Awards The 2017 Golden Yoda Awards Ceremony / Day Seven: Author Categories and Best All-Around

YODA: Sorry we are that some winners were originally omitted. Fixed this problem has been.

EMPEROR PALPATNE: Rest assured that the insignificant lackey responsible has been found and shot!

 

MORE divapilot and Findswoman? Okay, congrats again then!

And (first-time, but hopefully not last) congrats to Pandora Briannakin MandrinaQ and Mistress_Renata!

 

Congratulations to all the new winners - Briannakin, Mistress_Renata, MandrinaQ, Pandora!

And to the "old" winners, Findswoman and divapilot!

Not inspired to say funny stuff, been a hard week, so just happy for you, that's all.

 

Congrats to divapilot MandrinaQ Mistress_Renata Pandora Briannakin Findswoman for their work in the ever-growing complexity of what is canon or not

A meetup of Jaina, Jacen and Kylo went ... better than expected!

Also, taba ooleh gives me an idea for dinner tonight ...

 

Congratulations to the winners.

 

(The BLAYNE FAMILY is seated at a large table along with the crew of the Ghost. Annina squeals and bounces up and down in her seat when she sees MEL CALRISSIAN'S Bespin Cloud dress.)

ANNINA: Ooh! Pretty! Can I have one like that, Mom? Please?

RAISSA: You aren't old enough to wear a dress like that, young lady.

(Meanwhile, Ezra gives Mara a suspicious look)
EZRA: "My Dearest Luke?"

MARA: (sighs) That's not me; it's not even the same universe!
----------------
Congratulations to divapilot, Findswoman, Mistress_Renata, MandrinaQ, Briannakin, and Pandora And congratulations to all the nominees; another outstanding group of stories!

 

Congrats to all the winners so far, and a great job to the awards team for the nice skits!

 

So, are we allowed to bring characters along to this gala event?

 

Congratulations to all the nominees and winners! Quadruple congratulations to divapilot from your biggest fan!

And congratulations to Raissa Baiard for putting this ceremony together! I should spend more time on YouTube to find such videos.

 

Sure, everyone's invited; it's a party!

Mr Chyntuckopoulos Thank you! And thank you so much for making all the animated gifs; they're fantastic!

If you search "Hyperspace Hoopla" on YouTube, you can find more videos like these. They're from an event they used to have at Star Wars Weekends at Walt Disney World, and they are some of the funniest things I've ever seen

 

Congrats to all the winners! (I won't tag everyone because I know you all are getting 10 bajjilion alerts) Well done divapilot, Findswoman, Mistress_Renata, MandrinaQ and Pandora!

I can't think of anything Winter might say to this hoopla. She's probably rolling her eyes at the children she raised.

BUT I THANK YOU ALL!



I can't believe my totally random story I wrote at one night between 3 and 4 AM won against so many amazing nominations! Congrats to all!

 

Congrats to the winners!

Good show in so far!

 

Congratualtions too, divapilot, Pandora, Findswoman, MandrinaQ, Briannakin, Mistress_Renata and all others who were nominated.

Findswoman, Thanks

 

Oh Jacen and his terrible jokes... I LOVE it!!

Congrats to all the nominees, these are some great stories!

Congratulations to divapilot, Findswoman, Pandora, Bri, MandrinaQ, and Mistress_Renata on your awards!!

 

KESS, MEL and RENATA have been watching the Fan Fiction Awards. KESS is looking a bit peaky.

KESS: I used to like Lebnan food, but I don't know...

MEL: Wait, is that us? WE WON?!! WE WOOOOOONNNN!!!!! (she rushes to the stage on the super high heels)

RENATA: (in shock) We won?!

KESS: (cheerfully) Well, technically we tied, which is quite an achievement if you've actually read @MandrinaQ's wonderfully romantic story.

MEL: (breathlessly clutches the microphone) Oh, wow, this is such an honor, oh my... I'd like to thank the Academy and all of the wonderful people with incredibly good taste who nominated us, and all the other people with incredibly good taste who voted for us, and of course all of our wonderful supportive readers, including the Loyal Lurkers who don't need to lurk so much...and, um, oh, and thank you to Renata, and Kess, and Minni, and Poe...oh, and Maz Kanata, of course...we're sorry about the mess at the castle, but the bloodstains should wash out with a little scrubbing. Oh, and um, of course, my dad, and--

RENATA: She's not going to mention any of the other winners, is she? Like Findswoman, who is known for that piece. Or Pandora, who is so talented at description, that I wonder why I bother.

KESS: (calling the waiter over) And she won't remember that lovely sad story about Aunt Winter by Briannakin, or the brainbending time twister, by divapilot, who is just so versatile! (to the waiter) Can you see that the winners all get flowers? Thanks so much!

MEL: --and Mr. T'Nellnek next door, who always waters my plants when I'm out of town, and oh! And Deloris Delicia, my personal shopper, who I totally couldn't live without! And--

RENATA: (squinting at Mel) Um, that chemical smoke creator in the dress...how long is that supposed to last?

KESS: Couple of hours, why?

RENATA: And how long has Mel been wearing that dress?

KESS: Couple of hours, wh--oh. OH!

(RENATA and KESS watch with alarm as the cloud of smoke around Mel's torso slowly begins to dissipate. But before the producers of the show can panic, there is a thunder of footsteps and 4 Imperial Guards charge the stage, with one ripping off his cloak as he runs. He wraps it around MEL, throws her over his shoulder, and the Guards storm offstage, carrying MEL with them).

RENATA: (horrified) They got Mel! The Empire got Mel!

KESS: And just in the nick of time; that would have been the Galaxy's worst wardrobe malfunction ever! Give those boys credit; they can't shoot, but they sure are fast.

RENATA: Mel has been taken prisoner by the Empire, and you're not worried?

KESS: Um, we're talking about MEL here. I'm more worried for them. Although if they turn out to be cute under those helmets, all bets are off.

 

MEL FANCLUB PLEASE!

 

Thanks to the skit and ad writers -- should have remembered you all yesterday, seeing as I very much enjoyed your additions to the ceremony! So you're all mashed in the same congrats today. Raissa Baiard and Anedon have done wonderful presentation skits, and the ads from Ewok Poet and Chyntuck were really funny.

Congratulations to Findswoman, Pandora, Briannakin, MandrinaQ, Mistress_Renata, and divapilot on their wonderful stories!

 

Well, I have to be honest--I was waiting until after Mel had taken the stage before I posted.

Congratulations to the nominees, and to everyone who has won thus far!

As for my own win, the first I have ever had in a Fanfiction Awards: thank you, and thank you again, from the ashes of my black heart.

----

Meantime: When the award is announced, DORME is in her place sitting next to THE LADY VADER, discreetly doing a bit of mending on one of the LADY's fine antique chemises. (The village seamstress doesn't so much as bother to return her calls.) The Lady Vader's attention is fixed on the stage, and the twins reading out her win. She floats to her feet, her mouth arched in the regal, aloof smile her people once adored--but before she can leave, an aide appears to whisper something in her ear. Her only reaction is to widen her eyes. After all, she can't risk damaging her makeup.

(As an aside--she is wearing a dress, made just for the occasion, that defies all attempts at description. It took Dormé two hours to complete the artwork that is her hair.)

LADY VADER: Oh, you have to be joking. Of course, I am the protagonist of this story. It could not possibly be Dormé. She wouldn't dare. Besides, everyone knows that handmaidens aren't allowed to have that much dialogue. It was how the audience should have guessed what I was up to in that movie of my exploits during that Trade Federation invasion.

DORME: ...

She doesn't allow Dormé so much as one parting glance as she stalks up to the stage, and snatches up the Golden Yoda by its neck, and turns to dazzle her audience. The Lady Vader doesn't even see that NANDI has arrived on the stage behind her, and has actually looked up, her eyes twitching as she blinks into the lights. Then she waves at the group of women sitting at her table.

While this is going on, AURA--the Jawa at the table--has stood up in her new red velvet robe, her eyes flashing like stoplights, and is still dancing along to "Mama said knock you out."

 

That was a very wise move! Kept you from getting run over...

 

That said... Anedon and Chyntuck did a mighty fine job with those ads and Raissa Baiard is doing a mighty fine job hosting the ceremony.

...

TWELVE HOURS AFTER THE CEREMONY STARTED, WITH ONLY MOUSE DROIDS RUNNING AROUND, TWO WOMEN WITH SIMILARLY MONOTONE VOICES ENTER THE VENUE. ONE OF THEM IS WEARING A SIMPLE BLACK DRESS, THE OTHER AN ORANGE TUNIC, A BLACK TIE AND BLUE OVERALLS.

MARIS INESEDAM-VORR: "You told me that this will start at two. This doesn't look like 'starting'. As a matter of a fact, it's not progressive at all!"

DORIA VORR: "Whatever. It said two and apparently it was 'two in the afternoon', not 'two in the morning'. We're late as usual, mom."

MARIS: "You also told me that we were nominated for a thing and then it turned out that was on the first day, which we missed."

DORIA: "But we were late for that, too. Glad that we didn't win, imagine the horror of Great Aunt Larax accepting the award for us! I would never go out again. By 'out', I mean from 'below the duvet'."

MARIS: "Oh, tell me about it. I still can't find her, I hope she didn't find herself a young and handsome wealthy man...or something in those lines."

(LATER AT THE HOTEL, WATCHING THE RE-RUN OF BOTH DAYS)

MARIS: "Would you look at that dress! I wonder who in their sane mind would get out of their home in that!"

DORIA: "If I understood this well, the dress has...desintegrated. Like whipped cream on a summer day."

MARIS: "It's absolutely not progressive and utterly ridiculous that somebody was allowed inside wearing THAT. Forget this, we're going home."

DORIA (yells): "NO, WE'RE NOT. IT'S NOT PROGRESSIVE TO LEAVE NOW."

MARIS: "Why?"

DORIA: "Ummm...because it's not progressive?"

MARIS: "You're waiting for somebody to show up, aren't you?"

DORIA (hiccups): "N-no, w-where did you get such an idea?"

THEY BOTH STAND THERE, SIDE-EYING EACH OTHER.

 

Congrats to everyone. And Mel ...

 

Huge congrats to all the nominees and winners!! All well-deserved.

 

Congratulations to all of the nominees and especially to the winners Findswoman, divapilot, Mistress_Renata,Pandora, Briannakin and MandrinaQ!