| Author |
Topic:
JC Geographic
|
Acharon
Registered:
Oct '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 1:06am
Subject:
JC Geographic
|
JC Geographic:
JC Mods in their natural habitat.
Today we silently creep up upon a small colony of these hideously deformed creatures. At this distance you can see their obscure mating rituals and severely twisted eating habits. "Look! That one there! It's spotted me! Quick, we must get to the jeep!"
One on one these beasts are dangerous enough, but in small packs they can be deadly. "Run you fools run!"
"Oh no! They've got the camera man! Poor soul, they are banning him to death! The scene is horrifying! Ow! I've just been struck with a lobbed pad lock. This is getting out of hand!"
"Start the Jeep, for god sakes start the damn Jeep!. They're pounding the doors in. One of them is jumping up and down on the hood screaming obscenities at us. I think I heard "Bane the Lord of death cometh"! Get us out of here you incompetent fool! DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE."
As the Jeep peals away a mod by the name of Liz Skywalker is caught and dragged twenty feet, breaking loose she is ground under the back tires. Jumping to her feet she screams "I am rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and....." Her voice is drowned out by three loud thumps as the vehicle strikes Lord Bane, Padme, and Hama. Clearly invincible, they spring back up like weebalos.
A winged mod by the name of [b]Griffz[b] swoops down and decimates the fleeing jeep.......
Its a total loss. The moderator colony is surely unstoppable. It is only a matter of time before they take over the whole world...
-----signature-----
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Please, call me Heavy. 
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Acharon
Registered:
Oct '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 1:07am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
- Date Edited:
6/8/02 1:31am (3 edits total)
Edited By:
Acharon
|
Barely escaping his last encounter with the Mod Colony, the project leader crawls back to base on his hands and knees.....
JC Geographic:
Assessing the Moderator threat
Gaining more funding and better supplies the documentary leader, Acharon, hires a gunman to secure the team. A brisk fellow in his mid forties, sits in a corner whittling a piece of dogwood. Acharon strolls about the room viewing notes, and maps. The past weeks events flashing across his minds eye. Unable to fully comprehend the horrific actions of the Mods his anger wells at the loss of his long time camerman and friend. "I will get this story to the masses, I swear it on my friends soul." Clenching a piece of tattered cloth a tear escapes Acharon's eye.
Looking up from his whittling the gunman sucks thoughtfully upon a toothpick. "I still get paid right."
Looking at him, a confused look upon his face Acharon asks "Excuse me?"
"Whether you get the story or not, I still get paid, right?"
"Yes, yes. You will get your damn money."
"Do I get a bonus for killing any of the bastards?"
"You are to shoot only in self defense is that clear?"
"Sure boss, whatever you say." Going back to his whittling the gunner laughs quietly to himself.
Before the shoot:
Acharon, viewing his rag tag team of documentarists, begins his pep talk. "Our goal is to asses the environmental threat emposed upon the earth by the JC moderator scourge. This is top priority people. Were gonna get the little buggars on film this time. After the public sees the mass hysteria and paranioa these creatures cause, we can get government founding to wipe them out completely. We ride at daylight..."
The hunt begins:
The camera man, shaking with anticipation walks behind the team. Bording the truck he hears the crew talking about the last camera man. Nervously he boards the teams Humvee.
Looking into the faces of his crew Acharon addresses the team "We are going deep into enemy territory today people. Hopefully we will return in one piece this time."
Looking at the Documentary leader with shock in his eyes, the camera man asks "This time?"
The team gunman turns and snickers "You didn't tell him about the last camera man did you?"
"How could I, he would have charged us triple."
"Wa? What last camera guy? Whats goin on?"
Stroking his M-14 the gunner replies "Easy kid, relax. Everything is gonna be just fine. The last expedition didn't have a gunner."
"Why do we need ga-gunner." Starting to tremble the poor kid throws up out a window. Stuttering he asks "We aren't tracking ma-ma-mere-cats are we?"
Grinning devilishly the gunner sucks on his tooth pick. Banging on the back of the driver seat the Documentarist yells at the driver "Speed it up, the kids losin his nerve. And when we get on scene, for god sakes, keep it running will ya."
The early morning twilight, a dull grey, quickly turns into a deep orange as the team moves ever-deeper into JC territory.... Spotting movement the driver stops the rig. Stepping out onto a wet, marshy patch of earth Acharon spies part of the mod clan.
Peering from behind some shrubbery the team views the colony from afar. Acharon looks at the closet subject, separate from the rest. The mod, looking at his comrades eating a fresh kill, jumps about noisely. Pointing Acharon says softly "See the one Jumping up and down and yelling obscenities? This is normal Mod type behavior, but it is actually more acute in this subject. "They call that one Preacherboy. He's not really a part of the colony any more, but he still hangs around. It seems they throw him an odd bone now and again. Keeping him alive for mere amusement. Ooo, were gonna witness a classic mod moment, where's the camera man?"
"Right behind you sir." Shaking slightly the young man steps up and levels the camera upon the gory scene before him.
"See that one? Right there." Acharon points at another mod, a bit smaller then the rest, but ever more vicious. "Thats the Farraday subject, after being accepted into the colony he has risen in the pecking order considerably. I feel he could very well be one the fiercest of the pack. Watch him as he tears into that newbie unmercifully. Wow, a locking compiled with a banning. This is the footage I've been striving for for years boy!"
"I think I'm gonna be sick." Turning green the camerman holds his camera still.
"Not yet boy, keep filming. Zoom in on the tall one over there. I believe that one is Darth Dark Helmet. Witty, yet wielding an ever present ability to ban with the best of them. He seems to prefer strength in numbers." Snapping a look back Acharon whispers to the gunner. "Keep your head skyward man, like we planned! Death from the sky can come at any time from the winged ones." Turning back to the colony Acharon continues. "Look there! Gaze upon one of the elders of the colony boy!" Chyren, looking suspiciously about, snarls at a passing mod. The unfortunate creature yips and darts off. The opposing beast Chyren slowly advances upon the fresh meat and burys his fangs into the carcass of a slaughtered JC'er. "This is surely a site to behold!" Glee in his eyes Acharon views the scene greedily, this being his first real glimpse of Chyren. "See! I was right! He does were a Viking helmet!"
Slinking past the feasting monstrosity the fiercest of the female subjects, Misninfan settles in for a snack herself. "We are getting a rare glimpse of the odd social behavior of these creatures. We must get all the footage humanly possible boy!"
"Can we go now?" Trembling the camerguy throws up into a bush. Barely regaining his composure he continues filming.
Dropping from above, Vertical snags a hunk of meat and retreats to the tree's above. Shaking a bloody fist at the intruder Chyren growls insidiously. Laughing hysterically and throwing gobs of muddy earth Vertical perches himself just out of reach.
"Look! Its one of the ones our jeep struck on the last stake out!" Lord Bane, possibly one of the most intelligent of the group walks slowly into view. Accompanied by Liz Skywalker, the pair sit together and pick parasites out of each others hair. "I could have sworn we killed both of them with our jeep." Disheartend, Acharon is dumbfounded by the sheer regenerative powers of the species.
Two winged creatures circle above the bloodied ground looking for a spot to land. "Ah ha! See? I told you, watch the skys you fool!" Gliding gracefully the two winged creatures land in unison. The sound of giant wings fills the air as Talon Squad Leader, and Griffz, come to rest.
Floating past on a hover chair jp-30 catches a glimpse of the peeping team. Sounding an alarm the mods scatter. First ducking from sight, and then teaming together, they advance swiftly upon the lurkers. Chyren stands upon two legs and lets forth a bellow that curls the camera man's toe nails. Stepping, like a giant sloth, Chyren passes over the carcasses spread about the killing fields. Standing upright the gunner opens fire. Acharon screams "You fool! I said in self defense!"
Grinning insanely the gunner responds "I'm here for blood not pictures you dolt! I work for IGN! Mwahahahhahahahahaahaha!" Bullets flying in every direction the gunner aims left, then right, then forward. Sensing an inherent danger in the man the colony swiftly sets upon him, leaving the rest of the team to dive for the humvee. The Colony devours him in seconds. NathinDahlin looks down upon the advancing Colony with pride. Gloating evily he stays in the shadows and feasts upon the fallen...
Next installment coming soon!
Will our Acharon survive the coming massacre? Will Chryen eat the humvee? Will the camera man pee his pants? What will become of the footage?
Only the next episode will reveal these answers.....
Edit:
ezcodes are conspiring against me I swear. 
-----signature-----
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Please, call me Heavy.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
mt1881
Registered:
Aug '00
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 1:42am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
LOL, ok, this is pretty damn funny. 
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Princess_Robin
Registered:
Sep '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 1:47am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
that is the most ammusing thing I have seen all day.  
funny as hell to...
Though I now worry about the amount of free time you have...
-----signature-----
Sometimes I just have to wonder what exactly is going on in your head? ?:|
The social norm is nothing to be proud of.
Yes I am still alive....
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Anvia_Fett
Registered:
Apr '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 1:52am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
|
LOL! That's hilarious, Acharon!
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Goldberry
Registered:
Oct '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 5:38am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
|
LMAO!!! Oh! Oh! Oh, good lord, that's too good... Acharon you rock! If you weren't already in my watched users I'd add you! Right on! Can't wait for the next installment!
-----signature-----
'Mary 'ad a little lamb. I bit it in the head.' - Balrog of Moria  http://www.yougotta.com/Goldberry
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Smuggler-of-Mos-Espa
Registered:
Jan '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 5:46am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
|
LOTFL!
-----signature-----
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Malazaf
Registered:
Apr '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 6:20am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
- Date Edited:
6/8/02 6:24am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Malazaf
|
Great stuff, acharon!
I'd laugh if I hadn't sold my sense of humor to devil.
How much does a subscription cost? This needs some of those nice pictures, too...
'im here for blood not pictures i work for ign'...
-----signature-----
Te aurdire no possum.Musa sapienum fixa est in aura.
ALL ROVE LOVE U LONG TIME!!!1
I wanna go to sugercandy mountain!!!!!1
14th Century ways are the best ways.
×ÖDiaeresisesÖ×
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Dark_Lord_Erik
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Jan '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 7:10am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
That was pretty damn funny.
Erik
-----signature-----
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Kadue
Registered:
Jun '00
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 7:26am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
Although slightly disheartened not to see a mention. Then again, I'm like those drop-bear thingies. You don't see me until it's way too late.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Acharon
Registered:
Oct '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 7:43am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
Don't worry Kadue, I'm saving you for the next installment. 
Thanks for the killer responses guys.
-----signature-----
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Please, call me Heavy.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Lurking_Around
Registered:
May '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 7:50am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
LMAO!!!
-----signature-----
"Bealocwealm hafað fréone frecan forth onsended"
(An evil death has set forth the noble warrior)
--Eowyn (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)
The Holy Stand-In of the Cult of the Blue Numbers After The Thread Titles
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
The-Cow-Goes-Moo
Registered:
Jun '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 8:47am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
|
Acharon, you're my hero. Those are great. lol.
-----signature-----
I'm afraid currency is the currency of the realm.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Piltdown
Registered:
May '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 9:09am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
Hoha!
That was great.
Fear the light Worship the dark
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Kerr_Plunk
Registered:
Apr '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 9:25am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
very, very funny Acharon!
two thumbs waaay up!
-----signature-----
come on you target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
lemon puddin'
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
DarthLothi
Registered:
Sep '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/02 9:50am
Subject:
RE: JC Geographic
|
Acharon, that was priceless!
-----signature-----
"Anything but mad passionate love isn't worth your time. . . there are too many mediocre things in life for love to be one of them."
Lothi  Loreley
Darth_Tim's Unrelated Opposite Twin
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
