Zarcie and Sithie's messed up story...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by JediKnightZarc, Dec 30, 2000.

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  1. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    <<Ok, here is a little messed up story from the dregs of two twisted minds. Mainly me-Zarcie and Sithie-SITH4HIRE.

    Its a TPM spoof. Ok, so it doesn't start at the beginning of the movie but hey, you've all seen the movie. Voici!
    _______________________________

    Rune: Where are those destroyer droids?! (mumbles) I knew we shouldn?t have bought their batteries at Radio Shack?

    <Qui-Gon finished cutting through the door>

    Qui-Gon: Come Padawan?

    Nute: Impossible!! This is impossible!!

    Qui-Gon: I believe we came for negotiations.

    Obi-Wan: And we?ve been waiting for quite some time.

    Rune: Ahhh?yes, we did, didn?t we?you were the 2 o?clock appointment right?

    (both Jedi nod)

    Nute: (looks at his flip top Darth Maul chrono and taps it disgustedly) Cheap K-mart watches.. what can I say?

    Rune: (still trying to waste more time) We sent you drinks?

    Obi-Wan: They were poisoned.

    Nute: But the finest poison mind you!

    <meanwhile the destroyer droids finally arrive>

    Obi-Wan: (twirls light saber) master destroyers!

    Qui-Gon: //Runaway, Runaway//

    Obi-Wan: //Yes, Master//

    <The Jedi ran to the docking bay which was near by>

    Obi-Wan: //Master, over there. It?s a small transport.//

    Qui-Gon: //That would be the logical thing to so my young Padawan. We?re only six minutes into the picture. Lets stow aboard separate ships and meet down on Naboo//

    <before they split up>

    Obi-Wan: Well you were right about one thing, master.
    (Qui-Gon gives a questioning look) The negotiations were short

    Qui-Gon: (with a smirk) Your cheekiness is going to get you into trouble someday Padawan!
    ________________
    Feedback!
  2. Luke85 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2000
    star 1
    "Cheap K-mart watches", LOL! Very funny! This deserves an UP!
  3. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Thank-you! Thank-you Lukie-poo! We appreciate your reply greatly!
  4. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Here is some more! We hope you enjoy it!

    Note: This section is not Jar Jar friendly. Then again we haven't been very friendly to anyone so far, nor do we plan on being friendly in the future...
    _____________________________

    <They split up and arrive on Naboo>

    (Qui-Gon on Naboo. He is running from a tank and sees an odd creature ahead. The creature seems unsure of what to do. He is spazing out

    Obi-Wan gets off the transport on Naboo. He is being chased by droids on STAPs . While running he has his light saber ignited to deflect blaster fire. He turns to deflect a shot but trips over some underbrush. He falls and the light saber flies out of his hand and into a near by swamp.>

    Obi-Wan: Oh Sith! (he stands up and uses the force to call his useless light saber to him)

    (Meanwhile?The Gungan, the creature, is partially electrocuted as the current from the light saber travels through the pond. It kills three of the six brain cells that he possessed and multiple other sea creatures.)

    Jar Jar: Argghhhhhhhhhhhh!

    Obi-Wan: (standing up) Sorry Master. The water fried my weapon and your dear Gungan pal.

    Qui-Gon: (disgustedly) He?s not dead yet! What did I tell you about finishing things you start Padawan?

    Obi-Wan: That I should?

    (Qui-Gon sighs and he goes to reply, but is cut off by the sound of STAPS coming their way)

    Qui-Gon: We need to get the hell out of here!

    Jar Jar: Why?

    Obi-Wan: Do you hear that? That?s the sound of a thousand terrible things coming this way and when they find us they will remove your fingernails very slowly, one at a time. Then they will pluck your eyebrows with red hot tweezers.

    Jar Jar: Meesa no haven eyebrows.

    Obi-Wan: Well then they would glue false ones on and pluck those ones off! Then they will crush us, grind us into little pieces, and then blast the remains of our remains into oblivion. Then they will send the remains of our remains of our remains to our grandmothers! (ponders for a moment) But that doesn?t necessarily matter to me because I?ve never met my grandmother.

    Qui-Gon: Neither have I young Padawan. So I guess it only effects Jar Jar here.

    Jar Jar: No, no matter to meesa either. My grandmother disowned me many many times?

    Qui-Gon: And why is that?

    Jar Jar: (looks down sheepishly) Well, as a younger, more handsome Jar Jar, before meesa?s six brain cells fully developed, meesa discovered that Cattie-kits nosa liken the microwave.

    Obi-Wan: (giving Qui-Gon a worried look) ummm?we really should be going now?

    Jar Jar: No wait! Meesa gots to come with you!

    Obi-Wan: (backs up, horrified at the prospect) No, not a good idea. A Jedi?s life is very dangerous, very dangerous indeed!
    ___________________
    Feedback!
  5. SITH4HIRE Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 9, 2000
    star 4
    Yes I will publically admit that I'm partially responsible for this story (unless you work for the gov't and in that case I was never here and don't exist.) UP!
  6. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    hummmm...::looks around dispiritedly:: No, one replied? poo!

    Up!
  7. quigon70 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 5
  8. LaraNotsil Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2000
    star 4
  9. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Hehe, here is another little chunk of the story. Enjoy!
    ____________________________________
    (The Jedi start to walk away)

    Jar Jar: No no! Meesa know a secret place!

    Qui-Gon: A city? Can you take us there?

    Jar Jar: (sheepishly) ummm?no, not willy.

    Obi-Wan: Why not!?!

    Jar Jar: Umm..nother embarrassin? story?Along the lines of meesa?s grandma?s story but much much worse.

    Obi-Wan: Yes? Or no? Just answer the question! No, let me rephrase that. If you don?t take us there, we are going to take you out! Take you out!

    Qui-Gon: Simmer down Padawan?

    Obi-Wan: (takes deep breath. Hits self in forehead) Bad Obi-Wan! Bad! (sigh) Thank-you Master. Sorry Master. The Dark Side was trying to seduce me (absently) -again.

    Qui-Gon: I thought you were over her!

    Obi-Wan: (blushing) Well Master, it?s just a casual fling.

    Qui-Gon: I don?t want to hear it Obi-Wan. I just don?t want to hear it. We?ll talk about this later when we get back to the Temple. (turns to Jar Jar) Come on. Get us out of here.

    Jar Jar: Alright, but don?t expict a werm welcome.

    Obi-Wan: (another sigh of exasperation) Don?t worry. This hasn?t been our day for warm welcomes.
    _____________________________
    Comment? Question? Reply just for the heck of it?
  10. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Come on! ::sniff:: reply! Please?
  11. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
  12. Red-Seven Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Oct 21, 1999
    star 5
  13. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Here is another little chunk...
    __________________
    (To speed things along the Jedi and the Gungan swim to Otoh Gunga ?the over-elaborate underwater city which is continently hidden nearby.)

    Jar Jar: Heyo-dalee, Cap?n Tarpals WAZZZZZZZZZZUPPPPPPP?

    Cap. Tarpals: (while shaking his head) Oh great I thought weesa got rid of you for good? Noah gain, Jar Jar. Yousa goen tada Bosses. Yousa in big dudu dis time.

    Jar Jar: What meesa do dis time?

    Cap. Tarpals: Do yousa want meesa to begin a list?

    Jar Jar: Robably not?.

    (Jar Jar is shocked with a power pole ?losing yet another brain cell)

    Jar Jar: How wude!

  14. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Boss Nass: Noooo! Goesa away!! Now! Whatever yousa selling weesa don?t want it!

    Qui-Gon: (sigh) We aren?t trying to sell anything (ponders) ?yet. We require your assistance. We need a transport to Theed.

    Nass: Weesa don?t like the Naboo. Uss-ens have bad smell but theesa won?t admit it?

    Obi-Wan: After the droids take control of the surface they will come here and take control of you.

    Nass: Dis is a secret place! Did you not see the huge neon sign at the swamp? ?Secret Gungan City, You don?t see dis? it said! They noosa find us here!

    Obi-Wan: You and the Naboo form a symbiont circle. What happens to Naboo affects the Hot-Pocket franchise and where would you be without it? You must understand this!

    Nass: After they discontinued the gooberfish and cheese variety weesa started to boycott it. Weesa no care-n bout da Naboo!

    Qui-Gon (waving hand) Then speed us on our way.

    Nass: Weesa gonna speed yousaway? (rubs his chin) if yousa sell the boy.
    __________________
    Feedback!!!!!!
  15. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
  16. CorranHalcyon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2000
    star 4
    lol. Pretty good, Zarc and Sithie, although you might have given Jar Jar too many brain cells to start out with...
  17. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Thanks for the reply Corran!
    _______________________________
    Qui-Gon: It could be arranged.

    Obi-Wan: No Master! You promised that after the last time?

    Qui-Gon: Come on now Padawan, be a good sport about it.

    Obi-Wan: (in whiney tone) Fine! I won?t enjoy it one bit!

    Qui-Gon: It wasn?t that bad the last time, that lady ?Gardulla was actually quite a looker.

    Obi-Wan: SHE WAS A HUTT!! First the Hutts, now the Gungans.. who next? The Naboo?

    Qui-Gon: How did you think we were going to get transport back to Coruscant?

    Obi-Wan: //I won?t stand for it!// (waves hand) Nass! You will give us a transport!

    Nass: Fine? (snaps fingers) shucks?

    Qui-Gon: Goodness you are getting awfully good at those mind tricks, aren?t you?

    Obi-Wan: How do you think I convinced you to extend my curfew?

    Qui-Gon: (eyes widen) We?ll take about this later!

    Nass: Wese give yousa una bongo da speedest way to da Naboo tis goen through da planet core. It would have been faster if weesa build a bypass but noooo the queen noah let us!

    Obi-Wan (mutters in a sarcastic tone) Poooor fish? it sucks being you?

    Qui-Gon: Thanks for your help. Peace out!

    _______________________
    Feedback? Please?
  18. CorranHalcyon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2000
    star 4
    While I liked the last part of the story, I refuse to give you any feedback...
  19. Meredith Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2001
    star 1
    ROTFL! Hehe, "but Master you promised after the last time..."

    More soon!?!
  20. Aralna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2000
    star 4
    Interesting, very interesting.
    Are you planning to do the entire movie?
    (Just so you know, in this case, interesting is a good thing.)
  21. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    Gee, its been a while since this has been updated...hehe, I'll be nice and throw out another little chunk...
    ________________________
    (The Jedi turn to leave.)

    Obi-Wan: Master, what in the seven Sith hells is a bongo?

    Qui-Gon: Watch your tongue? It?s a transport I hope? or maybe it?s a kitchen utensil? I?m not sure.

    (they walk past Jar Jar as he is sentenced to a horrible unspeakable death)

    Jar Jar: Any help here would be hot?

    Obi-Wan: We?re short on time and his last two brain cells are dying as we speak.

    Qui-Gon: Look at him? he?s sooo cute! How can you say no? Come on Padawan.. can we keep him?

    Obi-Wan: Watch me! No! No! And no again!

    Qui-Gon: Besides we need a navigator. We all know how bad you are with maps. Remember that mishap in Albuquerque?

    Obi-Wan: I swear they said to turn left?okay? fine. On the count of three let?s make a run for it.

    Jar Jar: One? Two? Two?. Umm?

    Obi-Wan: Just run!

    Qui-Gon: Run away! Run away!
  22. GrandAdmiralPelleaon Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2000
    star 6
  23. JediKnightZarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2000
    star 3
    (All exit to the bongo. Qui-Gon begins to sit down in the driver?s seat.)

    Obi-Wan: Oh no you don?t! It was your driving skills that got us into that mess with Gardulla in the first place. Not this time Mr. Speed-limits-don?t-concern-Jedi!

    Qui-Gon: How was I supposed to know that Tatooine didn?t measure distance in parsecs?

    Obi-Wan: Harrumph! You?re the Master! You?re the one who is supposed to know these things! You do go to Tatooine often enough.

    Jar Jar: Meesa can drive!

    Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan: Force no!

    Qui-Gon: Fine Padawan, you can drive! Just this once! And for future reference I?ve only been to Tatooine once and that was ten years ago! Ten years!
    Obi-Wan: (roles eyes) Yes... whatever you say. Let?s just get out of here quick. (Obi-Wan begins to transport them to the planet?s core. After a bit of trouble they arrive at Theed.)
  24. SITH4HIRE Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 9, 2000
    star 4
    ::peeks into thread, and finds it acceptable:: Yeah, I'm Sithie. I helped write this.
  25. SITH4HIRE Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 9, 2000
    star 4
    hehehehe... time for my lastest round of thread uping...
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