Story [Star Trek] Reminiscences at a Pivotal Crossroad. S/U et al. WIP.

#20

It was merely scant hours before the Nirada mission was to be undertaken.

The bridge crew's focus was all that the Captain might demand or wish for; my concentration was unwavering, naturally. However, I could not but be aware of Nyota's emotive and mental reserve.

When the relief communications officer came to the bridge, I also went off-shift.

I tracked Nyota down in the arboretum, pensively twirling a rosy-pink blossom in her hands.

I did not sit close to her as I joined her, sensing her need to be silent and not touched for the moment. Yet, I stayed at the periphery of her awareness like a promise of warmth.

She finally set the blossom down and moved nearer.

Taking this as a silent invitation, I wrapped an arm around her and said lowly, "I missed you."

She gave me a brief kiss and murmured back: "I was never ... gone, you know that. I would never shut you out."

"Even the degree of remove you had ... It wasn't something I wish to experience again."

She said, "I didn't much like it either, my love."

The kiss we shared this time was more protracted.

I assayed, "I have to go, you realize?"

She nodded, and I could tell she was as acclimated to the idea as she could ever be. "I know, for professional reasons, and personal ones, although I'm sure you'd likely deny the latter."

I merely nodded and did not demur.

She continued, "My dearest one, don't you dare develop what I like to call "indispensable hero-itis", throwing yourself into a situation that someone else could handle just as well! Because if you were lost to me, as the expression goes, my heart would not go on ... at all." Her voice was taut with emotion.

I cupped her face tenderly, establishing a meld, similar to ones we had experienced before. This one went deeper, however. Tendrils of my consciousness interwove even deeper with hers, sending light, love, and warmth between us. Her mind and presence nestled even more closely with mine than ever.

As the contact lightened, even the quiescent bond was richer, more -- tangible.

"Even when we are parted, we will be less so," I remarked lowly.

"Oh," she whispered, awed by the experience. "I will take the extra precaution of monitoring your personal frequency. You'd better come back to me -- even if you have to be "patched up a bit" as the good Doctor says."

"I will, always," I replied earnestly, and she could tell it was a promise I would keep.

+++

 

a lovely way to deepen the bond
but Spock shouldn't be a 'hero' like Kirk who is always rushing in first before thinking twice

 

#21

The unforgettable day when an entire world was lost and I and my father had suffered an incalculable loss ... I reacted to strong provocation in an unrestrained fashion, to say the least.

My Father, on that occasion, did not recriminate or pontificate, neither then or when we met on a later mission to the New Vulcan colony with a group of scientists and diplomats.

I cannot deny that I had expected some such response, yet all I received from him during all our subsequent encounters was a deep sense of pride and warmth. He gifted me at that time with his and my mother's marriage rings, which was indeed astounding and very pleasing to Nyota.

This was gratifying to experience, but on a deeper level, I wondered whether my actions were just an indicator of an extreme situation and thus not likely to be repeated in future, or an indicator of a flawed grasp of Surak's tenets.

My even more profound concern was Nyota's reaction. Her empathy was unquestioned, immediate, and unreserved.

However, I did not want to have lost even a fraction of her respect and regard.

I decided a few days after our mission concluded on New Vulcan to disclose these musings to her over dinner.

**

After I shared these reflections, Nyota grasped my hands tightly, and her eyes were liquid and loving.

"Love is never wrong, nor is grief avowed ever wrong, either. One can regret one's impulsiveness and apologize for those things but never feel regret for the source, the why."

"I do not," I assured her. "And I'm resolved to act with greater self-restraint in future."

Nyota observed quietly, "That's all we can do, any of us."

"If not for you, love," I answered softly, gripping her hands even more firmly, "I would probably have responded to my actions that day by withdrawing and going too far in the other direction. You are my balance and serenity. I have always felt this to be so, and it seems you provide this effortlessly."

Across our bond, I could feel her delight at my words. "I love you and believe in you unequivocally," she spoke with genuine devotion.

"I treasure you, completely," I replied tenderly. "Your being lost to me is the only provocation which could result in a reaction whose intensity and nature I would not regret in the slightest."

"Oh, you!" she whispered, touched. Then her eyes danced. "My darling love, I feel like a stroll in the arboretum..."

I assented readily. I could tell that, after the stroll, Nyota wanted to sprawl on the grass among the flowers and fountains and share a warm cuddle with me. I could feel her intent thrumming across our connection and the eager way she clasped my hand.

**

The balance of the night was filled with a restful, healing sleep, devoid of haunting dreams.

When we awoke the next morning, I felt her lithe warmth snuggled up tightly, as well as her mental embrace.

Nyota caught this realization and whispered, "Hi there; I'm not budging from this spot. Not as long as you need me."

"I will do that for a considerable time, as you have made yourself indispensable," I answered, squeezing her.

Her eyes shone. "Have I? You've become such to me."

I murmured between gently tender kisses: "You are more than I deserve and all that I ever need or desire to feel whole."

Nyota replied, "I love you with all of my heart, now, and with all I will become in the future."

+++

 

the loss of Vulcan was a pivotal event for all and especially for Spock, Nyota and Sarek.
The love of Spock for Nyota shines in this piece

 

Thanks as ever to my beta(s) who give invaluable help and supportive feedback.



~
#22

After the Narada mission, all Fleet ships returned to Starfleet HQ. There was a welcome interim before tours of duty commenced, and Nyota and I took advantage of this.

We visited all the high points of France, the cultural, historical, and culinary.

Nyota wryly commented that it had always struck her as unusual and ironic at the very least that very few of the European rulers of past centuries formed royal marriages that were also love matches.

Her tone was sad and rueful as she concluded, "Just political alliances... It was a setup for infidelity and love and romance being found outside."

I answered, "Unfortunately, there are times when personal choice must be put to the side for the good of the populace."

She countered, "Perhaps, but it certainly doesn't obviate any lack of personal fulfillment or allay the loneliness."

"It is a necessary burden," I replied.

Her retort was heated. "Who says? Can the hypothetical gratitude of the unknown masses compensate?"

I held her gaze. "It is hardly likely that it could."

****

I told her on our return trip of the debate going on with the High Council and my own quandry.

She favored me with a fierce glare. "You cannot tell me you're actually considering ...? You've worked hard and earned all the career perks. No one has the right to ask you to sacrifice those, and you shouldn't just toss them aside."

I interjected, "On the contrary, Nyota, It would be of my own volition that I resign and ..."

I could feel her reaching out across our bond, and I strove to keep it muted. I felt like a vital, crucial part of me was closed off as I tamped down on the connection between us.

She clasped my hands urgently, but I disengaged quickly.

"Hold on! Doesn't taking on a lifemate - isn't that part of the whole deal?" she demanded.

"That is part of it, yes."

Her voice was indignant and choked with deep hurtfulness, "So, you would just blithely negate all that we have and leave me high and dry?"

"I assure you, it would not be blithely," I answered softly.

Everything in her expression and voice conveyed shocked disbelief. "But you could still do it!!! I would be willing to rearrange my career path for you, join you anywhere you would ask me to go ... and yet -- well, I guess I know which one of us is the more committed."

"Commitment is not in question."

"Isn't it?" Nyota flared.

As Nyota railed (justifiably) against the injustice of the situation and accused me of having less of a commitment than she had, I felt something inside wince. If I had lost even a modicum of her trust and/or affection .... it did not bear thinking of.

However, as it turned out, I could not bring myself to make the "noble sacrifice." There were several factors that came into play, but the final one was the literal fact of her indispensability. I could not conceive of entering into a bond with another; nor did I think it would be a viable one, not after ours.

**

I came to her place the day before the scheduled debarking, as the sun was setting, to let her know of this final outcome. She stood on the balcony, emotionally walled off, as I approached.

"Will you not look at me?" I prodded softly.

She did, and the pools of her eyes were liquid and haunted ... until I told her of my final decision. Then her expression transformed into one of unmitigated joy and relief.

"Oh!" She exclaimed and seized me, pulling me inside.

We stood, locked in a fierce embrace and shared a long handful of ardent kisses as the barriers between us dissolved. Equal parts necessity and affection mingled.

I felt as if my heart literally could beat fully again. The unmistakable adoration in her eyes and flowing from her to me lifted an unspeakable burden from my soul.

We eventually made our way to the sofa, which faced the floor-to-ceiling windows, and I held her, my arm firmly around her waist.

"Nyota," I murmured, "You are the more compelling necessity to me. I came to find that even the thought of joining myself to another - instead of to you - is complete anathema. I was not able to consider it as a viable choice, after all. Keeping aloof from you during our return was what you might call a trial run, and I could not abide that temporary distancing, much less extend it to a permanent one. I want to apologize for that and also for the seeming appearance of a lesser commitment. I merely hope your trust and affection have not been decreased even slightly ..."

Nyota's eyes were shining. "No, I understand the need for that holding apart, although it did baffle and hurt me grievously while it was happening. Nothing - simply nothing - could make me love you any less than I do!!" She smiled through happy tears. "I will love you for always and ever."

"I will cherish and treasure you always. I promise never to give you such pain again." I squeezed her, nuzzling her pulse point.

Nyota asked: "Will you stay tonight? I have missed you!" She laughed lowly.

"Nothing would induce me to leave." I answered.

+++

 

I am glad that Spock will have Nyota as his only true love and friend.
And those European rulers; many marriages were political intrigues

 

Thanks to my betas for the suggestions to make things oomphy as well as grammatical.

~
#23

We had stopped over to attend symposia and panel discussions related to our career fields. I was a speaker and an attendee for various lectures. Nyota was attending a communications conference as well as a diplomatic techniques symposium.

Nurse Jana John had signed up for a medical conference. Mark Jullio wished to brush up on the latest surgical trends, as well, and appreciated the excuse to spend time with Jana.

"I am so glad the higher-ups had the idea of efficiently arranging for lectures in a variety of fields," Jana said. "A year and more into our tour and we all doubtless feel the need to have refresher courses as well as learn of new approaches."

"We also need to compare the theoretical with what we know from being on the front lines as to what does and does not work," Nyota added.

"Are you saying there's a disparity?" Mark asked, only half-teasingly.

"Now, would I ever make such an assertion?" Nyota asked, far too innocently.

Throughout this exchange, we were traversing the pedwalks between buildings. Suddenly, a striking, elegant Vulcan lady approached. She seemed familiar somehow; then I recalled her name. It was T'Rin, someone I had known professionally; her poise and dignity were as I remembered.

She paused to greet us with courteous, professional aplomb. "I am on the speaker panel for the topic of reclaiming worlds on the brink of ecological disaster," T'Rin explained.

I answered, "What a fascinating topic. These are my colleagues, Mark Jullio and Jana John; they are attending the medical conferences. This is Lieutenant Uhura, chief of Communications. The Lieutenant and I also are pledged as future bondmates."

T'Rin acknowledged the introductions. Nyota said she would definitely sign up for T'Rin's lecture.

**

"I enjoyed the conferences very much," Nyota remarked after our return from the lectures, as we relaxed over a light custard in our suite. "T'Rin's presentation was an eye-opener. Every world she aids in rescuing must give her a sense of gratification for the species and societies that are salvaged."

"Indeed," I agreed. "She doubtless also has the skill sets to deal with political leaders and self-interest groups."

"Yeah. I can imagine she doesn't relish that part of the job as much! I was interested in that facet of her talk as well, how to maneuver and negotiate around the conflicts of interest and inflated egos."

I raised an amused brow. "That is why I believe you and I will balance each other excellently when we transition into that field."

She beamed. "I think so, too."

I admitted, "I once considered going into T'Rin's branch of science. I respected her as a colleague and was fascinated by all the unique experiences and worlds she would encounter."

"Well... that would certainly have been an interesting career path; I could very easily imagine you choosing to go that way. But we never would have met if you had decided to go that route."

I immediately sensed her deep disquiet and assuaged it by elaborating. "Two things transpired. First of all, Christopher Pike persuaded me to join the exploratory endeavors of science." There was a slight pause. "The second one was our meeting and working together."

"I'm very glad to hear that," Nyota said quietly.

"Yes, Nyota, my very own," I kissed her softly, warmly.

"How very much I love you," she whispered.

"I treasure you," I replied, holding her even closer still.

+++

 

Spock and T'Rin, things could have gone different if not for Pike and Uhura

 

Thanks to my betas for their help, which is even more invaluable now, given RL ... it's a weapon of mass distraction, in all kinds of ways

~


#24

Nyota and I were speaking about the sometimes-unavoidable crisis point that can arise despite taking into account all the likely contingencies, when one must decide in an instant "I must remove this threat to safeguard my teammates foremost, and the mission's successful outcome, secondarily."

I shared the unforeseen events surrounding a mission in my cadet days.

"It was not something that even our commander could have foreseen or prevented. That did serve to mitigate the regrets to some extent."

"I can imagine the second-guessing would be painful," she said.

I agreed, "Yes. I was gratified to discover that I was able to meet the challenges as they arose. I have no doubt you will find yourself equal to the demands of the situation. You likely will discover, as I did, that some facets of resolving crises come easier than others."

"Your efficiency and courage would inspire confidence in those under your command, I am certain. You have the ability not to hesitate where others might."

"Your life and well-being mean more to me than all other things. I would strive to safeguard your safety on any mission we found ourselves on."

This touched her deeply. I could feel it in her mind as it twined with mine and see it in her glowing gaze.

**

We had cause to discover the veracity behind the hypothetical on an urgent rescue mission which turned out to be a ruse perpetrated by a group of marauders.

When Nyota acted instinctively and took out a goon who was threatening me with a high-powered disruptor, her accurate aim came without even a second's hesitation.

The Captain glanced at her admiringly, and I sent a pulse of love and gratitude to her across our bond.

As we lay together that night, I could tell sleep was eluding her; her mind was still occupied with the ramifications of the day's events turning out otherwise.

I stroked the hair away from her eyes, lingering over her high cheekbones.

"Nyota," I murmured softly. "You have first shift tomorrow. You must try and rest."

She sighed. "I cannot..."

My touch lingered and expanded, soothing away the hectic spin of her thoughts until a soft calm pervaded. The tranquility I was able to establish was reflected in her gaze and the gratitude in her tone as she whispered, "Thank you."

We each were able to sleep peacefully, and her dreams were happy.

When we awoke the next morning, our eyes held tenderly; Nyota's glance was filled with love and a renewed sense of all I was to her.

I held her tightly and sent across to her that she meant more than I could express.

+++

 

sweet how Spock can help her after an eventful mission

 

#25

We were scheduled to pick up a scientist and his life-mate on Velga III. T'Aiya was working on the space station and Suval was conducting medical research on the surface. A malfunction involving one of the neural-focused instruments Suval was working on for the treatment of epilepsy caused the link with his bond-mate to be muted to a dangerous degree. Suval and T'Aiya came from close offshoots of the Vulcans and Romulans, close enough so that a light meld could help obviate the risk of the bond disintegrating.

"I am not a mind healer," I told McCoy, "but I believe I can provide some moderate assistance."

"What if the link you establish with her goes too long, or she latches onto you thinking you're her bondmate?"

I pondered this possibility. In her mental disequilibrium, this might happen, although it was not very likely.

"I would establish a focused bond, not one that intruded or shared memories per se but which served as a buffer. A mind healer had ways to shield their psyches from being overwhelmed by the eddies and swirls of the other's mind. I have knowledge of some of these strategies, although not the in-depth training."

"We appreciate any assistance you feel you can give," McCoy said sincerely.

When Nyota heard of this, as she did during the briefing, she frowned thoughtfully but offered no protest. I could feel Nyota's tumble of thoughts about my assisting T'Aiya.

Nyota had her own role to focus upon, coordinating communications between the various teams working to solve the problem. Leading one group of engineers was Ms. Yolette Boudreaux; they finally were able to access the neural hydroscalpel's software routines and fix the program commands contributing to the malfunction. Simultaneously, another team of engineers repaired the hardware. The repairs were accomplished in a couple hours. Fortunately, the bond between T'Aiya and Suval resumed without harm to either, and I could withdraw unobtrusively.

**

Later in the arboretum, amid the soft splash of fountains and fragrant blossoms, I broached the subject.

Nyota tightly gripped her iced drink. "I know it was necessary, and I'm certainly not petty enough to suggest you shouldn't have helped," she murmured. Her quiet words held an undercurrent of tension.

"I was not inferring that your feelings are petty in the slightest," I assured her gently.

"I felt it was encroaching on something - on what I have with you."

I replied, "Love, it is not the same type of bond in intensity or nature. There was a somewhat moderate risk that a protracted meld might have been deleterious, but our bond was not at risk at any time. I would not have permitted such."

Her eyes were thoughtful. "I know that in my head, but I still didn't like it. I kept wanting to ... I don't know what..." she trailed off, at an uncharacteristic loss.

I remained silent but merely held her waist more firmly.

"I love you and have chosen you. Did you perhaps wonder if such a close, albeit transitory, link with another one, so like my own people, would make me feel a lack of some sort?" I pressed.

Nyota answered after a contemplative pause. "No, I don't think that was part of it ... it was just the mere fact of it happening at all."

I held her gaze, and amusement and affection flowed between us.

"I do not need to remind you I experienced that particular kind of bond before; I believe you know how that compared to ours."

She set down her mug with a soft ripple of laughter, wrapped me up in a firm hug and pulled me down to the green grass. "Oh yes, my sweetest love! I know ... and I have quite a fancy for reminding you of the difference."

+++

 

Spock had to act and explain the difference to Nyota

 

The beta help really helped spruce this up
~
#26

During an away mission in the context of a volatile sector dispute, I had sent Mr. Davis and Mr. Schaefer to investigate a technical anomaly. Mr. Schaefer suffered an injury through an unforeseen accident.

Now, a procedure was required to reattach tendons and ligaments, and subsequently range of motion and strengthening rehabilitation would likely be necessary. The incident was not something anyone could have forestalled, but I still felt somewhat responsible, in addition to an understandable concern. I would have made the same decisions, even with this outcome, based on the needs of the situation and the facts we then possessed. Yet, I could not help but question ...

I was in the observation theater during the procedure when Nyota entered, then greeted me by asking solicitously: "Spock, is Mr. Schaefer being operated on?"

"Yes, I am awaiting the doctor's prognosis."

She spoke softly. "Try not to take this situation too hard. Please do not upbraid yourself for things you could not prevent."

"I agree that indulging in what-ifs would be futile."

"A person has to strike a balance between caring too much and/or becoming overly detached. Either one could cause faulty judgment or make a person indecisive in a potential crisis."

"I would trust that you know me well enough than to assume I would fall into either extreme," I answered.

Nyota frowned. She touched my shoulder briefly. "Certainly. But I just wanted to give a reminder ... I wasn't implying ..." She broke off. "Blast it all! You hardly need a lecture from me. I didn't come here for that anyway. I just wanted to provide moral support."

As a matter of fact, I could feel that quite clearly from her, and I appreciated her spontaneous overture. Her inclination for such thoughtful gestures was very much one of the many things that had drawn us together, firstly as friends.

Before I could assure her of this, she observed ruefully, "I guess I didn't do as good a job of communicating that as I thought. What a thing for a professional to admit! At any rate, I hope Mr. Schaefer will pull through. I'm glad that no one else was injured."

"Yes, that is something for which to be grateful," I agreed.

"I have work to finish in the lab; I'll see you later."

Nyota suited action to words, simultaneously muting the entwinement of our connection, not coolly or even altogether, but it was a definite alteration of intensity.

I gazed after her. /Wait .../

She paused and gave me a questioning glance as Christine Chapel emerged to give me an update.

Nyota drew closer to be able to catch the medical update but not near enough for she and I to touch.

Christine had been watching us and catching our nonverbal cues through the viewing pane and now gave us both a sympathetic look.

On the other side of the observation pane, Dr. Baldavin was speaking with Nurse Jullio and cast us a curious look as well before returning to the discussion he was engaged in.

I thanked Christine for the update; she gave me a warm smile and exited the observation area.

I continued with what I'd been about to say before the brief interruption. "I wanted to thank you for coming. I am sorry if I seemed ungrateful or abrupt."

Nyota proffered an understanding smile but still remained mentally aloof.

**~

I pondered the recent events leading up to the accident and also considered the likely implications for future missions and choices arising from even the possibility of guarding against unforeseen occurrences. One could become mired in what-ifs and could-have-beens, which would be completely counterproductive, to the point of paralysis and inaction. I saw that point of her comments, immediately. I never had perceived them as an aspersion, as I hoped she had been able to sense emotively. At the same time ... despite the clarity thus afforded, I did not like the distance between us.

An hour and a mere handful of moments after our initial conversation, I reached out to Nyota, desiring our customary level of contact. Instantly, she reciprocated by reaching back with her usual warm welcome.

When we came together that evening to wrap up last-minute work tasks and have dinner, I brought up the subject by saying, "Please do not feel it necessary to hold yourself aloof from me in future."

"All right, but I thought you might welcome the breathing space to mull things over," she replied, putting down her stylus and taking a sip of tea.

I contradicted: "I did not welcome it, nor shall I ever require or want that much emotional space from you."

I recalled occasions when I received her spontaneous, empathic solace. It enveloped and soothed. In contrast, I remembered also the time I had held aloof from her during a portion of our trip together; that had been something each of us had felt an aversion over and did not want to experience again.

"In the event of there being feelings or thoughts that we do not feel ready to articulate or disclose at a given moment because of needing to think it through, it should not need to involve holding aloof mentally or emotionally. We need to convey our openness simultaneously, do you not agree?" I asked.

She considered my words and answered, "Yes. I do recall those times I felt you were being less communicative than you could be. I did promise then to be more patient, but you're absolutely right about us letting each other know 'I'm ready to talk now.'"

"I suppose an apt analogy could be that we can figuratively leave the room but not close the door, perhaps leave it halfway ajar?" I suggested thoughtfully.

Nyota replied with a smile, "Accessible and approachable. Even letting the other in on our mental ramblings."

There was a momentary pause. She continued thoughtfully: "My sister has a couple-centered diary. She knows Dajan won't go in without asking and just rifle through the entries. However, she does like selecting some to share with him, about the highs and lows of their relationship, and the sweet and sad memories and experiences they've gone through together. It helps to draw them closer. I believe you and I have enough trust and respect for one another to do that kind of thing on a thought/reflection level."

"That is exactly what I had in mind," I replied, pleased she understood. "I do not mind admitting that I missed our closer, immediate contact, Nyota."

"Darling, I missed you too. You have my word," she breathed, and her eyes shone with a warm promise as she hugged me tightly.

Thereafter, we had dinner and a single, large slice of tiramisu.

"The best part of that delicious dessert was in the sharing," Nyota remarked.

**

The next morning, I found her still mentally and physically near, curled serenely beside me, the brief attenuation of the day before completely a thing of the past.

"That's where it's staying," she replied assuringly to my unspoken observation. "I like this feeling much better."

"Yes, it is definitely preferable," I responded.

Nyota pounced with eager kisses. "You know what? I'm not ready to get up, just yet."

Nyota's loving caresses were very persuasive on that point, and so we lingered quite enjoyably.

 

great discussions and I hope the procedure has saved mrs Schaefer. But with a team like that...

 

Thanks to my beta(s) who've been incredibly helpful in spite of and even through the now-what that is plaguing the world.

~

#27

Fascinating first contacts involving the Prime Directive occurred over the balance of our 5-year tour. The crew became cohesive, and many signed up for an additional tour of duty.

Nyota and I weighed this option; reflecting on our personal and professional growth led each of us to come to the conclusion that it was time to embark on a new phase.

"It's not that this all hasn't been uniquely exciting," Nyota summarized succinctly when we discussed it. "It's just that I want to focus more specifically on negotiating and diplomatic mediation."

"I agree. Our abilities would complement in bringing about a successful outcome, and we could be selective on what assignments we took on, as your parents have done."

"Yes; their example shows that it can be done, balancing a career and family, giving priority to each as the need arises, while not short-changing the family as to time and attention."

Sharing any and all facets of a personal and professional career cannot help but be eventful and rewarding with Nyota at my side.

+++

Fini

 

the end of a 5 year mission but the beginning of being together all the time and a new career
A great ending to an entertaining story

 

Thank you, Mira. I love these characters to bits and love exploring their journey together.