Lit Join Me and Achieve Perfection: A Reread of The Glove of Darth Vader

The way you report that statement is as if it is no more than hearsay spoken by another party and not what you yourself believe.

The Truth of the Glove is not a matter of what "they" might "say", it simply is. The Glove is the truest expression of pure evil. That is fact. That is Truth. That is undeniable.

Next someone will be telling me that "they say" the Glove is nothing more than a legend and that "they say" it holds no power. But they are all heretics!!!

 

I have a copy of this somewhere - gotta dig it up!

I think I may need to write a fanfic sequel about Vader's codpiece.

"No greater symbol of darkness was ever made than this codpiece -- the codpiece that once covered Darth Vader's junk."

 

You are subscribing to the heresy of gonadanianism. Vader has no junk. So it is written, and a special place is reserved in Waru's small intestine for all who deny it.

 

... of looking at a recent burn victim's mangled genitals, probably fused with pieces of wool and cotton from his clothes? That's a peculiar fetish, to say the least.

 

Ask yourself honestly: would you really, really be that surprised if you learned there were burn victim fetishists out there?

 

No, not really. But I don't want to know who they are. Once you have the results, I'll go through them, but I'd prefer it if the young ladies kept their anonymity.

 

Stop this discussion, I want out!

Things that made me drop my monocle:

Then an admiral stood to speak. "How can you claim to be the new chosen one when you do not wear Darth Vader’s glove? The Prophets of the Dark Side have said that the next Emperor shall wear-"

"As the Emperor’s son," shouted Trioculus, "it is through my blood that I rule, not with some glove!" 1)

"But the Prophets of the Dark Side are powerful!" declared the member of the Imperial Royal Guard. 2)"They foretold that the Rebels would blow up both Death Stars-and they even knew when they would be destroyed. 3) They saw the future. Therefore they must know our destiny!"

1) Trioculus is a heretic! The moment the Glove dropped to the shaft the Emperor lost his control of the battle. The Glove betrayed the Emperor... to his death. He should never have given it to Vader!

2) Sadly I don't think this royal guard is Kanos nor Jax. Kanos wouldn't have taken the words of Prophets over the son of his Emperor and Jax killed the last Prophets. Then again, someone acting out-of-character wouldn't be new in this book.

3) You'd think that someone would have paid them attention after the first Death Star? Or the second? Palpatine's clone could have had one near the Galaxy Gun telling that R2 was going to hone his mass-murdering skills with it.

 

Ah.... The bright minds behind government, at work.

 

Where is her third eye? Where? As I thought. We don't serve those who have not achieved perfection. I'm sure she didn't even have the lightning power of the Dark Side.

 

Intriguing thought...

Let's see if the book tells us anything...

"There was more than one power at work, Ken.​

​

The Glove was trying to get back to its master. It had slipped from Trioculus's hand and betrayed him; then when a chance came it caught poor Kadann, and he was murdered and after that Azrakel, and it had devoured him. It could make no further use of him: he was too small and mean; and as long as it stayed with him he would never leave his deep pool again. So now, when its master was awake once more and sending out his dark thought from Dromund, it abandoned Azrakel. Only to be picked up by the most unlikely person imaginable: Glah Ubooki from Bimmisaari!​

​

Behind that there was something else at work, beyond any design of the Glovemaker. I can put it no plainer than by saying that Glah was meant to find the Glove, and not by its maker. In which case you were meant to have it."​

​

--From The Lord of the Glove, Book 1, The Glove Sets Out​

So there we have it. The Glove of Darth Vader was, in fact, not the Glove of Darth Vader, and betrayed Darth Vader because it wanted to return to its true maker... whose identity remains shrouded in Shadow, even to this day.

 

I really find it interesting how the Empire was able to make something indestructible, and used that power on a glove. Instead of, say, the entire armor of Vader, or the Death Star core, etc.

 

You speak the words of someone who has not seen the truth. The Glove was not created by the Empíre, it existed long before it, but its origins are deep in the darkness.

Zorrixor, so who were the Glovebearers before Vader? The Emperor thought that he could control its ancient powers by giving it to Vader to bear and use its powers from a distance. Before Vader it belonged to Darth Maul who survived many deaths, but the Glove used him and finally devoured him (as told in Darth Vader and the Glove of Darth Vader miniseries). But that's where the traces stop. We don't know what mysterious power created it, nor how it got lost and later found.

 

Perhaps they wanted to show that they were not, 'ow do you say, 'armless?

 

I WANT!!! Someone sell this to Randy Stradley quick!

 

Title needs more Dark...

I suggest Darth Vader and the Glove of Darth Vader: A Dark Tale of the Dark Times, or DVatGoDV:ADTotDT.

 

You fail to grasp what elevates the poetic sublimity achieved by those immortal wordsmiths the Davidses above common prose. They would never deface one of their works with such an unnecessarily complicated title, and -- God forbid! -- a subtitle. It must be something children can easily understand, and they would obviously be baffled by a subtitle! And making the villain the hero? What message does that communicate to the children? Jesus, where were you people when literature was realizing its destiny after 100,000 years of human communcation? And what about the environment? A novel has no story unless it includes a stupendously ill-disguised save-the-environment theme! Something about whales, or trees, or, if an author is a completely talentless hack who can't tackle such advanced topics, then at least something about respecting different cultures.

Such a work would be a sad parody of the soaring near-perfection achieved by the original series.

 

Still more Dark needed:

Dark Darth Vader and the Dark Glove of Dark Darth Vader Bid You Dark Greetings: A Dark Tale of the Dark Times (I refer to it as DDVatDGoDDVBYDG: ADTotDT for short)

 

*sigh* Better, but no cigar.

Darth Vader and the Dark Greetings Biddings.

Doggerel-like quality, bad grammar and simplicity: the recipe for greatness -- by Paul and Hollace Davids.

Plus, it's hard to say out loud. That's when you know you've done good.

 

Hey, mine is hard to say out loud, too. Try saying Dark Darth Vader and the Dark Glove of Dark Darth Vader Bid You Dark Greetings: A Dark Tale of the Dark Times 3 times fast.