Saga - OT Growing Pains - A Doaba Ke’demii/Teenage Rebellion Mashup (Luke & OC | 0-1 ABY | by RB and EP)

Title: Growing Pains - A Doaba Ke’demii/Teenage Rebellion Mashup
Authors: Ewok Poet and Raissa Baiard
Canonicity: AU
Genre: Humour, angst
Characters: Luke Skywalker, Doria Vorr (OC)
Timeframe: 0-1 ABY
Rating: PG (probably?)
Length: Short

Summary: Two extremely emotional teenagers who LOVE USING ALL CAPS and hitting the punctuation signs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 accidentally stumble into each other on HyperYak.

A/N: This is a crossover of two epics - @Raissa Baiard's Teenage Rebellion and my Doaba Ke'demii - The Diary of a Young Comradette. The AU Luke and an AU Doria Vorr (otherwise living in Disney canon, tywm) meet via the wonders of HoloNet and the clandestine chat program named HyperYak. TEENAGE ANGST OCCURS.

We've come up with this idea probably a year ago or so, given how dramatic both Luke and Doria were at that point. But for some reason, this only happened today. We opened a Google Doc and wrote this live, using the seat-of-pants approach. All of 'em typos are there to make the story authentic...and a couple might be intentional.

Stay tuned for the renowned psychiatrist Seegmon d'Fraud's analysis of these two's psychological states. It takes longer to write *that* kind of wacky.

If you want to read a saner collab from the realm of Goats, Raissa and @Findswoman have the excellent Lasan series!

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//SkyGuy1138: Seamadeofglass yak session started at 1145 GST //

Seamadeofglass: Prog?

SkyGuy1138: Um…hi?? I guess?

Seamadeofglass: Please, don’t try to sell me a bent fork that was used by a Jedi. Does your name contain too many repeated vowels?

SkyGuy1138: Okay...why, do you already have a bent fork that was used by a Jedi? And I don’t think so...there’s only...um, four. Five, if you count the Y.

Seamadeofglass: I am getting Neimoidian scammer emails ALL THE TIME. And that “you bet” wermo keeps on bothering me with that fork. And everybody knows that the Jedi are TERRORISTS.

SkyGuy1138: No they aren’t

Seamadeofglass: So are clones. Then again, my ex must have been a clone, I HATE HIM SO MUCH. I HATE BOYS. I NEVER WANT ONE IN MY LIFE AGAIN.

SkyGuy1138: Errr...I’m a boy. I mean...a guy. A man.

Seamadeofglass: Please, tell me that you’re a Bith! Or something like those sentient trees.

SkyGuy1138: No, just a regular Human. I like trees, though. They’re so...green and beautiful

Seamadeofglass: OH MY TRIAD!!1 You like green, too??????

SkyGuy1138: yeah! It’s my favorite color!!1! It reminds me of...no, never mind…

Seamadeofglass: My favourite is basically orange, the sunfruit colour, but green reminds me of our beautiful fields of grains. What does it remind you of?

SkyGuy1138: Well….there’s this girl...and she’s BEAUTIFUL and SMART and PRETYY and she’s got the most AMAZING GREEN EYES...like...like leaves and dewdrops and … they SPARKLE <3 <3<3

Seamadeofglass: I hope she is not a SCHUTTA like MOL MIGROONA who took Jax Novo away from us progressive young women!

SkyGuy1138: No! She’s not...not THAT at all… but...she kind of has a boyfriend. AND HE’S A TOTAL NERF-HERDING JERK WHO DOESN’T DESERVE HER AT ALLL! So I know how you feel about having someone TAKEN AWAY from you

Seamadeofglass: Do you really love her? Or is that like me with my NERF HERDING NERF OF A NERF KRIFFIN BOYFRIEND? I had to be NORMAL, you know??? And Jax is, I don’t know, a good person to like? Mom said so, Tendra agreed.

SkyGuy1138: I LOVE HER1!! more thaANYTHING IN THE WHOLE GALAXY!! And, um, I guess Jax is a good guy and you should go after him?

Seamadeofglass: Sounds like you were meant to be! Jax and I were not. I was meant to be with a PRINCE. ROYALTY is tno progresisve enough, but who cares at this pojt?

SkyGuy1138: YES1! thankyou! It’s so nice to meet someone who finally sees that! If only it wasn’t for that STUPID NERF-HERDING BRIDGER1!1

Seamadeofglass: BRIDGER SHOULD THEN DATM,ER BOTH MOL MIGROONA AND MY EX, PORKY. Actuially, his real name is bantha poodoo, so I want to embarrass him further: GLAUNDER PORKLEY1

SkyGuy1138: ummm… Bridger is a stupid nerf-herder...but I don’t think he likes guys THAT WAY

Seamadeofglass: You are 100% right. The Book of Law would agree. But my ex boyfriend SHOULD BURN IN A BLACK HOLE. The supermaissvei one in the centre of the Galaxy!

SkyGuy1138: And he can take Bridger with him..and uh, Mol Migrrona. And then we can be with our SOULMATES

Seamadeofglass: You have your soulmate <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I met Jax and I KISSED HIM ON THE CHEEK but he neds tro finsd a girl who’s NOT A SCHUTTA LIKE MOL. Do you know any nice girls? Especially those with evil boyfriends? NERF HERDERS? Jax would make them HAPPY!

SkyGuy1138: well….I guess there’s a couple of nice girls here...besides Mara, I mean… there’s one who...well, she’s kind of a princess...and another who’s a Mandalorian, but I don’t know...maybe she’s seeing Hobbie? Or Wedge? She has purple hair…

Seamadeofglass: I will be right back, I PROMISE. PLEASE DON’T GO!11!11! I have to eat. Mom will be angry, she made DOUGHSHAPES with ground bantha, pomatoes and ryoo leaves. That Naboo thing!~1 I ALSO USE THE ANGRY MACE SHREDDED CHEESE PRODUCT. Please, tell me more about Hobbie, Wedgie and those girls.

SkyGuy1138: Wow, those dough shapes sound FABULOUS. I’m hungry now! The food here is not that great. Dex made APPLE SLUG STEW AGAIN.seriously, where is he getting all these slugs, anyway?!?!

SkyGuy1138: Let’s see...Wedge and Hobbie are two guys in my squadron. Wedge is my wingman...I mean really my wingman, not just the kind who helps you hit on girls. He’s a great guy. Hobbie...he’s kind of… I don’t know, snarky, maybe? But he gets a lot of girls anyway. He knows all about women.

Seamadeofglass: But what makes the Mandolin girl fall for any oft hose? DID THEY SABE HEOR OR SOMETHING????

SkyGuy1138: Actually...I think she saved them. She is...really kind of… awesome. And a little scary…

Seamadeofglass: SCARY girls scare me! Is she good at school? What subject do you need squadrons for anyway? Model Imperial Senate?

Seamadeofglass: In what class are you anyway? You sound like the last year of basic school to me...I am probably older…

Seamadeofglass: I am 17...soon!

SkyGuy1138: I’m 19...almost 20! And I’m out of school—at least what passes for school on Tatooine...Aunt Beru taught me using the Standard Imperial Curriculum from the Holo-net. I’m a pilot now! In Rogue Squadron

Seamadeofglass: Okay, I’m 15… I lied. Sorry. But what’s a ROUGE SQUADRON? Stupid name! The Empire has so, so, so many squadrons that they’re out of GREAT names, wetc. Perhaps we can help. Us, Sacorrians. We are pORGESSIV.E

Seamadeofglass: progressive*

SkyGuy1138: it’s ok, I don’t mind if you’re younger...Mara—the girl with the AMAZING GREEN EYES is only 17 and she is BRILLIANT

SkyGuy1138: but I’m not in an Imperial Squadron. I’m in the Rebellion. The Empire is EVIL.

Seamadeofglass: wait...so you’re a TERRORIST and you’re COMING ONTO ME? Because I’m younger tha n Mara???????????????????? YOU HUTT!

SkyGuy1138: Wait...what?! I’m not coming on to you!!! I Love Mara! And I’m NOT A TERRORIST. I’M FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM AND JUSTICE AND GOODNESS!!!1!!!

Seamadeofglass: You are making me CRY! wE SHOULD BE FIGHTING FOR PROGRESS AND UNITY...and whatever the Empire is fighting for! I...wait...NEVER MIND. They fight for good things...PATEESA!

SkyGuy1138: but….THEY BLEW UP AN ENTIRE PLANET! How can that be progressive?!!? Or GOOD?! They KILLED my aunt and uncle and BURNED DOWN our farm!!! And I don’t even know what PATEEESA MEANS!

Seamadeofglass: My grandma might die soon. Death is a progressive end to life. YOU STILL HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD. They’re probably...not traitors????

SkyGuy1138: No, my mom DIED when I was a baby and Darth Vader MURDERED MY FATHER1!1 DON’T YOU EVEN CARE THAT BILLIONS OF PEOPLE DIED ON ALDERAAN/!1/? HOW IS THAT PROGRESSIVE

Seamadeofglass: THERE IS NO OTHER WAY THAN PROGRESSIVE!!! BY THE WAY, I’M 13. It’s SO EASY TO LIE TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU’RE A WERMO, TOO!1!!!

Seamadeofglass: YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT PATEESA MEANS BECAUSE YOU’RE A HUTT, HUTT, HUTT! A SLIMEY REBEL JEDI HUTT!

SkyGuy1138: WHAT?1??? I told you, I’m Human… But, wow, you are really… I Don’t even.. just...does your mom know you’re on HyperYak trying to pick up older men?!?

Seamadeofglass: DOES YOUR MARA KNOW THAT YOU TALK TO GIRLS?

SkyGuy1138: I don’t think she cares if I talk to little kids! I bet you don’t have a boyfriend either, even one with a stupid made-up name like “Glaunder Porkley”

Seamadeofglass: Ha??? YOU PROBABLY NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND YOURSELF. I AM SO, SO, SO DONE WITH THIS!

SkyGuy1138: I should go now. I don’t think Aunt Beru would approve of me talking to lying Imperial sympathizers who try to pick up guys twice their age on the HoloNet… Uh, hope someday you’ll see what the Empire’s REALLY LIKE...may the Force be with you...

//SkyGuy1138: Seamadeofglass yak session ended at 1330 GST, 5:29:35 Gr:s //

 

Too FUN & now see what you've done, made me a capslock fanatic

Is she really 13?

 

In Doria's DDC, she is 17-18 in 2 ABY-3 ABY, so for the purpose of this one, she can be anything. I don't think @Raissa Baiard kept the timeline of Teenage Rebellion that close, so Doria can be anything between 15 and 17 here. Luke's age doesn't change, of course. Neither does his fondness of MARA because GREEN EYES like a TREE!1

I WAS ALREADY A CAPS LOCK FANATIC WHEN WE SUFFERED FROM TITLE EDIT WITHDRAWAL AND HORIZONTAL RULE WITHDRAWAL. SEEGMON D'FRAUD HAS A DIAGNOSIS FOR THAT ONE, TOO!11