Story [The Expanse] You Said - James Holden/Naomi Nagata - OTP Challenge - Series

Title: Don’t Tell Me Goodbye
Fandom: The Expanse
Characters: James Holden/Naomi Nagata
Genre: Angsty fluff. I mean, it gets really fluffy. Maybe OOC fluffy. (I don’t know that I have Naomi’s voice yet, I can’t hear her as well as Holden.) AU because this isn’t how the conversations went, especially the second one.
Spoilers: I'd say pretty small ones, no major plot points, at least not that you'd know if you don't already know.
TImeline: Season 2.13- Caliban's War.
Notes: For the OTP Things You Said Challenge. I used two, but they are combined right at 500 words.
This may become a series with the challenge prompts because I love them so much.


Please see the little primer if you're not familiar with the show:

Spoiler: Non-Spoiler Primer for stories

This takes place on a space ship. Holden is pinned in the cargo-bay by a large container with very strong magnets (see gif below). There's something in the cargo-bay they have to get out and can't risk getting to him. The idea to get the the thing out of the ship is to raise the pressure in that part of the ship to blow it out (the airlock is already compromised so they can't just blow that), which would kill Holden too, even with his suit on. Holden and Naomi are talking through comms.

Holden, Naomi, Alex, and Amos all are the crew of a ship called the Rocinante.

Things you said right before you said goodbye


“Naomi, listen to me.”

“No.”

“If you have to blow the cargo-bay…”

“I said no, Holden. We’re not going to do it, we’ll find another way. A way that doesn’t kill you.”

“Naomi, please.”

“Holden. Jim… I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this at all.”

“You can and you will. You are so much better than I am.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. You’ve been our conscience this whole time. Don’t… don’t stop trusting that instinct.”

“You’re one to talk, mister ‘answer a distress call in secret against the captain’s orders.’”

“We wouldn’t be in this mess... if I’d have just left well enough alone.... our old crew would be alive.”

“But then millions of people on Earth would have died. You are a hero James Holden whether you want to be or not.”

“It’s been all I can do... to just hang on.”

“Well keep hanging on and we’ll find a way out of this.”

“But if we don’t..”

“No. I’m not going to give Amos that order, I can’t do that.”

“Then I’ll ask him to do it without you.”

“Please don’t do this, we’ll find a way, we always do.”

“If we don’t I want to say it’s all been worth it... to have done it with you. I wouldn’t... give up this time we’ve had for anything.”

“Shut up.”

“I mean it… my only regret is that we don’t have more time.”

“No. I’m going to get us all out of this, now shut up and let me think.”






Things you said right after hello

"Hey..."

“Jim, ámolof mi, you're awake.”

“So you didn’t have to blow up my ship?”

“Your ship? This is Alex’s baby, don’t let him hear you say that.”

“I’d never…”

“How do you feel?”

“Hmm…. like my leg was crushed.”

"It was so that holds up.”

“Are you okay?”

“Am I okay? You’re the one who almost died.”

“Naomi, you had to make the decision on how to save our crew, which could have killed me. I know that’s not an easy thing to do.”

“I told you we’d find a way that didn’t involve killing you.”

“You did. Thank you.”

“You asked Amos to do it if I couldn’t.”

“I did. It had to be done. I wasn’t going to let that…. thing kill you all. ”

“That’s not acceptable. You aren’t expendable. Not to me, not to Alex, not to Amos.”

“I will do what I have to do to save you all.”

“I know. But you better know we’ll do all we can to save you from yourself.”

“...”

“Jim, I’m not going to let you go and kill yourself if there’s any way I can prevent it.”

“And I’ll do what I have to do to protect you. All of you, Alex and Amos included.”

“I knew who you were before I fell in love with you, I just don’t want you to risk your life unnecessarily.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I ask.”


- - - - - -

ámolof mi - "my love" in Lang Belta which is the Belter language. Naomi is a Belter.

 

Marvelous Their emotions come through clearly: their love and courage and resolve!

 

Cool story. Don't know the series at all but it sounds intresting.

 

I keep going back and forth as to if I should read your fanfic work now or wait till I've seen more of the show (I'm currently still only half way through season 1). I don't mind spoilers, but I do mind not knowing what is going on. But I decided to and I'm really glad I did. The relationship and characters interactions here really make me excited for later seasons! I love the banter.

Ha! I Think Alex is going to become one of my favourites!

I love this, I really did! So sorry I couldn't think of more to say.

 

Thank you!! I'm glad that could come through, it's a little daunting having only dialogue to know if it's really there or if I'm only seeing it because I'm writing it.

- - -

Thank you!! It's a really cool show and a great series of books, I highly recommend. Thanks for reading!

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Thank you! And yes you do! As for 'ships, I actually can ship so many people together on this show. And for actual ships, the Rocinante has vaulted up to one of my favorite ships, right with the Falcon and the Serenity, though she's much newer than those two so she doesn't look quite as... lived in.

They absolutely help make each other better! I'm so happy that has been clear because that's one of the things I like to most about their relationship, it's based on respect for who the other is, but they still improve each other.

Thank you!! It was actually a lot harder than I expected, not having anything else to tell you what is going on, especially when I know no one else knows these characters. But in some ways easier too because you don't have to worry about the other things.

This is where I hope I'm doing the characters justice and I don't quite know if Naomi is in character, I have a hard time getting her, but it was a lot of fun to write!

Thank you!! It totally is!

- - -

Yeah, I know it's hard to read something when you don't know the characters, I'm glad it worked out, though! At least as far as the show goes, I feel like they may have one of the healthiest relationships I've ever seen on TV, I'm excited for you to see more!

I love so many people on this show, it's really hard to have a favorite, though I guess I kinda do. (I'm not going to tell you who, yet.) But I will say I ADORE Alex. His Martian drawl makes me giggle. This isn't a spoiler, but there's a time in the books where he just says "Hooboy!" and I could hear Cas Anvar saying it in my head and I just laughed and laughed... and started saying hooboy. Lol.

Thank you!! No worries, I feel like there's not a whole lot to say on something so short!

- - -

Thank you! As soon as I saw them, this situation popped into my head, where it might be a forever goodbye, but then there's a hello afterward. I loved the idea so much I had to go with it.

This is absolutely taking place through very heavy events, and while I wouldn't so much call it attempted suicide, I guess in a way it kinda is. He doesn't want to die, but Holden will 100% do so if it means saving Naomi and the rest of his crew, without hesitation. At that point, all of the ideas they had would kill him and they all knew it. Thankfully, they came up with another idea.
Thank you so much for reading, I know it's difficult when you don't know the source material! And thank you for this challenge, it's been quite inspiring to my stubborn muse!

 

Now a series! I have at least two more ideas in mind after this one.

Title: All Along
Characters: Jim Holden/Naomi Nagata
Spoilers: Yes (See note) - end of Season 1/middle of Leviathan Wakes (Book 1)
Prompt: Things you said when I was sick
Genre: Missing scene, Hurt/Comfort... kinda?

Note: If you don’t mind/don't care about spoilers, under the spoiler cut explains what happened to get to this point, though I keep it as vague as possible. If you don’t mind kinda minor spoilers, you’re probably okay to read without the primer. If you don’t want spoilers at all, avoid.

Spoiler: Background - *VAGUE-ISH SPOILERS*

Holden got a massive dose of radiation, so much that the autodoc (it is what it sounds like) kept trying to put him into hospice mode and pump him full of morphine. He survived but has to take anti-cancer drugs every day for the rest of his life and also get frequent scans to make sure he doesn’t have cancer. I think it would have further impacts on his life, and maybe it does, but I haven’t gotten that far in the books yet. This story is speculation on some of those side effects.

“You okay, Holden?”

“Yeah, just a little nauseous. I’ll be fine. I'm just going to lay here for a few minutes.”

“You wanna let the autodoc take a look at you?”

“It’s okay, Naomi.”

“If there’s something that will make you feel better...”

“There’s not. Not anything I’m willing to take, anyway.”

“How do you know if you haven’t had it checked?”

“ I have.”

“And…?”

“The meds it recommends knock me out, I don’t want that.”

“I don’t understand, what’s going on?”

“It’s a side effect from the radiation poisoning. Or the anti-cancer, I’m not sure which. It doesn't matter. The anti-nauseates we have that are strong enough make me sleep.”

“How long has all this been happening?”

“All along.”

“This whole time? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It doesn’t happen all the time, it comes and goes. It’s nothing I can’t deal with.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to deal with it alone.”

“I really didn’t want to bring attention to it. I don’t want anyone not doing what needs to be done in a situation because they’re thinking about it.”

“Why, when does it happen?”

“Mostly when we change course and the center of gravity shifts. It’s the worst when we’re docking and it happens a lot in a short period of time.”

“So when we’re doing our usual and fighting our way out of a situation?”

“Uhhh…”

“Jim!”

“Like I said, it’s not all the time and I can work through it. When we’re at high-g it doesn't really happen. I guess the juice helps.”

“So the risk of stroking out... helps. That’s comforting.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t notice until now and it’s been quite awhile.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Naomi. You didn’t do anything to cause any of this.”

“But I can be sorry that this is one more thing you have to deal with, and I am.”

“You are amazing, you know that?”

“I am, but not for the reasons you’re saying. Now lay back down and take a nap.”

“What?! I don’t need a nap.”

“You look like you do. Nothing's going on you need to be around for."

"Great, thanks."

"You know what I mean. What if I took one with you, would that change your mind?”

“ I... guess I could be persuaded.”


- - - - - - - - - - -



autodoc - what it sounds like and similar to other sci-fi shows. And automated doctor unit, though it can't do as much as other sci-fi set further in the future

"the juice" - A cocktail of drugs that gets injected into people when they do high-g to lower the likelihood of them passing out or stroking out. The Expanse doesn't have inertial dampeners like SW and ST to keep people from feeling the effects of the high-g from thrust.

 

You can sense the caring between them, and there's nothing worse than having side effects from something that's supposed to make you better...

 

HEEEEEEEEE. *SQUEAK* I LOVE THIS SO MUCH



I mean, I don't love that Holden feels sick pretty much all the time, but you know I'm a sucker for some H/C

I'm like halfway (over half?) though season 2 so I'm so happy I can read this and know what's going on! (also, Alex is 100% currently my fave! also, side note, I totally know Cas Anvar from something else but scrolling through his IMDB page, I can't for the life of me see from what. Though it is so long, maybe he's just one of those actors). also I was so excited when you used these events for a fic!!!

They are so sweet, but so stubborn! I love it

This is so Naomi! I could just hear her saying it!

I mean, naps solve everything!

Again, love this so much!

 

Intresting bit and certianly something that suffering a high dosis of radiation would lead to. Like the idea that even in the future medicine can't just magically fix any sickness.

 

I love this relationship because while it's not perfect, there's a lot of caring and respect between them, but also, it doesn't define Naomi. Yeah, the things that are suposed to make you better having side affects that still make you feel bad really sucks. It's like trading one bad for another.
Thank you for reading!

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YAAY!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I feel like this show can be a h/c fanficers dream! But it's not so much that you're like, ugh, again?! I figure if the muse wants to cooperate, this topic will come up multiple times.

And now I know you are done! And you know I love Alex. Cas Anvar is great (his insta and twitter and awesome too). I think he's kinda a 'that guy' who's been in a little bit of everything. He was on How to Get Away with Murder, but he appeared right before we started watching The Expanse so I didn't know him, and now I'm sad about it.

Ha! If this doesn't describe the two of them, I don't know what does!

Thank you for saying that, I don't know why I can't hear her voice as well as the others. I think part of it might be I never know how much Belter to put in. She tends not to have a very thick Belter accent unless she's with other Belters, and I over think it. Go figure.

Of course they do!! But I can see Holden totally being that guy who can't nap because something might be going on while he's napping. At least on his ship, lol.
Thank you!!

- - -

Thank you! One of the awesome aspects of this show is I feel like it takes things very seriously, like physics, medical things, etc. Just because it's in the future doesn't magically make everything better.

 

Title: As Long As We’re Together
Characters: Jim Holden/Naomi Nagata
Genre: H/C, fluff
Prompt: Things you said when I was sick
Spoilers: Episode 4.04- Retrograde - I’m not that far in the books, so anything there is accidental.
Notes: I’m using one of the prompts a second time because I liked the symmetry with the last story.

This is a scene expansion that you kinda have to know what’s going on, so if you haven’t watched the show, the primer (under the spoiler cut below) should help you understand.

Spoiler: Open for Primer

Naomi is a Belter so she grew up in space, meaning that being on a planet is dangerous to her health (she doesn’t have the bone density, she isn’t used to breathing with gravity pulling down on her so much, etc.). There are drugs to help make it livable, but they are very painful to take. Naomi decided she wanted to do it, but once they got on planet, she eventually figured out that they really didn’t work for her. She can’t be in that much gravity without her heart having issues. They were on a planet and she was trying to ignore her symptoms, until they couldn’t be ignored any more. This takes place right after they get back to the ship.

gif thanks to jamesholden.tumblr.com - my source for all Expanse related gifs


“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I thought I could get through it.”

“No, I’m sorry I didn’t notice you were feeling so badly. Naomi, I knew this was your first time down a well, I should have been watching closer.”

“I didn’t want you to see.”

“That I believe. But you don’t always have to be strong. It’s okay to ask for help, especially from family.”

“I don’t think I was very strong when I was getting the bone density drugs. I seem to recall screaming a lot.”

“I don’t know about you, but that’s an experience I hope to never have to repeat. I never want to cause you pain.”

“Naw… it only tickled. I was screaming in joy.”

“Funny.”

“I thought so.”

“I am sorry, Naomi.”

“Don’t be. I just wanted to have the choice.”

“I don’t care where we are, just that we’re together.”

“Says the Earther boy whose parents raised him to inherit 22 acres of land that’s worth a fortune.”

“They’ve known that was a losing battle for a while now. At the very least running away to the UN Navy and then an ice hauler should have given them that idea.”

“But they still hold out hope?”

“Some of them do, yes. But it doesn’t matter, I love you no matter where we are.”

“I don’t know that I’d want to live on Earth, but….”

“I know. Having the choice taken away is what is so painful. I would have loved for you to see my family home in person. To see the ocean. Camp out in the woods with a small fire to keep us warm. But it doesn’t matter, your health matters. YOU matter. Where we are doesn’t.”

“Your choice has been taken away too.”

“No it hasn’t. I choose you.”

“For now, but what happens in the future when all this calms down and you want kids.”

“So our kids will be Belters.”

“I… that’s not what I meant.”

“Well whatever you meant, we don’t have to talk about it now. You need to rest and I have to go.”

“You say ‘as long as we’re together’ and now you’re leaving.”

“But I’m coming back. And you get to stay here on the Roci with Alex while Amos and I have to rough it.”

“You love it.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Make sure that you do, come back to me.”

“Always.”


- - - -


Notes:

Belter - someone who lives not on Mars or Earth
“Down a well” - a gravity well, so on a planet that has its own gravity even if it's not a full 1g like Earth.
In the books (non-spoiler) Holden talks about kids a lot, I mean, a LOT! But not really in the show, so I wanted to add that in, because I think it's something Naomi would be thinking about.

 

Very true to life in any 'verse I think, having the choice taken away. But I love what he says that he hasn't really lost it, that she is his choice so wherever they are, together, is only of lesser importance.

 

Oh these two, so much H/C potential and I love it!

I pretty much had the whole thing quoted because it was so in character. I love the fact that Holden talks about kids a lot - that's so him.

Rough it, eh? (sorry I'll be good).

I love this so much and I am so sorry I can't think of much else to say.

 

Another intresting medical condition, but defenetly something that could come up in such a situation. After all in our world people who spend most of their lifes ar sea react different to those who never sat foot on a ship before. Same does probably apply to space as well. Great work

 

Wow. The emotions in these are intense even though they are just dialogue. The characterisations are really great too. Love it.

 

As Long As We're Together - I loved seeing this concept explored.

I have heard of it in passing, in other properties, so it was so interesting seeing a pair going through it, and you captured the disappointment of the party who tried her best encourage her partner who has probably been filling her head with stories about his farm and the 22 acres, yet just cannot exist in a gravity well...oh right, I had worked out from the context, what-

-meant, but did not realise that "well" was slang for "gravity well".

You captured your subjects' characters, and made them sympathetic.

I have no idea when The Expanse is set, however I hope it is not too late for them to catch a copy of Silent Running for some ideas how to get some of that acreage into space.

Great work. And thank you for the Primer and gif.