Beyond Z's Drabbles (Mara, Leia, Jaina, Alema, Ackbar, Lusa so far)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Zonoma, Jul 5, 2006.

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  1. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Z- We've already mostly discussed these, so I'll run through them right quick.

    Week 1: LOVE Mara! lol We should have a Mara-only challange between us, lol. Or at least bounce ideas off of each other since our drabbles seem to spike bunnies like mad, lol.

    Week 2: LOVE Leia! You do such a great job with her! I'm jealous!

    Week 3: Okay, now it's on, O Great One, lol. I'm going to have to at least attempt to do one of these weeks in poetry.

    Week 4: I usually don't like to read things about characters that give in to the seduction of the dark side, but my au with Anakin is starting to change that. Glad it did! I love this! It gives such great inside depth to Alema during the Black Nest crisis. WOnderfully done!
  2. leia_naberrie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2002
    star 4
    My lekku explore the front of his tunic insistently, reminding him that I am most certainly not Jaina. ... The air he held comes out in a ragged rush and I allow my eyes to narrow in wicked pleasure. He resisted for so long that taking him will be a treat like few others.

    Woah! Who is this woman? :p I suspect a red-blooded carnivore lurks beneath all that blue. (Lovely artwork, by the way. Lovely! =D= ) Whoever she is, I admire her a lot -- from a safe distance. ;)
  3. jedi_master326 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2005
    star 4
    Obi-Wan sits alone inside his hut. No one is with him. All of his friends are gone. Most are killed. A few are in hiding. One is a Sith. But all of them are far away from him.

    Obi-Wan stands alone outside. No one is with him. He looks at the sky and watches the stars. He sighs and remembers ancient days with friends. He misses the past.

    Obi-Wan lies alone in bed. No one is with him. He thinks of friends and how things once were. He weeps in sadness, but no one hears him cry. He is alone.

    Dedicated to the authors of COTF

    [face_clown] />
  4. IrishEyedJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2005
    star 4

    Well Ma'am I don't know if there is anything I can say that people haven't said. The structure of her thought process was just so well thought out. Because each piece leads right into the next and you chose your words perfectly. As you have pointed out, one of the great things about this challenge. Force people to really focus on their words.
  5. Darth_Lex Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 4
    Just catching up. ;) Great drabbles so far, Z! Looking forward to more. :D

    And thanks for starting the Drabbles Challenge. I'm really enjoying all the different kinds people are writing. :cool:
  6. oqidaun Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 5
    I'm playing catch up for a long week of not reading when I should have been reading.
    Excellent drabbles, Z, and the art is really a nice touch. =D=
  7. Alley_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2005
    star 4
    You know I'm quite clueless to Beyond Saga but these were some awesome drabbles! I especially loved the "poetry drabbles"! Awesome job=D=
  8. SakuraTsukikage Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 24, 2005
    star 4
    Wow, these are just lovely. Powerful. I especially liked Mara's and Alema/Zekk. You captured a lot about their characters in those. And the poetry was awesome! I think Black was my favorite. Great job on these!
  9. Zonoma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 4
    Thank you all for reading and taking the time to let me know that you enjoyed them! Replies are up now, so yes! That means an update is on the way.

    McEwok ~ :D It?s always to treat to know when you are reading my stuff! Thanks, I liked those lines, too.

    Kidan ~ I confess that the plot was tenuous because I was playing with my WIP. Thank you for read, though!

    Rogue_Pilot ~ Thanks! Coming from you, that compliment on imagery means a lot!

    Wyn ~ I know that not all Jedi and former Jedi can go out in a blaze of glory, but I thought Alema was somewhat short changed in canon. [face_frustrated]

    KT ~ ;) Poor Alema? What about poor Zekk?

    SilSolo ~ Thanks!

    Evil_Charity ~ Hey. Seducing Zekk is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. :*

    j_o_e ~ Me? Tease? Never. [face_not_talking]Seriously, I need to get busy on that story because I was dead in the water for so long on that story? these have renewed my interest. I was really hoping that you?d like them! Thanks.

    Specs ~ :eek: Wow. I didn?t think any of that would come through but you nailed it! I?m impressed. [face_mischief] I think she hides behind her own body and flirting, too.

    Wyn-Fel ~ Thank you for reading! And *gasps* de-lurking!

    Voz ~ The switching between ?I? and ?we? was on purpose. I went with the idea that while Alema was now a Joiner, she could also have moments of individual thought while Lomi?s mind was elsewhere.

    Lusa_Thul ~ I am nearly converted to this pairing. I don?t know whether to :* you or to [face_beatup] you! [face_laugh]

    Fatty ~ Thanks. I hadn?t really given a lot of thought to her until recently myself!

    Araxie ~ Hey! Welcome and thank you!

    Kes ~ [face_laugh] I love you for coming up here to Beyond just to read my drabbles! Thank you.

    Jade_Pilot ~ [face_blush] Wow. Thank you.

    divapilot ~ Thank you. You made me sound smart, and I was only going for engaging!

    Mathom ~ LOL @ anyone but Jaina seducing Zekk [face_laugh]!!!! Touche.

    Durhelediel ~ Thank you for coming by! And I look forward to your poetry drabbles. Hopefully, they are already up and I can read them next week when I make my way through the threads!

    leia_naberrie ~ You better believe it! She is all man-eater!

    jedi_master326 ~ Dan! You goof! *giggling* When I said ?you should write drabbles? I meant to start your own thread! *giggles some more* Thanks for the dedication, though.

    Leah ~ That is my favorite part of this challenge, from a writer?s perspective anyway. Having to be absolute with the words you choose. I?m learning so much. Aren?t you? :p

    Lex ~ *falls over dead* You read my drabbles! [face_blush] Thank you and you are certainly welcome. Irish pointed out my fave part of writing drabbles (learning to be precise in your wording) and you hit the nail on the head for me as a reader (lots of new authors and bunnies and no long term commitment).

    oqi ~ I am in desperate need of ?catch up? time (and I don?t mean condiments) myself. Thank you for taking the time to read these! I know that Beyond isn?t precisely your cup of tea.

    Alley ~ *waves* Hello! Thank you, I think that they are my favorites, too.

    Sake ~ I knew you were a Zekk girl, but Alema/Zekk, too???!!! :eek: Are you in cahoots with Lusa??? *suspicious* Thank you for reading these!
    />

  10. Zonoma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 4
    **Admiral Ackbar**
    [image=http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/admiralackbar/img/movie_bg.jpg]


    21 ~ Smell

    Raising his head and consciously swiveling his eyes in all directions, something that clearly disconcerted these humans, he inhaled deeply. He smelled contempt dart away from the young ensign watching him like silver pike fleeing a predator and smiled.

    Every ship he boarded in the Empire possessed its own set of scents. Some of industry and determination, some of fierce pride and loyalty ? he remembered Daala?s smelling of resignation and perfumed shampoo.

    Ackbar was learning to correlate the scents of a ship to the command structure.

    The ensign?s contempt was suddenly welcome against the background. The Executor stank of fear.


    22 ~ Sound

    The measured footsteps in the hall were the only warning he was given before the door whooshed open and the amused face of Tarkin was looking down on him. It amused Ackbar that Tarkin managed to always look down on who he was talking to, whether a slave or Vader. It amused him more that Tarkin often looked down on the seas and never saw the krakanna lurking in the depths.

    ?Working late tonight, Ackbar? How admirable," he sneered. "You are dismissed.?

    He left happily. Tarkin thought him a well-trained hound which meant more time to learn his master?s secrets.


    23 ~ Touch

    The dry, flat air moved across his mottled flesh and continued on its circuitous route through the conference room. He indulged himself and allowed one eye to track the miniscule ripples left in its wake. These uncomfortable breezes ? his human overseers would argue that term ? were the closest he came to the currents of his home waters these days.

    His skin, a handsomely dappled olive before his capture, now bore the brown overtones of age and abuse. Tarkin often withheld Ackbar?s salt baths as a means of keeping him in his place. It suited Tarkin?s peculiar aristocratic and ?refined? sadism.


    24 ~ Taste

    How did others survive without this? He pitied his human friends sometimes, mostly when he was floating in the confines of his quarters? pool. A Mon Calamari cruiser! With the comforts he long ago gave up wishing for- air that was not dead but instead could breathe life into his skin even within the far reaches of space where his duty called.

    He blew a satisfied gurgle. Sometimes, when Master Skywalker spoke to him of the Force, he remembered what it was like to be part of the Current. This small taste would suffice for now, but he craved more.


    25 ~ Sight

    Mon Calamari do not cry. It is a physical impossibility. Right now, though, is the first time that Ackbar ever envied humans that ability. The flush in his skin, the fluttering of his gills, it all seems wholly inadequate to express the emotion he is feeling as he steps from the shuttle onto his watery homeworld for the first time since his capture.

    The suns setting on the endless waves send him a bloody salute, as if honoring the sacrifices made for these waters, and dip beneath to leave him in silence and perfect solitude.

    ?Admiral Ackbar??

    He was home.

  11. Killik_Twilight Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2005
    star 4
    Smell:

    Very, very interesting? did Ackbar use his knowledge of the Executor at the Battle of Endor, I wonder?

    Sound:

    Tarkin's ideology blinds him, methinks. Of course, this just works out to Ackbar's advantage. :)

    Touch:

    You don't think much about Ackbar not being at home in air ? especially dry air. I mean, in the movies we only see him outside of water?

    Taste:

    The Current? Are you suggesting Ackbar could touch the White Current like Akanah? ;)

    Sigh:

    How? touching. :D

    KT
  12. SakuraTsukikage Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 24, 2005
    star 4
    Wow, just wow. Ackbar is one of my very favorite minor characters, and the life you gave to him in these was just amazing. I have to say that I think the last one was my favorite, with the depth of emotion that we usually ignore in aliens that don't have human facial structure, but I really enjoyed "smell" as well ;). A great idea, to think that Ackbar would be able to discern such small details through his sense of smell.
  13. Princess Cambria Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 20, 2006
    star 4
    The suns setting on the endless waves sent him a bloody salute, as if honoring the sacrifices made for these waters, and dipped beneath to leave him in silence and perfect solitude.


    Wonderful set of drabbles especially the imagery.

    I think the drabbles are a great way to explore minor characters and reintroduce them richer and fuller.

    Great job with the Admiral =D=
  14. Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2005
    star 4
    Yay!!! You posted more! These are really good. Ackbar is one of my more favored characters in the movies. Great drabble set!
  15. jaynasolofel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2003
    star 3
    [face_blush] Thank you... it is like the title says, it is how you used 'em.

    Week Five: My favorite here is Sight, the effect seeing his home world after enduring so much, has on Ackbar is hopeful. I liked how all five drabbles show him in relation to humans, both the differences and the similarities shine through. Perhaps his awareness of these is what made him such a successful commander.

    Glad to see you back drabbling Z!

    'noon
    jaYna
  16. jedi_of_ennth Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2005
    star 4
    It's good to see an update! :D

    I love the decision to focus on Ackbar here. You really did a good job of getting into his head and thinking like a Mon Calamarian. :)

    My favorite lines:

    Every ship he boarded in the Empire possessed its own set of scents. Some of industry and determination, some of fierce pride and loyalty ? he remembered Daala?s smelling of resignation and perfumed shampoo.

    The suns setting on the endless waves send him a bloody salute, as if honoring the sacrifices made for these waters, and dip beneath to leave him in silence and perfect solitude.

    As always, very eloquent. Lovely job! =D=
  17. Araxie Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2006
    star 3
    It is about time that you updated your drabbles. :D

    A great job with The beloved Admiral. I have always wondered about him and have never taken the time to look him up. Thanks for some much needed insight.
  18. Your_Worshipfulness Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 21, 2005
    star 2
    A little late but better than never, right? (Who am I kidding, this is beyond late.) I'm so sorry, that it's taken me this long to check out the thread. Besides becoming one of the many forgotten things for me to do, I was unfortunately without a computer for a couple of months as well. But I'm here now!

    The Leia Drabble was wonderful! I really enjoyed it. I personally loved Luke's perspective, both for how you describe Leia from that scene, but also for how you worded his thoughts, because it truly felt like it was something which he would say. (and I think it's hard to nail down a character so well) The insight to her feelings about her father's death (Bail) was so sad and I liked that you made more of a mention of it since in the movie it never seemed to be addressed. (perhaps in the books...?) And it was ended in a beautiful way - from the horror of the revelation of Vader being her father to the eventual acceptance when giving birth to her third child.

    ?Hey, you are the one who insisted on learning Jedi pain mumbo jumbo for this, not me. I offered you drugs.?

    Now that sounds like the Han I know and love! [face_laugh]

    - Suz ^_~
  19. Zonoma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 4
    Hello, everyone! Sheesh, apparently I can?t even finish my own challenge on time. I am determined to finish it someday, though. Thank you all for sticking with me! Here, at last are replies (which means a new set of drabbles is ready to post:D).

    KT: While I don?t know whether Ackbar had specific knowledge of the Executor, he was Tarkin?s aide. I thought that seeing the inside of Vader?s ship from his POV might be interesting.

    And, yes, we only see him in the air but his last EU appearances really drove home how foreign arid conditions must be to a Mon Cal *shrugs* As far as the ?Current? goes, I wasn?t so much thinking of the Adepts but rather trying to do a little world building as I went. I figured on a totally water-logged planet there must be some sort of philosophy dealing with currents.

    Sake! I was rather proud of that one as well. Thank you! I had no idea that you were an Ackbar fangirl. Sheesh, no wonder I like you.

    PRINCESSCAMBRIA: Thank you! I?m glad you liked the imagery. I tend to ?think? in dialogue, so I?m really trying to expand my horizons. I?m glad to know that it is, in part, working. Thank you for stopping by!

    Steph: Thanks! I?m glad you liked them.

    Specs: You know? That is a very good point! I wish I had thought of it. Huh. Maybe I?ll have to do another Ackbar set sometime. I bet his awareness of the differences between himself and his human friends and subordinates played a huge role in his success as a commander.

    j_o_e: Hello! I didn?t know how Ackbar would be received, but he fascinates me. I?m glad you liked this set! (I liked the sunset line, too)

    Araxie: [face_laugh]Took me even longer this time! I am so bad! Thank you for keeping up with them, though.

    Suz: Oh WOW! It?s YOU!

    (sidenote to anyone reading these replies: go to look at this lady?s art thread RIGHT NOW. Yes, she is THAT good.)

    I am flattered that you came all the way over here to read these. [face_blush]Thank you for coming AND taking the time to leave such lovely comments.

    Zonoma/>
    />
  20. Zonoma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 4
    **LUSA**
    [image=http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i277/Mustafear/Lusawatercolor.jpg]
    Artwork by Zonoma


    26 ~ Water

    She felt a delicate shiver run down her flanks as her fetlock sank into the waters of the small pool. Looking back to see if anyone was about, she tossed aside her tunic and waded as far as she dared into the mists surrounding the falls.

    Lusa closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of spray running down her horns and water swirling along her back. She could lose herself here: the falls thundered like her herd.

    Besides, she didn?t have to wear that thrice-damned tunic here.

    ?I know you?re out there, Raynar. Come on in, the water?s fine.?


    27 ~ Fire

    Fires swept through the high country devouring everything in their paths. The Jedi endured the fear and pain of the planet but Lusa was nearing the end of her patience. She felt too confined. The forest creatures? emotions affected her too closely.

    They took a week to burn out and another week before the younger students were allowed more than a stones throw from the Praxium. The morning that Masters Skywalker and Solusar declared it safe, Raynar disappeared. He returned later that evening grinning like a shezkat and would only say he was ?exploring?.

    ?What did you find??

    ?You?ll see.?


    28 ~ Earth

    It was just before dawn and Lusa waited impatiently for the others to finish their warm up stretches. She pawed the path, wishing that it was grass tickling her nose instead of the pungent mosses. She longed for meadows, longed to run. There were no open spaces nearby that were suitable for running, though.

    Her friends took no joy in running. Perhaps this was understandable since they always ran the same well-worn path on this claustrophobic jungle world. She glanced at them curiously. Then again, perhaps it was because they only had two legs to run with.

    ?You coming, Lusa??


    29 ~ Air

    ?Raynar! Where are we going??

    ?Remember when you asked if I found anything after the fire? I said I would show you.?

    Lusa looked at him skeptically. The fires were only a month or so ago, but already the ashen smell had faded. She flicked her tail and took a deep breath. The air smelled so? green. She sighed contentedly.

    She could still detect the sweet smell of decay that was so often overwhelming on Yavin IV, but here it lessened. Ironically, these highlands that had suffered so much now held no trace of death. They were teeming with life.


    30 ~ Spirit

    ?Are you ready??

    She nodded and stamped a hoof.

    ?Are you sure??

    ?Raynar!?

    ?Okay, okay. I was just checking.?

    He stood in front of her, close enough for her to feel the heat of his body and smell his nervousness, and removed her blindfold. Her heart skipped a beat and she suddenly had no more words.

    ?Raynar!? she whispered.

    A sea of new grass spread before her, rippling in the breeze. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat before dancing around to stare at Raynar.

    He smiled and whispered, ?Run.?

    She kissed him lightly.

    Then Lusa ran.

  21. BigFatty Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 9, 2005
    star 4
    It's been a while since I read this particular character, but enjoyable nonetheless.
  22. Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 9, 2000
    star 6
    Z: those are great!! :D

    I like the way you worked the elements into the storyline, each adding a stage to the little story - and I liked how each was an excerpt, a 100-word snapshot of time, with a sense of a "wider world" beyond them...

    I also liked how you built up the urge for freedom, until you unleashed it - from the sheer vertical drop of the water, through the chaos of fire, the impatience of hooves on earth, and the beckon of air, to the final forward motion at the end...

    And I like the way you gave the character a meaning here, a statement and a direction, which survives what we know happened in Star by Star...

    =D= [face_peace]

    And the pic is brilliant, too!! =D=

    See, that's clever drabbling. A watercolour sketch adds nothing to the word-limit... ;)

    - The Imperial Ewok
  23. jedi_of_ennth Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2005
    star 4
    I'm so glad to see an update! :D As always, these were well worth the wait, although I'm left wanting more. :( ;) I love the art, too; I haven't seen much Lusa fan art around, so it's nice to see an often-neglected character get some attention. :D

    I love the way you built up a storyline and then brought everything together in "Spirit," which is probably my favorite of the set. :) Great job, and I can't wait for more! :D
  24. Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2005
    star 4
    Yay!!!! another set! I like this one. It's really sweet. You never hear very much about Lusa in the books, but she's an interesting character. Can't wait until the next set!
  25. Lusa_Thul Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2004
    star 4
    LOOK I FINALLY GOT INTERNET SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW AWESOME THOSE WERE!!!! Dude, that ROCKED! I loved every single little bit, and the artwork was so how! Major major kuddos on everything!!!
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