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Topic:
Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
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Date Posted:
7/7 11:56pm
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Jesse, that sounds like the sort of short film I write, which are usually more like scenes than films  Except the slightly longer short films. But I especially have trouble with the 5 minute range ones because generally I write semi-long scenes. And I'm just a feature person, really.
However, it's important to remember that even scenes should have three-act structure. If you think of scene within a feature as miniature stories in and of themselves, I find that it helps know where to start, where to end, and what the dramatic arc of the scene is. Since every scene should tell you something about a character or should move the plot forward in some way, it's vital your scene (short or long) is actually going somewhere.
Bacon164 posted:
solojones, you are quite correct. I only worry that with all these cuts, the story will seem watered down and dense. like a lukewarm frappuccino.
If it's stuff that's truly important to the story, you may just need to find a way to weave it into other parts of the story. Since I don't really know the situation, it's hard to advise on that specifically... wanna PM me the outline, too? 
_solojones
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Andalite-Bandit
Registered:
Apr '05
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:00am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Bacon, I just sent you like 5000 pages of feedback. Well, maybe not that much...but it felt like a lot when I wrote it.
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KnightWriter
Title:
Administrator Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '01
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:00am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Rachel, you never got back to me about Abandoned. I am sad  . I still have it bookmarked, too.
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:01am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Oh yeah! Huh. We should talk about that sometime, huh?
_solojones
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KnightWriter
Title:
Administrator Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '01
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:02am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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I think so. I remember it pretty well still, I'd say.
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Jedi_Reject_Jesse
Registered:
Aug '04
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:05am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Heck Bacon just post the outline
I'm all interested too now.
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:06am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Post it, post it!
Of course, Josh, it's also only nine and a half minutes if you'd like to refresh your memory
I need to go to bed for now though 
_solojones
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Andalite-Bandit
Registered:
Apr '05
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:10am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
- Date Edited:
7/8 12:16am (3 edits total)
Edited By:
Andalite-Bandit
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Talking about writing scenes that Jedi Reject Jesse brought up, my last feature script, the one Bacon just read the other day, is pretty much just a collection of individual scenes. They all take place within the same world during the same time period, but each scene is it's own little story.
I was really inspired by Richard Linklater's "Slacker," which is really just a collection of scenes of different people going about their daily lives. It's a really fascinating film to me. There's really no overall plot to speak of, but it is still extremely interesting. It's also inspirational to me in the sense that Linklater did this on almost no budget whatsoever, and he was able to make this amazing film. And he went on to make some of my favorite films of all times, such as Before Sunset, Before Sunrise, Dazed and Confused, and Waking Life. This dude is my hero.
My project was kind of the same, although there is perhaps slightly more "plot" than Slacker had, and I like to think all of the scenes are connected by an overall theme or two.
Edit: Here is my favorite scene from Slacker by the way. It starts about one minute into the clip.
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Jedi_Reject_Jesse
Registered:
Aug '04
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:29am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Hey, when There Will Be Blood came out, everyone was like saying it was a Classic American film. So what defines a film as American? From what I can tell TWBB took some deeply rooted American ideas: I mean the film is about the American Dream right? But then it turns into some serious Edgar Allen Poe stuff.
So what makes a film at it's core a uniquely American story?
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Oh, I wander down the neon streets with no one else to blame.
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Bacon164
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:38am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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I could not get into There Will Be Blood. lasted about 45 minutes.
Andalite's mention of the film that inspired his apocalypse script sparks my interest. I will watch this film. perhaps tomorrow morning.
like I said, I am paranoid about posting it for everyone to see (mostly for fear of some random stranger going ooohhhhh I want to write that or something), but if you want to read what I told Andalite, just PM me or something.
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
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Date Posted:
7/8 12:39am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Andy, I haven't seen Slacker but I should. I love Linklater. But he uses the same general principle in other films, especially Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. The thing is, even though it's a 'series of scenes', it's still revealing scenes about characters. And if you pay close attention, those films do have structure underlying them. And so do their scenes. The brilliance in them is that they seem to meander. But, in fact, the scenes all move the plot and characters forward in some way.
Not sure if that's the case in Slacker or not, but I think it's definitely so in these other brilliant Linlater films.
Jesse, well I mean partly it's an American film because it's an American production That's the least romantic explanation. It's literally a great American film that might become a classic amongst film-lovers. But yes, obviously it also deals with some very American motifs like the push Westward, the American Dream, the self-made man, faith, etc. It deals with them with huge twists, obviously. Which I think is part of what makes it such a quintessential modern American film.
And as to turning Poe-esque... well, Poe was a great American writer, so
_solojones
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Jedi_Reject_Jesse
Registered:
Aug '04
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Date Posted:
7/8 1:10am
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Well yeah. All true. But what other films are similar? What other films explore American motifs?
The only one I could think of off the top of my head would be Requiem for a Dream.
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
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Date Posted:
7/8 1:57pm
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Tons of films explore American motifs. All westerns, essentially. American Mafia movies. American Graffiti and other coming of age films..
There are several American film motifs.
_solojones
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Bacon164
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
7/8 7:48pm
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Andalite!
I have read your apocalypse script and I can say that you have something neato here. But I must get something out of the way. I found it actually very frustrating that we never see the characters outside of their single scene. Obviously this is a given because of the very nature of the premise, but I couldn't help myself from wondering "I want to see Matt and the clown's adventures!!!" or some such on some of the episodes. although it is frustrating, I think overall it does work, but it is something that the audience will have to adjust to. some cuts are more frustrating than others. for instance, in the baby-smothering story, I personally felt it ended too early. I felt like we needed to see them actually do it, and we needed to see their emotional state afterwards. I felt rather cheated when it cut away before it happened.
Now my advice about this script: I think you should strive to make more subtle connections between the scenes. there are some, but I ended wanting more, although I doubt I picked up all or even most of them. My favorite is probably the contrast in the silence at the end of the first two scenes: that one is of happiness and another is of death. that was great.
Here are my comments on the individal segments:
Luke/Jane: nice idea by opening on a fairly lighthearted note.
Craig: it was kinda like WT* at first, until the end. like I said, I enjoyed the contrast between the endings of these two scenes.
Courtney/Alison: Am I correct in that this is about a lesbian couple returning to formerly disapproving parents?
Kara/Lee: one of my favorites of the bunch. Making the driver sympathetic made it quite sad.
Matt/Clown: I recognize this from one of your student films! I liked it. Especially the randomness of a clown sitting by the character.
Will/Sophia: this one ended perfectly and I can very much relate to it.
Stanley/Ken: don't really have much to say about this one. it works.
Ray/Brad: does a great job at expressing the desperateness of impending doom.
Zack/Elizabeth: I enjoyed this piece but the fact that I envisioned Zach as this ridiculously hawt guy might have something to do with it. I liked the interactions between the characters. The ending was cute.
Carl/Sam: this one just made me sad. it's rather heart wrenching. good job with the dialogue.
Tina/Wizard: not much to comment on. I like the wizard character; he is cool.
Eric/Jim: Loved the transition with the clock. expresses society's collapse well.
Darlene/Francis: another one of my favorites! yay Crypto Chris.
Ben/Stacy: this is probably the story that left me most frustrated. I think it was because I had pre-conceieved notions of how it was to play out because you had mentioned it before when talking about this script. the scene doesn't feel like it should be over. it feels like you cut away in the middle of the scene. it might not be a good idea to actually show the baby's death, but I feel that we need to at least see the couple after the deed is done and how it's affected them. might be just me, though!
Jack/Janice: liked it. yay people abandoning enforcing pointless laws when doomsday is upon us.
Karen/Dr. Daniels: another one of my favorites. just sad. I guess I just like sad scenes. poor Karen.
Cory/Topanga/Sean: I couldn't help but read this scene as an episode of Boy Meets World, and I doubt that's the tone you were going for. still, it was well-written.
Poet: I <3 this one. very well done.
Bugsy/Steve: great last lines. actually, I would cut the very last line and end on "It might've been the LSD."
The title. you should probably come up with a new title. I would go for something that says "hey, I am a movie about a bunch of people reacting to a possible doomsday scenario." maybe even something referring to the audience, as in this script they are almost like a god - spying on random people going about the last days of their lives. I dunno, just a thought.
hopefully this will help you in your editing of the draft. I am not the best of persons for feedback, but hopefully I gave you something to think about!
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Andalite-Bandit
Registered:
Apr '05
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Date Posted:
7/8 11:11pm
Subject:
RE: Hey! The official filmmaking thread for the JCC!
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Bacon! Thanks for the feedback.
In regards to the "baby smothering" scene, I get what you are saying. To me, though, the story of the scene is in their decision, not the act itself. It's in the build up to that moment. Once it is done, their story is over. The rest is implied. You may not see what happens on screen, but you still know what happens.
You are correct about the Courtney/Allison scene. I wanted it to be slightly subtle. The idea is that she had left home, but what with the world about to end and all, she decided to give her parents another chance, at the very least to say goodbye. And as it turns out, the parents, faced with the knowledge that they were about to die, had probably been thinking they'd never see their daughter alive again, and so came to realize the pettiness of their previous behavior in the grand scheme of things.
As for the Cory/Topanga/Sean, yes, I am going to change the names. Everybody has commented on this who read it. It's more distracting then I intended it to be. I wrote that scene pretty late and I was having trouble coming up with names!
Also I am glad you enjoyed the Poet scene, because one of my readers thought it didn't fit in with the rest of the film, and wasn't a good choice for the "last" scene. It could stand some editing, I'd say, but I'm glad you liked this one. It was one of my favorites to write.
I also agree on the title. I'll figure out a new one eventually.
Thanks for reading it, Bacon!
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