JCC Embrace The FU - Formerly the STAR WARS IS BAD thread

Was that 2013? It's been too long.

I was at Quatorze Juillet the following year.

 

Yeah man. I want to get back over there so Cara can be introduced to her real ancestral roots before we have to go to bloody Germany and listen to Ze Germans banging on about efficiency.

 

Do it before you need to pay for her plane ticket.

 

Yeah the plan is next year. I need to spend time on parental leave brushing up my ****ty Dutch so I can do a few phrases a day with her. Get in before her door gets a sign saying "Eintritt ist verboten" on her door.

 

Teach her these words: "Geef mijn fiets terug".
Should be easy; grammatically identical to English.

 

Ha! I'm sure that'll be more useful that platitudes like "wie goed doet, goed ontmoet."

 

That's just one word: "karma".

 

Jack Klugman ?

 

John Boyega is one of my all time favorite Star Wars actors, but I was forced to remove him completely from the soon to be classic "Ken Edit" of The Last Jedi, I've also removed the porgs and Laura Dern. I've added back in a deleted scene with Luke Skywalker. Posterity will likely recognize this as the definitive version of the film. The fan edit that changed the course of history if I may be so bold. Also, I've replaced the entire John Williams score with random tracks from Enya albums.

 

Removing women and black people, very typical of the Alt-Ryght

 

John Boyega and Laura Dern were already victims of the worst-written parts of the script. My fan edit devictimizes them. Also, until you've seen Rey and Kylo fight slo mo to "Orinoco Flow" you really haven't lived.

 

Go away, go away, go away...
Go away, go away, go away...
Go away, go away, go away...
Go away, go away, go away...

 

Have you considered interspersing any Tori Amos as well?

 

This in the Luke milking and fishing scenes

 

Going to need cuts of Star Wars films where everything is the same but every scene with Luke uses a song by The Dubliners instead of the original soundtrack TIA.

 

That creature Luke milks. I want a microwave CGed over the teet, hot pocket CGed over the bottle, and then the green milk in his beard CGed over with BBQ sauce.

To come so close to my dream is even more painful than I had imagined.

 

You that scene in Lincoln where Bruce McGill's character storms out of the room because he realizes Abe is going to tell another story? That's me everytime someone tries to bring back the hot pockets meme.

 

Congratulations on your appointment as Secretary of War, Mr. Stanton.

 

Because next time you milk some weird animals teet and want to drink the green milk while it’s still warm you’ll think of Hot Pockets and you have standards?

FTFY

 

Abraham Lincoln: The Movie was really enjoyable.

I always hoped that as long as they were making anthology films, we might get something like that. I think that, for instance, doing a deep dive on Mas Amedda's career would be a great way to span across the political history of the late Republic and the rise of the early Empire.

 

Or the Boss Nass movie.

 

"Yousa thinking maybe weesa need to round up swing votes?"

 

I would much prefer Boss Nass. The thematic elements of that story are, I think, a lot more relevant to contemporary society than what we could get at with Mas Amedda: A Star Wars Story.

 

**** the relevance, it's Brian Blessed.

Which probably doesn't mean as much to you as it should.