It actually was intentional, JMMJ, and I do think it was from "that" book. It was the only thing that stood out as interesting in the entire novel, which I actually never finished reading (well, I sort of skimmed it. . .but it was a challenge). As I remember it, the incident from the book occured when Luke was just a toddler, so that's what he's semi-conscious of in the last post. The whole thing is familiar, though he can't imagine why.

    A lot of this story actually comes from the dialogue in the radio dramas. . .about how Luke tells Biggs that he needs to stay on the farm to help his uncle fight off sandpeople and how he was once rescued by "Old Ben Kenobi" but that his uncle chased him off the farm. I've always wanted to flesh out Luke's early experiences. . .hence, this story.
  5. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
    what is with the whole "$40" for each drama?! i can't possibly afford that...hmmm, anyone wanna lone me them? :)
  6. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    hehe, I bought 'em ages ago, Vergere, when they were freaky cheap, only available on cassette, and they hadn't even made ROTJ yet (I bought that one rather recently, just to complete the collection. . .even though MH is not in it :( ).
  7. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    Didn't want to keep you all in suspense for too long, so here's the next post:


    A single cry from a Tusken Raider seemed to split the cold desert night, and within moments it was joined by several others. Luke's fingers tensed around the blaster, and he looked toward his uncle for guidance. Owen, in turn, put a hand on Luke's shoulder.

    "Okay, boy," he said, unearthly calm eyes staring straight into Luke's panicked ones. "I want you to take cover behind the main vaporator, you're small enough. And I'll be right over here behind the power generator." At Luke's understanding nod, he continued. "Shoot to scare them off first. They're usually frightened pretty easily. But if that doesn't work, you know what you need to do."

    Luke swallowed hard and mutely nodded before moving into position behind the vaporator. He crouched down low and tested his visibility as he peered around the side of the unit. In the darkness, he couldn't actually see the Sandpeople; but somehow he knew almost exactly where they were. He couldn't explain it, and right now it didn't really matter. So long as it helped him defend the farm, anything was okay by him at this point. His pulse was racing, and he felt his damp palms begin to slip along his grip on the blaster. Quickly drying them off on his sleeping trousers, he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It wouldn't do for him to be all panicky when he was being counted on by his aunt and his uncle to help them. Biting down hard on his lower lip, he squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on the task at hand. Now was the time for him to act like a man and make his uncle proud. He glanced over at Owen to see him looking through the macros and quickly taking cover.

    At that moment, something whizzed by dangerously close to Luke's ear and struck the domed entrance to the house behind him. Simultaneously, the sound of a rifle shot echoed in the distance. Crouched behind the vaporator, Luke gasped. This was it.

    Wiping his sweaty palms on his pant legs once more, he grasped the rifle and threw another glance in his uncle's direction. He watched as his uncle fired several shots into the night in an attempt to scare them off before ducking behind the power generator again as a volley of projectiles were fired in his direction. Luke took a deep breath and aimed at the desert floor. As his uncle had done, he fired several shots to frighten the approaching Raiders.

    "Get back, Luke!" Owen cried.

    Luke ducked behind the vaporator just in time to hear another volley of projectile shots scream by. Several of them struck the opposite side of the vaporator, and Luke cringed. He knew the machine was too thick and dense to allow anything to pass through, but it was still unnerving. He squeezed his eyes shut until the ricocheting sound of metal on metal ceased, and then looked back at his uncle.

    "You hit?" Owen asked, fear evident in his usually stoic voice.

    Luke shook his head, throat too dry to speak.

    "This bunch isn't playing around," Owen called to his nephew. "This might get ugly."

    Luke didn't miss the warning note in his uncle's voice, and he shuddered. Pushing the darker possibilities to the back of his mind, he tightened his grip on the blaster and fired another round of shots toward the band of Raiders that was now becoming slowly visible in the starlight as it approached. The dim light cast an eerie glow upon the robed and bandaged figures, making them seem more monstrous than they usually appeared by daylight. Like ghostly demons, they moved unwaveringly toward them, their facemasks seeming like ghoulish grins as they took sadistic pleasure in terrorizing their prey. Fighting against fear, Luke continued to fire and take cover; and a glance showed his uncle doing the same.

    Still, the Tusken Raiders continued their approach.

    An unearthly wail resounded in the night, one that made Luke's blood run cold. The wail was then picked up by the rest of the band of Raiders until it rose into a deafening clamor. Luke risked a glance
  8. Princess Sari Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2000
    star 4
    Oh. My. God. You're evil, KnightMara. Saying you're not gonna leave us hanging and then that... ::unbelieving look::

    Children of the Jedi? Don't remind me! I started it, read until a little after that part (with him as a kid) was mentioned, and haven't picked it up since. Same with Darksaber. I keep telling myself I'll finish them, but... (I'm having a hard time getting through Vision of the Future right now as it is [no I haven't read it yet]. Neither SotP or VotF have really got me hooked yet.)
  9. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    Well, I'm kinda starting to spread this out as much as possible since I'm really close to the end of my original story idea.

  10. Herman Snerd Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 1999
    star 6
    Cool. An entire post told almost entirely from within Luke's mind.

    It makes a lot of sense though. Anybody who has been in a crisis knows that time seems to slow to a crawl, while a non-stop flood of thoughts race through your brain.

    Again, cool.
  11. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
    very nice, but which of your posts isn't? :)
  12. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    Herman (I won't call you Hermie, hehe), I'm glad you took note of the angle I was taking in this post. My favorite part of writing is getting into the minds of different characters. Maybe that comes from my theater background. . .I don't know. But I'm glad you noticed.

    Vergere, I'm sure I've had a few duds. And if I haven't, I'm sure to have them shortly, because I'm past due if that's the case. :)

    More to come once it's finished.
  13. Tenel'Ka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 3
    That WAS a great post! And you have NOT had any dud posts, and I HIGHLY doubt you
    ever could! ;D

    MORE!!!!
  14. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    Checking in from the weird weather state of Washington. One day its cold, the next its warm. Never know what to wear, the weather changes during the day.

    It was nice to see how Luke reacted to the fact that he had to start shooting to kill. He isn't some gungho shoot 'em up kid. He has fear and he knows its real. He is acting like a normal person. Your characterizations have consistently been on target.

    How did your creative writing class or whatever it was called go? I think you mentioned something about starting one or had one during the summer.
  15. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    I actually started it three weeks ago, Rebel Mom. I'm teaching a creative writing workshop for the students at my school on Wednesdays after school. So far, the turnout has been awesome (for an afterschool program), and some kids show incredible potential (like many on these forums). It's a blast, and they find it hilarious that I'm writing SW stories on the internet! :)


    Thanks, Tenel'ka, but like I said, if I haven't had one already, then I'm past due! :) Everyone has to have an off-day. :)
  16. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
    i know i know, everyone has a bad post....but frankly, my dear KnightMara, as long as i've been reading your stories, you haven't! and i hope to god its not soon!

  17. Princess Sari Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2000
    star 4
    You would have to really try hard to have a bad post! ::grin::

    One of my friends, every year, goes up to every single new teacher and askes them if they like Star Wars. If they say yes, automatically on his "Cool Teachers" list. If they say no, then they really have a hard time earning their way on that list. LOL You ought to show those kids in your class this story!
  18. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
  19. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    Hey, guys. This is just to let you know that I'm having a bit of a crisis in RL that is interfering with my ability to write right now. Basically, it boils down to the fact that I'm teaching in a "sick building" and it's causing major health problems that are making it all but impossible for me to do my job. I'm frustrated, depressed, and all-together unwell, but I'm trying to finish up this story. I just had to get this off my chest and excuse myself ahead of time if I don't get the rest up in a hurry. So, please, bear with me and try not to let it sink into the netherworld of the forums. Okay?

    Luv ya',
    KM
  20. Herman Snerd Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 1999
    star 6
    Gotcha. Hope you're feeling better soon.
  21. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
    aw knightmara...if i lived in florida i'd be over with aspirin and chicken soup...

    get better! i will try to remember to up...
  22. Princess Sari Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2000
    star 4
    Oh... I hope you feel better soon!
  23. Vergere Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2000
    star 5
    up in the name of KnightMara! :)
  24. KnightMara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 1999
    star 4
    Sorry it took so long, folks. Here is what I think may be the last post of the story (that is unless I can get my life back in order in time to write some more). I may write one more post as an Epilogue, but I think I'm finally done with this one.


    So here it is:

    The laser bolt Luke fired made contact a split second later, and the Raider went down in a heap. Luke's breath exploded from his lungs, followed by a wave of nausea, but he fought it back and continued to fire into the crowd of charging Sandpeople who had now crossed the farm's perimeter fence. At that moment, he seemed to become an automaton, a droid with only one task to accomplish. No feeling, no emotion. Two more shots were fired from his blaster, and two more Sandpeople fell. A fourth fell under Uncle Owen's aim, and Luke watched as he succeeded in wounding a fifth who continued to charge, the Raider firing his own rifle at the generator and the man taking cover behind it. Luke quickly shifted his aim and brought the charging Raider down before he could succeed in harming his uncle. The Raider collapsed only yards away from the generator, his dark blood staining the bleached desert sand.

    Targeting his blaster back on the remainder of the band, Luke saw that they were forming a retreat and collecting their fallen. Only one Bantha with rider seemed to be continuing the forward progress. Luke trained the blaster on the approaching Bantha as it entered the perimeter, preparing to fire. As he wiped away a bead of sweat that had managed to drip into his eye, he felt emotion begin to flood back into him. His blaster rifle started to tremble in his grasp, and he fought to keep it steady. Yet, even as he struggled to keep the Bantha and rider in his sights, something screamed within him not to fire. The strangely instinctive feeling forced him to lower the rifle to the ground and watch the Bantha's steady approach.

    Movement out of the corner of his eye alerted him to his uncle's attempt to bring down the rider.

    "No, wait!" Luke cried.

    Owen spun toward him in shock and anger. "Luke, are you--"

    "Please, just don't," he pleaded. He couldn't explain why, but he knew the approaching rider was no threat.

    Something in the boy's voice somehow managed to convince Owen to lower his weapon, and the two of them watched as the rider slowed only yards away. Without a sound, the rider reached down and hauled the last fallen Raider onto his mount and turned away. Urging the beast into the desert, he rode away behind the rest of the retreating band, a cloud of sand that obscured their horrific forms and the route their escape was taking.

    Luke found himself unable to do anything but stare at the cloud they had stirred, pulse still racing and legs trembling with shock and spent adrenaline. His mouth and throat felt drier than the Dune Sea, and waves of nausea began to hit him as he strove to keep his composure. Already, he could feel it was a losing battle, but pride kept him staring into the desert night as he tried to collect himself. His vision blurred over for a moment and he blinked to clear it, feeling the unfamiliar sensation of tears clinging to his eyelashes. Was he crying? No, it was probably just a reaction to the sand particles. Or fatigue from straining to aim in the night.

    Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to block out the images of the falling and dying Sandpeople. He had killed them. They had fallen because of him. This was no womp rat hunt; these were sentient, humanoid beings that had attacked with weapons and removed their dead from the battlefield when it was all over.

    "Luke?"

    Uncle Owen's concerned voice had barely registered in Luke's consciousness when the boy doubled over and was uncontrollably sick. As his body revolted against the images in his mind and the truth behind them, he was vaguely aware of his uncle's large, callused hands gently rubbing his bare back. It seemed an eternity before his heaving subsided and Luke was able to rise shakily back to his feet, guilt ridd
  25. Jee-dai Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2000
    star 3
    Really good, KnightMara!

    I'm sad that the story is almost at an end.
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