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Beyond - Legends Zealot (From the demented mind of a Yuuzhan Vong Warrior.)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Lady-Hermione, Dec 1, 2003.

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  1. Lady-Hermione

    Lady-Hermione Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 15, 2003

    Title: Zealot
    Author(s): Lady-Hermione
    Timeframe: Post NJO
    Characters: Implied; intended to be vague.
    Genre: Action/Drama
    Summary: An outcast Yuuzhan Vong takes the matter of the Jedi into his own anoynomous hands-- but his motives vary from those of his people.
    Notes: May be dusturbing. One-post.

    Author's Notes:

    I issue a warning: if you were one of the people who got a great laugh from the good-natured [link=]Male Bonding[/link], this following story may not be your cup of tea. It is not a piece of humor, and may be disturbing. I apologize in advance if this upsets anyone, but there is a point to be made in it. I'll leave it to you to discern.

    (EDITS are due to spelling errors I noticed that would drive me insane if I did not correct them.)



    I lick my lips. Blood meets my tongue and satiates my thirst with metallic viscosity. It is the taste of victory?s predecessor.

    I had not expected or hoped for my quest to be an easy one. I cry out, not with distress, but with bliss as the lightsaber grazes my mottled flesh, white-hot agony searing through my right arm. More. More! The pain is luscious and leaves me ecstatic in my desire to harbor more of it. I must restrain, though, for I have yet to earn such spoils. The gods have graced me with a brief lick of treasures yet to ensue. I must first fulfill my duty to them.

    I?m not like the others. They view these Jedi as mere infidels, a plague upon a galaxy rightfully claimed by my people. They want them to suffer-- they destroy them out of hatred, out of detest, out of despise. They commit such emotional atrocities in the name of the gods-- in the name of my gods! Yun-Yuuzhan has demonstrated His passionate creativity in the molding of all life by His precious hands. He has shown His ultimate perfection in the detail of every aspect of Creation! They are the infidels, they who defile His mighty name by their own misconceived drive!

    It is no doubt that the will of the gods is for these Jedi to die, for they are heathenous in their advocation of a force that draws not from nature but from their own technological abhorances. It is with the same passion of Yun-Yuuzhan that we must destroy them-- not hatred. It is with His care that we must grant the treasures of agony-- not detest. It is with His consideration that we must inflict our rule upon the humans-- not despise. We must not loathe anything the almighty Yun-Yuuzhan created in His universe, but only strive to perfect that which he left as a test of our skill.

    I will perfect him. He is still an innocent infant in mind, for he does not yet understand. I will show him the error of his ways; I will enlighten him to the fallacies of his beliefs. When he understands, I will mercifully release him to the glories beyond. He will die with gratitude to me, for I will shed light into the darkened recesses of his thoughts, so burdened by the messages of false teachers. I will demonstrate to him that pain is a gift to be cherished and not a curse to be avoided.

    My amphistaff, fluid and stinging at the command of my thoughts, snaps out and whip-wheels his bruised face. For two days have we battled with no interlude. We are both in the blissful clutches of exhaustion and excruciation. He moans as the weapon strikes. I lash again, but he parries and his blade-- so evil in its technologic components-- cracks the vonduun crab armor that shields my chest. It has thus witheld his attacks, but it can only repel a lightsaber for so long. It has withstood penetration for over forty-eight standard hours now. Very soon; very soon. Will you allow me to look upon your beautiful face, beloved Creator?

    Attack and counter. Again and again; over and over. His resists are futile, but he is guarding a treasure that is precious to him. He will not allow me to pass him, though the treasure is not
  2. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    :_| :_| :_|

    I'll try to give a more reasoned response later, but that WAS disturbing. Put that warning in red, please. :(

    Well-written, but :_| . :_|
  3. Darth_Elu

    Darth_Elu Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jan 2, 2003
    Very sad....and very entertaining. Am i disturbing? I suppose. :p Either way, i liked Hermione. Very well written. :)
  4. Lady-Hermione

    Lady-Hermione Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 15, 2003
    obaona: So sorry! It was just one of those concepts that come to you in a flash of lightning and you just have to write it out that very moment. Or maybe that's just my own impatience. *pats obaona's shoulder and assures her that everything will be okay*

    Darth_Elu: Heh. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reviewing!
  5. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 2, 2000
    I was holding on okay until we found out who the Jedi was. Noooooo!!! :_| :_| :_|

    Good writing style, but now you can go back to putting it to use in stories like 'Male Bonding.'
  6. Altaira

    Altaira Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 11, 2002
    That was wondrously dark. The building so slow then shocking. You captured the POV of the Vong amazingly and the struggle to survive on both sides. I?m not sure if I was depressed or dumbstruck as I neared the end. I am glad to have shared that chilling tale.

    Great job (I read the journals right before this, talk about switch) I did enjoy this and will probally be thinking about it for the next few hours.
  7. LianaMara

    LianaMara Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 30, 2000

    Wow. That was disturbing. You write so well, but this one...was very, very dark. Are you sure you're not a Vong? You got inside the warrior's head and depicted him so accurately it's almost scary. I started bawling, though, when I realized who died. :_| Now, a happy viggie to make me happy again? :D

    I agree with oba. Put the warning in big red bold letters saying "Disturbing! Weak people go no further!" ;)

    Good job, though. Not many people would be able to write that.
  8. Lady-Hermione

    Lady-Hermione Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 15, 2003
    The general consensus seems to be "Stick to humor, Hermione." I oblige; who am I to argue with the majority? ;) Sorry for the emotional distress, dear hearts.

    Jedi-2B: Thanks for complimenting my writing style, and have no fear-- I will stick mainly with humor and warm vignettes. I like positivity like laughter and love better than angst, personally... but somedays, I just have one of these Darklets burning a hole in my back pocket. The day I wrote this was one of those days.

    Altaira:Thanks so much for your review. It was a concern of mine as to whether or not I correctly captured the essence that is Vong-- I feel abated now. :)I hope it didn't stick in your mind for all that long, as its not a particularly pleasant piece to dwell upon. :(

    LianaMara: Yes, I am a Vong, but that was intended to be a secret. I'm afraid I will have to wreak destruction upon you now for your loose tongue, infidel.


    Only kidding, of course. I actually had to research some information on the Vong because I dont read much of the NJO books. I'm relieved to have done the species justice. You bawled? :eek: I didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings all that bad! Well I just feel terrible now. Happy viggies in my bio-- have a laugh on me! :D

    I'll have to work on intensifying that
    warning. ;) Thank you very much for your thoughtful review and compliments. :)
  9. Altaira

    Altaira Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 11, 2002
    Your vig was wonderful, there are loads of us DARKSIDER?S out here [face_devil] Your vig detailed the depths of dire survival and loss. I was reading the NJO and kept trying but quit, forgetting why after so long... They were getting so dark all the time. I missed the light of the original movies.

    I think I just contradicted myself, but we all love the dark as long as it doesn?t last too long. You did a great job in revisiting the evil that exists in SW. I hope you still write the light and dark in SW and grace us with both sides. :) I am a big Vader fan but even his evil time only lasted 20 years.
  10. KnightHawk

    KnightHawk Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 17, 2003
    Most impressive, L-H. Your portrayal of the Vong warrior was quite... inspiring. I am also pleased that you have done what very few have the guts to do... Kill Luke!

    Congratulations. You have helped make my evil day complete. I am honored to have read this work. :)
  11. _-Darth_Greek-_

    _-Darth_Greek-_ Jedi Youngling star 2

    Dec 11, 2003
    outstanding, fantastic, Do-r'oik vong Pratte. wow, you are a yuuzhan vong, the way you captured the warrior. very nice
  12. The_Good_Twin

    The_Good_Twin Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 6, 2003
    :eek: Wow, that was.... :_|
    I knew from the beginning that it was Luke (I mean Lady Hermione is the author! ;))
    But I didn't think it would end this way.
    I really thought the Vong would understand Luke at the end and maybe lay little Ben in his arms, but.... :_|.How could someone be so sick and kill the child and think he did something good? Oh, my that's so tragic!

    But it was still great and wonderfully written! :)

    Ehm, could we have something funnier now? :p

    :D :D :D

  13. Lady-Hermione

    Lady-Hermione Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 15, 2003
    Altaira: I agree about the NJO. Those books are pretty much all death, angst and despair without the charm and light-hearted feel of the original trilogy. I especially avoid them because of their portrayal of Luke. Though I may sneak a dark story in like this one every now and then, most of my works will be either humorous or sweet-- I'm just a (somewhat goofy) Jedi at heart. :)

    KnightHawk: Why thank you. :) It was indeed a hard thing to kill my beloved Luke-- I simply couldn't have done it had I referred to him by name in the text. I'm not quite sure if I should be encouraged or disheartened by adding to your evil day. [face_laugh] Thanks for reviewing, at any rate! :D

    _-Darth_Greek-_: Such compliments-- thank you! :) I promise, I'm not a Yuuzhan Vong. *quickly conceals her amphistaff with an inconspicuous smile*

    The_Good_Twin: You've noticed that Luke is in all of my stories, hm? [face_laugh] I just can't help myself-- I challenge myself to write at least one story without Luke in it. I don't expect to successfully meet that challenge, but we'll see.

    The saddest thing is that there are people in our own world who misconstrue their faith and ideals into something that justifies the murder of innocents such as this Yuuzhan Vong did. I agree that is indeed a very tragic and disheartening thing.

    I'm glad that you enjoyed this vignette, however, and have no fear; I'll be cranking out the next Male Bonding installment as soon as I can for your funny bone. :)
  14. Xaara

    Xaara Jedi Master star 3

    Jun 30, 2002
    In LianaMara's words, Are you sure you're not a Vong? :)

    I'm not sure what to say to this vignette other than it touched on something that most writing cannot. The way you wrote it - circling around the subject until the very end, was powerful and moving. Even up until the last moments, I wanted to be there, thought maybe somehow, something would happen and everything would turn out all right after all. And then the hollowness after learning who the Jedi was...

    There was a tragic beauty throughout the entire piece. The Yuuzhan Vong warrior truly believed that he was fighting for the right, that he was allowing the Jedi to see the Path of Righteousness, and your story highlighted the irreconcilable differences between the Yuuzhan Vong and the other members of the Galaxy.

    And always, the glimmer of hope, that maybe they could stop fighting for a moment and then they would both understand. But neither stopped, and neither understood, in the end.

    Commanding work with a story that delves deeply into the mindset of the Yuuzhan Vong.

    EDIT: I just noticed this comment of yours: The saddest thing is that there are people in our own world who misconstrue their faith and ideals into something that justifies the murder of innocents such as this Yuuzhan Vong did. Which is at once the most disheartening and the most fascinating aspect of the Yuuzhan Vong, or any group of fanatics. To paraphrase Jacen in Traitor, punishing fanatics only makes them more fanatical, which is what makes it so difficult for those of us who are "normal" to deal with them.
  15. Gross-admiral_Thrawn

    Gross-admiral_Thrawn Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jan 12, 2003
    Just great... me amazed by the author's ability to take the "zealot's" POV.
    This Vong soldier has a force of will, sure.
    Really disturbing and making me wonder of different things.
    I'm not sure if 'Zealot' is about being zealous - it's more about being insane, but I liked it very much.
    And Luke Skywalker is dead. A plus to the story indeed. Force is not as strong as the force of will, even when good has to triumph over evil. And aren't they relative... that's what I wonder... the Vong may be right.
  16. The_Good_Twin

    The_Good_Twin Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 6, 2003
    I challenge myself to write at least one story without Luke in it. - Don't worry about it, I like it the way it is! :D :p

    :D :D :D
  17. Jaid

    Jaid Jedi Youngling

    Nov 10, 2003


    Luke's dead Luke's dead Luke's dead Luke's dead... :D

    I hope you didn't hurt Mara.

    And I was slightly startled at Ben's death, but on the whole I rather enjoyed it. *giggles* Will there be a follow up to this one? *pleads*

    It needs a Mara!Angst section... :D

  18. Vongchild

    Vongchild Jedi Master star 5

    Apr 2, 2004
    *curls up in corner, shivering* can't sleep shamed ones will eat me... can't sleep can't sleep CAN'T SLEEP SHAMED ONES WILL EAT ME!!!!!
  19. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Apr 20, 2000
    I missed this the first time round. Yes, very disturbing but well written.

    *must find happy fic now*
  20. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    I think you may actually be in PG-13 territory here. Please be a bit careful; remember that the NJO books are much stronger in theme and description than the "family friendly" material we're looking for here.

    An interesting POV.
  21. DarkDroid

    DarkDroid Jedi Youngling star 3

    Feb 3, 2004
    This is brilliantly well written, Lady Hermione. :D A very interesting (yet disturbing) and surprising read. I loved the descriptions, and feel of the Yuuzhan Vong is just right.
  22. Wyn_Fel

    Wyn_Fel Jedi Youngling star 1

    Feb 2, 2004
    I just read this as a recommendation from my sister, xarra, and I have to agree that it was wonderful, though sad.

    I can completely agree with you about having to write something down...I am often in the same situation.

    Best of luck on your future fanfic!

  23. Spike2002

    Spike2002 Former FF-UK RSA and Arena Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 4, 2002
    Belek Tiu Lady-Hermione. An excellent piece of work.
  24. Thrawn McEwok

    Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare star 6 VIP

    May 9, 2000

    Impressive... most impressive...


    - The Imperial Ewok
  25. Lady-Hermione

    Lady-Hermione Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 15, 2003
    Wow, I wrote this a whole year ago... one of my first little newbie works here! But since it's been bumped, I feel obliged to reply to all of the lovely commentses. (And reprimands. [face_laugh] )Some of them seem to be from a year ago as well... shame on me!

    Xaara: In recalling my fanfiction experience as a whole, this particular review is one that I always remember. (Not entirely, but the general sentiments.) It's so very flattering! I'm at a loss on how to properly thank you for your kind words. I remember that this review particularly strengthened my confidence and encouraged me to write more, Star Wars and otherwise.

    Gross-admiral_Thrawn: Thank you! I feel honored to have provoked your ponderings with something I wrote. Whether zealot is about being zealous or insane... I think it kind of would fit either way with this Vong. :) His fanaticism has given way to madness.

    You like Luke being dead? :eek: Poor, poor Luke. :(

    The_Good_Twin: I ended up doing that, you know. Only one though. ;)

    Jaid: Man! Bunch of anti Luke folks. Don't be hatin'!

    I should have hurt Mara. Just cuz I don't like her much. (SJRS is gonna kill me. I tried, guys, I tried!)And no, no follow up... I think this one has gotten me in trouble already. ;)

    Vongchild: They won't eat you... just slice you up a bit. Feel better. :) (Thanks for reviewing, and ignore my spitefulness.)

    RebelMom: Thanks RM, and I hope you found one that was more fun. I'm more for the happy fics myself!

    Mistress_Renata: My humblest apologies. I did use the books as a basis of what was allowed and what was not. Again, I'm very sorry. It's been a year since I posted this one, so hopefully I've gotten it all out of my system by now.

    If you feel it necessary, feel free to lock the topic so that it won't get bumped again. I surely don't want to cause any trouble.

    DarkDroid: Thank you! The Vong are difficult to characterize; I'm glad you enjoyed my take.

    Wyn_Fel: I'm glad Xaara sent you along, and so very flattered that she remembered it to recommend it! Your sister is such a great reader. :)

    I'm just as thrilled that you enjoyed this too. Thanks so much for your review, kind words, and well wishes. :)

    Spike2002: I have no idea what Belek Tiu means, Spike, but I'm going to assume it's good and say thanks. :) (Me= not so good with foreign languages. I'm making a C in introductory Spanish, and that's by the skin of my teeth. What is my problem with it? No idea. My mind fuctions in indiscernable ways.)

    Thrawn_McEwok: Thrawn, my forbidden Ewok love. [face_laugh] (Just joking!) Thanks so much. That means a lot coming from you!
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