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Author	Topic: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
DarthBane420 Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/12/04 7:50am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	i mean, really, how dare anyone say something like Diz, The point of this thread is to give people advice and help them with there love life. I tend to think the core respondents of this thread vary in huge ways, some more conservative, others liberal. Whose advice you take or even read is your decision. It's a little cheeky to go on a tirade over someone giving advice in a thread where people come to get advice. Conn's answers are well thought out and supported, but a matter of opinion, as our mine or anyone else's. It's fine to disagree but your post comes off like it's being directed at someone in your past you never got to tell off, rather than anyone posting here. -----signature----- AHBY/Knight of the BYS The Big Blue Bane of 3SA and Plunderer of the Pabst AoE Please join me in an effort to bring back serious posting to TFN EPC Representative to Comms & JCC
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Shadow_of_Evil Registered: Nov '01	Date Posted: 1/12/04 7:52am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	we go through plenty of pain to compensate for childbirth, and im tired of women using that as a precedence for everything Well said!!!! bows in respect -----signature----- I love climbing, because it feels so good when I stop....
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Space_Man Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 1/12/04 11:38am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	SithMaster12: Might I simply ask what it is specifically that you are seeking "advice" on (in reference to the original girlfriend & thong question)? Do you want to know if you should keep asking her to wear them for you? Do you want general input on the issue of wearing thongs? Are you asking if we think this is an insurmountable issue, over which the two of you should break-up? What input do you seek from everyone here -- you've gotten a lot of it so far, but what were you after in the first place? darkknight_152002: I do not intend this as any sort of an attack on you, I'm just curious: Why would you be asking people here about how you would know if you were in love? Aren't YOU the person best qualified to answer that question? To me, it almost seems like what you meant to ask was: I think I AM in love with someone, but I'm having some doubts about X, Y, and Z.... No? -----signature----- Seek first to understand...and then to be understood. ~ Stephen R Covey
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Teniel Djo Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 1/12/04 4:02pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large - Date Edited: 1/12/04 4:19pm (3 edits total) Edited By: Teniel Djo
	Connemara, Heh, nice to know you understand. I know how that feels. But I've got a slightly different problem. I'm not as shy as I used to be. Unfortunatly, now I'm simply having trouble finding anyone at all I'm interested in. There's that one guy but we know why I haven't gone after him. It's frustrating. In high school I liked plenty of guys but didn't have the guts to go after them. Now that I have the guts, they've all disappeared! And I know what you mean about other people always telling you you'll find someone. I know they have good intentions but it doesn't help. How would they know? They always seem to think I'm lacking in confidence, but that's not it anymore. If I was just looking for just anyone that would be fine. But I want someone GOOD. There's no guaruntee when it comes to something like that and nothing anyone can say to take away the fear of dying alone. My mom insists that I never thought I'd ever even have a boyfriend, and I was wrong so she must be right. Along with it being irritating when moms are smug like that, it means nothing. Just because someone won the lottery once doesn't mean they can do it again. Plus it's just entirely different because I used to think I was ugly and that's why no guy would ever like me. I no longer believe that, but that doesn't mean I'll find someone who's compatiable with me. If I just wanted any man I'd go over to some easy guy's house nude while carrying a pizza. But I want a man with enough integrity to say. "I'll take that pizza but go put some clothes on." I know they're out there. I just can't find them! Diz, It's my firm opinion that thongs only sell because too many girls have low self-esteem and are trying to attract men like SithMaster12. There's also pressure from society. Just like corsets used to sell like hotcakes and women still wear high heels. You're taking to the false assumption that just because something is popular, that means it's confortable. Men wear ties but that doesn't mean they always like having something tied around their neck. It's difficult to come up with a really good comparison in men's clothing though because it's generally quite comfortable. I'll not make the childbirth mistake again that so many of you were all up in arms about. (Sheesh) But if you think of something better that reveals how men suffer under the horrible oppression of uncomfortable clothing, even today, just like us women, then you're only proving my point. Besides, in SithMaster12's case, I was upset because I think his attidude is degrading towards his girlfriend, who is a girl he's supposed to care about. No, you're right, there's nothing wrong with asking something like that once. Politely. But it is NOT okay to then buy the item your loved one previously already told you they didn't want and then complain of "wasting money"! That shows you have a serious lack of judgement and respect for your signifigant other. The point is not that the girl did not have to buy them. Even if I'm wrong and there are truly girls who enjoy wearing them, the point is that this girl did not WANT them and he knew it. I do not care what two consenting adults do but his girlfriend was NOT consenting! If she had said, "Yes, baby, buy me lots of thongs and I'll wear them," then fine! But she didn't. That's why I "jumped all over him" for his comment and don't feel bad about it in the least. To all those upset about the childbirth comment. All of you seem to have taken what I said and taken it completely wrong. I was making an observation. I was going to say that a person should always try something before they try to push that thing on another person. But then I remembered that sometimes that's not always possible so I wanted to say I understand that but that, in SithMaster12's case, it was possible. I used one example. Apparently it was a touchy subject. Fine. Here's some other things that can't always be tried before the person pushes it on someone else. A woman can't know what a guy feels when he gets kicked in the crouch. None of us knew what it was like to birth a child when we came from our mothers. (And yes, we all hate it when mom reminds us. This is not an annoyance only showered only on men.) The dentist who operates on your teeth has likely not experienced every operation he does on you. Same for the surgeon. A male gynacologist just can't know what it feels like . . . That doesn't mean he can't do his job just fine. But he has no conception what the things he does feel like. These are simple facts. None of these statements were meant to insult men who haven't been kicked in the crouch, newborn babies, dentists, surgeons, or male gynacologists. Just as my previous statement was not meant to say women are better than men or that they've suffered more. I do not in any way believe this. I judge people individually, not as a whole. It is also a fact that it is perfectly within the realm of possibility for SithMaster12 to try on those thongs he spent so much money on. -----signature----- "Nous écrivons des choses éternelles."-- le geographe *** "That name no longer has any meaning to me."--Darth Vader
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womberty Registered: Jan '02	Date Posted: 1/12/04 4:34pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Ok, I have been dating this girl for about 2 months and I can't get her to wear any thongs. I personally think they are super hot but she thinks they are too uncomfortable. I have bought some for her from Victoria's Secret but it has been a waste of $$$ because she wants nothing to do with them. Any advice? My advice is, think of something else you consider "super hot" that she doesn't consider uncomfortable. Asking your girlfriend to do something she doesn't like - and especially, if you continue to push her to do it even after she says it's uncomfortable - isn't good for your relationship. It's a couple steps away from asking her to get implants because you think bigger breasts are "super hot." Let me ask you this: is she super hot? If so, why the hang-up over a type of underwear? If you didn't know she wouldn't wear thongs when you bought them, well, I'm sorry you spent money on something that won't be used, but your time will be better spent looking for other ways to have fun with your super hot girl. If she enjoys something as much as you do, it'll be far better than one of you feeling you're sacrificing something for the other. why is everyone jumping all over poor SithMaster12 because he asked his girlfirend to wear thongs? I would guess it's because he's here complaining about how she won't, even though he knows she considers them uncomfortable. Seems at least a bit inconsiderate of her feelings. it can be a nice gesture if you ask your partner first if there's anything they'd like you to do for them, and to be as open to trying it within whatever boundaries you have That's okay as long as it turns into "I did this for you (or, I'm willing to do this for you), so you should do that for me." There should always be respect for the other person's boundaries, and never an attempt to emotionally blackmail them into doing something that makes them uncomfortable.
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Connemara Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 1/12/04 7:33pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Diz- yo, dude, chill. "who are you, exactly, to tell other people what should develop in their private relationships, or to tell anyone else what sort of relationship is better or "deeper"?" //points at thread title. See that? That's what this thread is. See that name there next to the first post? That's me. I started this thread to give and share advice on romance. Obviously I'm not giving any "orders", I am only imparting my own expereince and feelings, for people to take or leave. If you don't agree with me, that is perfectly fine. But for you to attack me shows something in what I said must have seriously hit a nerve. Not everyone here agrees with me, for sure, and I don't agree with others on some things. But freaking out like that just ain't cool. "i mean, really, how dare anyone say something like "However, if it's that important to you that she looks sexy, you, and maybe her too, are focusing on the wrong things"?" Um, I say it becauee it's true. Yes, it's possible for two people to have an entirely sexual relationship. It's pointless, and everyone I have ever spoken to concerning sex has concurred that sex is far better between two people who are in love. Love doesn't start with sex, it is that "deeper bond". Perhaps you have not found it yet. Good luck on your search, but you don't strike me as anyone who has the sort of expereince or knowledge to speak to me in that way regarding love. I am no expert. Who can be an expert on love? But someone who thinks cheap sex is as good as true love needs to do a little more learning and a little more living before imparting his knowledge to the world. "sorry, this sort of attitude is just really infuriating. it takes a lot of people years of therapy to accept that they have the right to seek happiness in the sexual realm, and comments like that really tend to screw people up in the head." And where on Earth did you get all this from anyway? Did you read up on a porn site or something? Really, what you do with your sexuality, who and where you give yourself away is entirely your business, but don't impart your baseless "knowledge" about these issues in such an offensive and insulting manner. This thread is for love advice, if you want to participate in a calm, polite manner, you are most welcome. Teniel- well said, girl, on all the points! On childbirth and menstruation- You boys better start showing a little respect? You want the human race to have a future? It ain't gonna happen unless us chicks go through hell for you. So deal. Ok? -----signature----- @~`~ So you think you can love me and leave me to die? RIP Jeffy- clear skies from here on out
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Space_Man Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 1/13/04 11:32am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Teniel Djo: I know what you mean about other people always telling you you'll find someone. I know they have good intentions but it doesn't help. I too have "good intentions," and what I have to say to you probably isn't gonna be any more useful to you than anything anyone else hasn't already said to you...but please consider the one word I have to offer you, nonetheless: PATIENCE. The right relationship will come, eventually -- I can just about guarantee you of that. If I was just looking for just anyone that would be fine. But I want someone GOOD. Understood. But, IMO at least, meaningful relationships aren't just about getting "someone good." In other words, finally having that "good" person in your life, doesn't mean you've finally reached the top of the mountain, and can then relax; once you find the "right" person, then the REALLY hard work begins: maintaining and nurturing that love...and -- believe me -- it's a never ending process. ___________________________________________ TO EVERYONE (regarding this thong-thing): Maybe we need to have a "Thong-Day" here on the JC, and start a thread for all the participants (male & female alike) to share their impressions of what it's like to wear a thong for a day. Thoughts? -----signature----- Seek first to understand...and then to be understood. ~ Stephen R Covey
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womberty Registered: Jan '02	Date Posted: 1/13/04 11:54am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Whoa, looks like I totally screwed up my last post. Sorry for the late edit: "That's okay as long as it turns into" should say "That's okay as long as it doesn't turn into" (Oops! ) Yes, it's possible for two people to have an entirely sexual relationship. It's pointless, and everyone I have ever spoken to concerning sex has concurred that sex is far better between two people who are in love. Love doesn't start with sex, it is that "deeper bond". I think the problem is that you're assuming they don't have a deeper bond. Two people who love each other can (and usually do) still have sexual desires. My problem with the way this fellow's approaching it is that he doesn't seem sensitive to his girlfriend's discomfort. That doesn't seem like grounds to tell him to dump her; just let him know there are boundaries to be respected when exploring sexuality with his partner.
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UluUlix Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 1/13/04 8:23pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	I am so frustrated. I have been dating a girl(Mariah) for 4 months and things have been going well-we have a good time when we go out, but it is everything else that tends to be a problem. She likes Star Wars but she is not a huge fan,and I am a huge fan-collect figures, go to cons with my friends, read the different books. I love LOTR and she is not into it.She covered her eyes thru most of the movie. Politically-lets not even go there. Before we started dating, I had dated another girl(Dawn)-we went out twice but there wasnt a connection on her part or so she said at the time. She (Dawn)and I went for coffee last week jsut to chat and during the conversation I mentioned one of my New Year's goals and that was to learn ballroom dancing- Dawn said she would like to go and be my partner and just let her know the details. She said she also wanted to go see ROTK with me. Oh and then I mentioned how I was going out of town to see a very popular musical, and she basically invited herself to go. Is she into me or is this just friends?? How do I find out?? -----signature----- "Drawn into the mistakes of the Republic, the Jedi had been. Allowed the dark side to take root. Allowed arrogance to infect the Order. A priority, holding on to power had become. Inflated by their own conquests, the Jedi became." Master Yoda
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lordmaul13 Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 1/13/04 8:37pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	I find myself faced with a choice. To burn a bridge behind me or to go on being friends. Here's the situation. I have spent the past few months talking with a girl who contacted me on the net. We had gotten to the point where we were going to see each other whenever we found a day convenient for both of us. A couple weeks ago I was going to go see her but the plans fell through on her end. Then I didn't hear from her for about a week. She told me she had been having trouble with her parents and had been staying at a friends house. A couple days later she said that, because of trouble with her parents and some other things, she didn't think a relationship was a good thing to have right now. Last night she let me know she hadn't been "entirely truthful" with me. She started to have doubts about some things, including the distance we live apart. That's an entirely valid doubt to have, I had the same one. But I was willing to give it a shot. Anyway, she finally told me that a few weeks ago she met somebody else and has been seeing him. Even though we never actually got to the meeting in person stage it really hurt my feelings. I replied to her message and said I wasn't sure if I wanted to be friends any more or not. So. What do you people think? Burn that bridge and never, ever look back or stay friends? I can think of a reason for both. I don't have many friends and I hate to lose one so it would be good to remain friends but it'll also never be the same between us. At least on my part. I'd really appreciate if you could give a reason why you think the way you do. Thank you. lordmaul13 -----signature----- tatooinewizard's partner in crime I can dream now, Joey. Oh, you wouldn't believe what I can dream of now. Hellraiser III Better Days Than These http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27626554&brd=10475&start=27629823
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Space_Man Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 1/14/04 8:52am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large - Date Edited: 1/14/04 8:55am (1 edits total) Edited By: Space_Man
	UluUlix: Well, while -- on the one hand -- "passion," & "fireworks," etc. are elements we all seek in a romantic relationship -- on the other hand -- there is soooo much more to a long-term relationship than "passion" & "fireworks", that if you don't have much in common with someone (in terms of basic interests) it makes it difficult to spend time together. So, does that make "Mariah" a bad person? Not at all...but it just sounds like you two just don't have the same kinds of interests. My wife & I have much in common: cars, science fiction, etc. I can tell you up front that our relationship would not have lasted had we NOT shared these basic common interests; we would have driven each other nuts! However, "Dawn" sounds like she shares many of the same interests as you, and there is a lot to be said for that (IMO). Is she "into you?" I would say DEFINITELY -- at the very least, as a very good friend. Might more develop down the road? Hard to say, but it sure sounds like you two would be starting on a really good foundation for any type of boyfriend / girlfriend relationship that might develop. lordmaul13: Answer these questions for me: 1.) What would you have to lose by keeping this person as a friend? 2.) If you ended the friendship, WHY would you end it? To make a point -- primarily to demonstrate how hurt you were? ...Would that really be worth it...? -----signature----- Seek first to understand...and then to be understood. ~ Stephen R Covey
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lordmaul13 Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 1/14/04 10:57am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	Those are some good questions. And that's why I came by here, I'm having difficulty seeing past the hurt and getting to the bigger picture. lordmaul13 -----signature----- tatooinewizard's partner in crime I can dream now, Joey. Oh, you wouldn't believe what I can dream of now. Hellraiser III Better Days Than These http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27626554&brd=10475&start=27629823
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JangoMike Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 1/14/04 11:05am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large - Date Edited: 1/14/04 11:07am (1 edits total) Edited By: JangoMike
	lordmaul Here is my take on it: Move on find another girl - because thats just one girl outta a million girls online and in real life. Besides she lied to you or as you say "wasnt entirely truthfull". All that is, is a suger coated way of saying LIED. Now do you really want to go thru all that trouble to be with a liar? Is it worth carrying on a long distance relationship with someone who already has lost their integrity? I dont think it is but i am not making the decision YOU ARE! You can stay friends- because if your online, and shes online you can say Hey or whatever here and there. You dont have to go outta your way to talk to her but whatever you feel like. Your hurt because your human- I dont like rejection and I am sure you dont either. Even if its just an E-Rejection it still sucks down the ego. However you gotta suck it up and move on. I mean its not like she was ever REALLY your partner. Time Heals All - take a break for awhile and stop thinking about girls for a bit. Before you know it youll be back on track and may find a few cuties here and there. Go out have a good time and move on my friend. Getting discouraged over a chick you met online dissing you is not worth the trouble its causing. In a few months from now will it still bother you? NO!!!!! So get off the PC and go out and have a nice day!!!!!!!!!!! JangoMike -----signature----- PROUD MEMBER OF ~~The Johnny Depp Fan Club of the JCC~~ PoopReport.com - Your #1 source for your #2 business <=== Thats what I call a nose.
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womberty Registered: Jan '02	Date Posted: 1/14/04 11:11am Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large - Date Edited: 1/14/04 11:12am (2 edits total) Edited By: womberty
	Was the plan to meet somehow linked to starting up a more serious relationship? It seems to me the expectations might have been a little high. There's always going to be some level of apprehension in meeting someone in person for the first time; if there's some implied expectation that this will kindle a romantic relationship, it'll be even more daunting. Now, I understand you're upset because she wasn't truthful, but you should try to understand why she chose not to be. Perhaps she felt she couldn't discuss her apprehension with you, or after meeting another person, she didn't want to hurt you. You need to decide for yourself whether this dishonesty is enough to end your friendship. But, if you decide that you still like her as a person, and she's worth having as a friend in spite of that, I would suggest trying to set up a meeting again - but make it clear that this is to help solidify your friendship, nothing more. If you want to continue to be friends with her, you will have to accept her choice to pursue another relationship, and be willing not to interfere with that if it's what she wants.
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lordmaul13 Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 1/14/04 12:12pm Subject: RE: Love/romance advice lounge- no question too small, no question too large
	JangoMike Besides she lied to you or as you say "wasnt entirely truthfull". Those were her words, actually. womberty Was the plan to meet somehow linked to starting up a more serious relationship? Yes. Thanks everybody for the replies. I do appreciate it. lordmaul13 -----signature----- tatooinewizard's partner in crime I can dream now, Joey. Oh, you wouldn't believe what I can dream of now. Hellraiser III Better Days Than These http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27626554&brd=10475&start=27629823
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