Awards The 2017 Golden Yoda Awards Ceremony / Day Seven: Author Categories and Best All-Around

gg

 

Oh, nice one, Findswoman! Why not get into the spirit? Love how they were trying to interpret this strange human custom...

* * *

RENATA groggily raises her head as KESS strolls back to the table. She is wearing a short, shimmering slipdress beaded in silver and crystal. She looks chipper.

RENATA: Wh...where have you been?

KESS: At the hotel.

RENATA: The hotel? In the middle of the awards?

KESS: (raises an eyebrow, giving her an eerie resemblance to her father) Um, yeah, you know these awards last all week, right? Yeah, I went back after the party last night--

RENATA: There was a party last night?

KESS: We told you...it's all about the afterparties! It's like Fleet Week, but not quite so...debauched. Yeah, last night the Sani's So Sweetie Cosmetics Company had their annual Pink party, so I went along to that. Tonight I'm going to drop in on the Incom party.

RENATA: "Aces Wild". I've heard of that party. (KESS shakes her head)

KESS: No, no. That's their Fleet Week party. Tonight is "Fly Me to the Moon," it's much more...sedate. I think Mom and Dad might be there. (to the waiter) Hi, a pot of kahve, extra cream, a pitcher of water, a pitcher of sunfruit juice, the Chandrillan pastry platter, and I'll have the Bantha hash with submerged eggs. (to RENATA) You want anything?

RENATA: Uh, no. (when the waiter has left) But what about Mel?

KESS: What about her?

RENATA: Shouldn't we try to find her?

KESS: She'll be along soon.

RENATA: She was captured by the Imperial Guards!

KESS: Nice guys. She brought them along to the Pink party. They wore the uniforms they had that got wrecked in the wash. They were a real hit! They invited her to their "Better Red than Dead" party. The 501st was there. Crazy.

RENATA: (still dazed) How many more parties are there?

KESS: Well, let's see, tonight's the Incom party, then the Original Characters Club is having a "Scum and Villainy" party. Tomorrow the Gungan Consulate is hosting an "Enchantment Under the Sea" party. And of course, on the last night is THE party. The Fabulous Eliskandro the Hutt hosts his private Awards party, by invitation only. Very exclusive. And always beyond amazing. I heard he's rented out the entire top floor and terrace of the Crystal Star Lounge. It's going to be epic!

MEL arrives, in a long, strapless sheer gown with folds of flowing fabric in a deep indigo, with tiny crystals studded all over it and a holographic image of the galaxy looping on the fabric, wearing several diamante stars tucked into the loops and braids of her hair.

MEL: Hey.

KESS: Hey.

RENATA: You're all right?

MEL: (looks smug) Oh, I am better than all right! Those boys--

RENATA: Spare me the details. So...tonight's the Incom party? (three waiters arrive and begin to unload )

KESS: (pours kahve) Incom and the OCC.

RENATA: I could come along, right? I mean, I'm the real nominee here! (KESS and MEL exchange glances)

KESS: Well, if you really want to. You might want to go back to the hotel first. And freshen up.

MEL: (leans across the table and whispers) You're a little whiffy.

 

The 2017 Fan Fiction Awards have been brought to you by HK’S CHALET!​

VOICEOVER (in a near-monotone synthesized voice): Query: Electroplating scuffed?

(The screen shows a shiny protocol droid looking morosely down at a scratch on its chest and muttering “Oh dear.”)

VOICEOVER: Inquiry: Servomotors full of grit?

(The screen shows an astromech droid lurching and rocking uncomfortably back and forth while making unpleasant screeching noises.)

VOICEOVER: Interrogation: General processor overload?

(The screen shows a GNK droid, which wobbles back and forth a few times before keeling over with a loud “GONK!”)

VOICEOVER: Exhortation: Come enjoy a deluxe spa treatment at... HK’S CHALET! Avowal: The Galaxy’s only premium spa exclusively for droids!

(The “HK’s Chalet” logo appears across the screen, followed by scenes of droids—including the three featured at the beginning of the ad—undergoing various treatments in settings featuring candlelight, trickling waterfalls, bamboo, orchids, and other idyllic trappings.)

VOICEOVER: Assertion: From premium oil baths to joint lubrication, from servo tune-ups to microprocessor defragmentation, our impressive range of premium spa services are calculated to leave you feeling factory-fresh in 1.0876 standard hours at absolute minimum. Qualifying statement: At our state-of-the-art premises in beautiful downtown Anchorhead, our experienced staff (here the screen shows a group of 8D8 droids) will treat you to a uniquely rejuvenating experience that is certain to remain in your memory banks.

(The shiny protocol droid, newly polished and scratch free, appears on screen, waving his arms and exclaiming “Thank the Maker!,” after which the logo flashes across the screen again.)

VOICEOVER: HK’S CHALET! Controversial pronouncement: Spa days are not just for meatbags anymore! Additional useful information: group reservations available. Financially prudent offer: Mention this ad and receive 10% off any treatment. Proviso: Not valid with Mustafar hot-rock massage or Mon Calamari seaweed wrap.

​

(The orchestra strikes up Newndy Rammun’s “Short Beings Got Nobody to Love.” Amid enthusiastic applause, four droids come on stage, in order of height. C1-10P, alias Chopper, rolls on first, waving his graspers; he is followed by R2-D2, lights flashing and dome spinning. C-3PO trots in next, and K-2SO comes last of all, plodding lackadaisically behind.)

CHOPPER (cantankerously, unaware that the sound system and the supertitles are picking up all his utterances): Bwop bwop bwop bwop! Bwop bwabwabwa bwop, bwop bwop! Bwop, bwopbwopbwop bwop?! [I can’t believe I agreed to do this! I could totally be out there kicking Imperial shebs right now if it weren’t for this nonsense! Whose idea was this corny gimmick, anyway?!]

R2-D2 (equally unaware of the sound system, supertitles, etc.): Bleep bloop bleepity, bloop-blip! Beeble-blap bloop blop. [Aw, c’mon, Chop, be a sport! I think it’s kinda clever, myself.]

CHOPPER: Bwhaa? Bwop, bwop bwop; bwop bwop bwop. Bwop bwop b-bwop bwoppity bwop. Bwaah-wop. [Clever? Of course a cheap, common boltbucket like you would find it clever. It’s clearly the brainchild of some talentless fanfic hack who couldn’t come up with anything better.]

C-3PO: Oh come now, C1-10P, that’s quite enough complaining. Do try to maintain a cheerful attitude, won’t you please? Although I do take your point concerning talentless fanfic hacks. Why, just last year, at this very ceremony, Artoo and I had to endure the most frightful nonsense at the hands of some writer named F—

K-2SO (interrupts): I hate to cut short this immensely pleasant chat, but… you all aware, aren’t you, that your microphones are on?

(Sheepish silence ensues. The music swells as the droids reach the center of the stage, where they range themselves in a row—again, in order of height.)

CHOPPER: Bwop bwop bwop, bwop! [Good evening, gentlebeings!]
R2-D2: Bleeble-blooble-bleep bloop bleepity blip-blap… [It is our great honor and pleasure…]
C-3PO: …to welcome you to the third night…
K-2SO: …of the 2017 Fanfic Awards!

(Applause erupts. The droids speak again.)

CHOPPER: Bwop bwop, bwop, b-b-bwop doo-wop. [C1-10P here, astromech, at 0.99 meters.]
R2-D2: Bleep bloop, blap, bloop bleep. [R2-D2, also astromech, 1.09 meters.]
C-3PO: I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations, 1.63 meters.
K-2SO: And I am K-2SO, erstwhile Imperial security, towering over the others at a whopping 2.16 meters.

CHOPPER: Bwop… [And what…]
R2-D2: Blee-bloop… […you might ask…]
C-3PO: …do our heights…
K-2SO: …have to do with anything?

(Rapt silence falls over the audience.)

CHOPPER: Bwop bwaaaahp… BWOP BWAAAH BWOP BWOP!! Bwop bwop bwop! Bwop bwop, bwop bwop bwop! [Well, it’s because tonight… OH, FOR KRIFF’S SAKE!! Enough of this nancying around! Let’s get on with it, already!]

K-2SO (gesticulating): Hey, what makes you think you can go off script like that? That’s not fair to the rest of us!

R2-D2: Bweeeep! [Yeah!]

C-3PO (holds out an admonitory hand): C1-10P, please, this conduct is most…

CHOPPER: Bwop bwop b-bwop bwop “bwop-bwop.” Bwop, bwop bwop, bwop bwop bwop bwop bwop bwop bwop, bwop bwop bwop, bwop, b-b-b-bwop. Bwop. Bwaaaaaah bwopbwopbwop bwop bwop, bwop. Bwop bwop, bwop bwop bwop. BWOHHHP… [Like I care what a bunch of sanctimonious scrapheaps like you think about my “conduct.” Anyway, yeah, yeah, we’re announcing the length categories and we’re going in order of our heights, yadda yadda yadda. Isn’t that cute. And since I’m the shortest I’m announcing Best One-Shot, et cetera, et cetera. As if I needed my paltry stature rubbed in my photoreceptors. AN-EE-WAY…]

The nominees for Best One-Shot are as follows:

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
EP's Neck of the Woods: Radiophonic Heart by Ewok Poet
Between the Porch and the Altar by Findswoman
The Bitter Girl by leiamoody
The Grey Book: Dutiful by Pandora

And the winner is… (Chopper’s dome spins around and a red envelope comes out, which he opens with his graspers and reads aloud:) Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot

(The orchestra plays a triumphant fanfare, and the audience applauds. Chopper spins, waves his graspers, and returns to his place. R2-D2 rolls forward.)

R2-D2: Bleepity-bleep-bleep-bleep— [Oooookay! Now that that little outburst is out of the way—]

CHOPPER (angrily, rolling up and head-butting R2-D2): Phbbbbt! [Phbbbbt!]

R2-D2 (angrily, head-butting Chopper back): Phbbbbbbt! [Phbbbbbbt!]

(They continue in this vein for a few moments until the taller droids separate them. R2-D2 continues.)

R2-D2: Bloop blap blippity blop bleep blooble bloop, bleep bloopity blip-blap bleep bleeble blabble blibble. Bleep, bloop bloop bloop, blabble bleep bleep blippity-blip. Bleeble blooble. Blap-blap blop-blip… [Now, as I was saying… we shall move on to our second-shortest length category, Best Multi-Chapter Short Story, which will be presented by me, R2-D2, our second-shortest droid. But I’ve always said that size doesn’t matter, because all beings are special, and you know what? All stories are, too. But some of those stories… have won awards, too! So, yes, on to the next award…]

The nominees for Best Multi-Chapter Short Story are as follows:
Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
The Brightest of the Stars (When Teebo Met Latara) by Ewok Poet
Two Girls and a Man in Red by Findswoman
Tales from the Lars Homestead by gaarastar58
Recruited by Lane_Winree

And the winner is… (R2 beeps and flashes, and a red envelope emerges from a slot in his front. He puts out a scanning attachment to read it, and makes his announcement:) Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot

(The orchestra plays another triumphant fanfare, and again the audience applauds. R2-D2 beeps, spins, and returns to his place. Chopper head-butts him again, R2-D2 head-butts back, and another argument breaks out.)

C-3PO (to the astromechs, separating them): Now that will be quite enough, you two. I do hope that we will have no more of these unbecoming interruptions. (He steps forward and addresses the audience.) Greetings, gentlebeings! It is my distinct honor and privilege to be here today to aid in the presentation of the length category awards. This is a day of great happiness for the JCF Fanfic boards, a day that so many have awaited for so long, when so many fine stories will receive the recognition that they truly deserve. Thus I am particularly delighted to be able—

K-2SO: Oh please, Threeps, is there any possible way you can cut to the chase? Can’t you see the audience is getting antsy?

C-3PO: Now, don’t you start too, K-2SO. As you know full well, it is my prerogative, as the second-tallest droid here, to deliver the second-longest speech in preparation for the second-longest length category.

K-2SO: Second-longest, sure. How about first dullest?

C-3PO: Quite frankly, K-2SO, I am surprised that a droid of your programming and perspicacity would stoop to the level of those ill-mannered astromechs. (Chopper and R2-D2 offer sounds and gestures of remonstration.) Oh, shut off, both of you. (They don’t.) Oh, scrap it all, never mind the speech. The nominees for Best Epic, our second-longest category, are as follows:

Rage, rage against the dying of the light by AzureAngel2
Meeting Your Destiny by Cynical_Ben
Letters Never Sent by Ewok Poet
Red Five by JadeLotus
Lightforce by Suzannah.Pearce

And the winner is… (C-3PO takes out a red envelope, opens it, and reads the winner’s name:) Letters Never Sent by Ewok Poet

(The orchestra plays and the audience applauds. C-3PO bows stiffly, then returns to his place. K-2SO casts him a scowling glance—if indeed such a thing is possible for a droid—and comes forward.)

K-2SO: Well, whatever he may say, I am not going to “never mind” my speech. I spent days preparing it and choosing each word to be just right, and I am not going to make any. Cuts. Whatseoever. So there. (He pauses and begins.) So I would like to begin, once again, by welcoming everyone here, droids and organics alike, to the fourth and final of our four length categories this evening: Best Series. As you know, we began with Best One-Shot, and, as you also know, that category consists of what are commonly known as short stories. The short story occupies a place of great importance in the history of Galactic Basic literature…

(K-2SO continues similarly for several minutes, going through the characteristics and history of each of the four story types.)

…multi-chapter short stories, defined as stories in multiple installments, are also known as novellas and combine characteristics of the short story and the epic… the epic, defined as a multi-chapter story of 30,000 words or more, has historically been regarded as the highest pinnacle of literary achievement in all galactic languages… and the story series, consisting of related stories of any length…

(He drones on and on in this vein. Snores can be heard from the audience; by now all of the droids present have indeed shut themselves off, except C-3PO, who is standing and listening quietly. At length K-2SO reaches the end of his speech.)

K-2SO: …and for the enjoyment of future generations of readers. Thank you. (He looks around, expecting applause, but the only sound is the metallic clink of C-3PO’s hands—the audience has fallen asleep.) Will you just look at those ungrateful, uncultured meatbags dozing off during my speech! Absolutely unbelievable!
C-3PO: It seems you shall have to do something to revive their attention.

K-2SO (sarcastically): I am so glad we have you here to tell us these things. Did you really think that hadn’t occurred to me? (Steps forward and announces in his loudest possible voice:) THE NOMINEES FOR BEST SERIES, THE LOOONGEST OF OUR LENGTH CATEGORIES, ARE…

(The audience immediately perks back up, and the astromechs reactivate, as K-2SO announces the nominees.)
The Dear Dairy Challenge: Being the Udderly Cheesy Adventures of Luke by Briannakin, Findswoman and Raissa Baiard
Blood and Shadows by Cynical_Ben
The Anjie Mercuri Series by Ewok Poet
The Maya Qwan Series by Kurisan
Letters of Life by mavjade

And the winner is… (K-2SO opens the red envelope and reads the contents:)The Anjie Mercuri Series by Ewok Poet (consists of: EP's Neck of the Woods: Radiophonic Heart, EP's Neck of the Woods: The Chancellor and I, The Brightest of the Stars (When Teebo Met Latara), EP's Neck of the Woods: After the Climb, EP's Neck of the Woods: Before the Fall, EP's Neck of the Woods: Not Just Talking Body, Life, Death and Other Goals)

(The orchestra plays its fanfare and the audience applauds. K-2SO takes a tentative bow, rejoins the other droids, and nods in Chopper’s direction, as if giving him a cue.)

CHOPPER: Bwop! Bwop bwop bwop! Bwop bwop bwa-bwop bwop bwop. Bwabwabwabwop. [Finally! Done with all the stupid rigamarole for another year! Later, everyone. I’m gonna go take my oil bath.] (He rolls off, leaving the others looking bewildered.)

R2-D2: Bleepity-bleep bloop! [Hey, that wasn’t his line!]

C-3PO: No, Artoo, I’m afraid it wasn’t. He was supposed to say “This concludes day three…,” to you which you would respond “of the 2017 Fanfic Awards.” Then I would say “Thank you all for coming,” and then K comes in with—

K-2SO: Don’t even think about stealing my line, goldybolts. And yes, I’m going to deliver it anyway: “May the fics be with you.” And now it’s time for my oil bath too, thank you very much.

(The orchestra plays They Might Be Phlogs’ “Too Tall Female” as the droids exit the stage amid thunderous applause.)

Spoiler: Notes

The skit I (Findswoman) wrote for last year’s awards ceremony also featured C-3PO and R2-D2—hence Threepio’s comment about “the most frightful nonsense at the hands of some writer named F—."
The songs at the beginning and end of the skit are inspired by Randy Newman’s “Short People Got Nobody to Love” and They Might Be Giants’ “Too Tall Girl”—thanks to Raissa Baiard for suggesting those songs. She also very kindly looked up the droids’ heights on Wookieepedia while I was internetless.

​

ANNOUNCER: And now, please welcome Her Royal Highness, PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA, and the very talented LADIES OF STAR WARS!​

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HK's Chalet commercial by Findswoman​

HK's Chalet animation by Mr Chyntuckopoulos​

Droids skit by Findswoman​

 

Congratualtions divapilot, Ewok Poet.

 

gg

 

Congratulations to divapilot, Findswoman, Pandora, Bri, MandrinaQ, and Mistress_Renata on your awards!! And Congratulations to @Ewok Poet and @divapilot!

 

MOAR divapilot! You go woman! Congrats again, and congrats to Ewok Poet too

 

For great endurance and the everlasting inventiveness that keeps a long series going! Wonderful, Ewok Poet and divapilot!!!!!

 

At their table, Blaynes and the Spectres applaud the winners. "I still don't understand that story," Ezra says to Mara. "You were married to Luke...and then you weren't?"

She ignores him. "Anjie Mencuri? Didn't he used to play quetarra for Steamy Wasaka Stew?"

Sabine nods. "He was so much better than that barve, Antonio Nokaarbe, too."

Across the table Kanan leans over to Hera. "Chopper's going to be insufferable now that he's been the host of an awards show, isn't he?"

"Now?" she replies, shaking her head. "He's been insufferable ever since he became a movie star"

"Movie star?" Zeb snorts. "He was in the background of what, two frames, of Rogue One?"

"I know," Hera answers. "But you can't tell him that. He even demanded a pay increase. I had to tell him that, technically, he doesn't get paid, and if he did, it would all have gone to pay for trashing his trailer on set..."
------------------
Congratulations to divapilot and Ewok Poet on your wins today, and congratulations to all the nominees for another fabulous batch of stories. So many hard decisions' you should all be very proud.

 

divapilot , you are stormin' it!

Congratulations to all winners and nominees.

Mr Chyntuck, how were you able to do the oilbath visuals? Amazing stuff.

 

gg

 

divapilot just might be the "Hamilton" of the Golden Yodas. Congrats to you and to Ewok Poet.

Now back to grant reviewing.

 

Thank you so much guys! And congratulations to Ewok Poet, @Findswoman, @Pandora, @Briannakin, @Mistress_Renata, and @MandrinaQ!

Divapilot slips into a seat in the back. She digs around in an enourmous handbag, pulls a stylus out of her Jocasta Nu hairbun, and begins to grade papers while tilting an ear toward the awards. She pauses for a moment as a thought occurs to her: if there is a swag bag, could there be an autographed oven mitt from Anjie Mencuri in there?

Excellent work to everyone. There were some amazing stories nominated!

 

Congratulations, divapilot and Ewok Poet!

 

All the skits and ads have been great, but the droid spa is my favorite so far! Big cheers for Mr Chyntuckopoulos!! (And of course Anedon and Findswoman, and Raissa Baiard, who have been so entertaining with the skits).

* * *

KESS, RENATA, and MEL are on their feet, applauding.

MEL: Wow, divapilot is cleaning up this year!

KESS has already had the waiter send over the bouquets: She'll be bathing in orchids! And she's done a lot of different things, too, which is very impressive!

RENATA: And Ewok Poet, too! Anjie Mercuri is only one of the many people whose stories are being told! I want more about the lead up to the Endor battle, from the Ewoks point of view.

MEL: I guess the Endor Consulate will be busy tomorrow, too. Their party was originally going to be sort of small, but now, they're going to give her a royal reception, I'm sure! We may have to change our schedule and drop by.

KESS: (to RENATA) Originally we were going to skip it, because after Uncle Wes, we're sort of Ewok'ed out. But they do know how to throw a party...or at least, that's what our dads tell us.

RENATA: (leans back dreamily in her chair, staring at Princess Leia's performance) You know, it was so different when I first came to the boards. It was right after the Phantom Menace,and most of the stories were either Anakin/Padme or the Jedi Apprentice series or the NJO. There wasn't really any-- (as she drones on, KESS and MEL exchange glances, then slowly slide out of their chairs and crawl along the floor until they are several feet behind RENATA'S chair, at which point they stand and quickly walk out of the auditorium). But now, there are so many interesting original characters, and readers who appreciate them! It's not always the same-- (she stops and looks around) Huh. Where did they go? Oh, well. (she gets up and goes over to congratulate Ewok Poet and divapilot in person)

 

Congrats Ewok Poet and (AGAIN!) divapilot!

 

Thank you for your kind words, everybody. And congrats to divapilot for this...wow, I have never seen a streak like that, though my bet-with-myself predicted it.

And Findswoman - that was a great skit! I loved the self depreciation humour and the reference to the last year's skit...but the moment when Artoo says "Beeble booble" just had me in stitches. As usual, Chopper is aggressive, Threepio is like a naive newborn babe and Kaytee, he never forgets THE SNARK.

Loved the animation by Mr Chyntuckopoulos , too. Where did you find the Artoo thing? The artwork looks kind of like Droids, but it also kind of doesn't.

...


Unfortunately, nobody is here to accept the award for Letters Never Sent - I won't spoil the story, but it ends up the way nobody can really claim it - but for the other award, I have a skit...

...

At the full ballroom, just when announcers are done and they continue their huge argument in the audience, with some small child in a princess dress continuing to repeat "Beeble booble, beeble booble!", the guests are now having their gala dinner. Many of them think that the portions are tiny, but that's the wonder of fine dining.

DORIA VORR, who was hanging out with the Jedi Padawan MAYA QWAN, interrupts the conversation between MARA JADE BLAYNE and SABINE WREN. She almost grabs Sabine by the collar, but then realises that she could get her rear kicked and that the Mandalorian warrior has reflexes that she doesn't and could missunderstand her.

"Anjie Mencuri, where? WHERE?"

SABINE and MARA point and reply at the same time.

"Over there!"

MARA adds, "Apparently, some woman with a stylus in her bun asked him to sign an oven mitt from the days of Steamy Wasaka Stew."

DORIA runs over to the lady, who introduces herself as DIVA and sits next to EWOK POET, a younger woman who wears flared jeans, Chucks and an Ewoks T-shirt, and holds a small dog on her lap, while a bird is perched on her shoulder. ANJIE MENCURI is with them, indeed. He is signing an oven mitt, commenting that it must be Antonio's since it's smaller and then, realising what he'd just said, he blushes and giggles. He then tries to put the mitt on one of the four golden Yoda statues on the table. Meanwhile, RENATA separates from the party girls KESS and MEL to drop by and bug EP about that Battle of Endor story again.

"You k-know, I usually do-don't go to award shows and things like that." Anjie says. "But my author kindly asked me to come and she was strangely convincing. She said that I should not be a wet blanket like, like my faceclaim and things like that." EWOK POET makes a "who, me?" face, clearly not wanting to be responsible for something she said in affect. "You know, the guy with a stupid last name." He pauses. "H...hey?!"

He stops signing his name when he realises that the small dog started yapping at the girl in orange tunic and overalls who just walked in. The bird wakes up, scolds the dog, sings a demonic chant and goes back to sleep.

"Hello."

"Prog."

"So...you win awards often?"

"I won none. This is an awkward conversation, isn't it?"

DIVA, RENATA, EWOK POET AND, FROM THEIR SEATS, MEL & KESS and SABINE & MARA nod to it. DORIA is glad that MARIS is out of the ballroom, complaining to the MODS about CHOPPER's behaviour.

"So, what d-do you want?" Anjie asks. "What am I s-s-supposed to sign?"

DORIA, still a teenager, sits next to Anjie and just rolls her eyes. He is confused, she is confused, but they seem to be enjoying each other's presence.

A couple of tables further, trying to avoid HURRICANE MEL who will notice him, ZEB and KANAN sooner or later; EZRA, whom nobody seems to be listening, is now talking to himself.

"Yup, all big reveals happen in the award threads somehow."

 

I loved this skit, but this last part just cracked me up!





Congrats again to all the nominees in these categories!


And a big congratulation to divapilot and Ewok Poet!

 

Loved the droids' night out theme of this set, Findswoman! They were all splendid. Also, if I haven't mentioned that Mr Chyntuckopoulos did a brilliant job with all of the ads including the latest one, well, now I have.

Since I have more time today, I decided to double back and do some individual congratulations for yesterday.

So, congratulations to:

Findswoman for giving us a magnificent window into a lesser-known corner of the GFFA. Your version of Gand is one of my favorite fictional places.

Pandora for the nightmares. More seriously, for a stark but poetic look into one of the less happy possibilities for what could have been.

Briannakin for finding all the knives that Winter is connected to and twisting. A really sad and wonderfully creepy extension of what we know about her. Excellent!

MandrinaQ for a sweet coda to one of the recent books that I've actually read. Beautiful capture of Han and Leia in the early days. So happy also to see you winning an award on your first story here. That's fantastic, and I hope you'll write more!

Mistress_Renata for a laugh-out-loud adventure that was enthralling from start to finish. One of the most fun stories of 2016, and it's great to see it being recognized here!

divapilot for a haunting merging of the ST with the old Expanded Universe. This story was unforgettable and I'm not surprised to see it winning in multiple categories.

----

And, for today, congratulations to:

divapilot for a portrait of a defining moment in the life of an OC who you managed to make me care about in a very short space. Bravo!

divapilot for... I see you doubling back in the line there, you excessively awesome pilot you!

Ewok Poet for the epic story of a completely unlikely hero on a long, long journey. Probably my favorite out of everything you wrote last year, and that's saying something.

Ewok Poet for... you're picking up habits from divapilot. For so many tales from the life of an OC who has seen it all, or at least enough to gaze in wonder at all that there is to see.

 

Hearty congrats to all of today's nominees!, And to the winners; divapilot and Ewok Poet More extremely well-deserved wins. Your stories are mazing and I look forward to reading even more of them.

 

gg

 

MEL is on the red carpet, posing and flirting with all the holocam photographers in a dress that is a net of pearls. KESS smiles as she strolls past. Her own dress is artfully tattered ribbons of blue, green and bronze, fluttering over the dark blue undergown. A branch of cimelite, carved to look like coral, holds back her dark hair. RENATA is following along behind them, in a soft gray dress. She pauses, but the photographers are focussed (literally) on MEL. A few shout to stop KESS, who ignores them and continues towards the entrance.

RENATA: Tell me she's wearing something under that. (KESS rolls her eyes)

KESS: YES! What are you, her mother or something?

RENATA: I'm the author, it's almost the same thing. I lost you two at the party last night.

KESS: (shrugs) Yeah, you were talking to Mom & Dad and we were ready to move on to the OCC party, so we left you behind. Didn't want to disturb you.

RENATA: (pouting) You two are having way too much fun here!

KESS: Hey, I have to go back on duty next week! Living in a teeny space on a starship, eating military rations, wearing those ugly orange flightsuits...you better believe I'm going to enjoy myself while I can!

RENATA: Fair enough. What's Mel's excuse?

KESS: You'd have to ask her.

RENATA: And tonight is?

KESS: Enchantment under the Sea at the Gungan Consulate, and the Endor party, honoring Ewok Poet. I think Whyren's Distillery is hosting something, too. Can't miss that! I'm pretty sure Dad will be at that one. (She looks to the runway. A limo is arriving at the runway. A young, dark-haired woman in a beautiful evening gown gets out, nudged along by an astromech. KESS raises her eyebrows at the lightsaber hanging at the girl's waist) A Jedi? She looks lost.

RENATA: She could be one of the nominees. We should ask her to sit with us. There's plenty of room at our table.

KESS nods. They wait for the girl to make her way past the papparazzi, to issue the invitation.

 

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Kylo Ren walks on the stage ominously and glares at the crowd.

"I will finish what Vader has started!" he shouts. The audience is unimpressed. "Why isn't everyone scared? Oh.... I still have my mask on." He takes it off and repeats the opening line again, glaring. "I will finish what Vader has started!"

Still, there is no reaction from the crowd. Kylo ignites his cross-guarded lightsaber and starts slashing at everything in sight.... curtains...lights... Golden Yoda statues....Golden Palpatine statues....

"Wait!" A girl interrupts while strolling on-stage to upstage him. "I'm Rey..."

The crowd starts applauding like crazy.

"Stop!" Kylo cries out. "You're doing it again..... you're beating me!" He once again lashes out at everything in sight with his lightsaber, but then is suddenly halted.

"Neat trick, eh?" Rey stops his tantrum by Force Freezing Kylo. "You're not the only one who can stop things. Now let's be civilized and present the awards for the Genre Categories in a peaceful and prosperous manner."

She unfreezes him. Kylo glares at her for an instant, but then proceeds with the awards ceremony.

"The nominees for Best Action/Adventure are...." Kylo hands her the card.

The Face Behind the Helmet by CheckSix & gaarastar58
And Then There Were None by Glor
The Dragon of Dagobah by Kurisan
Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
The Graverobbers of Alderaan by whiskers

“And the winner is Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata.” Rey announces.

"Ha...." Kylo muses.... "Action.... Adventure... a Jedi craves not those things."

"Just read the holoprompter," Rey intercedes.

"The nominees for Best Drama are....." Kylo hands her the card.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light by AzureAngel2
Word Gets Around by Briannakin
Bad Romance by divapilot
Midday Darkness // The Light is Me, I Am The Light by Ewok Poet
Between the Porch and the Altar by Findswoman

“And the winner is Bad Romance by divapilot.” Rey announces.

"Ha... Drama. Now that's one category that I should win for!" Kylo yells and then Rey freezes him again.

"Ahem..." she resumes the awards ceremony. "The nominees for Best Humour are....."

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
Sai-perimetry at Gleebaloola's, You Bet! by Findswoman
Lord Vader's Limpet by frodogenic
The Wedding Trip by Hopefulwriter
Island Surprise by Sith-I-5

“And the winner is "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot” Rey announces.

"Now, that is humourous, isn't it everybody?" she asks as she points to the frozen Kylo. "Being so immobile and useless despite being so powerful. Will you be nice if I unfreeze you?”

Rey unfreezes Kylo who looks incredulously at the girl, “It’s not fair!” he whines and moans, “They are making her stronger than me on purpose.”

“Let’s just continue, shall we?” Rey intercedes once again.

“The nominees for Best Romance… Ewwww….” Kylo moans again as Rey glares at him. “Are…,” Kylo resumes.

So Much More Than Fairytales: The Courtship of Prince Bail by Briannakin
But One Hour Mine by divapilot
The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
A Year in the Life: The Deepest Note is the Cobalt Sky by JadeLotus
Interludes by K'tai qel Letta-Tanku

“And the winner is But One Hour Mine by divapilot.” Rey announces.

"We also have the following awards for Voting and Nominations Champions, who each receive a week of colors for submitting the most votes and nominations. First, the Voting Champion, who let their voice be heard with each and every vote," Kylo announces.

"And the winners are Findswoman and whiskers." Rey announces.

"Plus now, the Nominations Champions who obviously has too much time on their hands," Kylo states with a sly smile.

"And the winner are Findswoman and Kahara" Rey announces.

"And that concludes our presentation here" Kylo announces as he storms off-stage where we hear more things getting destroyed by his lightsaber.

"The guy can't handle that I am better," Rey muses, "Until tomorrow, when the awards for the Character Categories will be presented by Han and Jabba... Wait, did I read that right?.... Han and Jabba!"

ANNOUNCER: Now, put your hands together for the hardest working Wookiee in show-biz: CHEWBACCA!

​

Poe's Clothes commercial by Divapilot​

POE"S CLOTHES animation by Mr Chyntuckopoulos​

Kylo and Rey skit by RX_Sith​

 

gg