Jedi Council Forums - Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large

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Author	Topic: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
Connemara Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 1/3/04 6:17am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Nirvana- You didn't totally blow it, and there's nothing wrong with calling him out of turn if you're wondering where he is. He can't just run off and party and not call you and expect to get away with it. If he doesn't have that kind of respect for you, he needs to be held accountable for his actions, and not just be allowed to call whenever he feels like it. The only thing you wanna be careful of is don't come across as desperate. Calling him last night was fine, but don't then call him 5 times today, and 10 times tomorrow and...you get my drift. Leave it for a while now, but if he hasn't called in a week or so, call again. And I'm with Derth- did you know he was going to be at this summerhouse? -----signature----- @~`~ So you think you can love me and leave me to die? RIP Jeffy- clear skies from here on out
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Teniel Djo Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 1/3/04 7:51am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Hmm . . . I guess I'll give this thread a shot. Okay, here's the thing, I really like this one guy at college but when I was talking to him about his last two girlfriends (he's had a bad year . . .) he said something like he was taking a break from the whole girlfriend thing. I can understand that but now I don't know what to do. It was easy when he had a girlfriend because it's a general rule of mine not to even think about guys with girlfriends. But this is so hard to guage. He's available technically but not emotionally and I have no way of knowing when he'll be ready. I could ask I suppose but I'd like him to be my friend at least and considering his recent bad experiences with relationships I think, if I tell him how I feel, he'd feel uncomfortable around me. But maybe I'm just being a wimp and coming up with excuses. What do you think? And Nirvana, I feel your pain but that's why I hate telephones. You expect so much more from people when they can talk to you anytime. I'm too old and stuck in my ways for these technological advances. The pony express was far more romantic. What's that? I'm only 18? Yeah, with the personality of and 80 year old . . . -----signature----- "Nous écrivons des choses éternelles."-- le geographe *** "That name no longer has any meaning to me."--Darth Vader
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Nirvana Registered: Aug '00	Date Posted: 1/3/04 7:57am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Don´t worry, I havne´t called since. I am known for not calling people. My pride gets in the way. But I still feel stupid for calling. What annoys me is he gets the pleasure of feeling missed and wanted, and I don´t. I can´t explain it. This is why people become lesbians. Us girls might be shrews at some points, but we call. -----signature----- I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose
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Teniel Djo Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 1/3/04 8:30am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Hee, hee, true. I gotta admit I've considered the lesbian thing on more than one occasion. But then I see someone, like Orlando Bloom drool, and I know I couldn't do it. -----signature----- "Nous écrivons des choses éternelles."-- le geographe *** "That name no longer has any meaning to me."--Darth Vader
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Connemara Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 1/3/04 3:30pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Teniel- Hey! Good to see ya girl! Anyway, reading about your problem, if I hadn't known it was you posting it, I would have thought it was a post of mine, from a few months ago! I have experience in the problem, for sure, but unfortunately, I totally screwed up. So I will tell you what not do, and maybe some of our other councilors can fill in with what to do: You are right about not telling him you're interested. However, since he doesn't yet know your intentions, what I would do is make a point of being a good friend to him now, and not be all like "I really like you"...but as time goes on, and opportunities present themself, you can flirt with him. Soemtimes the opportunity to tell someone you're interested in them just sort of shows up. If he shows a lot of interest in being around you, then you've got a really good shot. Nirvana- Good, good. You shoudln't be embarrassed about calling someone you care about, just as long as you don't go overboard. I am sure things will turn out fine. Keep us posted! -----signature----- @~`~ So you think you can love me and leave me to die? RIP Jeffy- clear skies from here on out
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Teniel Djo Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 1/3/04 9:24pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large - Date Edited: 1/3/04 9:29pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Teniel Djo
	Hey Connemara. Good to see you, too. Thanks for the advice. It's kinda what I was planning but it's good to hear someone say it. As far as the interest level goes, it's hard to tell. He's a very nice guy, very courtly, I tend to go for the gentleman type. He opens doors and is quick to help and such as well as offering encouragement when I grumble about my life. But it's hard to tell if that's him showing interest in me or him just being himself and doing stuff he'd do for anyone. -----signature----- "Nous écrivons des choses éternelles."-- le geographe *** "That name no longer has any meaning to me."--Darth Vader
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_Vengeance_ Title: Oregon FF VIP Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 1/3/04 9:40pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Teniel: Mayhaps I can throw some insight your way. It seems to me that your current interest is somewhat like me: old school gentleman. Well, just go along with all his little pleasures, for lack of a better word, for awhile, and see if he continues to be truly happy doing them for you. Let this go on for a month or so, maybe three. Once you establish that he is happily doing these things for you and very much so wants to, try and politely decline the offers as often as you can. If he persists, then most likely there's a spark of interest in his eyes as well. This is only talking out of the way I would act if I were in his shoes and in the company of someone I felt for, so he could be different. But I do hope this helps you in your endeavors towards his fancies Cheers and blessed be! -Derycke -----signature----- A great man (whose name has rather humourously long since been forgotten) Once said that "Though the apple falls not far from the tree, the coconut will roll for many miles." ------ I dislike my username.
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Teniel Djo Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 1/4/04 4:17pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	_Vengeance_, Thank you. that's an interesting idea. I don't always decline such things but I always try to show gratitude. I try not to act like I expect people to do things for me. Sometimes it's just disorienting when they do. Especially if they're someone I like. But if I'm thinking straight I usaully try to tell them that stuff's not necessary. Although mostly I just thank thank the guy I like cause I don't tend to be thinking straight . . . -----signature----- "Nous écrivons des choses éternelles."-- le geographe *** "That name no longer has any meaning to me."--Darth Vader
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Connemara Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 1/5/04 7:16am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Yeah, I understand that! Vengeance, that is an interesting idea...soemtimes us girls gotta be sneaky, but I rarely take the sneaky approach myself. Maybe that's why there doesn't seem to be a guy on earth who cosniders me more than friend (got plenty of guy friends, though ). But I like to be honest. I'm not one of those "I have to tell you everything I feel!" types, because doing that is the death of any chance you have. If you have strong feelings for someone, and they are maybe just developing a little interest in you, and you unload all your undying devotion on them, there's nothing that kills interest faster. I've learned that because in the past I've had guys do that to me. Anyway, I guess iy just depends on what you're more comfortable with- being a friend and biding your time until the moemnt presents itself for your feelings to be made known, or trying to trap in a web of love, like Vengeance suggests. Of course, I suppose you could do both. -----signature----- @~`~ So you think you can love me and leave me to die? RIP Jeffy- clear skies from here on out
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DarthBane420 Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/5/04 8:20am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Tenniel, Also don't forget that no matter how "broke up" people are, sometimes they get right back together. Perhaps going out with this lad to a pub, having a few rounds of suds and such would be a good idea. When the fellows get a little snokcered they tend to talk more honestly and this might give you a completely accurate picture of what this bloke is all about. Also, listen to everything Connemara says. You will never get advice that good for free again in your life. 420 -----signature----- AHBY/Knight of the BYS The Big Blue Bane of 3SA and Plunderer of the Pabst AoE Please join me in an effort to bring back serious posting to TFN EPC Representative to Comms & JCC
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Space_Man Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 1/5/04 9:57am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Nirvana: You hangin' in there? For what it's worth, I must respectfully disagree with JangoMike's assessment that your boyfriend is "definitely not being true to you." I'm always a little suspicious of such definitive conclusions, and -- in this case -- I just don't think there is enough "evidence" (for lack of a better word), one way or the other. Bottom line: you two need to have a long talk -- you need to tell him your concerns, and he needs to address them from his own perspective. Feeling helpless is an understatement.... But my hope is that this feeling will diminish once you two have had the opportunity to talk things out. Teniel Djo: I think you actually have a unique opportunity with this guy. He has expressed that he wants to take a break from romantic-types of relationships for a while, right? What fertile soil to begin the foundations of a really strong, honest, and meaningful friendship in the mean time. Then, if a romantic relationship grows from this a few months down the road (which seems inevitable to me), it will do so between two very good friends; and that's a recipe for a successful relationship, if ever there was one! -----signature----- Seek first to understand...and then to be understood. ~ Stephen R Covey
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JangoMike Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/5/04 10:15am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	I must respectfully disagree with JangoMike's assessment that your boyfriend is "definitely not being true to you." I'm always a little suspicious of such definitive conclusions Thats fine. Just mind you I been down this road before many times and have seen others do the same. Take the advise or not. I am just sharing my experiences. -----signature----- PROUD MEMBER OF ~~The Johnny Depp Fan Club of the JCC~~ PoopReport.com - Your #1 source for your #2 business <=== Thats what I call a nose.
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Teniel Djo Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 1/6/04 7:21pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large - Date Edited: 1/6/04 7:30pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Teniel Djo
	DarthBane420, That might work except I don't drink and I really don't think he does either. If he does I don't think it's much. Thanks for the advice all the same, though. It's true what you said about people who have broken up getting back together. That was another thing that concerned me. The girl who broke up with him is even a friend of mine. I ended up admitting to her that I liked him because I hadn't even been aware they'd been dating. But she encouraged me to go after him! She seemed to think it'd help him get over her breaking up with him. I told her I didn't feel exactly right about that considering the circumstances and that, for the moment, it was pretty sketchy territory. Space_Man, Thank you, too. That's very good advice and pretty much how I'm hoping things will turn out. That was pretty much how I got my last boyfriend. The only problem is, when I really like someone, I always question how good a friend I'm being. I mean, I feel like I'm not being entirely honest with them about why I want to be their friend and that always worries me. I know that in most cases like these that honesty is the kiss of death, but it still troubles me. I'm a pretty straight-forward person and don't like feeling like I have secret motives behind what I'm doing. Of course, those are my own issues. It's still probably what I'll end up doing in the end. -----signature----- "Nous écrivons des choses éternelles."-- le geographe *** "That name no longer has any meaning to me."--Darth Vader
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CUBIE_HOLE Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 1/7/04 12:50am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Teniel Djo: He doesn't want a girlfriend, so what's the problem? It doesn't have to go from two single people to a couple in deep commitment that's about a second from getting married. It doesn't even have to go to a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship immediately. You can just sort of casually see each other, date, or whatever you want to call it. I doubt he wants nothing to do with the opposite sex, but instead, just not a serious relationship. DarthBane240 is right about the whole not wanting a relationship thing. It's more or less a bunch of crap, because it's usually the result of just not having someone they want to be in a relationship with, or just a 'nice' way of not having to tell someone "I'm not interested in you that way." I don't doubt that the guy was broken hearted and had a lot of feelings and turmoil going every which way in his head. The question is, does he still seem to have all this stuff going on? Does he still seem to be down in general, or past the situation, and moving on with what seems like new direction and happiness? As bad as ending some sort of relationship can be, there's not much that can heal it better than a new spark of interest in someone else. If he doesn't seem to be past the previous situation, then, as far as things concerning you go, I would tend to think there's nothing there. The tip on drinking is right on also. I know you said you don't drink, and neither does he basically, but it's one of the best ways to learn things about someone. If you ever want to learn about how a person really is, and what their true feelings are on whatever, talk to them after they've had a few drinks. All those walls and barriers that people keep up will be left unguarded, and the truth will be set free. -----signature----- Do unto others, then run like hell. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
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Space_Man Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 1/7/04 12:34pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Teniel Djo: I feel like I'm not being entirely honest with them about why I want to be their friend and that always worries me. You are not being deceptive with him though. If anything, you are doing your best to comply with his request not to begin engaging in a romantic relationship until he's ready; it's not necessarily that you have ulterior motives, it's merely that you're keeping your true feelings in check for the moment -- and those are two different things. I will stress again: every meaningful relationship starts with a good friendship anyway, and -- for the moment -- that's what you two are to each other. Please don't feel that you are being "dishonest" with him; guarding your true feelings for the time being does NOT = "lying" to him in any sense. Regarding the drinking thing: I must respectfully disagree with both DarthBane420 and CUBIE_HOLE. If neither of you drink, why would you both want to start -- simply in order to try and have an open & honest conversation? By that logic, every time you wanted/needed to have such a dialogue with him, you would have to serve him a drink first...hmmm...sounds like a very insincere relationship to be having with someone. In other words: alcohol is not a communication tool (at least, IMO)! -----signature----- Seek first to understand...and then to be understood. ~ Stephen R Covey
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