Beyond Z's Drabbles (Mara, Leia, Jaina, Alema, Ackbar, Lusa so far)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Zonoma, Jul 5, 2006.

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  1. Mathom Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 2006
    star 2
    Weeks I & II: Lovely portrayal of the two Star Wars matriarchs. In the first set, you could really feel Mara's pain and her struggle to become her own person. From the naïve child of Beginnings, through her life as the loyal assassin of Middles & Ends, to the budding woman in First and Last, you really captured her spirit. My favorite of that group was Beginnings. And then there's Leia. You could really feel her pain and anger. I liked Luke's thoughts about ruining her night, very considerate of him, considering everything else demanding his attention at the time. My favorite was Weeks. You captured Leia's survivor's guilt perfectly. Part of the reason she was so busy, was that she was trying to forget the very feelings she's angry about. Months tied in very nicely with Hours, showing that not only did Luke probably ruin her night that evening, but he probably ruined many nights after that. Years added a whole new demention to the set by showing Leia eventually forgive her father, and surounding herself not with feelings of anger or guilt, but of love.

    Week III: Ooh poetry! Lovely lyric style and marvellous imagery. Grey had the snapshot of the Killik Nest and the hive mind. White was a plaintive call out for Jacen to return to the Light, the last line when she cries for her brother back was heart-breaking. Black might as well have "A Warning to Jagged Fel" as a subtitle. Blue had a nice sense of melancholy (an oxymoron, I know). Red was my favorite. It really captured and linked the terrors of war with the joys of love. A mixture that has given Jaina more than one problem in her life.

    Wonderful job! =D=
  2. jedi_of_ennth Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2005
    star 4
    :eek: Wow. I'm not sure I can think up a coherent reply. :eek: Those were just so utterly amazing. I can't even pick a favorite, but here are some of the lines that stood out most to me --

    Across the grey and barren plain,
    Awash in cheerless rays and rich disdain
    Crowned by ghostly wisps that wane
    Then coalesce and wax again,
    Our thoughts begin to stir, expand
    Seeded, nurtured by this nightmare land.


    Perfect descriptions. =D= I love the way you use rhyme here; it doesn't feel forced, just utterly natural.

    No more doubt, released from love,
    Blood, with easy grace, slides from you.
    No longer burdened by your fears,
    You, diamond stern, are forged anew.


    This is such a beautiful passage, and I love the way you contrast it with the simple, heartfelt words I want my brother back. Such a telling look into Jaina's mind as she watches Jacen fall.

    Who can catch me? Who will try?
    No one can snare me. No, not I.
    Chase me through the hidden ways,
    Kiss me in the Rishi Maze,
    Then to my home I?ll flee
    Where I wander wild and free.


    Love. It. [face_love] Again, just ... beautiful. :)

    Thanks for sharing these. [:D]
  3. Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2005
    star 4
    Those are beautiful, Z. I think white and Black were my favorites. Great job. I can't wait to see your response to your next challenge. (Is it going to be words that all have the same amount of letters, or something?)
  4. Jade_Pilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2005
    star 5
    Love the poetry!! And very well done! *sighs*

    My favorite:

    Once the herald of hope and renewal,
    Blue is now a hallowed hue.
    Given time to accept my grief
    And overcome my disbelief,
    Maybe I can grow beyond this view


    Such angst...good thing I'm an angst ho!

    Bravo! =D=
  5. Araxie Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2006
    star 3
    Okay, I finally made it through the list. Your drabbles are wonderful, no wonder you wanted to do the challenge. Then to top it off with poetry! Okay master drabbler, what more can we learn from you.
  6. Zonoma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 5
    leia_naberrie ~ I laughed at your ?girl power thread? comment. I guess it is turning out that way, isn?t it? I?m so happy you came by! What can I say? I love fire imagery. A lot.

    Chimpo ~ Thanks. :D

    Vader ~ You would not believe how many rewrites that one got! I wanted it to be sorrow and hope (just not cheesy)? I think the Korean word for it is ?han?.

    Jags_Scoundrel ~ :eek:So many new readers! Thank you so much for taking the time to read. ?amazing beyond words? certainly works for me![face_laugh] I was terribly nervous about posting them.

    Master_Vicky ~[face_blush]Thank you. I like my nickname.

    Mathom ~ Thank you for the comments on Mara and Leia insights, too. Spot with the poetry analysis (including subtitles- that made my laugh). I don?t think many people knew what to do with Grey but you can?t really write Jaina anymore without it, you know? I?m really, really glad that someone else liked Red, too. That was what started this whole mess! Passion isn?t all Dark, after all. It just? devours.

    jedi_of_ennth ~ [face_blush]You do know, don?t you, that these are partly your fault? I was on pins and needles waiting for your review!! All your talk of ?kisses like spider?s feet?? very inspiring. I am thrilled that you liked these that much, just don?t hate me for next week?s okay? Just remember that it is from her POV, not Zekk?s.

    Steph ~ I love the contrast of those two the most. So many people consider White the purer color and Black the darker one. In truth, white is more fragile and chaotic while Black is more ordered simply because it lacks any colors at all.

    Jade_Pilot ~ A fellow angst ho? Welcome!!! The more the merrier (though that doesn?t quite work, does it?)!

    Araxie ~ Thank you! It is a long list and for you to do the entire thing??? :eek: You deserve cookies. I actually wanted to do this challenge because it is FUN and keeps all the crazy bunnies in my head satisfied without writing whole stories. Master Drabbler? [face_blush] You should read some of these others. Maybe someday I?ll earn that title.

    P.S. to ALL: this next set departs the safe waters of Canon and enters AU...

  7. Zonoma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 5
    **ALEMA RAR**
    [image=http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i277/Mustafear/AlemaRarX4.jpg]
    Art (WIP) provided by Zonoma


    16. friends

    The heat has long since fled from the caf before me, sucked dry by the cold filtered air of my new home. No one else is around at this time in the ship cycle ? they are either on patrol or resting or enjoying the company of friends.

    Is self-pity worthy of Dae?sharacor?s memory? whispers Numa?s calm voice. I wince and continue to stare at my reflection in the cup - so similar, so very different.

    ?Can I join you??

    Lost in memory, I twitch my lekku in response to Zekk before remembering that he is human and I must speak.

    ?Sure.?


    17. enemies

    He isn?t afraid.

    This amuses both amuses and intrigues us. We remember that he is powerful when he is angry, we also remember that he offered us friendship when others were scared to after we were knighted ? we have felt his love and his ire.

    Somewhere our memories cancel one another out and I can see him with my own eyes.

    He looks at me with compassion and determination and I know that he is here to save me or to kill me.

    The moment passes and we feel that we will enjoy this challenge. Seducing Zekk will be fun.


    18. lovers

    ?Why do you resist me, Zekk? She cares for you like she cares for her hydrospanner. You are useful to her.?

    I take another step closer and find his height dizzying and his warmth inviting. My lekku explore the front of his tunic insistently, reminding him that I am most certainly not Jaina.

    The walls Zekk hides behind are formidable but every fortress must breathe. The air he held comes out in a ragged rush and I allow my eyes to narrow in wicked pleasure.

    He resisted for so long that taking him will be a treat like few others.


    19. family

    I desired a family once. Children who laughed and sparkled with all the grace of my kind.

    That changed the moment Numa died in my arms, her face and my heart melting away into terror. Numa was my anchor and, without her, I am set adrift in the currents that race between the stars.

    The pounding of his heart in my ears is soothing, though, and thoughts of children come to me unbidden. We could never have children, him and I, but the Nest could be our home. We could protect it as fiercely as parents.

    The idea is appealing.


    20. strangers

    ?Who are you??

    His words echo inside my head and I cannot drown them.

    ?Who are you??

    I am more than Night Herald, I am more than a slave, more than a Jedi, and more than dancer. I am more, except the words don?t ring with the truth they once did.

    Who am I?

    I am less than I ever was before. I am Gorog. No, even less than that, I am Gorog?s mouth.

    Who is this stranger I?ve become?

    ?Go.?

    ?Come with me.?

    ?Go!? I scream before turning to cover his retreat from the assassins there at my command.
  8. Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 9, 2000
    star 6
    Zonoma: :D Great - and great fun! :cool:

    I think my favourite lines are these:

    The walls Zekk hides behind are formidable but every fortress must breathe. The air he held comes out in a ragged rush and I allow my eyes to narrow in wicked pleasure.

    He resisted for so long that taking him will be a treat like few others.


    ... but the whole sequence is sparkiling writing, and really rather enjoyable. Alema/Zekk just feels right, somehow.

    - The Imperial Ewok
  9. Kidan TFN EU Staff

    VIP
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2003
    star 5
    Wow...i'm not entirely certain what to say.

    These things are great! Very beautiful job on them....
  10. Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2005
    star 4
    Wow. That was really good imagery. Nice set1
  11. WynssaStarflare Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2004
    star 4
    Great job!! The artwork is awesome as well! I love how you did it from Alema's perspective. I really wish they hadn't killed her in canon. She was such an interesting character.
  12. Killik_Twilight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2005
    star 4
    Wow?

    Very? very interesting. Poor Alema.

    KT
  13. SilSolo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 5
    Yeah, poor Alema. I like teh Alema/Zekk, though.
  14. Evil_Charity Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2006
    star 1
    Oooh...Alema/Zekk. I like it.

    I am less than I ever was before. I am Gorog. No, even less than that, I am Gorog?s mouth.

    :(

    Seducing Zekk will be fun.

    Heehee, I'm sure it would be. [face_laugh]

    Great job!


    E[face_good_luck]C
  15. jedi_of_ennth Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2005
    star 4
    Hmmm, these almost read like teasers for Worth Saving ... [face_mischief] [face_whistling]

    He looks at me with compassion and determination and I know that he is here to save me or to kill me.

    I loved this whole drabble, because it captures Zekk and Alema both so well, and I love the way you deal with her connection to Gorog. Little things, like the fact that she quotes Lomi (We remember that he is powerful when he is angry), show just how far she's fallen into the Dark Nest.

    The pounding of his heart in my ears is soothing, though, and thoughts of children come to me unbidden. We could never have children, him and I, but the Nest could be our home. We could protect it as fiercely as parents.

    Awww. [face_love] You know, I really do like Zekk/Alema in fanfic.

    I am more than Night Herald, I am more than a slave, more than a Jedi, and more than dancer. I am more, except the words don?t ring with the truth they once did.
    Who am I?
    I am less than I ever was before. I am Gorog. No, even less than that, I am Gorog?s mouth.


    Poor Alema. :(

    Once again, great set of drabbles! =D=
  16. jaynasolofel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2003
    star 3
    Zonoma,

    Week 4: Clever! I especially enjoyed Alema's thoughts on Numa and her lingering grief over losing her sister. Both her perspective on the challenge that pulling Zekk away from Jaina presents, as well as, her treating him as a prize to be won ring true here. It reminded me of her profic flirtations with Anakin Solo; it seems like she finds comfort in this behavior.

    Nice work!

    JaYna
  17. Wyn-Fel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2005
    star 1
    Wow Z, you outdone yourself this time.
    keep up the great writing
  18. TelannaTani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 3
    Spectacular! Alema/Zekk is AWESOME! IMO, they are a great couple, even through her fall. I love how you portray her. I?m assuming that her referral to ?us? in Enemies indicates that this took place AFTER her joining? OR is she speaking about the voices in her head? You kinda switched between ?I? and ?we? there and I didn?t know how you meant it. Either way, I absolutlye love the pairing. IMO, they go together SO much better than Jaina and Zekk. A good ? if somewhat evil ? match.

    Great job!

    Telanna
  19. Lusa_Thul Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2004
    star 4
    Dude, I awrned you how addictive this pairing it! :p Awesome job! Ilove that you chose to do it all from Alema's POV, and I though it was totally awesome how you kept bringing Numa's death back into things, since that's such a big part of who she is! Killer job!
  20. BigFatty Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 9, 2005
    star 4
    Well done. I've never given much thought to Alema's character, but this was quite the interesting look at her. And the art is good, even with the colored pencils. :p
  21. Araxie Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2006
    star 3
  22. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    again no idea who this is! lol...I really enjoyed them anyway...Family was very sad :( ...

    Well done Z! [:D]
  23. Jade_Pilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2005
    star 5
    Well now, these were simply amazing!!!


    friends

    The heat has long since fled from the caf before me, sucked dry by the cold filtered air of my new home. No one else is around at this time in the ship cycle ? they are either on patrol or resting or enjoying the company of friends.

    Is self-pity worthy of Dae?sharacor?s memory? whispers Numa?s calm voice. I wince and continue to stare at my reflection in the cup - so similar, so very different.


    Loved the imagery here, like poetry! =D=


    enemies

    He isn?t afraid.

    The moment passes and we feel that we will enjoy this challenge. Seducing Zekk will be fun.


    Chilling. You can feel her animosity.


    lovers

    The walls Zekk hides behind are formidable but every fortress must breathe. The air he held comes out in a ragged rush and I allow my eyes to narrow in wicked pleasure.

    He resisted for so long that taking him will be a treat like few others.


    Very sensual picture you've painted using so few words - awesome.

    family

    I desired a family once. Children who laughed and sparkled with all the grace of my kind.

    That changed the moment Numa died in my arms, her face and my heart melting away into terror. Numa was my anchor and, without her, I am set adrift in the currents that race between the stars.


    Again such wonderful imagery! [face_love]


    strangers

    ?Who are you??

    His words echo inside my head and I cannot drown them.

    ?Who are you??

    I am more than Night Herald, I am more than a slave, more than a Jedi, and more than dancer. I am more, except the words don?t ring with the truth they once did.



    Absolutely amazing work. I think these are your best drabbles yet! Bravo! =D=
  24. divapilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 30, 2005
    star 4
    Beautiful!!=D=

    I loved the circular nature of these. In the first one, Friends, Zekk is entering her presence. She grudgingly admits him. In the last, Strangers, Zekk is fleeing, and she is torn as to whether to permit him to go.

    Fantastic. I absolutely adore how we can sense her confusion, her loneliness, her manipulation.=D=
  25. Mathom Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 2006
    star 2
    Interesting set this week. I openly admit to never having read the Dark Nest Books, but you've captured the post-Star By Star Alema well. You can still feel her guilt and anger from Numa's death years later. Even her seducing Zekk can be traced to this new, darker Alema. And Zekk is, well, Zekk.

    My favorite was Lovers. There's just so much emotion packed into those 100 little words. Plus, as Alema so wisely pointed out, Seducing Zekk [can] be fun. As long as its anyone but Jaina doing the seducing that is. ;)

    =D= Great job!
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