Saga - OT [DDC 2017] Doaba Ke'demii - The Diary of a Young Comradette (OCs | ANH/TESB) - COMPLETE, e-book soon

Thanks for your wonderful comments, everybody, and sorry for being late with the next installment!

COMMENT UNDER CONSTRUCTION.


Comment replies completed on November 27th, 2017.

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Sacorrians have their own propaganda on top of Imperial propaganda, so one never knows.

I don't see what I did there, so...help?

Definitely not, it's more like a chain letter type of a thing.

Dad probably thought he was the most handsome man on Sacorria. He was that type.

We don't have the confirmation for this, it's Maris' suspicion. But when there's smoke...

Not yet...not yet...

Just realised that you said this twice. Of course, the other time it happened in a latter entry, but yeah. Prudish mom for teh winZ!

Some things are ALWAYS the same. Everywhere!

All these things will eventually make sense to Doria. But, for a change, Maris gets her daughter.

Nothing to add here.

Nothing to add here, either.

But she can't know which one is true. At least not yet.

I toooooootally didn't hear you there.

I think she's just a good guesser.

And you got it right as usual - seeing Doria have fun after all that happened is what mattered here.

Don't worry about it.

She does care, it's the delivery that often fails. But not here.

She needs a lot of time, I'd say.

 

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Tendra, Zana and Dede returned my message. Dede responded with “my boyfriend” and Tendra with “please, not Dak” in every single field and Zana was the only one who returned me an ACTUAL SET OF RESPONSES. She…she doesn’t understand what’s illegal sometimes. She has this fantasy about a Naboo man, because in all these HoloFilms about the Emperor’s youth, there are these handsome actor beings from his home planet. And we’re supposed to believe that he was a handsome young man, despite what he looks like now. Sure, some of those actors look okay, but THEY ARE OFFWORLDERS. I can see why Naboo could one day be allowed when it comes to mating, so good genes would be inherited and/or combined, but until that happens, SUCH IDEAS ARE HIGHLY ILLEGAL.

I confronted her about it after the classes, before I went to check on the experimental pond. And she said that she would report me because she saw a FOREIGN E-MAIL ADDRESS FROM A BANNED DOMAIN HYPERCOPIED IN THE MESSAGE MASTHEAD.

Kriff you, young Comradette Da-Yurk. KRIFF YOU.

And kriff me, what if Tendra saw Dede’s e-mail too and is going to report me to her father or something? I WILL NEVER GET INTO SUPAS AND I WILL BE FORCED TO WORK WITH BODIES ON SARCOPHAGUS. OR THEY WILL SEND ME TO THE PENAL COLONY SOMEWHERE. OR EVEN THE DORTHUS TAL PRISON.

I asked her about it. Perhaps that was a mistake. She asked me what I was talking about and said that Zana is jealous sometimes. Then she told me about this guy she knows, who claims that Steamy Wasaka Stew will come here at some point this year, to promote their new holoalbum, Steamy Seconds. And then…she went on about that Antonio Nokaarbe guy. I am not sure if I wanted to listen to that. She asked me if I thought he was handsome and I said no. She asked me the same about the Zabrak in the wailer-group and I asked her how Zabraks could be handsome when they are not Humans.

Dak? He told me that his mom has a Star Destroyer and that she will scare the living kriff of me if I don’t listen to the album. Just…what even? Since when is he using Admiral Gordi Gauree and Arcadia to tell people to think what he’s thinking? And where the Sacor did he get such an idea?

Oh. I think I get it.

I couldn’t find Comradette Steurpa. Apparently, she had an obligation with somebody named Ekram. Is that Gredda’s boyfriend or does anybody happen to know a Drall man named that these days? Should I be thinking that this is some sort of a conspiracy? Should I be thinking that she is being unprogressive?

Dak passed me a note, I totally forgot about it. It was from Porky. He was asking me to get back with him because he needed proof of a stable relationship for one of the upcoming army events. I did not respond and he followed me after school. I went to the centre of the city and he was still following me. I didn’t like this. In the end, I called Gredda and she told me to come to AARIS. I then spent two hours waiting for her in the secluded visitors’ area and when we got out, Porky was still standing there. Gredda went and told him something – I dare not know what it had been, but he literally ran away.

We went to Old Berssia for lunch – and I asked her not to tell mom about it, so she wouldn’t be jealous – and then drove back home to NorSacc. Pretty sure that we saw that limmie player, Code:Blue, in a speeder that passed by us. I did the “baby burp” dance and the being smiled. Then it must have been him!

When we got home, there was a huge disappointment waiting for me. Mom was already crying. I was not accepted to SUPAS, during to “undisclosed reasons the reveal of which would not be progressive and in my interest”.

Gredda said that it had been her fault. I think that’s nonsense, she is just trying to be nice and comfort me. I am not talented for anything and it’s a sad fact. Comradette Malokio is right and now this Roula is right, too. I was not made for writing or drawing and I should probably start working on applications for the Dorthus Tal University and Saccorata Tech.

Kriff life.

Kriff everything.

Kriff me.

And kriff Porky…or don’t, hope he never gets to use that word in its literal sense. Creep.

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http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-40586349

Specifically the line in the article:
One woman with the surname Li, advertising her 33-year-old son in a Beijing park, says her son "will not consider someone who does not have a Beijing hukou." A Hukou is a household registration document.

Phoenix Weekly said parents seeking matches for children from outside of Beijing encountered great difficulty in the city's markets.

oh well....

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Can I just say I want to just be there for Doria?
I know exactly what she's feeling as written above. Nothing like setting a goal, and planning everything around it, and in an instant it's just... crushed.
:__|

 

Urgh. Poor Doria ...

I hope the Triad were all prosecuted down the line. Severely.

Well, maybe she can find her way forward. And at least Gredda told Porky what he can go take a long walk off of.

 

Aww man, I knew from the timeline that Doria wasn't going to get the school she wanted but this is still a major letdown for her.

The part at the beginning with her sending out the message and getting completely unhelpful responses from her peers was funny, though I'm sure very frustrating for her.

Come on, Dede! I suppose maybe she feels she cannot describe her boyfriend for secrecy reasons, but how vague a response can she give? Very, apparently. Tendra on the other hand, though nearly the same, I get it 100%! And the flurry of "I'll tell on you for being unprogressive", "nah uh, because I'm gonna tell on you" with Zana was a bit comical even though it's worrying that Doria is still so immersed in the whole humanocentric ideology she's been fed.

Looking forward to the next entry!

 

Oh, Doria, Doria, Doria....

This is such a combination of overblown teenage angst and actual deserved disappointment that it's a real study in contrasts. One the one hand, you've got Doria's absolute HORROR that her classmate is attracted to men from Naboo! (Who were, last I checked Human, so even if you're going to be xenophobic...um,yeah ) SHOCKING AND ILLEGAL. And Tendra's interest in Steamy Wasaka Stew and Antonio and a Zabrak! Even more shocking! And all of this moral outrage is highly amusing of course, in light of who Doria winds up with. The girls all play the "more progressive than thou" card on each other and oh noes Doria's life will be ruined FOREVAH because she got an email with a foreign address!

Then, on the other hand, you've got two incidents that really merit Doria's emotional upheaval. The creepy note from Porky because he needs proof of a stable relationship? Whatever, Pork Butt, if you want a stable relationship, try acting like a decent person for once. Even creepier is him stalking her. Thank goodness that Gredda was able to put the fear in him. He deserved it and more.

And the note from SUPAS. Kriff them and their undisclosed progressive reasons. Doria sees it as final proof that she's an untalented hack, when really Roula and her cronies are playing politics with the admissions process. I feel a bit sorry for Gredda, too, after she tried to do something good for Doria, only to have it backfire so spectacularly. I don't blame Doria for saying "kriff off" to life, the universe and everything (except Porky, who, Doria is right, should never be associated with that word).

Hugs for Doria and hopes that things will improve for her!

 

Oh no, what a disappointment for Daria! She seems to plan her life more in avoiding the things she fears might happen instead of planning for the things she hopes will happen. Of course, it is unprogressive to explain exactly WHY she didn't make the cut. Because Saccoria.

I liked the reference to Steamy Waska Stew - you have such an interconnected universe here, and I know that as time goes by these two seemingly unrelated worlds will intertwine more and more. And how ironic that Zana has a fantasy about a handsome Naboo man. Hmmm.

Porky can go pound Saccorian sand. He's such a creep and such a narcissist, thinking he is within his right to request something like that from Doria, after what he put her through. He is just horrible and I hope Doria never has to deal with him again. Ironic, though, that even being such a creep and a jerk, his career doesn't seem to be hindered by his despicable behavior.

I think, though, that this setback is actually going to be good for her. She needs to break away from this rigid society and think for herself. A little freedom will do her good, and a government school is not going to provide that for her.

 

I very much liked that first entry, with all the "It*s progressive to wait".

Seems counter-intuitive, but probably not progressive to point that out.

Very insidious how deeply the message is entwined through daily life.

Buy Saygo!

9/10

 

Thanks for your patience and your wonderful comment, wonderful people. I am sorry that it took me one month to update something that I had pre-written, but I've been going through hell getting off some wrongly prescribed medications and it's still not pretty.

I am going to post the next installment in order not to get a warning from the sock and then go back and respond to all of you.

Also, I might have to readjust the schedule, because I have more entries left due to this hiatus. Hope you're all still with me. <3


Replies to comments added on November 27th, 2017.

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I'm not 100% sure how this relates, so...could you explain?

Thank you. <3 She does feel crushed here.

There's no messin' with Gredda, all right.

As for the Triad, the system has been in place for at least 25 millennia, so...doubt it. :/

Of course it is. It would've been the right way for her to express her creativity, this way, she's destined not to thrive.

That's how it often goes with chain mail.

Zana is not the brightest crayon in the box, to put it mildly. BUT SHE'S PROGRESSIVE!!1!

I guess that this is what sucks about replying to comments months later - nothing to add, you already know.

Wish she could hear you.

Once again, nope...but you know that.

I still have no idea what his later life should be like, but yup, he's definitely alive and very old at this point.

It was him, all right.

Once again, wish she could hear you...

BUT THEY'RE NOT SACORRIAN, PLUS THEY'RE RUMOURED TO BE HANDSOME...DUNNO, LIKE THE EMPEROR HIMSELF!!1!!

!1!!11!!ELEVENTYONE!!1!! (credits to divapilot for having coined that...pleonasm )

Gredda is badass. And Porky should've gotten a harder karmic punishment, IMHO. I sort of wanted it, but given how many creeps get away with it IRL, I made it mild.

Bingo re:Roula.

As for Gredda, I guess that she had too much faith in the academic world being above the petty clan feuds.

Sadly, he will get to experience that, eventually...but there's somebody who won't - three guesses!

For some reason, Chrome's spell-checker refuses to accept that the world "unprogressive" exists. Same for "comradette". Let's ditch it, it's not progressive enough for us!

The word of god is that Zana could fantasize about anything and anybody. But yeah...ironic.

I elaborated on the bolded part in my response to Raissa Baiard.

At some point, yes, it will have turned out to be good.

See? You have learned so many progressive things already! Good, comrade I-5, good!

Yup, you could move to Sacorria and nobody would notice.

 

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I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS. I DID NOT GET ACCEPTED TO SUPAS.

Kriff life.

I tried to comfort myself by reading Midday Darkness. But it didn’t work. Dyeke got accepted to SUPAS immediately and had wonderful friends who were supporting him. Apparently, he had a bad experience with somebody named Branna – funny, that cannot be our Branna, right – but other than that, he was stellar. And I’M NOT, I’M NOT, I’M NOT.

What would Dyeke do?

What would Qleebold do?

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Ouch, poor Doria. It makes a lot of sense that the news is hitting even harder after it's had a little time to settle in. You really captured her despair and panic as she tries to process the horrible new reality where she does not get to achieve this dream. It's doubly worrying because normally Doria is anything but at a loss for words and will go into greater detail about things. But this just seems to be her screaming at the universe, which for all her prickliness and frustration is not the usual.

If she only knew though, she's going to places far more interesting than SUPAS.

 

Good stuff in the second entry.

I hope revisiting the bereavement was cathartic, as well as simply writing what you know.

I liked the detail that you put into the older devices that you had your girl forced to have, the older comlink, and Gredda's old datapad. Good that she guessed that Doria would find encryption software useful.

You have a talent for choosing words and names to replace Earthisms, even down to agony aunts.

Some good work here.

 

Ugh. I hear you, Doria. When something comes and crashes everything you hoped for, it's hard not to obsess over it, and blame yourself for it. She doesn't see that perhaps the system is unfair; it didn't seem to occur to her that Porky deserved (or earned) very little of what he was awarded. She instead internalizes her loss, as if punishing herself for not getting into SUPAS by hammering the fact over and over like a repeated slap to the face.

She has to give up the old dreams to make way for the new ones. That's an awfully big galaxy out there. SUPAS is a very little corner of it.

 

Poor Doria indeed. It’s so hard when your dreams fall through, particularly in such a way that it makes you doubt your own worth and talent (been there, done that as an art student!), and when you’re a teen it’s almost impossible to see that neither of those things are dependent on what anyone else thinks of you. At that moment, it really does seem like Life Is Over, and the possibility of finding new dreams seems slim...why bother, right?

I still need to catch up on Midday Darkness, but I know enough of it to second what Findswoman said. The official version doesn’t bring much comfort to Doria as she compares herself to the “stellar” Dyeke, and only serves to emphasize in her mind how inferior she is Once again, it’s too bad that she doesn’t know the true story of his life (and the roles of those she loves in that story). It would be a lot more comforting to her to know how much Dyeke had to struggle, and the real reasons the odious Roula declined her application. Okay, perhaps “comforting” is the wrong word, but at least she would see that it had nothing to do with any lack of talent on her part.

Here’s hoping that things will improve for Doria and that somehow she can begin to move past this.

 

Reply space.

Replies to comments added on November 27th, 2017.

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Once again, you wrote a huge response to the shortest entry in this DDC. Just...just how do you do this?

And yes - on Sacorria, DISAPPOINTMENT CHOOSES YOU!

(See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_reversal)

I maaaaay have taken this to the meta-level previously unthought of.

She can't hear you, sadly.

Qleebold is female. Karlina Yaihe (later Trindello) played her.

And yup - that would've been one truly fascinating encounter. Shame it will never happen...

Absolutely. Some people would probably go on to say that it would be painful, but I'm the type who prefers to heal past memories to create future ones.

Thanks. I care a lot about these things, so hearing that is truly a honour. Now, you will not tell anybody that I once wrote "airport" instead of, well, "spaceport"...

Doria's defense mechanisms are, indeed, underdeveloped.

I hear you. And I agree. But Doria would probably swear at you - she doesn't get it, not yet...

Knew you'd sympathise!

Once again, your alternate interpretation is such a breath of fresh air. Yes, it can only get her further down. But in the state she is right now, the real version would probably get her down, too! Scary, come to think about it...

And Midday Darkess // The Light is Me, I Am The Light is a hard one to digest, so I'm not blaming you!

Yes, she can!

 

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I think I got over it. After all, nothing was ever meant to go well for me. But I would, of course, like to know WHY I was not suitable for SUPAS. Mom didn’t set me up, Gredda had all the connections, but somebody branded me untalented, somebody other than Comradette Malokio. Could it have been that Roula had something against me? I really didn’t like her muzzle, but I thought that it could have been the way she had to behave. At this point, I could be paranoid, but there was something strange she might have thought about Gredda and me. Especially after we had said that we went to the Triad Mountain for boardski. I am not sure if she even trusted us that, yes, we were in Corelle province for a winter holiday. Anyway…

Kerrsens threw a party for their family holiday again. So, mom and I went, even though she always says that she would not be going. They have changed a lot since Aya became a top lawyer in the Square Building, working for the government. I mean, she’s always been a red shirt and all, but now they have this incredible pantyhose…I mean, penthouse on the 37th floor of the building next to ours and an incredible garden. Comradette Sadolina got some new iris bushes right before the party and, until four days ago, they had droids working on their new speeder shed. I think they want everybody to see how rich they are.

Aya and I spent most of the time on the other side of the terrace, looking towards our building. I told her about what happened and she said that I need to try somewhere else. She even mentioned doing an exchange with a university on Aurea, but then I reminded her that such a thing was open only to red shirts. Of course, she is not aware that us with other shirt colours don’t have much choice. Since I do not want to go to Saccorata Tech like my parents did, I am destined to waste my time at the DoTal uni, live with somebody like Tendra’s dad or commute every day. My future is not bright and it seems like I am the only being that sees it.

Kirdo, Aya’s older brother, then notified us that Code:Red and Code:Blue are back to the Motherworld. They retired and left Nuba City Repulsors and Abatore Magnets. Their Majesties have granted them jobs in the Square Building. I asked Aya if she would be able to speak them since they work in the same place now and she said that she is not sure because there are ten thousand people working there, on various important things. These two will be working for CESA – Censorship and Scholarship Agency. I am…not sure if that is the right place for former limmie players, but Kirdo disagrees – he thinks they will do just fine there. But how? They were not educated for such a thing.

Then we withdrew to Aya’s room and listened to Calcified Lichens and Barefoot Band. She had a couple of holodisks on the table, among them Dak’s stupid favourite wailer-group and apparently, something called Deeply Religious. I didn’t know that she was into religion, religion is bad and nobody should practice it on this planet. She told me that she got their music on a datachip while on an excursion to Nubia and that they’re banned by the Empire, because they recently set a bomb off during their own concert on Aurea. For some reason, I no longer find that off-putting at all.

What is funny is that Aya agrees that this Roula could have messed with my application. She claims that the Drall woman with the big white ring is actually very powerful and that it has something to do with Duchess Branna and the fact that we’re all good with her. Now, that was new to me. What kind of a feud could Duchess Branna have had with this being? Aya thinks that it could have been something simple, like them. But neither of them are married. They were probably married to their jobs, I mean – Roula as an art critic and talent scout who later became so important on SUPAS and Duchess Branna as gemmologist and the spokeswoman for the R’vanye clan.

Wait. Roula’s clan is called Pelayn.

Could this be a clan feud? Over something important?

Nah, such things happen only in holofilms.


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Footnotes

Spoiler

Barefoot Band and Calcified Lichens are canon.

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Poodoo. Kriff. Kriff the kriffin’ poodoo. Saccorata Tech sent me a rejection letter out of nowhere. It said that it has been brought to their attention that both my parents studied there and that I lack the requirements necessary to be one of their students in the next school year. What was that about? I…did not want to go to their kriffin’ school. Why are they throwing me out before I have even tried?

Today I went to the lake with Comradette Steurpa. It was warm enough to let the fish back in and they loved it. This year, we also have a couple of Ampyplaxi. They are constantly making those…sucky…sounds and they eat calcified gunk off rocks. I like them, I like them a lot. But for some reason, they’re a mystery to most xenobiologists – their calls seem to form patterns, yet they are not sentient. Also, they can have offspring, yet they clearly appear asexual. What’s up with that?

Comradette Steurpa said that her mother is working on a dissertation that could prove their sentience. That sort of scared me, because if they’re sentient, why are we keeping them in a pond with Scalefish and…how can they exist in both salt water and other types of water? Are we being unethical? But at the same time, how could such a freaky-looking thing be sentient?

Now, if other teachers could be this good, I would be the happiest person in the world.

Comradette Malokio has a new tactic with me. Each time I want to respond to a question, she calls somebody else. I am now extremely bored in her classes, I am just sitting there in the back, drawing, doodling, writing and not doing anything. I think that she wouldn’t notice it if I was gone. I am bored. Is her goal for me to stop writing, forever? BECAUSE SHE IS CAUSING ME TO DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE. I am writing like never before and I am not showing her ANYTHING. I have an idea for a holonovel with pictures. Of course, the pictures are ugly because I have not had an art class since basic school, but the idea is what matters and the idea is GOOD. I am not going to show it to anybody until I get a chance to make something out of it. It’s future and it’s dystopian.

I so want to show it to blasetreegoatAU, but what if she steals my idea? What if I would show it to somebody I trust, like Jan, or somebody that has business ideas like Tendra? Or…mom? I just can’t, they would all laugh at me.

My doubts are many. I wish I could just live without feeling this…huge noodle being stuck down my throat, this sharp chin on my shoulder and so on. It feels a bit better ever since I broke up with Porky, but, in a way, I have a fictional abusive boyfriend as well and it…makes no sense, but he is always there. He never listens, he’s kind of boring, yet he wants all attention in the world for himself. And I would like it if he went away, but…am I that lucky?

Mom thinks that I should go and talk to somebody. I don’t think that any therapist would be good for my troubles. They would just give me medicines, call me paranoid and ignore the fact that EVERYBODY ON THIS PLANET IS SORT OF LIKE THAT. The difference is that I have no problem admitting it, but most would.

Jax did pretty much kriffin’ poodoo at the first race of the year, the Prestige trophy of Ord Mantell. He is not even going to start because he did not meet the requirements during the qualifications. Sometimes I wonder if some of my jinxyness rubbed on him or, well, the other way around. If he continues like this, they’re going to kick him out of the CCR or the championship altogether. AND HE WAS THE CHAMPION COME TWO YEARS AGO. He even broke up with his schutta, but that doesn’t seem to be helping him in any way. Looks like it wasn’t her fault. It’s his pod. It’s the worst piece of kriffsliding karky feces that I have ever seen. He could easily get killed in it.

Sometimes, I wonder if it would be wiser of him to actually quit and, I don’t know, become some sort of a hero. He has everything that a hero should have – he’s, like…heroic. He is handsome, he doesn’t seem to be afraid of death and he can do incredible stunts while on the track. He should be saving beings or something. But at this point, I am absolutely unsure for which side. I have lost my faith in this conflict, as a thing, you know? After everything Gredda and blasetreegoatAU told me, I am not sure if I like Empire that much anymore. Why are we supposed to like them? And if we don’t, should we like the Rebels? I mean, they’re terrorists, after all.

Is blasetreegoatAU a terrorist? Am I talking to a terrorist? Should I…ask her that? Is there even a way to ask somebody something like that?

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Footnotes

Spoiler

Prestige trophy of Ord Mantell is yet another podrace.

 

Oh, Doria ... it's bad enough you're dealing with rejection from people doing so for petty reasons. But to be facing the ugly realities of the galaxy ...

She still has courage, though. I'm reminded of something Dumbledore said once, about real courage coming when you have to confront your friends ...

 

Doria’s having to reconsider a lot of things she thought she knew about herself, her planet and the Galaxy as a whole. She’s still coming to grips with SUPAS’ rejection, plus the added sting of being rejected by by a school she doesn’t even want to go and she hasn’t even applied to. WTK, indeed. More proof of the wacky way things work on Saccoria. On the other hand, she’s found a new resolve to keep writing and drawing, and that can only be good. It’s just too bad she doesn’t feel that she can trust anyone with her writing. True, her mom and Tendra might not quite understand, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t offer encouragement. She doesn’t even believe in her friend, blasetreegoat.

But at least she’s starting to get the idea, thanks in part to Aya, that what happened with SUPAS is not even related to her, as such. Doria’s starting to notice more and more inconsistencies in her neatly ordered progressive world. Such things only happen in holo films...except when they really happen. (Or, you know, in fan fiction )

And this re-ordering of The Way Things Are applies to everything from music, where suddenly banned musicians are no longer terrible and unthinkable (I love the band name Calcified Lichens ) to the ampyplaxi, which may or may not be sentient. Doria’s asking a lot of deep questions here. If the ampyplaxi are sentient, how can they justify keeping them in the fish pond? If the Empire is unjust, are the Rebels still terrorists? If blastreegoat is a Rebel, is she also a terrorist? How can Doria be friends with her if she is?

I have to say that I love Doria’s description of living with nagging doubts:

That is such an absolutely spot-on way to describe the creeping unease that takes over when you’re living with constant doubt and anxiety. What a fabulous turn of phrase!

As always, looking forward to seeing the next entry!

 

Thank you for reading, everybody!

This is the second and last instance of posting two entries at once. From now on, I'll be posting a new entry every eight days, until December 27th.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.


Replies to comments added on November 27th, 2017.

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Dumbledore was absolutely right. And this is one of those situations that can make one stronger...if it doesn't kill them, that is.

It's a fustercluck, I tell ya.

How can one believe anything when everything, ever is contradictory? All of this is messing with Doria's mind...badly.

Aya might not exactly be enlightened or subversive, but she knows things.

And yes, those inconsistencies will BOTH mess with Doria's mind and make her realise things. The latter might just take time. Lots of time.

Question everything, confuse yourself even further!

Thank you. That was quite a finale for that entry, I'm actually proud of it.

And I learned a new word, yay!

I could only speculate back when I wrote the entry, but now that I experienced a extreme version of that feeling...whoa. I did that right. O_O And may the life NEVER EVER demonstrate how the situations from this DDC look like IRL. I'm good enough without having to practice, honestly!

Yes, glad that this comes out the way I intended. Good, good!

Many mental health workers don't diagnose teenagers with anything, because their personalities are still being shaped. So, I guess that it's really hard to distinguish teenage paranoia from actual truth, too!

Yay, you remembered the word. That was a great pun, if I ever saw one.

Precisely. Aya just...never had to worry about anything. And I doubt that she truly, truly gets what kind of a can of worms she'd just opened.

He-he.

Sometimes, the names are just that...names.

The bolded part is the most "rational" explanation there is.

She finally learned what the word "spite" means.

Knowing how awkward Doria can be, it's actually a miracle that she didn't go ahead and ask it.

As for the rest...well, it's under progress...hey, another pun.

I do have something in store for him, but not *exactly* heroic. You'll see. [/quote]

 

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One of the Amphyplaxi apparently died. The scalefish ate him, her, it, whatever. That made me sad and I rarely ever cry. Of course, I cried because of SUPAS, but this is different. A creature was reduced to remains and when I came to clean the pond, a piece just floated my way and got stuck onto my red boot. It was probably the sucking organ or whatever the xenobiologists plan to call it. Now we have only a pair of them. And they look like they want to tell us something?!

And then, I was upset with this in class. Dak saw it and he started to throw spit-stained flimsi balls on me. Comradette Malokio came to hold her class and she saw what was going on…then she sent me to the school psychologist because I was “provoking Dak into attacking me and clearly irritating him”.

The school psychologist, a Drall named Sophronim, asked me if I have had sex. I said that Porky almost assaulted me but that I did not allow him to. Then he asked me I would like to and I said no. Then he went on and on about this Seegmon D’fraud and how everything is connected to sexual desire. I repeated that I am sad because an Amphyplax died and that I am not really thinking of sex right now because I am not married and pre-marital sex is a strange thing, but he told me that my affinity to a tentacled creature beast represents my repressed sexual desire. I…I don’t think that this is true. I DON’T WANT IT TO BE TRUE. SEX IS FOR MARRIED BEINGS, OKAY?

He then asked me about my parents. I said that dad was dead and he connected that to desire, too. He said that missing the parent of the opposite sex is best satiated with a proper relationship. I ironically asked him if there was such a thing as a relationship workshop and he said that there isn’t, but that he could consider it for next year. He praised me for a progressive idea and I said that I don’t want to be credited for it, which initially surprised him, but then he pointed out that I’m an orange-shirt and that…err…this feels weird to write…my breasts are big enough for me to be humble. WHAT, JUST WHAT?

I don’t know. Sometimes, I think that I am never going to marry and experience knowing a man’s body. After all, how can we call something done in the dark “knowing”? There is no such a thing as knowledge in the darkness. It sounds like even more confusion, just waiting to boil up, spill over and burn.

After the classes, Comradette Steurpa – she told me that I can call her Pan, and I buried the remains of our Amphyplax next to the pond. I told her about Sophronim and she called him crazy. She asked me if mom ever had other boyfriends, I said no. There was apparently somebody, at some point, and it didn’t last, but it was not a sexual experience, there were no kisses, even; and she does not want to talk about it. But this got Pan intrigued. She said that mom probably made a huge mistake and that she doesn’t want me to make one.

She’s wrong. Mom is not the kind to embrace mistakes. Plus, dad was great. Sure he would often not be around for hours and spend time fishing, but dad was great. He was a true progressive Sacorrian in so many ways, he understood the point of power and the importance of a good job in a good state-owned company. I miss him.

As for sex, she told me that having it before or after the wedding does not matter, as long as I find somebody I love. She pointed out that Zana probably did it long ago and that Tendra is the type who probably won’t give Dak what he wants. So, she too thinks that Dak is sexually attracted to Tendra! Wow. If she says so, given that she’s a xenobiologist and Dak is clearly a nerf, then it must be true.

Now, for loving somebody, she has this philosophy: you have to love your family. You have to find an animal or a plant to connect to. You have to be ready to give everything up for a dear friend. You need to connect to a place and then, and only then, you can find a lover that suits you. I like that. Even though I think that I passed only the first two steps of the journey she is talking about.

I asked her if she was going to get married and she proudly told me that she is close to it. Her future husband, Nekolaas, is somebody working in Saccorata Tech and it turns out that he knows Danyle from somewhere. Wow, the city is so small, in a way! I asked her to see a picture and, while he is clearly not what I am dreaming of, and at this point, I’m pretty sure that I am dreaming of that man from my fantasy some months ago which sucks bantha poodoo because he clearly does not exist, he’s pretty handsome. And if this was a sentence, I’m as much of a nerf as Dak. Ha-ha!

This prompted me to tell my mom about this fantasy. She, of course, said that a man should be taller and then I provoked her by asking if a man should be taller than dad had been. She didn’t like that question, for some reason. Was her other man, whoever he might have been, tall…perhaps?

Someday I am going to find out who that was.

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Footnotes

Spoiler

I got the phrase "knowing a man's body" from Pandora's story, Pale Iris. I wanted to make a tribute to her, because she wrote Sacorria PERFECTLY.

Most things this psychologist is saying are clear deviant nonsense.

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The end of school is coming close. I can feel it kill my inspiration. At the same time, I am more and more inspired to work on my final project.

I have to build a seeding droid, explain the process I used to build it and present it to the school committee at a special event. And only then will I be able to graduate. Ugh. My droid carries a seedling basket type of a thing that is slightly decorative on its top and has a gun, which is a modified large blaster, which it uses to fire exactly where it should.

I want to give a chance to minor farmers, not big corporations. Ever since Duchess Branna has shown me that documentary about the inheritance system on this planet, I have been a supporter of minor farmers. Imagine this – if they don’t produce enough crops, the Sacorrian Central Committee is allowed jurisdiction on everything they own. I don’t like that. They already own everything and everybody, why would they own every single detail of every single being’s life?

Mom has been very helpful so far. She brought me some datachips from the museum, showing how the seedling droids had progressed over the millennia and how various positions of the sowing gun impact whether the seed will take on and form a sprout or not. Tendra was with me when I was reading about it and, at some point, she started laughing. I wasn’t quite sure why and then she told me that there were strange Seegmon D’fraud-ish allusions in the narration track.

Yup, Comradette Steur…I mean, Pan was right. Everybody other than me seems to be wanting sex. As long as Tendra does not let Dak become her first man, or – Sacor forbid – her husband, things will be all right…I think? It’s not progressive to do anything with Dak, as far as I’m concerned. He can threaten people with Arcadia as much as he likes, he can get Comrade Roko to threaten people with Sacor as well, and it’s not going to work. Porky is ugly and selfish, Dak is scary and controlling, so the two of them should not be granted anything they want, ever.

We were eating klotzi-kookies on the balcony when Tendra randomly asked me about the seedling droid. I thought that she only wanted to talk about boys. This was a surprise. Now, the thing is, she does not know where to proceed with hers. She has gone in a completely different direction and is using a protocol droid as a mechanical seeder that would pay a tribute to the progressive seeders of our past, all of whom were Selonians. I asked her if the droid is from a GR series, to match her whole idea and she said no. Then how is she going to pay a tribute? I don’t understand it. I suggested to her that she should be going for tech rather than impressing the progressive side of those who will be grading us and that was when she confessed to me that she doesn’t know how.

What is it with red shirts? Are they even graded objectively, or are they just allowed to do whatever they want to do, just because we’re informed that they are the best, or something? I know how to manage my project from start to finish and Tendra has these progressive ideas, but doesn’t know how to put them to work in a more energy and time-efficient way, which is also a characteristic of being progressive.

I have suggested that she uses an astromech instead and I pointed out that there was one such case in Galactic history, when the settlers on Tralus attempted something similar. Astromechs have some handy details inside of their domes and some of them could be modified into sowing add-ons. But Tendra was worried. She said that the idea was not Sacorrian enough, because it’s…RELATED TO TRALUS. Wondering what it is that makes every other planet so unprogressive – I mean, I get that Xyquine is not progressive, no matter what Lumia the Sarlacc says – and so repugnant to most. For example, I really like Vagran and Aurea. I would love to go and see Aunt Larax again. But if I was to say that around somebody like Tendra, that would have been SCANDALLOUS.

She also complained about strange messages in her e-mail inbox. They’re as weird as the one my mother got – apparently, Twi’lek girls are all horny and up for a kriff. And since she thinks that it’s true, she responded to them and said that she was not a man and when they responded that they do not mind and sent her a link to another yak-room for “lebsiens”, she was HORRIFIED.

So, I decided to test her general knowledge on Galactic events. For real, and not like we’re told.

I asked her where Alderaan was. She gave me M-10 as its simplified coordinates. If she only knew…

…at this point, I think I’m slowly starting to side with Rebels’ causes. I should not be telling this to anybody, but at least they’re smart. The Empire and the world I live in are all…uninform and it’s getting boring. It feels like one cannot truly breathe here.

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Footnotes

Spoiler

The Sacorrian Central Committee would be similar to Central Committee that communist countries have or used to have.

Klotzi-kookies is a random fanon invention.

 

... oh, Doria. Right sympathies, wrong way to go about expressing them.

Don't record this kind of stuff where the Triad can find it ...

 

The staff of Doria’s school are certainly a...progressive lot aren’t they? Dak throws spitballs at Doria and it totes HER FAULT for irritating him by...what? Breathing on him? Existing? And of course, of course that’s sufficient reason to send Doria to the school psychologist. Sophronim sounds like a charming fellow, too. It’s no coincidence that the GFFA version of Sigmund Freud is named D’fraud—a pun that works on so many levels. Everything is about sex! Because no sentient being ever thinks about anything else ever eleventy-one! Nope, sorry, Seegy, sometimes an Amphyplaxi is just an Amphyplaxi. It’s good that Doria has Comradette Steurpa to talk to her more sensibly, but I have to disagree with her philosophy on love—there’s no magic formula or timeline for finding it. Love comes when it comes, and finding love is not necessarily the same as finding a lover. And again I want to tell Doria, wait for marriage if that’s what you want; quit letting people tell you you’re wrong or old-fashioned for wanting it that. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Building a seeding droid sounds like an intriguing final project, part technical work, part art project, part historical essay. It’s appropriate for an agricultural world. It’s not really surprising that Tendra and some of the other red-shirts don’t really know what they’re doing and yet get graded on a curve. On Saccoria, it’s not what you know, sometimes it’s not even who you know, it’s just having the right color shirt. Doria continues to see the cracks in the progressive facade of her world. She’s seeing that other planets aren’t inferior and the Empire isn’t telling the truth. Slowly but surely, she’s waking up to reality.