Saga - ST Something in Kylo Ren's shoe--A Millicent the Cat story--Complete

Title: There is Something in Kylo Ren’s shoe –A Millicent Story
Chapters: 34 (Part 1 and 2 included); Part 2 starts at Ch 16
Author: gizkaspice
Timeframe: Sometime during the Force Awakens towards the Last Jedi and beyond
Characters: General Hux, Kylo Ren, random stormtroopers, Captain Phasma, Leia, Finn, everyone pretty much
Cats: Millicent (General Hux's ginger tabby cat), Blackie (Kylo Ren's black kitten), Tinny (Phasma's silver kitten)
Genre: Parody, Comedy
Warnings: Kylo Ren is crazy, mention of cat surprises in shoes, shirtless Kylo, Huxma, did I miss anything?
Notes: A random story about General Hux’s rumoured cat, Millicent. Don’t worry, I have no idea what’s going on either. This is just for fun. Enjoy!

****
It was a regular day on Starkiller base, except today General Hux decided to bring his famous orange cat to work. The cat’s name was Millicent and her name meant “Strength.” Millicent held the honour of being the highest ranking feline in her class and she was highly respected among all. She wore a black gaberwool collar with a tracking device for safekeeping, especially because she enjoyed wandering off.

It was unknown where he had gotten the feline from and there were many mysteries about her yet to be discovered. Today, Kylo Ren discovered one of her mysteries in one of his shoes. The discovery was so disturbing that an emergency meeting was hence ordered immediately.

Before the army of the First Order, he stood against the glory of the sun, his hands shaking violently. The voice under this helmet echoed into the empty landscape like a thunderstorm. “There is something…in my shoe,” he began, pausing for breath which mimicked that of Darth Vader's. “And I….don’t like it. I don’t like the thing that is in my shoe!”

There was silence, a few coughs and then a small snicker came from General Hux.

Kylo Ren took off his helmet, tossed it to the side, and then he pointed a finger at him in warning. “Your cat did this to me! That… Millipede!”

“Millicent, sir,” corrected Hux. “And if you don’t want surprises in your shoe, you shouldn’t be throwing around your smelly shoes just anywhere.”

“Okay, Cat Whisperer guy,” said Kylo Ren. “That’s not an excuse for your stupid cat to do weird stuff in my shoe.”

“Millicent rules!” came a voice from one of the stormtroopers.

Kylo Ren twirled towards the voice. “Who said that!?”

One stormtrooper pointed to another, and another pointed to yet another one.

“Guys,” sighed Kylo Ren. “I hate it when you do this. Now I don’t know which loser I’d have to kill. Killing all of all would mean I’d have to make a new posting for employees, conduct interviews…and it’s just such a hassle….”

He suddenly felt a vibrating ringtone in his pocket and picked up his communicator device. It was Leia. “Hello? Mom?! Mom, you can’t call me anymore. I’m evil, remember? I kill people. Okay, stop calling me I’m at work right now. Wait---you sent me new shoes? Really? That’s…that’s nice. Wait…how did you even find out about this? Okay, whatever. Bye.”

There was silence among the stormtroopers and officers before Kylo Ren began speaking again. “Hey, guys. My mom’s getting me new shoes. It’s going to be O.K.”

“Great. Can we go now?” asked Captain Phasma after a while.

“Sorry for taking up your time, guys,” said Kylo Ren. “I know you all have important things to do. I just don’t appreciate General Hux’s cat doing things in my shoes.”

“Millicent rules!” came a voice from the crowd.

“Who…keeps saying that?” growled Kylo Ren, narrowing his eyes.

“It’s me, GK-1234!”

“You and I are going to have a little “talk” in my office,” yelled Kylo Ren.

“……I mean, GK-123….5!”

Kylo Ren sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “I should not have hired these guys… Anyways, Millicent is officially “suspended” from the rest of Starkiller base. I don’t want that millipede doing things in my shoes.”

“She’s a cat, sir,” corrected General Hux.

“Whatever! I am watching you and that cat!” warned Kylo Ren, slowing sliding away back into the darkness and making weird circular motions with his arms. “Watching….watching…..watching……you!”

General Hux rolled his eyes in frustration; Millicent sneezed in response.

******

Back in General Hux’s quarters, Millicent was grooming herself on her special pillow. A huge portrait of the feline hung gloriously above her. He brushed her perfect orange fur with a brush. “….How dare he,” muttered Hux angrily. “How dare he insult you, Millicent. Someday, he will understand your importance, Millicent. You’re a valued member of the First Order. Nobody shall dare speak against you.”

Millicent purred and rubbed her forehead against his uniform before flopping down back on her pillow and exposing her fat belly as she resumed grooming herself. She mewed happily and stretched out which made her look like a long cat indeed.

In the hallways, a terrible scream echoed into his chamber….

“AUGH! Something is in my other shoe now!”

General Hux smiled slightly. “Your revenge is complete, Millicent.”

***Later***

General Hux was surprised when he saw Kylo Ren barge into his chamber.

“Hey, Hux. Guess what. I have a cat too,” he said, taking out a small black kitten from underneath his robe. “Her name is Blackie cause she’s black. Black like the Dark Side and….Darth Vader. It’s a cool colour.”

“That’s great, sir,” said General Hux. He hesitated to ask where he got the cat from but couldn’t resist the temptation. “Where did---“

Kylo Ren raised a finger to silence him. “Now I’m going to get my revenge.” He threw a small rubber ball at the General’s feet and motioned to the kitten. “Go, Blackie! Destroy his shoes! Make “surprises” in them…”

The kitten ran over towards Hux, grabbed the rubber ball in her tiny teeth and ran back. She rubbed against Ren’s robe.

Kylo Ren made a disappointed face. “We…still have some training to do, obviously. But...I'm totally going to get you!"

“Clearly,” agreed Hux sarcastically.

Later in the day, General Hux found a small card next to Millicent’s pillow. He opened it and saw a rainbow with a sad face. The card read, “Sorry for calling Millicent a stupid cat. I just got mad cause of the shoe thing. P.S. Blackie is better.”

Hux crushed the card in his hand. "Millicent will have her revenge..."

 

The silliness rivals that of a Monty Python's Flying Circus skit. It would be complete if it also came with a prerecorded laugh-track. LOL

John Cleese is Kylo Ren, Graham Chapman is General Hux, and Eric Idle is the mouthy Stormtrooper. Killer Rabbit is Millicent.

 

*Snork!*

 

Especially the comments from the stormtroopers! And Leia magically knowing Kylo needed shoes... First Order seems to have a leak there! Good one, gizkaspice!

 

Thanks for making me laugh today! I badly needed a good laugh!

Plus I will be careful with my shoes from now on.

 

Indeed! Pretty much the tone I was aiming for. Millicent is definitely Killer Rabbit.

There are definitely leaks....or Leia has some kind of super maternal instinct when it comes to his shoes. Thanks!

Glad I could brighten someone's day! The natural predator of shoes just happens to be cats....gotta watch out!

 

Updated 09/15 (no idea how to update the actually thread title though..)

Because this is such a serious and thought-provoking story....I introduce:

Part II:


Kylo Ren stood before the armies of the First Order, his cloak waving in the cold wind. His helmet glistered in the sun as he spoke confidently to thousands of officers and troopers before him. Behind him, huge screen projectors of one of the newest weapons designed on Starkiller base---a weapon so sophisticated that it was capable of destroying an entire chunk of the galaxy.

“This is it,” he began. “Our secret to destroying the Resistance. With just one shot, an entire sector can be destroyed and we----“

“Ben, do you have fresh underwear?”

Kylo Ren took off his helmet and turned to the projectors behind him. They were all replaced with Leia’s images and surrounded him entirely. He gasped in terror. “Mooooooommmmmmmmmmm?!”

“I’m sending you some new underwear, Ben,” she said. “You know, the ones with the little lightsabers you liked?”

The screens were replaced with images of the undergarments and a symphony of laughter soon followed from the crowd.
Kylo Ren tried to smash the screens, but they didn’t budge. He ignited his lightsaber and tried to burn the controls, but it was impossible. “Shut up!” he yelled, but nobody listened to him.

Then suddenly….

“Special delivery for Mr. Kylo Ren from his mommy!” said a loudspeaker up above attached to a floating balloon and a parcel. The parcel opened and out parachuted thousands of undergarments with little lightsaber designs straight down on Kylo Ren.

He fell to the ground and ducked for cover as the undergarments consumed him. “Noooooooooo!”

Kylo Ren woke up screaming and hugged something furry beside him. “Blackie, I was so scared…I dreamed of….underwear…attacking me and---“ He analyzed the furry body—it was fat and too big to be a kitten. He growled under his breath, knowing who the feline was and instantly reached out for his spray water-bottle. “You! OUT!”

Millicent bit his nose and ran out of his room like a lightening bolt while Kylo Ren chased after the cat down the hallway, spraying her with water.

He screamed, right into General Hux’s room where a famous Chiss painter was finishing yet another portrait of Millicent.

“It’s nice, but I want Millicent to look more…shiny,” commented Hux, ignoring Kylo Ren behind him. “Can you put some glitter on it? Then hang it next to the others.”

“Huxxxxxxxxxx,” he hissed behind clenched teeth.

The General signed, then turned to him. “What now, sir?”

“Your cat bit my nose.”

He ignored him for a bit, paying attention to the painting at hand. ‘If you don't want her to bite you, you shouldn’t have provoked her with a spray bottle.”

Kylo Ren threw his arms into the air angrily and then pointed at him in warning. “That does it! There is only room for one dominant feline and that’s Blackie. Blackie is the mascot of Starkiller Base, not your fat cat. By the way, don't expect a 'sorry card' for calling your fat cat fat. I ran out of paper. We're getting some more next week."

“Right. Good luck, dude,” said General Hux. “By the way, you don’t have any pants on.”

Kylo Ren looked down, then up, his eyes widening in horror. “The nightmare is coming true…..” He ran out into the hallways, “Turn off all external communications! I repeat, turn off all external communications!”

“Sir, sir, you need some pants!!! Sir, your pants!!”

“Aughhhhh! Turn off all external communications before it's too late!”

“Sir, stop running away!! Pants are good for you!!!"

General Hux heard the commotion in the hallways and rolled his eyes, petting Millicent. He turned to the Chiss painter. “What can I say? The guy’s a loser.”


Back in the hallways, Kylo Ren found a poster with a cartoon drawing of Millicent. The captions read, “Meow meow meow. Kylo Ren, gonna get your shoes lolz.”

Ren ripped the poster off and screamed as he ignited his lightsaber and began slashing equipment, walls, and anything that passed him. Captain Phasma narrowly dodged his fury.

“Whoa, sir. WHOA,” she said, motioning meditation breathing movements. “Big breaths, sir. Big breaths.”

Kylo Ren huffed and puffed but only began foaming at the mouth like a wild animal.

Phasma pulled out an energy bar and gave it to him. He chomped it down, wrapper and all. “Better?” she asked.

“Better.”

“Evil can’t operate on an empty stomach. So, what’s up?”

Kylo Ren showed her the poster, his hand shaking in fury. He hissed: “Millicent did this.”

“Impossible. Cats don’t have opposable thumbs.”

“General Hux, then.”

She shook her head. “Nah."

Kylo Ren thought about this for a minute. “That guy who keeps going, “Millicent rules!” Yesss, that must be him!"

“I’ve launched an internal investigation about this guy. No luck though,” she reported.

“I will launch my own investigation,” he declared. “Then I will put an end to this glorification of Millicent. It will be a blow to General Hux, who I suspect uses his cat to humiliate me. Henceforth, I will find Millicent’s weaknesses!”

“Good idea,” said Captain Phasma. “By the way, nice underwear.”

********


Will Kylo Ren get his revenge!? Probably. Anyone can throw in some ideas if they want to

 

I am loving this. Hux having a huge portrait of his cat is just perfect.

 

Millicent bit his nose and ran out of his room like a lightening bolt while Kylo Ren chased after the cat down the hallway, spraying her with water.

I wish there would be a black-and-white movie about it. With piano tunes and big bill boards when the characters say something.

And Kylo running around without underwear, brilliant. Simply brilliant!

 

Hux must be jealous that Millicent is sleeping with Kylo instead of him. Where is Blackie? Did Millicent throw him out the airlock or did she just suborn him? I love Leia breaking in on all the screens to embarrass him; sounds like very effective psychological warfare on the part of the Resistance. Also love the idea of multiple pix of Millicent; it occurs to me I do have more pix of my cat than of the rest of my family! But he's always doing something so cute!

And the Stormtroopers, having a secret Team Millicent Fan Club!

 

HOW DID I MISS THIS???? Millicent made her fanfic debut and nobody told me?

Just... just... all of it. The stormtroopers trolling Kylo, Kylo's temper tantrums, Leia behaving like a Greek mother and Resistance leader all rolled into one, Hux having portraits made of his cat... This is perfectly zany

Where is little Blackie? Kylo badly needs the support right now.

I'll be here for part 3!

PS: To edit the title bar, go to the thread's opening post, click "edit" and then "more options" (or, because that bugs in some browsers, right-click "edit" and open in new tab).

 

I'm having another laugh attack! That nightmare scene was genius! It was like a teenage boy being forever embarrassed by his mom in front of his friends - but worse!

 

*Snork!*

 

Thanks for the kind reviews! I'm glad you enjoy the silliness

I reckoned it's only appropriate for such a majestic beast of her status.

This is an amazingly hilarious idea. Love it!

I'm sure he's jealous Millicent is even bugging Kylo so much. Good question. Somehow I missed adding Blackie here, but she'll be around next time! Hmm...Millicent suborning Blackie....now there's an idea for a story Can't go wrong with multiple pictures of cats everywhere! Phones filled with cat pictures is also appropriate.

They definitely have their own secret fanclub which will probably be expanded on.

No idea how you missed it, but now that you found it, I'm glad you enjoyed!

Is that how Greek mothers behave like? Oh boy....

Blackie will be about next time (promise!)

Part 3 will be up soon! This was initially supposed to be a one-shot since I wasn't sure if people would like it but now it seems it's likely going to be a bit longer.

And, thanks for letting me know about the editing.

 

Updated!

Part 3:

The icy wind whisked across his expressionless face as he stood before the armies of the First Order, his hands folded neatly behind his back. He was delivering an important speech, one which would ensure the defeat of the Republic. All heads were turned towards General Hux, and his voice echoed into the empty landscape and traveled high into the snowy mountains. It was a glorious day today, a day which the First Order would remember forever.

“….…This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet. All remaining systems will bow to the First Order and will remember this as….Millicent’s 2nd birthday!”

Suddenly there was a chorus of excited mumbles from the stormtroopers and officers: “It’s Milicent’s birthday?!?”

“Millicent rules!”

“Booooo,” hissed a husky voice from the crowd suddenly that silenced the enthusiasm. “No, she doesn’t! You’re supposed to be blowing up planets, not talking about your stupid cat!”

Hux searched for the voice and saw Kylo Ren with a fake moustache hiding in the front row among the stormtroopers. “Dude….I know it’s you,” he whispered loudly. “Just stop.”

“Nobody likes you and your fat cat! GET OFF THE STAGE.”

He scowled in frustration and pulled out Millicent from under his ceremonial greatcoat and sat her on a small stool for all to see. She sat perfectly and boldly and her fur shimmered and sparkled in the sun. “Behold,” he thundered with open arms outstretched to the sides. “The very emblem of the First Order …Millicent!”

Millicent looked around, sniffing the air. Everyone awaited her next moves. She sneezed from the cold air and then raised her hind leg and started grooming herself.

“Awwww!”

A stormtrooper pointed at her with a wiggly finger. “You missed a spot there, lil’ Milly! Over there,” he whispered. “…beside your tail! Heehee!”

Millicent wiggled her whiskers and looked up towards the stormtrooper curiously and then adjusted her grooming. The stormtrooper squealed in excitement. “Sooo cute!!”

“Millicent rules!”

This whole scene was driving Kylo Ren-with fake moustache crazy. “She’s just licking her butt!! Stop being so amused!”

A stormtrooper beside him shook his head in disapproval. “Dude, shush! Millicent is just being cute. What’s your problem!?”

Kylo Ren mumbled angrily and crawled onto the stage somehow and pulled off the fake moustache off his helmet. Everyone gasped at the revelation. He shoved General Hux to the side with his shoulder. “Hi, everyone. It’s me, Kylo Ren. How are you all today?”

“I think we’re okay! Kind of cold.”

“Yeah, totally,” answered Ren. “Ice planet and all. I have something to announce to you all. I have a really awesome cat, too. Today is my awesome cat’s birthday. Her name is Blackie cause she’s black, like the Dark Side and Darth Vader. It’s a cool color.” He pulled out Blackie from under his cloak and held the black kitten up for all to witness. She had a little helmet like his own and a tiny black cloak to match.

“Awwww.”

Millicent wagged her tail angrily upon seeing the kitten while Hux rolled his eyes. “Blackie has got to be about four months old,” he declared, analyzing the kitten closely. “So, it’s not her birthday.”

“Every day is Blackie’s birthday,” replied Kylo Ren

“You can’t have a birthday every day! It doesn’t make any sense!”

Kylo Ren pouted, stumping his feet. ‘Stop arguing with me!”

Hux shot a glare at him. “Stop acting like a child!”

The officers behind them started whispering among themselves. “What are they doing? How is this supposed to defeat the Republic?!”

Another officer shrugged. “I guess they’re arguing whose cat is better.”

Captain Phasma whispered loudly to Hux: “Psst, General, can you initiate the big ka-boom now?” she asked. “We’re going to miss lunch break.”

Hux cleared his throat as he turned back to the troops. “My apologies,” he finally said and then shrieked into the distance boldly to initiate the activation of Starkiller Base’s superweapon: “Fire!”

Nothing happened. Everyone looked at each other in confusion and shrugged. Someone in the crowd coughed. The wind howled in the silence.

Hux screamed anxiously at the technician team in the background. “Guys, where’s the big freakin’ laser?!”

A technician ran up to him suddenly and whispered something into his ear. He made a repulsed face. “What do you mean the engines have cooled down already?! We have to wait until tomorrow for them to recharge!? Millicent will be so disappointed. Show’s over, everyone! Get lost!”

“What about Millicent’s birthday party!?” asked someone from the crowd.

“Millicent is angry now. She’ll decide later,” huffed Hux as he scooped up the cat into his arms. He glared at Kylo Ren. “This is your fault. Now the people of Hosnian Prime get to live another day…..and stop making faces at me!”

“How’d you know?” asked Kylo Ren behind his helmet.

“I know,” he snapped, shaking a finger in warning. He stroked Millicent’s perfectly smooth fur as it shimmered in the sunlight. “I’m watching you, Ren…Your attempts to humiliate Milly will not go unnoticed.”

“I will find Millicent’s weakness,” declared Kylo Ren while the black kitten sat on his shoulder making tiny hissy noises at Hux that weren’t really all that threatening. “Blackie will finish what I started.”

“Good luck with that, sir,” sneered Hux as he walked away gracefully with Millicent. Some stormtroopers surrounded him to take photographs and selfies with the orange tabby cat. Others collected Millicent’s fur off his uniform with small hand-held suction devices and sticky tape to keep as souvenirs. “That’s enough,” he said, shooing the troopers away with his hand leisurely. “Milly needs to go to the salon now and have her nails trimmed.”

“We love you, Milly!” cried the stormtroopers as Hux paraded back inside the main entrance towards the hallways with Millicent. They blew kisses to her as the duo left. One of them fainted and landed in the arms of another trooper who fanned him with his hand.

Furious with the situation, Kylo Ren stomped his feet and pouted again, making Blackie jump off onto the floor. “Why doesn’t anyone want selfies with Blackie?!”

“Well, sir,” stepped up a random stormtrooper vigilantly. “Blackie is kind of the new kid and Millicent….well..she’s got this aura about her that captivates everyone and kind of just…steals your heart, ya know!?”

Kylo Ren glared at him. His voice filter amplified his breathing which quickly turned into growling.

“You’re….uh….going to kill me now, right? Wait, wait!! I’ve been practicing!” The stormtrooper tried to slam himself into a wall but ended up falling upside down into a nearby trashcan. “Can I try again, sir!?”

“I hate it when people try to do my job,” mumbled Ren and walked away as Blackie dashed after him with tiny little paws. He paced into the hallways of the interior of the base and narrowly missed a poster that infuriated him further.

The poster read in big bold letters: “If you don’t love Millicent, quite frankly you’re wrong and nobody likes you. This message has been brought to you by General Armitage Hux.”

Kylo Ren snarled, ripping the poster off and stomping on it. “Ha!”

“Attention, First Order, attention!” came the voice of General Hux suddenly on the broadcast speaker system. “Just a friendly reminder that if you don’t love Millicent, quite frankly you’re wrong and nobody likes you. Expect another reminder from the High Command today.”

Kylo Ren ignited his lightsaber promptly and prepared to break the speakers.…

****
Stay tuned for more Millicent-ness!

 

I have enjoyed all of the Millicent stories, but this one absolutely takes the cake. I am beginning to think that Millicent is actually a Resistance agent, sent in to infiltrate the First Order and utterly derail all of their plans and schemes using the Power of the Cute. I mean, she's suborned all the Stormtroopers, and she prevented them from firing off the laser. The Hux/Ren relationship slays me and I love how Phasma is above it all...

 

“What about Millicent’s birthday party!?” asked someone from the crowd.

“Millicent is angry now. She’ll decide later,” huffed Hux as he scooped up the cat into his arms. He glared at Kylo Ren. “This is your fault. Now the people of Hosnian Prime get to live another day…..and stop making faces at me!”

“How’d you know?” asked Kylo Ren behind his helmet.

“I know,” he snapped, shaking a finger in warning. He stroked Millicent’s perfectly smooth fur as it shimmered in the sunlight. “I’m watching you, Ren…Your attempts to humiliate Milly will not go unnoticed.”

“I will find Millicent’s weakness,” declared Kylo Ren while the black kitten sat on his shoulder making tiny hissy noises at Hux that weren’t really all that threatening. “Blackie will finish what I started.”

Oh, Benny Bunny. In the depths of space revenge waits for you. Claws will strike you any time soon if you steal Millicent her spot light.

 

@ Mistress Ranata, I think it was Kylo Ren that sabotaged the test firing of the "Big Ka Boom."

@ AzureAngel2, Blackie will grow powerful in the Cute. Do not underestimate Blackie.

EDIT:

Darth Vader's Voice: "You don't know the power of the Cute Side!"

 

Ah, but if he wasn't so upset because of Millicent, would he have sabotaged it? No, he would have been standing next to Hux and Phasma, looking all bored and emo, and let them go through with it. Millicent knows what she's doing, I'm telling you!

 

Okay, I'm on Blackie's side here. The miniature helmet and the tiny cape stole my heart.

I trust him to finish what Kylo started. #TeamBlackie

 

Thank you all for the comments again

PlanetSmasher You're right--it was definitely Kylo Ren's fault for sabotaging the test firing of the laser--guy just can't stand Millicent! Blackie will grow in the Cute--they all underestimate Blackie now but this will be their undoing!

However.... Mistress_Renata is also correct in that Millicent has a hidden motive and has everyone wrapped around her finger...paw....claws? What she is up to is unknown (mostly because I have no idea and welcome any ideas ) but who the true Resistance agent is will be revealed very soon in Part 5...

But first, Millicent gets her butt stuck somewhere again and needs rescuing.....


Part 4: Cat in Ventilation Shaft

“Meeeeoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrw,” echoed Millicent’s voice in the hallways from the ventilation shaft.

The First Order officers were gathered below the main ventilation shaft that branched off into numerous smaller ones throughout Starkiller Base. The tracking device on her collar led them to believe that Millicent was right underneath them.

“Call emergency services,” came General Hux’s anxious voice. “There’s a crisis! I want all units reporting here immediately!”

“Meeeeoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwww,” echoed Millicent’s voice louder.

Kylo Ren peeked out of his room to see what the commotion was about.“What’s going on here?” asked Ren as he walked into the crowd with Blackie sitting firmly on his head, making a nest out of his hair. Some officers were staring at the ventilation shaft, pointing upwards and conversing.

“Well, sir,” approached the bulky Lieutenant Rodinon, clearing his throat. “General Hux’s cat got stuck in the ventilation shafts again and we’re trying to get her out.”

“Haha,” laughed Kylo Ren. “Fat cat got stuck in the ventilation shaft.”

General Hux was quick to notice him in the crowd and approached him boldly. “There’s an emergency situation at hand and you’re laughing? How dare you, Ren. You disgust me.”

Kylo Ren adjusted the kitten from falling off his head. “The only thing that can happen to your cat is that she’ll lose some weight. Haha!”

Hux wanted to return a snappy comment, but Millicent’s distressed voice echoed throughout the base. He couldn’t bear it. It was tormenting.

“Meeeeoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwww.”

While the other officers scattered around wondering how to get the cat out, Hux called out to her: “Don’t worry, Milly! Daddy loves you!”

“Meeeeoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwww. Meeeooowwwww.”

Hux turned to Lieutenant Rodinon hastily. “What’s taking so long?!? She’s in distress! Scared. Alone. Who knows how long she’s been up there! Hurry up and get her rescued!”

“Sir, we’re doing the best we can,” replied Rodinon. “We’re going to bring the most sophisticated state-of-the-art technology to retrieve her.”

Within a few moments, an officer brought in a ladder and set it up below the ventilation shaft. He opened one of the metal coverings.

Hux shot a glare. “You call that state-of-the-art technology, Lieutenant?”

Rodinon shrugged. “We’re kind of on a budget right now, General.”

“Pathetic,” said Hux, and then glanced towards the officer struggling to get up on the high ladder. “Be careful with Millicent, Lieutenant Zack. Handle her carefully or you’re fired!”

“Meeeeoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwww.”

“Poor Milly,” cried Hux, trying to calm himself down as he paced back and forth in one spot. “I shouldn’t have gone to that conference. I should have taken her with me. Now she’s lost.....Hungry….. Terrified…Milly!”

Kylo Ren rolled his eyes as the drama unfolded. Blackie was chewing on his hair, oblivious to the current situation at hand.

There was a moment of silence as Lieutenant Zack crawled inside the ventilation shaft. Then came the hissing and growling as Millicent lunged in attack. The vicious screaming inside started shortly after. It intensified and soon the entire ventilation shaft was in motion.

“Owwahhh! She’s scratching me! Somebody help me! She’s trying to kill me!”

“Be nice, Milly!” called out Hux casually. “We’re only trying to help you! Daddy is here waiting for you!”

Kylo Ren sniggered under his breath as Lieutenant Zack finally came out with Millicent in his arms while struggling to now climb down the ladder. His face and uniform were covered in blood as he handed the ginger tabby cat to General Hux.

“Here’s…your…..cat, General…,” whispered Zack hoarsely before dropping unconscious to the ground.

General Hux accepted his cat happily and immediately spoiled her. “Milly is a bad girl! Going places where she isn’t supposed to again!” The cat grumbled slightly as she gripped her claws into his greatcoat and huddled her head against him.

Hux heedlessly stepped over Lieutenant Zack as he lay on the ground bleeding profusely. “Can somebody get this guy some first aid already? Millicent is upset after this whole terrible ordeal and needs to go back to the salon now.."

"Dumb cat," mumbled Kylo Ren quietly.

"I heard that, Ren!"

*******

 

Onlooker: *Quietly onlooks the situation. Shifts eyes suspiciously at Millicent.*

Onlooker: "What is a cat doing lurking about the ventilation system?"

Onlooker conspiratorially, and incorrectly, concludes, "We have a rodent problem! Rodents in the ventilation system!"

 

Or maybe Millie is trying to inject cat dander into the base atmosphere to take down those with allergies?

 

Rodents in the ventilation system are no match for the superb hunting skills of Millicent!

My theory is that Hux originally brought Millicent in upon learning that Kylo Ren had a severe allergy to cats which, unfortunately, resolved. It's definitely Millicent's plan to take down those with allergies....she has been trained well...

Okay, part 5! A traitor will be revealed....


Part 5: Millicent Goes for a Walk


General Hux walked through the hallways of Starkiller Base with Millicent on a leash. Her harness matched the colour of his fashionable obsidian-black greatcoat. The symbol of the First Order was imprinted into the fabric on her right shoulder. Hux decided that Milly needed daily exercise in order to keep her at a moderate weight appropriate for her species. She paced beside her owner with her tail held up high and proud, taking slow and deliberate steps.

A stormtrooper greeted them as they walked by. “Good morning, General.” He gave a thumbs up to Millicent. “Hey, hey, lookin’ good there, girlfriend!”

“Millicent appreciates your compliment,” commented Hux impassively.

“Millicent is cool!” complimented another stormtrooper excitedly, giving two thumbs up.

“Of course,” replied Hux as he passed by.

“Millicent rules!”

“Indeed,” answered Hux blankly as his feline walked elegantly beside him.

Millicent paused suddenly as she sniffed Kylo Ren who was lying sprawled in the middle of the main corridor. He lay staring blankly at the ceiling while Blackie purred and kneaded his hair into a comfortable nest for her to sleep in.

Hux glared down at him. “Ren, what are you doing on the floor?”

“Rethinking my life.”

“Might you contemplate your insignificance elsewhere, Ren? Perhaps at a location where people won’t potentially trip over you?”

“Nah. I like it here,” replied Kylo Ren. “It makes me realize my life really is a mess. It’s all my parents’ fault. Why can’t I just be like Darth Vader! It’s not a phase, mom!”

“Okay then,” said Hux casually as he started walking away with Millicent.

“Wait,” called out Kylo Ren. “Can you do a favour for me? Can you give me a hug, or a pat on the back or something? Some reassurance or comfort?”

“Uh….” Hux cringed at the very idea of touching him. He found an abandoned janitor’s broom near one of the walls and poked Kylo Ren with it from a safe distance. “There, there, Ren.”

“Thanks, dude. Appreciate it.”

*******

Later in the day, Hux found Blackie ambling around the hallways by herself. She looked up at this unfamiliar human as he picked her up into his arms.

The young officer paced towards Kylo Ren’s room as he held the kitten. “Why does Ren just let you out without any supervision? Not even a tracking collar? Obviously he doesn’t care about you.”

Kylo Ren had unusually left his room opened and he was lying in bed playing a game on his communicator device, surrounded by unwashed clothes, garbage, and food scraps. Hux kicked away a soda can in revulsion.

“Ren, clean your room! This is disgusting….”

“Okay, guy-who-alphabetically-arranges-his-pencils, this is my room. You’re not my mom. You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Another issue,” continued Hux as he tried to ignore the trash around him, “your kitten is wandering around aimlessly and could easily get hurt while you are sitting here doing nothing.”

“Why do you care about my cat?” asked Ren, not looking up as he continued playing.

“Blackie could easily be trained as a First Order feline like Millicent and be respected in her class. I could train her to be a killer, as nature intended. But, here she is, her potential writhing away in your garbage.”

“Don’t worry about Blackie. I’m going to train her in the Force and make a little lightsaber like mine for her.”

Hux narrowed his eyes at him. “Sometimes I’m bewildered at how childish you are. This just shows that you are incapable of taking care of a cat, and so I am taking Blackie away from you.”

Still, Kylo Ren didn’t even look up as he continued playing. “Try it, Hux. Millicent is positioned in the airlock. All I have to do is press the eject button, which I have a right beside me.”

He set the black kitten down, gasping in terror. “You…did what…!?” Instantly, he ran off into the corridor screaming: “Millicent! Daddy is coming to save you!”

Kylo continued to play his game as Blackie sat next to him and bit into a paper wrapper. “Haha. He’s so stupid.”

Suddenly his game was interrupted as a text message popped up from Leia.

The message read: “Ben, pull yourself together and clean your room! Don’t make me come up there…”

He sat up instantly, terrified. Even Blackie hissed and jumped off the bed in fright. “Mom!? How does she know stuff about me…This is scary…”

Suddenly, a call. He hesitated to pick it up. He took a deep breath and answered with a tiny boyish voice. “Helllooo..?”

“Ben, what did I just tell you? Get your butt out of bed and clean your room!”

“Okay, mom….”

He disconnected and started picking up his trash, looking around suspiciously. Maybe there was some secret camera in his room, but he didn’t see anything. Maybe Hux was playing a prank on him, but the guy was too busy going nuts over thinking his cat was in the airlock. Someone was a traitor. But who could it be?

After finishing cleaning his room, he sat on his bed as his face went white with terror. Sure enough, he got another text message. With quivering hands, he picked it up.

The text read: “Thanks, Ben. Mommy’s proud of you. Get yourself a cookie.”

Kylo Ren huddled in a corner. “Mom knows everything about me. This is freaking me out. Help me, Darth Vader!”

The kitten walked over to him as she arched her back and rubbed against him, purring. He took her into his arms and huddled her. “At least you’re here, Blackie. You’re always here when I need you most.”

Blackie purred. When Kylo Ren wasn’t looking, she tiptoed away into her cardboard box house and activated a small holographic projector.

“Thank you for keeping in touch with me, Blackie,” Leia’s voice whispered quietly, audible only to sensitive cat ears. “Perhaps together we can bring some light into my son.”

Blackie replied with a tiny mew and smacked the holographic projector with her paw to turn it off…..She shifted her eyes cunningly.

****

Back in the hallway near his quarters, General Hux eventually found Millicent grooming herself.

“There you are, Milly! I was worried Kylo Ren put you into the airlock…” He dressed her in her walking harness despite her setting off a tantrum. “Now it’s time for another walk.”

Millicent grumbled and bit the harness in frustration at the mention of yet another walk. All she wanted to do was eat her favourite kibble and then sleep in her cardboard-made battlecruiser.

“Sir, I see you’re taking your cat for a walk on a leash across the base,” said Captain Phasma as she approached the duo on her usual walking routine. “May I join you in your adventure? I also enjoy patrolling the base for kilometers at a time for absolutely no reason.”

“Of course,” agreed Hux. “We can talk about Millicent.”

“Can I come?” asked Kylo, supposedly coming out of nowhere.

“No.”

Kylo Ren kicked an innocent trashcan that was standing around in the corridor. “Jerk!”

“What do you feed her so her coat is so smooth and shiny, General?” asked Phasma as they turned and scrolled off together into another hallway, ignoring Kylo Ren behind them.

“Royal kibble,” he replied proudly as Millicent walked between them reluctantly. “Grain-free, minimal carbohydrates, and made from the best meats in the galaxy.”

“Fascinating, General. Just fascinating.”

“HEY,” screamed a left behind Kylo Ren in the corridor door. “You guys suck!” he mumbled to himself. Something beeped in his pocket…. He took out his communicator device.

There was a message again from Leia: “Be nice, Ben.”

He bellowed and threw the communicator into a wall, destroying it. “How does she know everything!?” he bawled, letting the question travel into the empty hallways unanswered.

Blackie sat on his helmet, shifting her eyes suspiciously.

********

Next time... Millicent's birthday party!

 

Blackie, the Resistance spy!
Phasma, patrolling for no reason whatsoever!
Hux, 'hugs' with a broom!

Oh, well done, gizkaspice! I'm a bit afraid of what Millie's birthday party will bring.