Beyond Zichrini [Mara vs. Mara Challenge Entry]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Elena, Dec 12, 2004.

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  1. Elena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 16, 2003
    star 3
    Well, my entry in our favorite paranoid ewok's latest challenge. First the interspecies 'ship challenge, now this one...

    This is a bit funky, even for me - contains elements of time travel, among other things, because the Force is a tool for the determined soul, and Mara is nothing but determined.

    And I take a different view of Mara's past. Everyone always takes the view that Mara had a happy, well-adjusted home before she 'joined' the Empire. Why couldn't it be the other way around?

    Word count: 712 words on wierdness, time travel, and escape from a living cemetary.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    Seen from afar, the planet is drab: a mute brown broken only by the dirty green of polluted oceans and the black of monstrous, sprawling cities. No food comes from this place, no art, no tools, no hope. Only people, an endless underclass that is fodder for all the soulless companies that promise them a way off-world ? in exchange for the rest of their lives.

    The overpopulated Core Worlds were depleted long ago. Now they are cemeteries whose inhabitants do not realize they are dead.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    She set foot on the planet a year to the day after Luke had asked for her hand in marriage. He was still waiting. There are positive reasons for a long engagement.

    She has never been here before. This world strikes no chords with her, no memories of before. She sees how the odd orange light from the dying sun and the ever-present brown dust create a haze that hurts the eyes and confuses the mind.

    She is searching for something.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    She lets herself fall into disrepair. Meditating in an alleyway qualifies for self-neglect ? at least, Luke would see it that way. She tries not to think about Luke, though, because she?s doing this for him. She thinks, though, of the Emperor, and of her devotion to him, and of Vader, and her hatred for him. And the complete irrationality of each, for they treated her exactly the same.

    Finally, she finds the object of her search.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    She runs for the man in the mask, but he is too fast and leaves her behind, in the dust of her prison. She know this is the one chance she will have of getting away from the dust that coats her tongue and eyes, preventing her from ever taking a deep breath without coughing. But she has lost this one chance with the black man?s disappearance.

    From the swirling dust emerges a woman. Her hair shines the read of fresh blood, and her half-closed eyes gleam black. She knows, instinctively, that the woman is a demon ? she wants her to die in this place. She is one of those who curse people into staying in the same place, caught in a prison so small they cannot move.

    On this world, people who take you away are gods among men.

    The demon speaks, finally, her teeth white against the red of her lips. She tells the girl that she?s better off here, that her life would be ruined by him, that she would rather die in the dust than live in servitude to him.

    The girl listens, and realizes that the demon only wishes to keep her from a better life, a life away from the dust and dim orange light. The demon may try to convince her the dust is the better of two, but she knows better. Anything is better than the dust. So she reaches out for the sense and pushes.

    The demon?s face twists, and it screams, agony amplified into sound. Its eyes open wide, and the girl sees for the first time that they are not black, but dark green. She keeps pushing, ignoring the screams and spasms, until the demon squirms away into the dust.

    She waits, then, for the masked man to come for her. He has no choice but to do so ? not after she dispelled a demon using the power he wants.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    The Emperor gives her a new name, and because she loves him, she accepts it. She doesn?t know until later what her name foretells, and by then, she doesn?t care. She considers the name to be a baptism of sorts, of her new l
  2. TheCrazyRodian Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2004
    star 4
    And I thought I was crazy...

    This is cryptic, strange, and all around creepy. In other words, I like it a lot.
  3. YodaKenobi VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 27, 2003
    star 6
    She thinks, though, of the Emperor, and of her devotion to him, and of Vader, and her hatred for him. And the complete irrationality of each, for they treated her exactly the same.

    Great insight.

    Mara Jade was defeated by a girl; in turn, that girl became Mara Jade.

    Deep :p

    Intelligent and enjoyable, as always, Elena :) Great post.
  4. SpeldoriontheBlended Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2002
    star 4
    [Repy goes here! :D ]

    Much mucho kudos, 'lena. That was brilliant, and so, so <i>works</i>. :D
  5. ThePariah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2003
    star 4
  6. SpeldoriontheBlended Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2002
    star 4
    Seen from afar, the planet is drab: a mute brown broken only by the dirty green of polluted oceans and the black of monstrous, sprawling cities. No food comes from this place, no art, no tools, no hope. Only people, an endless underclass that is fodder for all the soulless companies that promise them a way off-world ? in exchange for the rest of their lives.

    Brilliant opening. :D Sort of Xa Fel without the money, then? :confused:

    And I guess Thrawn'll just have to obliterate 'em... [face_mischief] :p

    The overpopulated Core Worlds were depleted long ago. Now they are cemeteries whose inhabitants do not realize they are dead.

    [face_plain]

    She lets herself fall into disrepair. Meditating in an alleyway qualifies for self-neglect ? at least, Luke would see it that way. She tries not to think about Luke, though, because she?s doing this for him. She thinks, though, of the Emperor, and of her devotion to him, and of Vader, and her hatred for him. And the complete irrationality of each, for they treated her exactly the same.

    Now that's interesting... did we ever actually see Mara and Vader together? :confused: (Except, of course, for the tiny bit at the begining of the graphic novel)

    The demon speaks, finally, her teeth white against the red of her lips. She tells the girl that she?s better off here, that her life would be ruined by him, that she would rather die in the dust than live in servitude to him.

    The girl listens, and realizes that the demon only wishes to keep her from a better life, a life away from the dust and dim orange light. The demon may try to convince her the dust is the better of two, but she knows better. Anything is better than the dust. So she reaches out for the sense and pushes.


    Very very clever. :D

    Mara Jade was defeated by a girl; in turn, that girl became Mara Jade.

    *Stands slowly, and removes hat*

    Brilliant, 'lena. Absolutely brilliant. :D
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