Saga - OT [DDC 2018] (Not) The Ballad of Ronen Syndulla-Jarrus | (OCs)

Noemi's inherited her lightsaber skills and her teaching ability from Raissa and Mara, plus she's got younger cousins she works with the same way Mara used to train with her younger siblings, so it really comes naturally to Noemi. It really is a family affair for them--siblings, cousins, grandparents are all involved...and any time is a good time to bake cookies, right? Caleb is the way I picture Ezra would have been if he'd had a normal childhood; he's pretty easygoing, but he does look out for his little sister to keep her safe from nerf-brains like Ben. And for your description of Ben. That pretty much sums up Mr. Next-in-Line-to-Be-the-Chosen-One! Thanks so much--there's more coming right up!

Yes, Noemi and Annina really do have a lot in common: that organizational flair you mentioned, plus the beast-warden talent and an affinity for felines, and even a certain starry-eyed perspective on love. Fortunately for Mara, Noemi's pretty level-headed overall and has more than her share of Mara's practicality, too. It was fun to have an opportunity to get some of the other family members into this entry; and I hope that I can do more with the family dynamics either here or in other stories. Caleb--oh yeah, if Noemi's got Mara's practicality, Caleb inherited his dad's exuberance and sense of humor! And I think he's got a fair idea about his little sister's feelings; if he didn't he certainly does now after hearing her squee that OMF HE ASKED ME OUT!

Isn't he a piece of work? He really does have a lot in common with dear Porfy--the same focus on the forms of etiquette, the same high opinion of themselves and tendency to view everyone else in terms of what they can do for them. I will grant that Ben's a better scholar and that his interest in Jedi lore is more sincere that Porfozald's in shamanic lore, but they're both very outwardly focused, trying to demonstrate that they're TEH BESTEST instead of being inwardly focused on making themselves the best person they can be, the way Shulma, and, I would say, Ronen and Noemi are. "Smarm" is an excellent word, and yes, Ben's conversation with Noemi is just full of it. It is a little creepy that even though he's met her before he doesn't even remember her, but all of the sudden she's THE ONE.

Yes, I totally wanted to hug him, too, after this entry. Sometimes as a writer you just feel bad for putting your characters through everything you put them through! Ro is just such a sensitive guy that he feels he ought to be happy and supportive for Noemi despite everything, and that guilt is just the icing on the cake for this day. (And I will say, though it doesn't really come up in the story, that Jacen is the one to find his note, so at least he's got an understanding big brother on his side.) And Noemi may be oblivious, but she wasn't acting out of any sort of malice; whatever she feels for Ben, Ronen is still her bestest best friend and she cares a lot about him. That sound in the background is definitely a repulsortrain approaching....

 

Thanks to @Findswoman for beta-reading
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Noemi’s Journal (Oh good skies! Ben!)
25/09 3301

Oh good skies.

Oh. Good. SKIES!

It worked! My dueling club idea worked! Ben came—I knew he would!—and he noticed me. Like actually talked to me, and—

OH GOOD SKIES!!!

Okay, okay—first things first: the dueling club. I can do this—I can write about something besides Ben, even though he’s so…

Right. Okay...

The club turned out to be a big success. We had 27 padawans show up, which is almost half the students in the Academy—though that’s less impressive when you realize that nine of us are cousins or sort-of-cousins: me, Caleb, Ronen, Ayelet, Pheylan, Aric, Miranda, Lyra and Owen. Still, I think it all went pretty well. Yes, some of the guys were showing off—and my brother was one of them, with all his fancy saber-twirling moves Come on, Caleb, everyone already knows you’re good—and maybe one or two of the girls were, too, but we also had some of the older padawans working with the younger ones, the way my cousins and I have always practiced together. And I think that’s really important, because for us older padawans, it’s good practice for when we become Jedi and have padawans of our own, and for the younglings it’s more fun than a class, and let’s face it, it’s easier to learn when you’re having fun—just like playing Force-tag and hide-and-seek teaches basic Force skills.

And that’s where it comes back to Ben! Really! Because what finally made me visible to him was sparring with Dhel! Ben came up to me after we finished the match. (I thought all Dhel’s fur was going to ripple right off him when Grandma declared it a draw, he was so excited.) And oh my Force, Ben is even more handsome up close with his dark hair and eyes —oh, yes, I can say without a doubt now that his eyes really do smolder!—and so dignified in his dress robes! I know he hasn’t been knighted yet, but he looked every bit a Jedi when he bowed to me. He took my hand like I was a senator or a princess or something, not just Padawan Noemi Bridger, and introduced himself as seriously as if we’d never met before—like he hadn’t come over to our house for nerf steak and jogan pie on Endor Day! (Okay, that was a bit strange, but he’s just a very formal person, I suppose.)

Ben told me he was most impressed with how much poise and maturity (yes, his actual words!) I’d shown with Dhel, that I had the makings of an exceptional lightsaber instructor (again, his words!). Oh good skies, I think I must have turned a dozen shades of red (which I’m sure looked just fantastic with my hair!) and somehow I managed not to stammer when I said that it ran in my family—Grandma’s the battlemaster, Mom teaches intermediate saber class, and Dad’s no slouch either, since he’s fought actual Sith. Ben said it was clear that I’d inherited their strength in the Force, that he could sense it in me, and then—oh good skies, I still can’t believe it really happened!—he said that he would be honored if I would join him for dinner at the Bistro de Lothal in Capital City tomorrow! Oh good skies! (Sorry, but I just can’t help it!) The Bistro! The City! Oh good skies! It’s so… grown-up! So...Ben! I can’t even!

But it’s strange—Spots has decided she doesn’t like him. She was playing with the hem of his robe, trying to be friendly, and Ben kept pulling it away from her—it was almost funny, really—and he finally got annoyed and shooed her away. Okay, kind of rude, but then I don’t think he realized Spots is my bond-beast, and it was no excuse for her to try to scratch him. I tried to explain to her that not everyone loves Loth-cats as much as my family and that he’ll warm up to her once he gets to know her better, but she wasn’t having any of that. She just kept telling me *No* and now she’s sulking under my bed because she says I love him better than her, which is ridiculous. Cats can be so stubborn sometimes!

All in all, I’d say the club’s first meeting was practically perfect. The only thing that would have made it better was if Ronen could have been there for more than just that first match. I’m kind of worried about him. I don’t think I’ve seen him look that bad since he had cavern fever when he was ten (and he had it worse than either Jacen or Ayelet). I could sense how miserable he was, too, like he was too sick to even bother hiding it. Ro told me to stay at the club meeting, because that’s the kind of friend he is, but I should have insisted—I should have gone with him. Grandma could have taken care of things with the club until I got him settled or even finished the meeting for me. I took the rest of the Wookiee cookies over to his house afterwards, thinking that might make him feel better, but Jacen said he was in bed. He said he’d tell Ro I’d been there and have him get in touch with me when he was feeling better. I still haven’t heard from him, though.

Addendum: My family is so…karabastical…sometimes! Spots isn’t the only one who has an irrational dislike of Ben. My loving (read: overprotective) big brother took it upon himself to tell me that he doesn’t think I have any business going out with Ben because—get this—he’s so much older than me! Um, hello? He’s only a year older than you, Caleb, and anyway, three year’s difference is not too much. Uncle Luke is ten years older than Aunt Annina! And when I pointed that out to Caleb, he said, “I bet Uncle Luke was never such a smoldering pain in the shebs, though.” Oooh....I could just Force-choke my brother sometimes!

And my parents! OMF! When I told Mom and Dad that Ben had asked me out and that he wanted to take me to the Bistro de Lothal, they just looked at each other and did the whole silent conversation thing (why couldn’t I have at least one regular parent, like Ronen does?). And then Mom gave me the Look and said, “I don’t think so.You’re too young to be going all the way to Capital City on a date. And, in case you’ve forgotten, you have a 23:00 curfew.” And Dad, who is usually a lot more accommodating about stuff than Mom and can almost always talk her around, backed her up this time! Like, how is this fair? When he was my age, he was fighting in the actual Rebellion, but I’m not old enough to take the train to the City for dinner with Ben?! (“Yeah, but the only way I got to eat at the Bistro de Lothal was to pull scraps out of their dumpster.” Thanks, Dad…)

I had to comm Ben and tell him that my parents didn’t approve of me going to the City, and fortunately, he was very understanding about it all. He said he hadn’t realized that I’m only sixteen because I’d been so mature and capable sparring with Dhel (really!), but that of course he respected my parents’ wishes. He suggested that we go to the Classic Jedi Film Festival in Jogan Grove instead, which should be fun. Ro and I usually go to catch whatever Jedi Action holofilm they’re featuring that year (I can’t believe the Empire actually blacklisted those). Ben asked me to recommend a restaurant to go to afterwards, because he said he doesn’t get to town very often. I suggested Flossie and Delzina’s Café; it’s where all of us cousins like to hang out after going to the ’flicks. They have the best jogan fruit pie and cheesy topato wedges. He thought it sounded charming.

So I guess everything turned out all right in the end, though I just don’t think it’s fair that my parents don’t trust me enough to let me go to the City.

And Ro still hasn’t answered my messages, which isn’t like him at all. He must be sick if he’s slept all afternoon. I’ll have to go check on him tomorrow, because I’m really worried about him.

Notes:

Noemi’s cousins: on Noemi’s list of her cousins, besides Ronen and Ayelet, there are Mara’s brother Nick’s children Pheylan, Aric and Miranda (named after the main characters in Timothy Zahn’s Conquerors Series) and her sister Annina’s children Lyra and Owen.

Cavern fever: A childhood disease for Twi’leks

Bistro de Lothal: A restaurant in Capital City, where, according to Ezra’s Rebel Journal, Ezra used to dumpster dive for meals.

Jogan Grove: fanon town near the Jedi Academy complex.

 

I'm so happy that Noemi's glad about the dueling club's success! Ben seems to not be such a Porfazald wannabe about the date details. I'm happy that Noemi is concerned about Ro... Goodness, I was EAGERLY awaiting this update because I was expecting the date to be like, ack! But if it actually turns out better than I think it will, that won't "break" Noemi's crush...

 

Noemi's organizational skills (plus Raissa's cookies!) are sure to make any endeavor a success; she is sincerely interested in getting her fellow padawans to connect. And she's also sincerely concerned about Ronen. Whatever's going on with Ben, Ro is still her BFF and she cares about him. As for the date, well, all I'm going to say is it's coming right up
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Thanks as always to @Findswoman for beta-reading


Noemi’s Journal (Oh good skies, what was I thinking?)
26/09 3301

Did you ever want something so much that it was all you could think about, and you saved all your credits or begged for it for Life Day, and then when you finally got it, it wasn’t what you expected at all? It wasn’t nearly as cool as it had seemed? That’s how I feel right now.

My date with Ben… Oh good skies, I don’t even know where to start…

I was so excited last night I could hardly sleep, thinking about Ben, imagining our date—whether he’d hold my hand during the holofilm or even kiss me—and if I were a droid, all my circuits would have overloaded thinking about that! And I kept wondering what I should wear, since I’d already worn my favorite jacket to the dueling club. I wished I had, well not a glitterskirt, but maybe something a little glittery. At times like this, I think it would be nice to have a sister instead of my goofball older brother, someone I could get advice from (no way was I asking Caleb for any, especially not after what he said about Ben!) or share clothes with. I decided to see if Ayelet had a sash or scarf or something I could borrow when I went to check on Ronen. (And it’s too bad Bellona lives on Mandalore, because I know she’d have something spectacular that she designed herself.)

Ro seemed to be doing better today, though still not really himself. He, Jacen, Ayelet and Aunt Hera were having a late breakfast when I got there (Uncle Kanan was already at the Academy, of course), so they invited me to join them for space waffles with Aunt Hera’s meiloorun compote, which is totally the best. Jacen asked me a lot of questions about the dueling club, and he and Aunt Hera both liked the idea of the older padawans mentoring the younger ones. Jacen even asked if Grandma and I had thought about having some of the younger Jedi who don’t have their own padawans yet help out and said he’d be interested if we wanted to. Ro listened, but didn’t say too much until I asked Ayelet if she had anything dressy I could borrow for my date, when he told me I should just wear my ocean blue tunic because it matched my eyes. There was this weird sort of pause all around the table, partly because he didn’t say it to me so much as to his caf mug. And partly because who knew that Ronen even payed attention to what I wear...let alone whether it matched my eyes? Ayelet said she had a dark blue embroidered sash I could borrow if I wanted, and all of a sudden Ro excused himself, saying he wasn’t feeling very well again. There was more weird silence while Ayelet got the sash; I felt like Jacen and Aunt Hera were watching me, almost as if I had something to do with Ro being sick.

And...I’m afraid I do, in a way... because I noticed that he got “sick” every time I mentioned Ben. Ro just hasn’t been himself since that day I tried to make over his hair, the day he pretty much admitted he’s in love with someone who doesn’t love him. I think that when I talk about Ben, it just reminds him that this girl, whoever she is, doesn’t care. I didn’t mean to rub it in; I only wanted to share something that makes me happy with my best friend—but instead I just made him miserable. And the thought that I hurt Ro, even by accident, makes me miserable, too...

I worried about Ro all afternoon, even while I was getting ready to go out with Ben. I took Ronen’s advice and wore my blue tunic (and he was right, it does bring out my eyes) with Ayelet’s sash. Then there was the whole ordeal of hair and makeup. Sometimes I wish I had lekku, because Ayelet and Aunt Hera always look fabulous without having to do anything, whereas figuring out what to do with my hair is a major pain. And makeup! Oh good skies, how do girls like Zofi do this everyday? It takes like forever! Eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara...ack! I wanted to scream and chuck it all into the trash compactor, and I wasn’t even finished by the time Mom told me Ben was there! Finally I just scrubbed it all off and went with some powder and lip gloss—the natural look, right? At least I hoped so.

And my karabastical family… Caleb had decided that this was the perfect time to practice his quetarra, and Dad—oh good skies, my dad!—was singing along loudly and enthusiastically: “I wanna hold your app-eh-eh-ehndaaaaage…” while Ben sat on our sofa watching, a hint of faint horror visible under his mask of polite interest. He sprang to his feet, looking relieved, as soon as I came into the conversation circle. “Noemi! You look lovely, as ever!” He took my hand, and I thought for a moment he was going to kiss it, but then he glanced at Mom and Dad, smiled at them apologetically and just gave it a quick squeeze instead.

“So Noemi says you’re going to the Jogan Grove film festival,” Mom commented, and I stifled a groan. Lovely. We had to do the whole Parental Appropriateness Review… “Are you going to see ‘Jedi Battle Beyond the Stars’?”

Ben snorted. “No, of course not! We’re going to see Ing-Mar Br’gnam’s ‘The Seventh Holocron’. I can’t believe the film festival even includes those ridiculous Jedi Action films. Yes, technically they were included under the Empire’s blacklist of Jedi related material, but to call them classic? What self-respecting Jedi would even watch them? They’re horribly inaccurate and the plots are simply ludicrous!”

There was a moment of awkward silence as my family exchanged glances. See, Jedi Action holofilms are like a family tradition for us. Grandpa and Grandma watched “Gar-Jen vs. Gargantua” their first Life Day together. Mom and Uncle Nick and Aunt Annina grew up watching them. Dad used to sneak the holovids from the underground markets in Capital City. Ronen and I know all the dialogue in “Gar-Jen”, we’ve seen it so many times. And I saw Mom and Dad raise their eyebrows at each other, and Dad got that spark in his eyes…

*Dad, no… Please don’t embarrass me…*

*Would I do that?*”Oh, absolutely,” he said, straight-faced, but with mischief still sparkling in his eyes. “Completely ludicrous, what with all the cheesy dialogue and the scantily-clad females. No one around here would ever dream of watching them, right, Noemi?”

“Er…” Thanks for putting me on the spot, Dad. So, did I tell Ben that no, actually I really enjoyed Jedi Action ’flicks and have him think I was a complete moof-milker, or agree that they were stupid and have my family think I was the kind of girl who’d say anything for a guy? Umm...neither. “We should really get going. We don’t want to be late for the film. Bye, guys...and yes, Mom, I’ll be home by 23:00!” And I took Ben’s hand and pulled him out the door.

Uncle Luke’s speeder was parked out front, and Spots was sitting on the hood, grooming her left hind foot and making quite a production of it, cleaning…each… toe… veeeery… thoroughly. “Ugh, there’s that cat again!” Ben’s mouth pulled back into a sneer of distaste. “And it’s gotten footprints all over the windshield! Shoo! Go on, shoo!”

Spots looked up at Ben for a second, so not impressed, and then switched to her other foot and began licking it. Ben made a noise of exasperation and tried again, this time nudging her instead of just waving his hands. Okay, so I might be willing to fudge a bit on whether I liked certain movies, but Spots is part of the family, and she and Ben were going to have to learn to get along. I moved his hand away from her. “Actually, this is Spots, my Loth-cat. I inherited the beast-warden talent from Dad, and she and I are bonded. Come on, Spotty, say hi to Ben.”

She stopped grooming herself and sniffed Ben’s hand. He eyed her uncertainly and offered a half-hearted, “Er, nice kitty…”. Spots wrinkled her nose and sneezed on him, shaking her head. *No.* Ben gave a loud cry of disgust as he wiped the cat sneeze off onto his robes, while Spots jumped down from the speeder and dashed toward the jogan fruit orchard. She paused, looking back to inform me that she did not like the way he smelled. *Not this one.*

Wow, okay… Thanks for the vote of confidence, Spots. I stood there awkwardly as Ben obsessively polished all the paw prints off the speeder’s windshield, scowling at them as if that was going to make them disappear faster. And only once they were gone did he open the passenger door for me with a flourish of his robes.

The drive to Jogan Grove seemed longer than usual. I thought—okay, hoped—Ben might want to hold my hand, but no, he kept both hands on the steering yoke and eyes on the road at all times. Which I’m sure would have made my parents happy, but couldn’t he at least have looked at me occasionally? We chatted about the dueling club, and Ben asked me why I’d been motivated to start it. I don’t think he really approved of the idea of getting padawans to know each other outside of our classes. He said that it had the potential to be so much more than just a social club if I focused on the mentoring aspects and maintained a sense of discipline. Programs like mine, he said, could be vital in building our younglings into high-caliber blade masters. “Just think,” he enthused. “We could use your dueling club to shape the next generation of Jedi!” Okay, but can’t we have fun and share our knowledge at the same time? And isn’t building community and friendship at least as important as training in lightsaber skills?

When we got to the theater, we were the youngest people in line for the film, like by a lot, definitely not the same crowd who shows up for the Jedi Action ’flicks. When Ronen and I go to the holoflicks together, we get a big bucket of bang-corn and a couple Fizzy-Glugs, but Ben complained that the concession prices were exorbitant and there was no point filling up on snacks when we were having dinner afterwards. Ben assured me I was going to love the holo—a classic drama about a disillusioned Jedi Knight who sought to make a difference during the rakghoul plague. It didn’t sound too bad, but what he forgot to mention was that it was a Hapan film with Basic subtitles...and none of it really made any sense to me. Something about a Jedi playing dejarik with Death? Just what? And Ben sat Very Properly in his seat the whole time—no “yawning” and oh-look-my-arm-is-on-your-shoulder for him, and no “accidentally” brushing my hand. When I tried to give him a hint by putting my hand on his armrest, he shifted the other way.

Dinner was not what I hoped either. Flossie and Delzina’s is this cute little café run by a pair of elderly Bimm sisters. I could tell Ben was unimpressed by the decor—lots of old holos and jogan-fruit-related memorabilia—or the menu—homestyle Lothali cuisine. Okay, so it’s not the Bistro Lothal or any of the fancy restaurants he goes to on Coruscant with his mother, but the food is fantastic. One of my favorites is their cheesy topato wedges—smothered in blue-milk cheese, bacon bits and chopped flurr-cle onions...so good! Ro and I always share an order when we go to Flossie’s, but Ben hardly touched them and informed me that they were loaded with fat and not good for me if I wanted to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Um, thanks, I’ll take that into consideration… We discussed the holofilm over dinner—well, Ben discussed it. I said I thought it was “different,” and he spent the rest of the time explaining it to me, while I said “mm-hmm” every now and then. By the time we finished, I really wasn’t interested in dessert—which was a good thing, because it turns out that pie is Not Good for You, either, especially when served with ice cream and cyanoberry sauce…

Ben paid our tab, tipped badly, and escorted me to the speeder, swishy robes swishing swishily as he opened the door for me. As I climbed in, I couldn’t help but think what just happened here? Because nothing about this date had turned out the way I’d dreamed it would. Nothing about Ben was the way I’d dreamed it would be. He’d always seemed so focused and devoted when I’d seen him around the Academy and he’d been so gallant at the dueling club when he’d asked me out, but tonight he’d just been serious and stuffy. Only interested in his ideas for the club, his interpretation of the movie, what he liked and didn’t like. And I was all set for another tedious ride back to the Academy when Ben leaned towards me, and his eyes were—dare I say it?—smoldering when they met mine. “I’ve really enjoyed our time together tonight, Noemi.”

Despite everything, a flock of lepidopterans started fluttering in my stomach. Had I misjudged Ben? Maybe he wasn’t so much stuffy as just nervous and awkward? I mean, he really doesn’t hang out a lot with the other padawans, maybe he wasn’t used to making conversation. Maatko could be kind of like that sometimes, the way he turned everything into a math problem. Maybe Ben really just didn’t know how to talk to a girl. But he could learn, right? ”Oh, well, thanks, Ben. I...I’ve enjoyed it, too.” Okay, not exactly the truth, I know, but as Grandpa likes to say: “The Galaxy will will function in peace if certain things are a bit overlooked.”

Ben moved closer, as close as the speeder’s seats would allow, and my heart jumped like a nervous pocket-hare when took both of my hands in his. “You know, I always thought that the Old Order had the right idea with the non-attachment doctrine, but I never considered that I might find someone like you—so devoted to our Order, so capable, so strong in the Force…” He raised my hands and touched his lips to them, just lightly, but oh good skies, now my heart was an avian, soaring higher than the clouds. Ben smiled, his lips still hovering over my hands. “But I suppose that shouldn’t have surprised me, not with your impeccable lineage.”

And I crashed back down to the ground. “My what?”

He tipped his head to the side, his smile turning gently puzzled. “Your family,” he clarified, like the problem was with my vocabulary. “It’s quite illustrious among the Jedi: one of the headmasters, our battlemaster, the Hero of Lothal…” Oh no….no… He did not just say that. He did not just actually say “the Hero of Lothal”. Not him, not Ben, too. Wasn’t there anyone out there who saw beyond my name? Wasn’t there anyone who thought I was special just because I was Noemi?

Ben didn’t seem to notice that I’d frozen and was staring at him with in mute dismay. “You realize that only our two families have three generations of Jedi, don’t you? And you even have Jedi parentage on both sides; I envy you that!” He sighed rapturously at the very thought. “I can only imagine what I can accomplish with you by my side, Noemi Bridger!” Ben pulled me towards him, leaning in, and I realized with a sick certainty he was going to kiss me...

I jerked away, yanking my hands out of his. “So, that’s it?! That’s what you like about me—my lineage?”

He frowned, absolutely bewildered by this turn of events. Obviously, I was supposed to be flattered that he’d charted my pedigree like a prize fathier, and honored that he would allow me to help him accomplish Great Jedi Deeds. I could just see the gears turning under all that perfect hair, trying to figure out “what in Space does this girl want?” Finally, his eyes lit up and he smiled, lifting a hand to trace the curve of my cheek. “You’re lovely, too, of course…” He leaned in again.

I slammed up all my shields to keep the hot, sick feeling that was churning inside me from boiling over and erupting like the fires of Mustafar. I *pushed* Ben away, turning sharply away to face the window. “I’d like to go home now,” I told him, my voice tight and my hands shaking.

“What?! Why? Noemi, what’s wrong?”

I stared out at the speeder parked next to us, counting all the dings in its side, because if I looked at Ben I was going to slap him. Or Force-choke him. Or something. I took a deep breath. Emotion, yet peace was not going to happen; the best I could do was keep my voice coldly level. “I’m more than just the headmaster’s granddaughter or the Hero of Lothal’s daughter, thank you very much. If all you’re looking for is a third generation Jedi, then I guess you’ll just have to wait for one my cousins to grow up and hope she doesn’t care that you’re more interested in her because of her name than who she really is!”

Ben protested, spluttering, that of course he valued me for who I was, but when I challenged him to tell me one thing he liked about me besides my strength in the Force, he faltered. Yeah, that’s what I thought… My maturity, he finally managed, my dedication—funny, because that’s what I thought I liked about him, but it turned out he was just arrogant and self-absorbed. I guess neither of us had ever really seen the other as more than an idea, and realizing that made me wish I could *disappear* like Ronen so Ben wouldn’t see me cry. When I told him again that I wanted to go home, he exploded into inarticulate anger. “Gaaaaaaaaah! FINE!” he yelled, pounding his fists against the steering yoke. He sulked and seethed the whole way back to the Academy, hands throttling the yoke, teeth clenched in a snarl, eyes smoldering as he glared straight ahead. He stopped in front of our house just long enough for me to get out of the speeder, then peeled out of the drive, leaving me standing alone in the dark.

Oh Force, I’m too tired to write any more… too confused… I’ll have to finish this in the morning. Maybe by then I’ll have figured out what I’m feeling, because right now, I just don’t know…

Notes:
Bellona: Sabine’s daughter. (named after the Roman goddess of war)

Space waffles: an item from Hera’s shopping list in “Fighter Flight”

“I Wanna Hold Your Appendage”: from @Findswoman ‘s Spectres’ Aubade, a song that Ezra used to belt out enthusiastically in the sonic

Ing-Mar Br’gnam’s “The Seventh Holocron”: fanon, Ingmar Bergman’s film the Seventh Seal, which features a knight playing chess with Death

 

Noemi's conclusions about why Ro was feeling "sick again" is correct on one crucial point: he is miserable thinking that the girl he's in love with doesn't know. But she doesn't realize who it actually is.

FIRST RED FLAG besides the dyssing the holoflicks was dyssing Spots! Spots, like Ghost in "Diamond in the Rough" is a shrewd judge of character.
Yuppers, Ben just became VP of the Marballees club!

I hated Noemi's sense of let-down, but I didn't think it'd take her long to realize what was up: he just likes my pedigree ... Yikes!

for Noemi's disheartened mood!


When she shares this with Ro, eventually, on the outside he'll sympathize but on the inside he'll be going: YAY! It's MY turn!

 

I think it is safe to assume that Noemi is completely over her disgustingly gooey crush on Ben "The Sun Shines Out My Backside" Solo.

 

She's catching on, bit by bit...

Noemi might be able to overlook Ben putting down the Jedi Action holoflicks, but putting down her Force-bonded companion...? That's a red flag even Noemi can't completely ignore, especially when Spots voices her own disapproval of Ben!

Totally...we need to get these two into some sort of support group where they can learn that it's not all about them, and maybe learn how to treat women decently, while they're at it!

Yes, unfortunately all it took to deflate her dream was its first brush with reality. Ben up close is a lot less charming than idealized Ben-at-a-distance.And Ronen will be there for her, but he is definitely not going to be sad to see Master Smolder Pants out of the picture!

Yep, so over that! And all he had to do was be himself ...

It's funny how I both sympathized with Noemi and wanted to smack her (just a little!) at various points in writing this But it is a big deal, especially at that age, to be noticed by the object of your crush. And it's understandable that she'd be excited at all of Ben's over-the-top gallantry and compliments--what teen wouldn't like to be told she had poise and maturity?If they didn't have that edge of self-importance and not-quite-condescension... Her family members have some sense of what Ben’s like— Caleb is in the same saber cohort and meditation group as him (and Ronen), and of course, Mara and Ezra are both instructors at the Academy (and my guess is that saber instructor Mara shares Ronen’s view of Ben’s cross-guarded saber—try a little more finesse and a little less ostentation, Solo.) I think you’re spot on about their objections and Mara and Ezra would have been a little more accommodating under other circumstances (especially for someone like Ro, who they know and trust, having watched him grow up). Again, Ben gets that superior attitude about the “charming” restaurant (nope, not really a compliment) and Noemi doesn’t quite see any of it, being willing to overlook a little more than she should.

Yes, Noemi’s very gradually catching on to some things with Ronen; she just needs to put that one last piece in place. Ezra...well, what can I say? I think he’s just one of those guys who’ll never completely grow up. I think he and Caleb are definitely egging each other on here, not that it really takes much for either of them. (And yes, Caleb very definitely chose this time for quetarra practice; he’s such a thoughtful brother...) Bergman and “The Seventh Seal” just seemed like such a natural thing to GFFA-ify for a slightly pretentious film that someone like Ben would—well, not enjoy, but pontificate upon the Deep Meaning and Cinemtic Importance of because movies should not be watched for fun, what kind of heathen would suggest that?

Ben really is a piece of work; he’s not Dark in this universe, but as you note, there’s a lot of Emo Kylo under the Byronic hair and smoldery eyes. Like Kylo, he hasn’ t really learned how to deal with emotions; he may not have as epic of tantrums but he’s still the Center of the Galaxy, indeed the Known Universe. And like Porfozald did with Shulma, he looks at Noemi and sees a Worthy Helpmate and not a woman who is capable in her own right. He’s got a bit of a Slytherin-esque obsession with bloodlines (two Jedi parents! She’s so lucky!) and he just doesn’t get why she wouldn’t be flattered. What does she want anyway? Oh...she must want him to tell her she’s pretty; girls like that sort of stuff Of course, maybe if Ben had paid attention to something besides genetics, he’d realize that neither of Noemi’s parents suffer fools glady—especially Mara—and Noemi’s got a lot of her mother in her.

So true; it’s a hard lesson to learn, particularly in this fashion, but it’s part of growing up to realize that what she liked was the idea of Ben as the studious, serious, devoted padawan with great hair and not the real person. It may take a little while for the sting to fade, but now she’ll have a better idea what she really wants the next time she falls in love. (And of course, there is someone out there who fits the bill nicely... )

 

Thanks to @Findswoman for beta reading


Noemi’s Journal (I don’t even understand myself anymore)
27/09 3301

It’s 05:00 and I’m wide awake. I didn’t sleep at all last night, there was too much on my mind—Ben, the horrible date... and Ronen.

When Ben dropped me at my house and sped away into the night, I stared after the already-vanished speeder like an absolute moof-milking idiot. There was a light on inside; I knew that Mom, at least, would still be up to make sure I was home by curfew, and I knew that even if she hadn’t heard Ben screeching off like a mynock from the ninth hell, she would have sensed me come home (one of the “benefits” of having Jedi parents: sneaking in after curfew is almost impossible, not that I have tried. *cough* Caleb *cough*). But I didn’t go in; I just stood there at the door, my hand hovering over the access panel. I didn’t want to deal with the inevitable questions, and I really didn’t want to have to admit that the guy I’d thought would make the Force *hum* for me the way it does for her and Dad had been more interested in my illustrious Jedi family than he had been in me as a person. I turned away from the house in kind of a daze and started walking until I found myself in the jogan fruit orchard.

Both moons were full and their silver light shimmered through the jogan trees’ rustling leaves. It was beautiful, it could even have been romantic—except that I was alone. I leaned against the trunk of the biggest tree, the one where Spots and I like to sit, and sank down to the ground, drawing my knees up to my chin to huddle miserably at its base. Sadness and loneliness welled up into tears. I fought against them, but I lost and dissolved into a snivelling, sobbing mess. At that moment, I hated myself so much. All this time I’d tried so hard to get Ben to notice me, sure that he was different from all the other guys, certain that he’d see me as more than a famous name and pretty face. But that was all he’d seen, and all he’d wanted. I’d been too stupid to notice what even my Loth-cat had sensed. Not this one. What kind of Jedi was I not to have known, not to have seen or sensed what Ben was really like? I hated myself for being such an idiot and even more for wasting my tears on nerf-herder like Ben. No wonder I was alone; I deserved it.

“Noemi?”

I looked up to see a familiar tall, lanky figure trailing behind a spotted Loth-cat. He wore an NLUPS Loth-wolves tesh tunic and flannel pajama pants with little snoring banthas on them, and his hair stuck up more untidily than usual “Ro!” I scrambled to my feet, scrubbing the tears off my face, and threw my arms around him; I don’t think I’d ever been so glad to see him, my best friend. Spots must have dragged him out of bed, and knowing she’d sensed through our Force-bond that I needed someone and that he’d come for me made me tear up again.

Spots glanced between us, looking inordinately proud of herself. *This one,* she informed me, licking a forepaw, *is much better.*

“What’s going on?” Ronen asked, hesitantly putting his arms around me. “Spots showed up at my window and wouldn’t leave until I followed her. What’s wrong? I thought you were out with Ben….”

I buried my face against his shoulder. “Ugh! It was a disaster, Ro! He was horrible…”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Ronen’s arms tightened around me protectively, and a flash of hot anger shot through his Force-presence.

“No, nothing like that,” I assured him. Definitely nothing like that, not when it had taken him all night just to touch my hand. Even saying I was “lovely” had been an afterthought for him. “But you want to know why he was interested in me? Because I’m a third-generation Jedi with an ‘impeccable lineage’.” I laughed, a cold bitter sound with the ring of durasteel to to it. “I guess Jedi are like fathiers or bassa hounds and you have to find the right bloodlines.”

“He said that to you?!” Another flash of anger crackled through the Force; I think if Ben had been there at that moment, Ronen really would have given him dysentery—or worse. “That schutta! That absolute karking schutta!”

The vehemence with which Ronen swore should probably not have made me as happy as it did, but I wholeheartedly agreed with him. I leaned against him, grateful to have someone on my side. After a minute, Ro guided me over to the sit under the under the jogan tree, and Spots curled up in my lap as I told Ronen the whole pathetic story—Ben’s disdain for Jedi Action ’flicks, the incomprehensible movie, the way he’d sneered at Flossie’s food, and his oh-so-flattering comments about my lineage when he’d finally tried to put the moves on me. I could sense Ronen’s feelings bubbling and simmering below the surface, trying to keep “emotion, yet peace” for my sake. Even with the two beings who understood me better than anyone in the Galaxy there with me, with Ronen next to me and Spots purring as I stroked her fur, I still felt like crying again by the time I finished. “How could I have been so stupid, Ro?” My voice wavered miserably. “How could I have thought Ben was dedicated and devoted? All he thinks about is himself! How could I have been such an idiot?! You must think I’m a prize moof-milker for not seeing what he really was!”

“You’re not an idiot; I’d never think that.” Ronen put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me, and it felt like being wrapped in your favorite blanket after a long day, like Hoth-chocolate after coming in from the cold. He was so solid and warm next to me, his presence so steady and reassuring. What would I ever do without him?

I leaned against Ro, resting my head on his shoulder. “I just...I thought he was different. Will I ever find someone who doesn’t look at me and see my name?”

Ronen leaned towards me, tilting his head towards mine. “You will, Noemi,” he said softly, the warmth of his breath stirring against my hair. “I promise you will.”

I think I could have sat there like that all night, but I felt a nudge in the Force—Mom, reminding me that it was 23:00. *You need to come inside now, and Ronen needs to get home, too.* From the slightly unfocused look in Ronen’s eyes, he’d also received a similar message from Uncle Kanan; he shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile. “I guess I have to get going now. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” I answered, nudging Spots off my lap as Ronen helped me up. The strange thing was, it was true. Maybe I wasn’t all the way okay yet, but I was better than I would have thought. “Thanks to you.”

Mom wasn’t the only one who was waiting up for me and Spots; Dad and Caleb were in the conversation circle, too. The credits for “Gar-Jen: Adventures Across the Forbidden Zone” were rolling on the holo-screen and the remains of a bowl of bang-corn sat between them on the sofa. I felt a sharp pang of regret; I could have been here, having fun with my family watching a movie I actually liked, instead of going to some pretentious art film with a self-centered, nerf-herding jerk. “I won’t be seeing Ben anymore,” I told them, in answer to the questions in their eyes. Caleb half-stood and started to say something, but Dad cut him off with a look and a quick shake of his head. Mom frowned, but only nodded as I headed to my room.

I shrugged out of my clothes and into my pajamas, leaving the ocean blue tunic and Ayelet’s sash in a pile on the floor, and climbed into bed with Spots curled up next to me. She fell asleep right away, but I stared up at the ceiling for ages, thinking about Ben, about how blind I’d been not to have known what he was really like, not to have known that all he wanted was someone with the right background, that if I was nobody, he never would have looked twice at me. I couldn’t help thinking that all that would ever matter to anyone was my name, my family, my illustrious lineage…when suddenly it dawned on me: there is someone who sees me for myself, someone who’s always seen me...

Ronen.

Oh good skies, it hit me like lightning… Ronen, my best friend, who’s always been there for me. Who is sweet and kind and funny. Who is dedicated and devoted, and all those things I thought that Ben was, but for real. Who stands up for what is right and protects those in need. Ronen, with his deep green eyes and his cute messy hair and his lekku—I’ve never told anyone, but I’ve always really liked his lekku. I know he thinks they make him look like a freak, but to me they’re just so...Ronen, so much a part of who he is.

I lay there, thinking less and less about Ben, and more and more about Ro. I thought about Maatko saying we had a “high degree of compatibility” and Mistres Eupraxia saying we had “marvelous chemistry” and even Spots telling me “this one is much better”. Was it true? Was it possible that I could have feelings for him? The more I thought about it, the more I wondered: if Ro had taken my hands and leaned towards me the way Ben had, would I have pushed him away? Or would I have kissed him there in the orchard in the moonlight? From the fluttery feeling I got just thinking about it, I knew what the answer was.

And then I started crying again, worse than before.

Spots woke up and nuzzled my cheek, licking away my tears. *Don’t cry. Pet the cat, that helps.* and I gave one of those weird, hiccupy half-sob, half-laughs because she’s right, it does help, but oh, good skies…

I never realized how true it is what Grandpa says: the Force has a crummy sense of humor. Because I think I could love Ronen, I really do...but he’s in love with someone else, some girl who doesn’t even care about him, someone who makes him miserable. And it’s my own fault for starting the RSJVP.

I am the biggest moof-milking idiot in the entire Galaxy.

How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to go to school today and sit next to Ro in ModGalCiv and Chemistry, eat lunch with him, study after school, and all the things we always do and pretend that nothing’s changed in me? How can I sit there and not tell him how I feel? But then again, how could I ever tell him? What would he say? He may see me for who I am, but who I am to him is just Noemi, who’s practically his cousin. Ronen probably doesn’t even see me as a girl. Guys don’t go for their best buddies who’ve been around forever. They’re looking for someone like Zofi—someone hot, with a perfect face and body and long, sexy lekku—and that’s never going to be me. As bad as it was was to think that no one would ever see me, it’s worse to think that the one who does see me looks right past me.

I can’t stop thinking about Ro, and I don’t understand how I can feel this way. How can I love my best friend when I know he loves someone else? When I know he doesn’t love me and will never see me as more than a friend?

Oh, Ronen… what am I going to do?

 

Ahem. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! What a lovely talk/unloading in the orchard. A gorgeous setting and a more than sympathetic listener in Ronen! YAY so much for Spots! Noemi had an AHA moment about her own feelings for Ronen but she still thinks he's interested in someone else. She's SO SO SO CLOSE! It's yourself he's loving.

 

Somehow I knew this would get an ALLCAPS SQUEE Yes, there’s definitely someone who sees Noemi for who she is—and really, she’s known it all all along, but she’s finally put the pieces together between “Ronen’s my best friend and I love him” and “Ronen’s my best friend and I love him!” She is so close! Luckily, she’s got the Force (and a very persistent Loth-cat) on her side to help her get to the point where she realizes who that “other girl” really is.

Yep, we all go through these kinds of moments, just like we all go through those times where we feel like the Lamest Being in the Galaxy. But when you’re at that age, in the middle of it all, it feels like you’re the only one.

(cue dramatic music, spotlight and possibly a small chorus of birds.... )

You know, I hadn’t really thought of it that way, but Ronen, in PJs with messed up hair, is completely the opposite of Ben, and not just in appearance, but because he has the compassion that Ben is sadly lacking. He does know just what Noemi needs, with his warm, honest reassurance. Spots does phrase it quite eloquently (though she would probably say of course she does, because she is a cat, after all, ) I think this is one of those moments where having a Jedi family has its benefits, because they can sense that maybe this insn’t the best time to ask questions (and in my mind Caleb was about to offer to thrash a a certain Byronically-haired padawan for hurting his little sister, although Ezra realizes this might not be the best moment for that, either.)

Ta-daaaa! More dramatic music and spotlights, etc. And yes, you’re right, she’s known from the very first entry that Ronen is the one who understands her better than anybody (except Spots ) But the course of true love never does run smooth... there’s still that “other girl” to contend with. But she needn’t worry about Ronen seeing her as “just” his buddy—we know, of course, that he he thinks she’s beautiful, but more than that he loves her for her strength of character, her compassion and determination.

Oh, yes...that realization is coming up soon... and meanwhile, she and Ronen still have that friendship and closeness to see them through.

 

Thank you to @Findswoman for beta-reading

Journal of Ronen Syndulla-Jarrus, who can’t win, so he might as well enjoy losing
Primeday, 28/09 3301

I can’t decide if the Force hates me, and I’m not really sure it can make up its mind, either.

Yesterday, I was sure it did. Noemi was going out with Ben; how could my life get any worse? Well, okay, I suppose I could have been run over by a hoverbus or bitten by a rabid Loth-wolf or something, but otherwise I don’t see how. I think I would have stayed in my room all day if Jacen hadn’t dragged me out of bed, telling me if I didn’t get my shebs up and do something, Mom would make me go see the healers. Which I doubt; I don’t know if Jacen told her or she just picked it up with her Uncanny Mom Sense, but I’m pretty sure she’s figured out what’s going on.

It seemed like the longest day ever, because whatever I did just made me think of Noemi. Math homework wasn’t so bad, but my ModGalCiv assignment was to summarize Chancellor Organa-Solo’s policies on accepting former Imperial Remnant worlds into the New Republic. And nothing against her personally, but as I was writing, all I could think was that her son was the Galaxy’s biggest Loth-rat’s posterior, and he completely did not deserve to be going out with Noemi. (I probably need to reread my paper before I turn it in just to make sure I didn’t include anything to that effect. I doubt that would earn me an aurek...) Doing lightsaber katas was a little better because I could get into a rhythm and not think for a while, but then I started thinking about the dueling club and Noemi’s ideas about having the older padawans mentor the younger ones… and how beautiful she’d looked and how pretentious Master Smoldery Pants had been, with his stupid bowing and swishy robes. Meditation was a flat-out failure; there was no way my mind could stay either empty or focused. “Emotion, yet peace” and “chaos, yet harmony” were so not happening for me. Finally, I just gave up and went to bed early.

That was a mistake; I wasn’t actually tired, and my mind was still in hyperdrive thinking of Noemi out on her date with Ben, wondering what they were doing—if they were talking and laughing and looking into each other’s eyes, if he’d put his arms around her during the movie and run his fingers through her wavy hair in the dark theater, if he’d kissed her—basically all the things I wished I could have been doing instead of lying there flopping miserably like a giju out of water, trying not to think about his lips on hers. I don’t know how long I actually tossed and turned like that, when suddenly there was the most Force-awful yowling outside my window.

It was Spots. She hopped onto my window sill when I turned on the light and tapped at the glass with her paw until I opened the window. Then she leapt into my room and started butting her head against my legs, meowing, and took the hem of my pajama pants in her mouth and tugged at it. It was like something out of that old show “Mookie, the Wonder Mooka”, about Timi, the moof-milkingest kid in the Galaxy, and his pet mooka, who always had to rescue him from some disaster or other. (Seriously, Timi couldn’t go two steps without falling down a repulsor shaft or getting shut in the airlock and Mookie would have to go fetch someone with half a brain to save the kid: “What’s that, Mookie? Timi’s in the sublight engines again?”)

I might not be able to communicate with animals like Noemi and Uncle Ezra can, but it was pretty obvious that Spots wanted me to come with her, and that meant Noemi needed me. And as Noemi would say—oh, good skies! Because I could only imagine why she might need me when she was supposed to be on a date with Smoldery Ben!

Here’s how you know you have a Jedi family: you tell your parents that your best friend’s Loth-cat showed up at your window and is insisting that you come with her to help your friend and they don’t think that’s weird at all. In fact, they encourage you to go and just tell you to call if you need help. I didn’t even bother to change out of my pajamas, just jammed on some slippers and went.

I followed Spots to Uncle Ezra’s jogan fruit orchard. Noemi was there sitting under a tree alone, crying, and the Force was swirling around her, like the prairie grass in a storm wind. I didn’t know what had happened to her, but all I wanted to do was put my arms around her and tell her it was going to be all right.

She beat me to it, though. As soon as she saw me, she ran to me and threw her arms around me, holding onto me like she’d had a nightmare and I was the stuffed Loth-cat she used to carry when she was a youngling. And when she told me what Ben had said to her, the way he’d treated her…yeah, ”nightmare” pretty much sums it up.

How could anyone go out with a girl like Noemi and think about himself the entire time? How could any guy think the best thing about her is her lineage? I mean, besides the fact that she’s beautiful, she’s smart, funny, kick-shebs with a lightsaber, literally kick-shebs with k’tarra, a beast-warden who can talk to just about any animal. She’s a good friend and good person, who doesn’t just say she cares about others but really does something for them. Okay, I could keep going like this for a while, but you get the idea. If Ben hadn’t realized any of this, if he didn’t care about any of this, then he was an even bigger nerf-brain than I’d thought he was. And though part of me was gloating inside about how badly Master Next-in-Line-to-Be-Chosen had blown his chance with her, most of me just wanted to Force-choke him for hurting Noemi and making her feel like she wasn’t important.

Because she is to me, more than anything.

I wanted to tell her that as I sat with her under the jogan tree, with my arm around her and her head resting on my shoulder. She was so beautiful, the moonlight painting her tunic silver-blue, reflecting in the sky blue of her eyes and making shimmering patterns in her hair. I wanted to hold her like that forever, and, all right, yeah, I wanted to kiss her, too. Really, really wanted to kiss her… “So why didn’t you, Ronen?” you’re probably asking. Well, I don’t know, putting the moves on someone who’s just had her heart broken seems like a pretty sheevy thing to do, don’t you think? As much as I wanted to kiss Noemi, this was definitely not the right time for it. (I did kind of brush my lips against her hair while we were sitting there, just a little bit—and it was as soft as vine sillk and smelled like jogan blossoms in the spring… I don’t think Noemi even noticed, though, at least I hope she didn’t.)

I almost wish now that I had kissed her.

Today, I went to school feeling more hopeful than I had in a long time, maybe since I first figured out how I really feel about Noemi, feeling like maybe the Force didn’t hate me after all. Now that Noemi had figured out what Ben was really like, I thought just maybe there might be a chance for me. Not right now, of course. I mean, she was probably still feeling like a bantha stomped on her heart after the way Ben treated her, but maybe down the road a little...?

And I don’t know… the whole crazy RSJVP already had me doing things I never thought I could, from just talking to girls to getting the lead in the play. It was like when I trusted the Force—when I listened to Noemi’s advice—it actually worked most of the time. So maybe if I trusted the Force now, I could find some way to show Noemi that I appreciate her—that I love her—for all the things she is.

Yeah, it seemed like a good plan, but the Force, as usual, had a different idea.

Noemi had a strange sort of sadness around the edges of her Force-presence today, and that made total sense since Ben, stuck-up, nerf-herding schutta that he is, had done a real number on her with his stupid “lineage” comments. But it felt different than last night, somehow that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It just didn’t seem to have the same half-angry, half-despairing feeling to it that it did then; today, it was more… wistful, I guess? More like she had something on her mind, something that was bothering her, and she wanted to talk to me about it, but didn’t. Or couldn’t. Or at least thought she couldn’t, and it made me wonder if something else had happened last night that she hadn’t mentioned.

“Are you still thinking about Ben?” I finally asked her after she sighed for like the fifth time over our Galactic Literature assignment (comparing metaphors for love in the poems of Canthar, Sumi Zanthe, and Sebastin Onyx. I’m starting to think Mistress Eupraxia is kind of a romantic herself...)

She sighed again, and looked away. “No, it’s not Ben.”

So if it wasn’t Ben, then what was it? No...with a sigh like that, it wasn’t a what. Oh, stang…the Force really did hate me. It hadn’t even been a day since Smoldery Ben was out of the picture, and I’d already missed my chance with Noemi? “Then who is it?”

“Remember how you told me you couldn’t tell me who you’re in love with because I’d laugh?” Noemi fiddled with her stylus, still not looking at me, and smiled sadly. “Well, it’s the same thing here…”

“Someone worse than Ben?” That seemed unlikely, but I guess technically possible. I mean, Noemi could have fallen for that Gamorrean exchange student from two years back or NLUPS’s septuagenarian groundskeeper who I swear measures every blade of grass on the grav-ball field to ensure uniformity or something. No, come to think of it, either of them were still preferable to Ben.

“No one’s worse than Ben,” Noemi snorted, apparently sharing my opinion. “No, this guy is sweet, kind, funny...and in love with someone else, so it doesn’t matter.”

Okay, so I hated to be that friend who points out the obvious (and, really, I’m not just saying this because I’m love with her), but if he was taken... “Maybe you should forget about this guy, then.”

Noemi finally looked up, raising an eyebrow at me. “And maybe you should forget about the girl who’s making you miserable.”

“Touché…” No matter how miserable I was, no matter how many other guys stood between me and her, I didn’t see how I could ever just forget about Noemi. Maybe I should. Maybe I should just give up, move on and find someone else, but there’s no one else like her. Because no one else makes me as happy, even if the fact that she doesn’t love me makes me miserable.

And then Noemi leaned across the table, took my hand and squeezed it. “So I guess we’ll just have to be miserable together.”

“Well, misery does love company,” I said carefully. Was not expecting her to do that, but I’d take it.

“That’s what they say,” Noemi agreed, her mouth quirking into a half-smile. “Wanna go to Flossie’s and be miserable over some topato wedges and jogan pie? I have to warn you, though, they’re terrible for you, and they’ll totally ruin your healthy lifestyle.”

“Eh, I hate my lifestyle, anyway.” This was Flossie’s food we were talking about; for her jogan fruit pie—and better yet, Flossie’s jogan fruit pie shared with Noemi—I was prepared to tell my healthy lifestyle to take a hike. “Let’s go.”

She smiled, all her sighs forgotten now, and pulled me into a fierce hug. “Thanks, Ro.”

“Huh?”

“For being there for me even when I was being a pain in the shebs about Ben.”

“Always, Noemi.” I hugged her back. “Always.”

And I meant it. No matter what happens, I’ll always be there for her. And if I can’t win, then I’ll just enjoy losing. I’m going to show Noemi how much she means to me, even if that just means taking her to Flossie’s for topato wedges and pie. She’s going to realize it isn’t worth pining after some guy who’s already got a girlfriend, right?

And I’ll be there, even if the Force does hate me.

Notes:
Mookie the Wonder Mooka: fanon, based on the old “Lassie” television program
Canthar, Sumi Zanthe, Sebastin Onyx: Various writers of love poetry from the GFFA

 

Wonderful reading this from Ro's point of view, his warm supportiveness and sweet listing of Noemi's high points/good qualities. Cute reading about Spots' persistence in getting him to the orchard.

Ironic scene with the two of them talking about their unrequited loves.

Fried tubers and fruit pie -- definitely helps get the mind off your woes.

 

I wonder how many let's-be-miserable-together not-dates it will take for them to figure out that who they're moping about is EACH OTHER?

 

Hopefully not too many?

 

Same, TPAM. Same.

 

Noemi's pretty lucky to have Ronen and Spots; between the two of them, they know just what she needs after her disastrous date with Smoldery Ben. They love her for who she is and they'll always be there for her. And, oh yes, the irony of it all...if one of them would just admit what they're really feeling, how much misery they could save themeselves, but in the meantime, there's always pie. Sometimes you just have to take a break from being healthy.

I love the way you put this! Yes, totally not a date! Not at all; just two friends being miserable together...I promise there won't be too many more

Aww, thanks...

I think a lot of it is the way he's been brought up and the fact that he and Noemi have been such good friends for such a long time. If she needs him, he's unquestioningly there for her; he can't put aside all those years of friendship (or the love it's blossomed into) no matter what. (Glad you enjoyed the nod to Lassie!)

This is where what Ayelet said about being best friends being a good thing really holds true, because Ro knows the real Noemi. Unlike Ben, who saw her as some idealized Third Generation Jedi, Ronen has seen all the real things about her that are admirable and good--and that really is sweet. And of course, we know that Noemi would not hold that moment and his innocently brushing his lips against her hair against him...and probably would not have even at that moment.

Yes, poor Ro just can't win, can he? their commiserating over--well, over each other is something out of a comedy of errors. No matter how miserable they are, they're not giving up on their nameless loves. It may not all appear in the story, but there's probably a lot of pie and topato wedges in their future (still not dates, though!).

 

Thanks to @Findswoman for beta-reading


Journal of Ronen Syndulla-Jarrus, who may be weird but at least does his homework
21/10 3301

The Life Day fete is less than a month away, but Noemi hasn’t even mentioned the RSJVP in weeks. She’s stopped trying to get me to talk to girls, she’s never mentioned anything else about “updating my look”, and the Project hasn’t moved into Phase Three or Four or whatever it is we’re on now. It’s kind of a relief in a way, but in a way it’s kind of weird, like she’s given up or changed her mind or something, and that’s not like Noemi at all. Should I feel insulted that she doesn’t think she can get me a date? That I’m the project that finally made her throw up her hands and say “Sorry, no can do”? I guess maybe I am a little. I mean, no one wants to be considered hopelessly un-datable, especially by the girl they’re secretly in love with, but on the other hand, it’s not like I actually want a date for the fete unless it’s with Noemi—which, let’s face it, is about as likely as snow on Tatooine. Most of the time, though, I’m glad to not to have to worry about it anymore. I have enough on my mind already with finals coming up (and Chopper’s on me again about my math grades), the play in full rehearsals and Noemi in love with this other mysterious guy she won’t talk to me about.


And that situation is kind of weird, too, because for someone who’s miserable over a guy, she seems pretty happy, actually. Every now and then, I’ll catch her sighing over something or looking at me funny, but most of the time Noemi seems the same as ever, and between studying and going to rehearsals and helping her plan the next meeting of the dueling club (which I’m guessing Ben Solo won’t be attending), I think we’re spending more time together than we used to—and that’s fine by me. The more we’re together, the more chance that I have to show her I care more about her than some guy who’s taken, right?

Speaking of Master Smoldery Solo… since his date with Noemi—if you want to call it that—it’s like Ben has decided to become even more Dark and Mysterious, moping around strange corners of the Academy with big piles of datacards and holobooks—reading, taking notes and meditating on them. He’s obsessed with Jedi lore now, especially stories about fabulous Lost Jedi Artifacts. He’s been quizzing Dad and Uncle Ezra—in class and out—on everything they found in the Temple when they explored it after they came back here to build the Academy. Ben’s convinced that the “Blade of the Revanchist”, which, according to Master Smoldery Smarty-Pants’ translation of Ancient Secret Jedi Scrolls, can only be wielded by the most worthy of Jedi, is hidden somewhere in the Lothal Temple because one of his ancient scrolls says it is held “within the heart of the stone” in “the Temple that is not.” Yeah, okay, I thought that was kind of a stretch to call our Temple that just because it looked like a mountain when it was hidden for all those years. Dad seemed to think so, too; the fifth time Ben brought it up in his Philosophy of the Force class, he shook his head sort of wearily, which made Ben get huffy and his eyes go all smoldery, but not in any sort of good way.

“You don’t believe that the Blade of the Revanchist is real?” Ben demanded. “The story is quite well documented; I’ve found references to it in several compendiums of Jedi history that were previously kept in Coruscant’s Jedi Archive and were recently recovered from Palpatine’s personal collection at the Imperial Palace and the Restricted Texts collection of the Imperial Library.” He pulled out his stack of holobooks and started flipping them open to the Relevant Citations. (OMF, all those Stikk-Itt notes! What, does he own stock in Four-Mern or something?). “Master Cerulian mentions it his overview of the Jedi Civil War and its aftermath and Master Quist clearly states in his…”

Dad didn’t quite sigh at being lectured by one of his students that way; I guess he’s got “emotion, yet peace” or at least “annoyance, yet forbearance” down by now. Fortunately for the rest of the class, he interrupted Ben before our eyes all glazed over. “I don’t doubt there is some factual basis for the legend, Ben. Most stories do have some grain of truth behind them. It’s possible that Revan’s lightsaber made its way to Lothal; the Temple here is one of the oldest and most well protected. And since Revan was an extraordinary Jedi, I’m sure he had an equally extraordinary blade.” He held up a hand, wearing his Very Serious Jedi Instructor This-Is-Not-the-Time-for-This expression before Ben could jump in again and claim victory, because, see, Master Jarrus believes me. “However, I doubt that, as powerful as it might have been, it could confer special abilities to the single preordained ‘worthy’ Jedi who could wield it. Now if we can return to our topic, your assignment was to examine a Force-tradition other than the Jedi and I believe you chose the Gand Findsmen?”

Except that Ben had apparently been so busy researching possibly nonexistent Jedi artifacts that he hadn’t finished his report. Oops…way to go, Master Next Chosen One. I might have snickered just a little bit at that, which made Dad crook an eyebrow at me (super Force-attuned Jedi hearing plus Dad Sense—no snicker goes unheard, no matter how slight) and invite me to share my report on the Jensaarai with the class. Fortunately, my report was ready to go; you’d have to be pretty stupid not to do your homework when your father teaches the class. And I guess I did an okay job, because everyone listened (well, except Ben, who was busy sulking in his corner) and Dad even complimented me on my thoroughness (cue more sulky sulking from Smoldery Solo).

So, yeah, my life is still weird, but at least now it’s slightly less weird or weird in a better way or something. And at least if I’m weird, I’m not as weird as Ben...not like anyone could be.

Notes:
Stikk-Itt notes and Four-Mern: @Findswoman ‘s GFFA-ication of Sticky Notes and 3M

Masters Cerulian and Quist: Thame Cerulian and Restelly Quist, two Jedi historians mentioned in The Jedi Path

 

How very gratifying for Ronen to have a well-done assignment and have it acknowledged by his dad, the instructor, PLUS have Smoldery Ben get put in his place.
You know Kanan is not going to cater to his grandstanding.

So, Noemi has given up on the Let's Get Ronen a date.
I can totally understand his mixed feelings.

Yup, things are weird but good They are spending more time together, and Noemi still occasionally sighs wistfully over her "true love"
I wonder which one will speak up first? It's you... Really?

 

Nice. Liking Ronen's semi-positive attitude of, "even if I am a freak, at least I'm a freak who does his homework."

 

Kanan’s not the type to give out undeserved praise, so Ronen’s diligence pays off here. Kanan’s also not the type to put up with That Kind of Diversion in his class, and he’s definitely going to nudge Ben back on track, as firmly as necessary.

Oh, she hasn’t really given up on getting Ronen a date...she’s just changed the focus of her visibility project. Now it’s more about whether she is visible to him...

Are we taking bets?

He may not be totally over the teen angst and feelings of being a freak just yet, but his outlook has improved over the last few months, and in that regard Noemi’s RSJVP has been a success. Now, at least Ronen can admit that he gets things right sometimes (even if if something as mundane as turning his homework in on time).

Oh yes, the RSJVP has been more successful than either of them realize yet, and they’re this close to figuring it out! Noemi’s not pushing it anymore, but she’s still working on her goal, if only subconsciously, by making sure that they’re spending lots of time together.

You got it—Ben’s new project is, unsurprisingly, all about Ben. Since Noemi rejected his (in his mind, at least) very flattering attentions, he’s got do something to prove what an Extra Special Jedi he really is; she totally be sorry she treated him that way! He really has a lot of insecurities, and that leads him to this sort of attention seeking, need to be TEH WORTHIEST behavior. I’m glad you enjoyed Kanan in full Jedi Instructor mode; I agree that he’s perfect for the role of headmaster. Even when he doubted his ability to teach, he had that didactic and nurturing side that made him such an effective master for Ezra. Part of the fun of this AU is imagining how the universe we know would have changed if Kanan had been around to instruct Luke and later lead the Academy. I think it could only have benefited from his presence! By now he’s an old pro in the instructot’s role, and he can shut down Ben’s arguments firmly, but still calmly and logically. And of course I knew you’d enjoy the subject of Ben’s report; too bad he didn’t tackle it with the same zeal he applied to his little side project!

Ro’s a good kid—he’s been brought up with a sense of responsibility and duty. You do your homework (and do it to the best of your ability), because...we’ll, because that’s what you do. That’s how you do your job. I think Kanan and Hera would impart that ethic to their children, and emphasize the importance of learning in all its forms to them. Again, I think the RSJVP has boosted Ro’s confidence enough that he can believe his report was ok and Kanan’s compliment about his thoroughness was genuine, instead of thinking “he had to say that; he’s my dad.” It’s a good step for someone who’s been convinced he was a just the class freak!

Yes, life will always be weird in one way or another, but at least Ronen’s learning to accept the weirdness for what it is and roll with it a little more. Keeping those positive attitudes makes a real difference.