JCC Embrace The FU - Formerly the STAR WARS IS BAD thread

Not even J. J. Abrams has seen the script; this is basically the Inland Empire of sci-fi films.

 

I guess (hope) there's a lot missing or misinterpreted. It doesn't even mention

Spoiler

the Force awakening

.

 

You aren't going to believe this, but in a massive Galaxy, I came across Luke's lightsabre AND the Falcon in the space of a day. Thirty years after they were last seen!

 

You'll never believe the odds that a guy came across his father's mentor who handed him his father's lightsaber after his father's two droids were bought by his uncle who told him he needed to rescue a woman who was actually his sister from a evil dude who ended up being his and her father.

 

Never tell me the odds!

 

I already thought Leia being Luke's sister was contrived back when anakinfan became anakinfan. Still think so.
Maybe Yoda's spirit will come by and say old Ben lied again, that she's only his sister from a certain point of view.

 

It's not like Luke's father turned out to be the guy that built one of those dro--

 

Hey, remember when that random wookiee gave the baby to Yoda.

 

The prequels made almost everything in the OT seem like a bizarre coincidence. Ben running into Chewbacca, Threepio and Artoo crashing on Tatooine, and so forth. It made me think of Muppet Babies. And I don't want to be made to think about Muppet Babies. I hated the Muppet Babies as a kid, probably more than it actually deserved, but I couldn't help it. It was the first time I became aware of feelings of melancholy and isolation.

 

I felt the same about Muppet Babies. Looking at all that old footage made me feel like watching into the yawning jaws of a past that didn't belong to me.

 

Oh **** off! Muppet Babies was a triumph.

 

Me either, did you have to mention it?

 

Now that ****ing theme song is stuck in my head. Thanks a lot, guys, the only way to quell it is with murder, and I just ran out of clean tarps.

 

*walks off happily humming the Muppet Babies theme*

 

I remember when the Muppet Babies SW parody episode first aired....in prime time!

 

Anyway, getting back to Star Wars

Spoiler

 

It was really difficult to not stop reading after "giant space pigs," but I stayed with it.

 

Eh, I'm perfectly okay with that. Space cowboys smuggling space cattle.

 

One of a kind ESB prop from the Vader in Tree scene on Dagobah.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/351402830662?roken=cUgayN

 

Now with accurate depiction of one of the most overlooked pimples in history.

 

Weren't his eyes open in that scene?

 

That ILM!

 

I want to buy that to freak the mrs out during sexy time. Imagine walking into room doing the Vader breathing and wearing nothing but a g-string and that mask. It would be the last sexy time, but what a tale to be told.

 

Sexy time.

 

The mrs.