Saga - ST Star Wars: Millicent Rules! The Series

Title: Millicent Rules! The Series
Author: gizkaspice
Timeframe: Before the Force Awakens and leading up to it
Canon: It's true, all of it.
Characters: General Hux, Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, Leia, Finn,Poe, BB-8, etc
Major OCs: FG-5622 the crazy cat stormtrooper, Blackie, Dr. Tana the vet
Cats: Millicent (General Hux's ginger tabby cat), Blackie (Kylo Ren's black kitten)
Genre: Parody, Comedy

Back in the story Something in Kylo Ren's shoe--A Millicent the Cat story
@Mistress_Renata and @AzureAngel2 both suggested Millicent needs to be an animated series....I wholeheartedly agree but it will probably never happen so here is the closest thing to it!

This will just be a series of 'episodes' like Star Wars: Resistance or Rebels but it will have cats in it. I also do not know how often this will be updated due to RL. This is purely for fun.

Chapter 1: The Beginning....

A mouse droid beeped happily as it slid past the feet of First Order officers and troopers aboard the Finalizer. Major Vikor Tys was an Elite TIE fighter pilot on his way to Captain Phasma’s division when he overheard two storm troopers complaining about the elevator Kylo Ren destroyed recently.

One of the storm troopers flipped ginger fur off his armor as he waited for the elevator. “What’s with all the cat hair lately?”

“I heard General Hux has a cat,” said his buddy.

"That makes sense," agreed the whiny stormtrooper. "He's already got some serious cattitude."

Viktor ignored this. The storm troopers were always gossiping like hens in a henhouse. He entered Phasma’s division. “Captain, you wanted to see me?”

Phasma turned to him. That helmet was literally her permanent resting bitch face. “Major, I’m disappointed in your performance.”

“What seems to be the problem, Cap’n?” he asked. “I passed all the fitness and flight exams…”

“You didn’t subscribe to Millicent’s newsletter!”

“I…WHAT?! Who’s Millicent?”

“Millicent is now your new overlord, Major. Have you read the recent changes in the First Order protocols?”

Major Viktor barely caught the heavy manual and immediately flipped through it nervously. “Cap’n, my apologies…. But…. Is this a joke?”

Phasma turned away. “Conflicting people have a tendency to disappear in the First Order, Major.”

Viktor gulped. His feet were now inching towards the exit. “Right away, Cap’n. I will subscribe immediately...to the....thing...and without further delay.” What was the thing he was supposed to subscribe to again? A newsletter?

“Good,” she hissed. It sounded like an angry cat.

Back in the hallway, Major Viktor was flipping through the manual again, reading the fine print. “Millicent has absolute high command,” he read to himself. “Any allergic individuals shall be immediately transferred to Hoth. Millicent is not obligated to like you, but you are obligated to like her. Hurting her feelings will result in execution. Under no circumstances is anyone in the First Order allowed to throw her off any console or chair. Consequences will follow. All First Order officials must subscribe to Millicent’s monthly newsletter……”

He dropped the manual to the floor, shocked. "Why in the world did I join the First Order……….?”

"No littering, Major," said Kylo Ren suddenly as he walked by, picking up the manual with the Force and dumping it into the recycling bin. He didn't yet read the new protocols, it seemed. Did he know about that cat? It said in the manual she even had a little hat.

****
To continue....

 

So Kylo is opposed to littering, and he does recycling. Good for him.

 

Instead of an evil lord we have a hairy, moody empress now. We shall love her & despair.

 

@Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Thanks for dropping by! Yes indeed
@AzureAngel2 The feline overlords....there is no greater power in the galaxy Thanks for the comment!

Next chapter right here:

Chapter 2

Finn was sitting with his buddies at lunchtime. Today’s special? Orange cat shaped pasta. “What do you guys think about Millicent? Didn’t think General Hux was a cat person.”

"Pretty sure he's actually a cat," said FG-5621.

"Meow, meow, meow," agreed FG-5625.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622, the most annoying stormtrooper of the group.

“What he said,” agreed FG-5621, motioning to him with a straw.

“Millicent has a little hat. It’s pretty cool,” said FG-5625 happily.

“I have an action figure of her little hat,” added FN-2003, taking out a small plastic officer's hat.

Finn stared. “You have an action figure of her little hat!? How does that even make sense…”

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622, holding 10 orange balloons.

“Uh…..”

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622, now holding 50 orange balloons and slowly ascending upwards towards the ceiling.

FG-5625 sipped his soft drink. “Uh oh. Looks like Twenty-Two has just achieved cat transcendence.”

“He is now one with the cat,” agreed FG-5621, nodding.

Suddenly the stormtroopers sat upwards upon the arrival of Captain Phasma. They gulped in terror as she stared down at them. “What’s going on here?”

“Millicent rules, Captain,” mumbled FN-2003.

Just then, FG-5622 appeared back in his seat adjusting his nerdy cat sunglasses. He replied in a smooth British accent that mimicked Phasma's. “Millicent rules…..”

“Millicent is okay, I guess,” said Finn, shrugging.

“Unsatisfactory response!” barked Phasma. “And who gave you permission to take off that helmet?”

“Captain…. It’s lunchtime?”

“Report to my division at once!”

When Phasma left, FN-2003 shook his head at his friend. “Dude, stop taking off your helmet! You’re gonna get into trouble!”

“But how can you….. It’s lunchtime!”

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622, showering the table with various cat merchandise.

Finn stood up. “Kay. I’m out. Bye."

"Wait, Eight-Seven!" cried FN-2003 suddenly.

Finn turned around. "What, Slip?"

"You gonna finish your orange brownie?"

"If he doesn't want his brownie, I'll take it," said FG-5621.

"No, me!" cried FG-5625, pulling the tray towards him.

Just as they were arguing, FG-5622 took the opportunity to snatch the cat-shaped dessert onto his tray. That's what a cat would do, too. "Millicent rules!"

***
“FN-2187, this is the fifth time this week you’ve been sent to my division. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Sorry, Captain,” mumbled Finn, trying to ignore the framed picture of General Hux and Millicent that was literally just sitting on her desk.........for some reason.

“I’m now downgrading you to the lowest form of janitorial duties.”

“Which duty, Captain?”

Phasma leaned forward. He was getting shivers down his spine because he knew she was probably giving him the death glare. “You’ll soon find out…”

***
Finn was now scooping out Millicent’s litter box while trying not to pass out from holding his breath. He looked at the ginger kitten waiting for him to finish. “You know, this wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t poop so much…”

Millicent walked past him and entered the now fresh and clean litter box. Finn was screaming internally. Somehow he sensed he and this feline would not get along.....

*****
To continue....

 

That is SO cat!!!

 

I know a cat, half Maincoon & half Angora, who can be exactly like that. But it's a former tomcat missing certain parts since his castration. So I guess one could say he is a she after all and mean as hell. Or, thinking of Anakin Skywalker like Tatooine sand.

 

SO! This is how Finn and Millicent meet!

 

Thanks for the comments and for reading!

Sounds like a nice mixed cat! He is a she? Oh dear.

It seems only natural that the way Finn meets Millicent is by being forced to clean her litterbox, right? Gotta serve your feline empress!

 

Next chapter right here:

Chapter 3

By the time Kylo Ren stormed into the General’s office, half the hallway was destroyed and stormtroopers fled screaming. He kicked one of the boxes delivered to the office and stared at the motivation poster of kittens dressed in cute military uniforms. Wait, what!? Cute kittens dressed in military uniforms?! The guy was turning into a crazy cat lady! “General, what’s this!?"

“What’s what, Ren?”

Kylo pointed to the adorable ginger kitten sitting on his desk in a teabag-shaped sleeping bed. “This…this cat! I informed you a few days ago about my severe allergies and what did you do?! You got a cat the next day! This is a clear assassination attempt!”

Phasma stared at him and sipped her expresso with a straw, amused.

“And what is Captain Phasma doing here!?” demanded Kylo, breathing heavily under his helmet.

“Just chillin’,” she replied coolly, flipping through cat magazines casually.

“Ren, what are you complaining about?” asked Hux as he prepared his bitter tea. “Your severe allergies must have subsided considering….that….well..... you’re still alive.”

Kylo screamed before breaking a random ceramic cat vase and rushing out into the hallway with lightsaber ignited.

"Delivery for General A. Hux?" asked the delivery man just seconds after Kylo left. He loaded the boxes into the office and read the item description outloud. "For....50 indestructible ceramic cat vases?"

"Ah, yes," said Hux, motioning to the corner of the room. "Just leave them there for now. Phasma, have you picked out Millicent's cat trees?"

"Yes," she replied, setting down the cat magazines. "But it's costly. Are you sure Supreme Leader Snoke's credit card can handle this?"

Hux was now proceeding to order the expensive cat furniture online. "Don't worry about that, Phasma. We'll blame Kylo Ren."

"In that case, I highly recommend the prestige kitty condo with the high quality plush carpet and the multi-level scratching posts," she suggested.

"Are you sure this is suitable for a 10 week old kitten, Phasma?" asked Hux. "Maybe something....smaller?"

"Don't be ridiculous," said Phasma, completing the order online along with ordering random other things for herself when his back was turned. "You're never going to train her to get rid of Kylo Ren if you keep babying her right from the start!"

Back in the hallways.....

“Run!” screamed storm troopers, getting out of Kylo's way. “He’s in a bad mood again!”

“Kriffin' Hux!” muttered Kylo, pulling out his comlink and dialling Leia. “Mom? MOM! I want a cat. A cool black cat. I promise to be responsible.” He shoved the comlink back into his pocket. “There. That will work for sure. Pffff!"

He walked back to his room closing the door promptly, least anyone saw his extensive Darth Vader merchandise collection. More importantly, he wanted to get away as fast as possible from the Millicent band march forming in the hallway by the stormtroopers.

***
Back in the Resistance on D'Qar, Leia was pondering her son's request. A cat spy from the Resistance disguised as a birthday present, she wondered. That would indeed be an excellent gift to give the First Order....

***
To continue...

 

Chapter 4

“It has come to my attention that vending machines around sector C-3029 have been destroyed recently,” announced Hux during a general conference. “I’m suspecting no one at this time.” His eyes slowly glided towards Kylo Ren sitting at the back.

Kylo folded his arms across his chest. “Clearly it makes sense to order new models, General. The current design flaw causes items to get stuck inside. Consequently, someone ends up destroying a vending machine in frustration.”

“Very well,” said Hux. “Do we all agree on the notion that new vending machines will be ordered?”

“Also, General, new snacks should be included. Maybe Darth Vader candies with the little marshmallows inside.”

Hux shot a glare at him. Phasma sat quietly, amused by the rivalry.

“I suggest this because there are cat-themed candies with little marshmallows inside so why not Darth Vader ones? Perhaps the vending machines will be destroyed less often.”

Hux stared blankly, his eye twitching ever so slightly. How he wished he could just toss Kylo Ren into the nearest airlock right about now. “Darth Vader themed candies…”

“… With the little marshmallows inside. Don’t forget about that part. I also ordered a Darth Vader convertible that I'm going to be riding around in from now on. Totally hope you're cool with that, General."

Phasma sipped her drink, still amused. Who in their right mind gave that emo kid a license? "A convertible, sir?"

"Darth Vader on wheels, Captain," clarified Kylo. "A machine of utter power, run purely by the darkside."

More likely a kiddy car, she thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

The General sighed before turning to the others and standing up. “And this concludes our meeting, ladies and gentlemen. Any further questions?”

Kylo Ren was the only person with his hand up while the other officers sat quietly.

“I see there are no further questions,” said Hux, blissfully ignoring him. “Return to your stations immediately.”

When the room quickly emptied, Kylo slammed his fist against the steel table. This wasn't the first time Hux ignored him. “Son of a butt-kissing bantha!”

***
Captain Phasma oversaw the installation of the new vending machines. “These new models should prevent items from getting stuck inside. Remember your vending machine priorities, troopers.”

“Yes, Captain,” answered her group of storm troopers as they finished fine-tuning the machines before departing.

"What the heck are 'vending machine priorities?'" whispered Finn to his buddy, who shrugged.

Meanwhile, Millicent had just woken up from her nap in the laundry department when she saw Kylo Ren trying to get an item from the machine. The item didn’t move. Kylo proceeded to destroy the vending machine with his lightsaber. If only he realized he needed to put a coin in first.

*****
To continue.....

 

On the walls of Starkiller Base...


Keeping the Stormtroopers motivated.

 

Thanks @GregMcP for the comment! Yes indeed, these motivation posters keep the troopers motivated...except Finn, of course, who would likely say: "But why does the cat have to look like Millicent?!"

 

The problem with your updates is: first I have to read them and I cannot stop laughing all the way. So I least need to read an update at least three times before sense kicks in and my brain is able to do a sort of serious comment. So, I try to hang on like the cat on the motivation poster. Otherwise I run danger to share the fate of Uncle Albert: hanging under the ceiling, shaken by laughter. But well, there are worse fates, I suppose.

 

Oh my. Now I am the opposite: I write it and somehow it makes complete sense to me only to re-read it some time later and realize....I actually don't know what's happening (Insert Rose or Finn quote here)... Thanks for the comment!

Next chapter right here:

Chapter 5:

The hallways emptied quickly as Kylo Ren slowly drove in his Darth Vader kiddie car convertible. Stormtroopers and officers moved out of the way, but one stormtrooper still got run over for some reason despite the convertible going literally at turtle speed.

“I’m okay!” confirmed the stormtrooper lying on the floor, giving a thumbs up.

“You don’t know the power of the Dark Side…” announced the metallic recorded voice of the convertible as some stormtroopers ran away screaming while others stood amused. Other people, like one of the Galactic Empire's veterans, Captain Peavey, just stood and rolled his eyes. Kids and their stupid convertibles, he thought.

Grandfather would be so proud of me, thought Kylo. So glad I found this cool thing online using Snoke’s credit card.

Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeep, Kylo honked as everyone else got out of the way. Everyone except…..General Armitage Hux.

“Ren, get out of that ridiculous thing you can barely fit in immediately,” warned Hux as he stood his ground, watching the slow moving convertible loom towards him. Where the hell did he even get that thing from!?

Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeep, Kylo honked, but the General refused to move.

And just as the convertible approached Hux’s boots, it broke down in complete smoke and Kylo was forced to retreat, turning the car into reverse mode back into his room.

"Good work, General,” complimented Phasma. “Whatever it is you did.”

Hux adjusted his greatcoat proudly. “Just doing my job, Phasma.”

“What the hell just happened?” asked Finn to his buddy.

“It’s a pretty easy situation to understand, FN-2187,” said FN-2003. “Kylo Ren somehow got a Darth Vader convertible, General Hux broke it, and Captain Phasma complimented on a job well done. The only thing missing from this picture is Millicent!”

“Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Uh...I think," agreed Finn. “Last time I saw Millicent she went into Kylo Ren’s room…”

***
“Kriffin’ Hux!” whined Kylo, kicking the broken convertible into the corner of his room. “Always breaking my stuff somehow!”

It was then that he noticed that the ginger kitten was proceeding to use his special ash tray where he set his helmet into as a litter box. Again. He was certain she was doing this on purpose. Hux must have already trained her well to hate him. Kylo got the spray water bottle immediately and aimed it at the kitten. “You!”

Millicent's little ears perked up as she dodged the water, slipping past his feet, breaking his Darth Vader alarm clock, and pouncing into the hallway. Left, right, up, down, through the ventilation shafts and straight onto her teabag-shaped sleeping bed. She curled up innocently.

“Millicent rules!” cried FG-5622 standing right beside her to ensure a safe landing on all four paws.

“What in blazes are you doing here!?” demanded Hux as he entered his office suddenly.

“Millicent rules, sir,” reported the stormtrooper, saluting him.

“Return to your station immediately!”

“Yes, sir!” agreed FG-5622, cartwheeling out of the office and straight into the nearest recycling bin.

"Peculiar things happening in the First Order,” thought Hux to himself as he placed Millicent on his lap. Little did he know that the weird things were just beginning.

****
To continue….

 

Fun, fun, fun til Armi took Kylo’s T-bird away

Fun installment.


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Um, Hux? Dude? You ARE the weird thing! It all started with you...

And Finn, as always, is the only voice of reason.

 

And something gets destroyed by Kylo once again....enter the repair bills.

He is the weird thing! Of course Hux is clueless about all this and indeed Finn is the voice of reason...maybe that's why he left the First Order!

Thanks for the reads/comments

 

So many years between all this Millicent stuff, and Ysanne Isard's micro sand panther.

 

@Sith-I-5 I am certain that Ysanne Isard's micro sand panther must have at one point met Millicent's great-grandmother, Millicent the First, who was at one point an Imperial spy and the Emperor's personal rodent control agent.

 

Mm. Now that sounds interesting?

Is the Emperor good with cats? Cos he could be looking after Cindy (micro sand panther), whilst her mistress is offworld with Yav'.

 

I can see the Emperor being a cat-person for sure--it seems fitting. This probably warrants some kind of a fanfic!

 

*Evil Darth Sheev sits on evil Imperial throne, evilly petting cat.*

 

Miauw! Another great update, even though "toys" & egos got broken.

 

Thanks! Meow!

Next chapter right here:

Chapter 6: The Story of Agent B aka Blackie

One year later….
General Leia Organa stepped deeper into a secret spy facility aboard an unknown asteroid that was shaped like a cat’s paw for some reason. She entered into another chamber of the heavily secured building where an officer was waiting for her and immediately led her into the steel-walled maze.

“The adoption center is right ahead of us, General,” he announced.

Leia nodded, adjusting her cool, spy sunglasses. Luke had taught her to always wear awesome sunglasses in these kinds of tense situations. She stepped into the adoption center where the officer showed her the agents locked in their cages.

“This is Agent B,” he said, motioning to a small black kitten alone in the cage sitting obediently. “He’s a born spy. Passed all qualifications and is the top of his class. His great-grandmother was a rebel agent aboard the second Death Star. He is skilled at using the latest spy technologies and has extensive experience in dangerous situations. Agent B will be a superb candidate, General.”

“Agent B,” whispered Leia. “It sounds so dehumanizing. Let’s give him a name. He will be called Blackie.”

The black kitten shifted his eyes suspiciously…

***
Back on D’Qar, BB-8 was the first to welcome the black kitten that had joined the Resistance and beeped in excitement. A little cat buddy!

“Cool cat, General,” said Poe, giving a thumbs up. “Do we really need more cats though?” He motioned to the 20 cats wandering around the base, some licking their behinds. Ever since Leia and her husband separated, she had become a crazy cat lady.

“We’ll be sending Blackie to the First Order,” announced Leia, setting the black kitten on the table. “We need an undercover agent. I was send him as a birthday gift to Kylo Ren in a few months after his training…. The rest will follow.”

“But General—“ protested Poe.

Leia put her hands on the young man’s shoulders. “Poe, have faith in Blackie.”

“I was referring to the cats sniffing each other’s butts,” said Poe, pointing to the cats wandering around the base. “Are we still keeping them? I just think they’re a bad influence to BB-8.”

The droid beeped something in surprise before returning to hang out with Blackie.

“The reign of the crazy cat lady is over,” announced Leia, observing a menacing hologram of First Order fleets. “We must now focus our attention on convincing the Republic that the First Order poses a threat to the galaxy!”

“Yes, General,” said Poe, whipping out his tablet. “I’ll write up an advertisement for people to adopt all the cats immediately.”

Leia nodded and proceeded to her room when she stopped, seeing the latest cat newsletter on the sofa. She picked it up hesitantly, seeing that the cover had an orange cat with a little hat. The hat had the emblem of the First Order.

The cover read: “Do you like cats? Consider joining the First Order! General Hux’s cat, Millicent, is a cute bundle of orange that will steal your heart! See her ice skate, sing and dance! She is even capable of leading an army!”

“Millicent,” mumbled Leia under her breath. “Looks like we have a new threat to deal with.”

***
Aboard the nearly operational Starkiller Base deep in the Unknown Regions, General Hux stood before the armies of the First Order. “Today we stand on this glorious day to officially announce the grand opening of Starkiller Base. This is a special day as we also celebrate Millicent’s first birthday. Her gift stores are now open and the first 100 stormtroopers will receive a limited edition of her action figure. One per customer. No rain checks.”

“Millicent rules!” cried the stormtroopers, raising their arms in glory.

“Wait, what!?” whispered Finn to his buddy. “Millicent has a gift store!?”

“Captain Phasma would also like me to remind those stormtroopers who had not yet had their flu shots to report to the infirmary immediately.”

“Eeep,” yelped Finn, shifting his eyes suspiciously under his helmet. What was worse: Millicent’s birthday party or the flu shot!?

“General, the orange cake is ready for pickup,” announced Phasma.

“Excellent,” said Hux, walking Millicent in her special harness into the base. “While you’re on it, check the cat treats supply. Millicent is inviting all her friends.”

This just can’t be good, thought Kylo Ren worryingly.

*****
To continue…

 

Hux and Leia are both crazy cat people.


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