Zenda'la, the Luke and Mara story with a weird name Or Third Times a Charm

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by RebelMom, Jul 25, 2000.

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  1. padawan lunetta Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 1999
    star 6
    REBELMOM!! YOU MUST POST MORE!!!!! Even though you're camping. ;) That is the evilest way to end a post. Grrr... ;) I am dying to know more and won't till the 6th. La sigh.
  2. Jedi_Liz Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2000
    star 6
    I am anxious to read the rest, now that I am caught up and posting my...okay I won't brag
  3. Jaded Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 24, 1999
    star 4
    Keeping this up and waiting patiently until RebelMom returns.
  4. NightOwl_Stargazer Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2000
    Love the story line. I check frequently for more. Thank you for sharing your gift here.

  5. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    Just got back this afternoon. Had an interesting vacation so far. Even while soaking in the warm sun, I couldn't stop thinking about the story. Sure wish I could have finished before I left. Anyway, I've got the ending mapped out in my brain and will spend the rest of today putting it on Word. I promise to have a post tonight. This board is real time for me so that will give you a guideline. While you are waiting, could you suggest a title for me? I was thinking maybe the Perils of Pauline... er Luke and Mara. Thanks so much for reading my first real fanfic story. I had no idea it would end up so long. My next endeavor will be much shorter. I even started thinking of a couple new story lines while camping. Eek! I'm addicted even without a computer. Until tonight.
  6. womp_rat208 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 1999
    star 4
    Yea! More more more. But this is the end? Oh no!
  7. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    It took longer than I thought but it is finished (RebelMom would dance happily if she wasn't so tired). So here is the finale.

    ZENDA'LA continued...

    **
    Luke had just made his way into the armory when he suddenly grimaced in pain. A shocked Aust came over to him and asked, "Luke, what's wrong? Did you get hit?"

    Luke fell to his knees staying upright only due to Aust's support. Seeing no visible wounds, Aust looked to Luke's face and was frightened by what he saw. Torment, pain, sorrow and loss all etched on his face; his vacant eyes unfocused. It was too much for Aust to comprehend; he couldn't stand to look anymore. Furiously shaking Luke, he shouted, "Luke! Snap out of it. You're scaring me."

    Luke closed his eyes, whispering, "Mara." Shaking his head, he opened his eyes and looked at Aust. "Mara is in trouble. I need to go. Continue the mission." Then he ran like the wind towards where he last sensed Mara.

    **
    Chauvelin boldly approached the ysalamiri circle. When he saw Mara lying on the ground her head in the lap of Lynn Buchan, he exclaimed, "Idiots. You were not to hurt her."

    James replied nervously, "We didn't do anything. As soon as we had her surrounded, she passed out."

    Folding his arms, Chauvelin glared at the men. "Let's hope Skywalker believes that." Then he focused his attention upon Lynn Buchan who was tearfully stroking Mara's hair. "Mrs. Buchan." Lynn jerked at the sound of her name but continued her ministrations. "Mrs. Buchan. Tell us what happened?"

    Surprised at the tone of sincerity in the question, she tried to answer. "I don't know. She was fine until these men encircled us. Next thing I know she passes out." She used a finger to move stray hairs from Mara's eyes. When she touched Mara's skin, she quickly withdrew her hand. "She's ill. She's burning up with fever. She needs a doctor."

    "She needs to be free of the influence of the ysalamiri."

    Everyone turned at the sound of the menacing voice, to be brought face to face with Luke Skywalker. Chauvelin was not fazed by Luke's appearance. He walked over to him and had the audacity to introduce himself. "Master Skywalker, I am Moff Jules Chauvelin. You are now my prisoner. Surrender your weapons and call off your troops."

    "If I don't?"

    Chauvelin turned around to glance at Mara and then back to Luke again. "Then your wife remains under the influence of the ysalamiri."

    Luke couldn't stop the anguished look that crept onto his features. Chauvelin saw it and smiled with delight; he knew then that he had won. Luke lowered his eyes and looked at Mara. He had no other choice. He unclipped his lightsaber and handed it to Chauvelin. As soon as this was done, Chauvelin clapped his hands and the men surrounding Mara moved to encircle Luke. He managed to get one thought to Mara before he was blanketed by the ysalamiri. 'Live.' Next thing he knew Chauvelin was speaking again. "Don't worry about her. I don't want your wife's life. She's free to go. You, of course, are another matter. Since you seldom stay where you are put, and I do need to have an advantage, so..."

    He signaled one of his men who aimed his blaster at Luke and shot him in the leg. Luke slumped and fell to the ground. Chauvelin sent all but four men with ysalamiri away. Another troop arrived to act as escort. "James, take off the ysalamiri and escort the ladies to the medic."

    James was puzzled by the order; he gave Jules a questioning gaze. Jules told him, "Your cover is blown. Whatever you may think of me I'm not totally heartless."

    Chauvelin squatted down next to Luke whose face was etched with pain. Luke was pressing his palm over his wound. "Now Master Skywalker for the last condition of your surrender. Call off the attack."

    Luke fumbled with his free hand for his comlink. Flipping it open, he said, "This is Skywalker. Retreat from the armory. Repeat. Retreat from the armory."

    Chauvelin roughly confiscated the comlink. "Thank you Master. Now say good night."

    Luke felt a needle prick penetrate his skin. He glanced up and noticed that he
  8. Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 1999
    star 6
    I must've missed this amongst all the board swapping, but I just read it and may I be the first to offer a round of applause! *clap, clap, clap*
    I loved the "I didn't say you were a friend" line - classic Mara.
    Great job!!
  9. I love Sci Fi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2000
    star 4
    Oh my gosh. That was like the most awesome ending. It was GREAT!!! WOW I really don't know what else to say. Wow.
    War of the Worlds- that was great.
  10. womp_rat208 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 1999
    star 4
    Wow! What a way to end it! But that's the end? Oh no! Are you going to write more stories? Please?! Especially if it's more Luke & Mara. Hmm, sequal?
  11. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    Thanks for the comments.

    Yes, Womprat, I'll be writing more but not right now. More vacation coming, more fun in the sun. And reading real books. Just picked up Hero's Trial today.

    Another possible title for this story: The Mission to Zenda'la.

    Any more comments? Keep them coming
  12. womp_rat208 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 1999
    star 4
  13. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    Blatantly shameless upping.
    Want to make sure you have had a chance to read and comment.
  14. padawan lunetta Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 1999
    star 6
    WOW WOW WOW!! *stands up clapping* I am wowed by your ending Rebelmom!!! When do you plan on writing out all those plotlines that came to you at camp? I know the feeling about that too. Entirely to many fanfic plots fly through my brain at one time. I have to limit them to two at a time. :D
  15. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    I might have a new story later this week. I need to write it first. Just a short simple story, maybe.
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