| Author |
Topic:
Freeze-Frame (humor, Obi, Ani, Padme) Thanks so much, everyone!
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
12/4/07 6:47pm
Subject:
Freeze-Frame (humor, Obi, Ani, Padme) Thanks so much, everyone!
- Date Edited:
7/19 4:34pm (6 edits total)
Edited By:
dianethx
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Title: Freeze-Frame
Author: dianethx
Timeframe: AOTC sort of
Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Genre: humor, AU
Keywords: workshop, impossible, AOTC
Summary: What would happen if movie characters could actually think about what was going on?
Notes: This was for the workshop #1. Anakin's Anger Management Courses: A study in writing humor We chose a number and were given a scene from one of the Star Wars movies and told to make it funny. It also had to be short, about 500 words. This one is a little longer but not by much.
I was given this one. I thought it was an impossible task to make funny... oh dear.
Attack of the Clones: At the end, Padme and the Jedi find them self surrounded... and in a situation that would certainly end in death.
Disclaimer: These characters belong in total to George Lucas. I'm just borrowing them for a while. No credits have changed hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PAUSE
Everything stopped. The thousands of droids surrounding them, Geonosian bugs flying around, clone-ships descending, Jedi defending themselves in the arena - everything around them seemed to shimmer and then freeze into place.
Obi-Wan let out a sigh - an annoyed sigh. This had been happening too much lately and they were all getting tired of it. "Blast, they did it again." He turned to Padmé and said, "Did you see who got the remote and paused it?"
"No, it's too hazy. I can't see a thing." She shook her head. "Ani?"
Anakin looked around, frowning into the distance, "I think... I don't know. I hope it's the boy. Please let it be the boy. Fighting and crashing into things I can take but that romance stuff is...." He scraped at his face with one hand. "She keeps rewinding and watching us over and over again. It's annoying."
"Ani, we're in trouble. It's the girl."
"E chuta." Anakin shuddered and looked at Padmé, his eyes haunted. "She's going to rewind back to the fireplace scene again, isn't she?"
Obi-Wan groaned. "I hope not. I don't think I could take one more 'kiss and scar' rendition. It makes me nauseous."
"You're not the only one, Master." Anakin scrunched his face up as if he smelled something bad. "What's worse was the 'sand - coarse and gets everywhere' poodoo. Who writes that kind of kriffing nonsense?"
Padmé shrugged. "It's not that bad, Ani."
Not for the first time, Anakin scowled at her. "It's Anakin, Padmé. An-A-Kin. Not Ani. Ani's a girl's name."
"But your mom calls you Ani."
"She also calls me pookie-pie." As Obi-Wan started to laugh, Anakin muttered, "Kenobi, don't even start."
There was a mischievous glint in Obi-Wan's eyes as he said, "At least, no one called you Oafy-Wan. I think pookie-pie suits you."
Anakin snapped back, "Listen, old man...."
"Stop it, both of you." Padmé pointed out into the haze. "We're in trouble. The old lady took the remote away from the girl and you know where this is going."
"Yeah, to 'Revenge' and that bedroom scene." Anakin gave Padmé a knowing smile but Obi-Wan just groaned again.
"If you had pulled in your stomach a little more as you moved from Padmé's bedroom onto the veranda, your pajamas would have fallen off and then where would you have been?"
"In an NC-17 movie?" Anakin said eagerly.
"At least I kept my clothes on," Obi-Wan grumbled.
"Yeah, well the old lady also watches the end of 'Phantom Menace' where you and Qui-Gon are taking off your robes and she does it in slow motion." Anakin then reminded him. "Over and over again."
"She has good taste," Obi-Wan said softly.
Padmé laughed. "I enjoy that scene myself."
Anakin looked horrified. "You do? Qui-Gon's old enough to be your father."
"But he's not." She looked very content, smiling just a bit, as if thinking naughty thoughts.
"Padmé...."
Obi-Wan turned away, looking out into the distance, aghast. "Anakin, Padmé, I think you need to see this. The old lady has 'Empire' in her hand and you know where that is going."
"To Luke's scene where he finds out I'm his father? Where we have a long, cool lightsaber fight? What?"
Sometimes Anakin could be so blind about things, especially if they weren't about saber fighting or Padmé. Sending him a hard, Masterly stare, Obi-Wan said, "Anakin, she always goes to the same scene. You know - the one where Luke is on Dagobah in those tight pants and he starts to turn around and she's looking at his...."
"How could she?! Luke's in training to be a Jedi. She shouldn't be watching him like that. I'm going to delete that scene. Dirty old woman!"
"Calm down, Padawan. It's going to be all right."
"Listen Kenobi, you tell me one more time it's only a movie and we're going at it, Mustafar or no Mustafar."
"At least, it's not the old man." Padmé was frowning. "He keeps watching 'Return', running and rerunning that scene with Leia in her slave girl outfit, and making rude remarks."
"He what?!" Anakin seemed ready to explode. "That's it! Leia needs a cloak. And full body armor. And a mask!"
He lunged forward, looking as if he were going to run right through the haze and teach the old guy a lesson he'd not soon forget.
But Obi-Wan knew better; it was not going to work. Anakin would never reach the old man. Besides, the movie might restart any minute and Anakin had to be there, doing his part to help turn back the droids and save the day.
Grabbing onto him as Anakin raced past, Obi-Wan held on as best he could but it was difficult.
Anakin was all arms and intensity as he struggled to get away and he was shouting, too. "He's looking at my little girl and thinking evil thoughts. Let me at him!"
"Padawan, it's only a...."
"That's it, Kenobi."
Anakin took a wild swing at him but luckily Obi-Wan had anticipated the move and ducked. He did let go, though.
Lightsabers primed, both men were ready to do battle. But Padmé apparently had had enough. She pointed her weapon downward and blasted the sand at Anakin's feet.
Yelping surprise, Anakin back-pedaled. "What did you do that for?"
"You aren't supposed to be fighting with each other in this movie. Save it for 'Revenge'."
"But he started it."
"I did not."
She waved her blaster again, sending death-glares to them both. "I don't care who started it. I'm...." But they never found out what she was going to say. Instead, she looked up, pointing her blaster into the haze, and smiled as she said excitedly, "The boy! The boy is back."
Anakin let out a cheer and even Obi-Wan had to grin at the news. They were saved. They knew that the boy wouldn't let them down.
Quickly, the three of them shifted back into place. They were still surrounded by thousands of droids and clone-ships and Jedi and dusty Geonosians, but the trio was anticipating the thrilling moment when it would all start again: battles and explosions and lightsaber duels and villains and heroic adventures.
The boy pointed the remote in their direction. And....
PLAY
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Valairy_Scot
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
12/4/07 7:27pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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That is great! All of it, yet somehow...
Anakin shouted, "How could she!!! Luke's is in training to be a Jedi. She shouldn't be watching him just because he doesn't have a shirt on. Let me at her. I'm going to delete that scene. She's looking at my little boy and thinking evil thoughts."
"Calm down, Anakin. It's going to be all right."
"Listen Kenobi, you tell me one more time it's only a movie and we're going at it, Mustafar or no Mustafar."
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AnakinsFavorite
Registered:
Apr '06
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Date Posted:
12/4/07 7:36pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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As I said before, this was totally awesome  I'm still giggling... and I don't even know what my most favorite part is!!!
That was a really hard scene to do. As I sat there thinking them up, I kind of had ideas with each one... but this one left me clueless. You did a great job with it! It's so funny because each and every one of us, at some time or another, has been guilty of doing this! 
*continues giggling*
AnakinsFavorite
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VaderLVR64
Title: Fan Fic Who Runs w/ Scissors
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
12/5/07 5:43am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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You've been spying on me.  That's not nice. 
This was perfect!
Anakin snapped back, "Listen, old man...."
"Boys, boys, we're in trouble." Padme pointed out past the haze. "The old lady took the remote away from the girl and you know where this is going...."
"Yeah, to Revenge and that bedroom scene...." Anakin gave Padme a knowing smile but Obi-Wan just groaned again.
"If you had pulled in your stomach a little more as you moved from the bedroom onto the veranda, your pajamas would have fallen off and where would you have been then?"
"In an NC-17 movie?" Anakin said eagerly.
"At least I kept my clothes on." Obi-Wan was standing there, feeling quite smug about it.
 I mean...what? Where were we? 
Loved it! 
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If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories.
I'm a Nana. 6 lbs. 9 oz. 18 1/2 inches long - Baby Vader
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dancing_star
Registered:
Feb '07
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Date Posted:
12/5/07 6:07am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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Anakin shouted, "How could she!!! Luke's is in training to be a Jedi. She shouldn't be watching him just because he doesn't have a shirt on. Let me at her. I'm going to delete that scene. She's looking at my little boy and thinking evil thoughts."
I love protective-father Anakin.
Padme spoke up, pointing out into the haze. "The boy! The boy is back."
All three of them let out a cheer and shifted back into place.
With an abrupt click as the DVD slid in, the arena reappeared suddenly and they found themselves surrounded by thousands of droids.
Thankfully!
This was absolutely hysterical! Somehow, I can't help but think Luke, Leia and Han all groan too when I put on a DVD. Hmmm...  You're giving me plot bunnies!
Wonderful!
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See my updated bio for fics   God bless America and our troops. "The LORD gives strength to his people. The LORD blesses his people with peace." Ps 29:11  ~~~ http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28298541/p1/
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Anakin_Heartbreaker
Registered:
Sep '04
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Date Posted:
12/5/07 9:15am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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OMG!!!!!
I can't stop laughing!!!!!
It was so unbelievably great, that I had to read it all again after immediately finishing it the first time!!!! 
Fantastic post, one to cherish!!!!
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
12/6/07 4:01am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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Valairy_Scot – Thanks. LOL. I had a great time writing it once I got past the shock of having to write something funny for this scene.
AnakinsFavorite – Yes, when you sent me the scene, I had no clue about how to handle it. In fact, I almost gave up but my fried brain kept saying freeze frame so I went with that.
I know I do this, going back, playing the robe removal in slow motion!  LOL. Glad you liked it.
VaderLVR64 – LOL. I think a lot of us do this. Our favorite scenes over and over again. LOL. Thanks. I'm just happy it made you laugh.
dancing_star – LOL. I figured Anakin would be very protective, even more than Padme.
Glad you liked it. I bet Luke, Leia and Han groan when you put in the DVD and fast forward to the good stuff!  LOL. Plot bunny away!
Anakin_Heartbreaker – LOL. Glad I made you laugh. I had a great time writing it. Thanks for commenting!
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Gina
Registered:
Jun '03
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Date Posted:
12/6/07 4:54am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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That was perfect!!
"Boys, boys, we're in trouble." Padme pointed out past the haze. "The old lady took the remote away from the girl and you know where this is going...."
"Yeah, to 'Revenge' and that bedroom scene...." Anakin gave Padme a knowing smile but Obi-Wan just groaned again.
There's nothing wrong with watching that scene over and over. I mean, the cinematography was breathtaking, the editing spot-on, etc. It has nothing to do with a shirtless Anakin slowly pulling on his robe as he walks into the light...
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"I have tried simply to write the best I can. Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can." ~ Ernest Hemingway
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Healer_Leona
Registered:
Jul '00
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Date Posted:
12/7/07 8:00am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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Wow, what a hilarious and original way to go. Their discussion of who may have the remote is fantastic.
Not for the first time, Anakin scowled at her. "It's Anakin, Padme. Not Ani. An-A-Kin. Ani's a girl's name."
"Yeah, well the old lady also watches the end of 'Phantom Menace' where you and Qui-Gon are taking off your robes and she does it in slow motion." Anakin then reminded him, "Over and over again."
How... how did you know?!?
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
12/9/07 12:31pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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Gina - There's nothing wrong with watching that scene over and over. I mean, the cinematography was breathtaking, the editing spot-on, etc. It has nothing to do with a shirtless Anakin slowly pulling on his robe as he walks into the light...
Any excuse, LOL. Thanks for reading.
Leona - LOL, how did I know? Because I do that myself.  Thanks for commenting. I really appreciate it.
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earlybird-obi-wan
Registered:
Aug '06
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Date Posted:
12/9/07 12:58pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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mixing it up that was hilarious. Great response to that workshop challenge. Are you doing a sequel?
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Captain_Observant
Registered:
Dec '02
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Date Posted:
12/9/07 7:27pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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"Yeah, well the old lady also watches the end of 'Phantom Menace' where you and Qui-Gon are taking off your robes and she does it in slow motion." Anakin then reminded him, "Over and over again."
"She has good taste." Obi-Wan said softly.
Padme laughed. "I enjoy that scene myself."
Anakin looked horrified. "You do? Qui-Gon's old enough to be your father."
"But he's not," she said, smiling just a bit as if thinking naughty thoughts.
Wow, for once I agree with Padme!!
Great Job Diane! Very creative idea, and highly entertaining!!
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"Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic."  Innocent, unless you get blood on your hands, then guilty until you find the bleach.  "I raised my daughters not to be afraid of anything - except spiders." My Dad
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KELIA
Title: Hostess: 20 Questions and Bet Your Knowledge
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
12/10/07 11:48am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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"The old lady took the remote away from the girl and you know where this is going...."
"Yeah, to 'Revenge' and that bedroom scene...." Anakin gave Padme a knowing smile but Obi-Wan just groaned again.
Nothin wrong with that
Awesome response to the challenge
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Jade_Pilot
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
12/10/07 1:27pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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Obi-Wan groaned. "I hope not. I don't think I could take one more 'kiss and scar' rendition. It makes me nauseous."
That was outrageously funny!
Bravo!
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Knight_Aragorn
Registered:
Jun '03
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Date Posted:
12/11/07 10:34pm
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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dianethx, this is brilliant. And with such a difficult scene to work with - I'm in awe. Loved Anakin being overprotective of Luke's Dagobah scenes. And Obi-Wan with, 'She has good taste'...
Wonderful work.
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jedidas3
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 9:15am
Subject:
RE: Freeze-Frame (for the humor workshop challenge) Obi/Ani/Padme humor one-shot
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That was absolutely wonderful, Master! Is there anything that you can't write. You are amazing and I'm so honored to be your Padawan.
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