Senate Mental Health Support Thread

So not alone in this. My emotions are off the charts lately, I break down fairly easily right now, since I stopped being homeless. My therapist said it makes sense; for the 14 months I was homeless, I couldn't break down-I had to stay strong and hard, in order to survive. Now that I am no longer in that situation, I am now releasing all the crap I have held in. It's got to come out sometime, and I guess now is the time.

 

If only it was this easy...

 

Regardless of the emotional outpouring that comes with it, I'm so glad you're not homeless anymore harps.

 

I just got the worst news... my therapist is transferring to another facility. His last day is December 15. I have to ****ing start over with somebody new... ****ing again. This is therapist number 9--I have been with him for less than a year, and now, during a massive breakdown, I have to process this and prepare to start from scratch, with a completely different person. I had to cut the session short, because I couldn't control my emotions. Although I, deep down, know that it's not, it feels like complete abandonment, and I'm not sure how to deal.

 

More medication lulz...

 

So sorry to hear this. I know you liked him. If it helps I am currently going through the hell of trying to find a new psychiatrist since mine sees me five minutes a year. I know you all encouraged me to do that, and I absolutely HATE this process. It's not as intimate as a new therapist, though, don't get me wrong. But if I can face it, I know you can because you are a lot stronger than I am.

 

Not going to lie, a part of me wants to say "**** it" and walk away from therapy all together, but I wont. This guy.let me live in his parking lot--he knows all of my recent (and not so recent) backstory. This new person wont know **** about what I've been through in the past year, and I don't know how equipped I am to unpack all of that.

Ugh... this really sucks.

 

Double post, sorry...

Says the person who has broken her back, survived hepatitis, undergone multiple surgeries.... etc etc. Don't sell yourself short.

 

"If your heart explodes, discontinue use immediately and call your doctor"

 

Just tell the new therapist how much this sucks. Be honest with them. It's gotta be emotionally draining to tell your story to a new person. Hell, not wanting to do that (and all the new evaluations) is why I didn't want to find a new psychiatrist... But hey, here I am, calling this place back Monday because I *know* the alternative and it really really sucks... Sometimes when you're treated and relatively stable that's easy to forget.

 

Is it possible to attend the new facility to keep seeing your current therapist?

 

No, they don't accept Medicaid, unfortunately. I'm more accepting of the situation today. I have one last session before the switch, and I'll tell him what I need him to convey to the new therapist. All I know is it's a woman who has been there for ten years. I lived in their parking lot for a long time, I'm sure she knows who I am. I'm more open to this today.

Now for some lulz...

Spoiler

LAJ edit - language warning on that spoiler

 

I know being worried about college grades is stupid but I was really anxious about my grade in Econ. I thought it was gonna be bad as my grades for that class were steadily getting worse. But it worked out my total grade was B+ For the class and my final paper for the class was a B. The paper was like 40% of my grade so it was a make or break. Now I can just go back to worrying about major things like Covid and politics.

I just gotta realize once I submit things it’s out of my hands. And realize I am usually way better at things than I give myself credit for.

In general though my anxiety has been really under control except for some flair ups related to like politics. But it’s been better than it’s been since 2019

 

Being worried about grades isn't stupid at all. That's a legit worry. Do you take anything or talk to anybody about your anxiety?

 

Yea I go to a therapist on a biweekly basis plus take Vivance (probably spelt wrong) and Lexipro (probably also slept wrong). Although the Vivance is more for the ADHD. But I think it also helps with the anxiety at least it feels like it did back when I just took it and not the other. Both are the best.

Still even with the medication it’s good to see someone and talk every once and a while.

 

Yeah, I'm all about therapy. You have to talk about your ****, it's important. I used to take Vyvanse. A former psychiatrist prescribed it as an add-on to my antidepressants, for extreme lethargy (a neurovegetative symptom of depression). It worked pretty well, but my next doc didn't like me taking it, so she took me off of it.

 

Even 20 years later I can recognise both of these, especially where studying is concerned - you are allowed to give yourself credit but it can be hard to just do so.

 

I'm becoming suicidal as of late. I was working on a mostly-autobiographical thriller novel that over the last few weeks I have come to discover I just can't seem to make work in the way I want. That ambition to make meaningful art was really all I had after I realized that I had wasted 20 years of my life in the emotional grip of an abusive monster -- which abuse had made me an unwitting abusive monster. Now that it's hopelessly trickled out between my fingers I have nothing left. Something about the Trump Administration has really taken a lot out of me -- my avatar is of Gloucester after his eyes are gouged out in King Lear, which scene is the encapsulation of the great truth of the play that we can never effectively know anything. The Trump Administration is a manifestation of this on the largest scale imaginable; we literally live in a world in which there is a quasi-canon of quasi-religious imagery depicting a man who wouldn't last two weeks as a supervisor at a McDonald's. The sheer absurdity of it is too much to bear. What does it all mean if at the end of the day, someone like Donald Trump can be elected President of the United States?

 

It means absolutely nothing about YOU personally, though. And ultimately that's all you can control.

 

Been a strange few days and continues to be.

On Friday, one of the main posters on another board, a truly unique person with a unique style of posting that was indescribably him, had been unusually quiet for too long - and then the news hit, he had died a couple of weeks earlier.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/memorial-amp-tribute-for-michael-loveland

(And yes, more people should know the guy, so yes, it's going in)

It might be asked: Can you mourn and miss someone you never met? And the answer has to be: Yes, you can. You really can. Because, away from all the stereotypical online bull**** that plagues the internet's reputation, away from all that, people can be incredibly genuine and open online, sometimes even more easily than in 'real life'.

And that was Miqque. You'd post something, a quick comment or review and he'd pick up on one aspect, spin it out into a rambling, 20,000 word super post that, if you were not immediately intimidated by it, was always worth reading. There'd be loads of valuable points in there, conveyed in unique style and this was a frequent occurrence, while he dealt with all manner of slings and arrows from outrageous fortune, against which, had he been able, he would have certainly taken up arms against.

And now he's gone and there won't be any more of that, ever.

Never been good at dealing with death, so feeling weird.

 

I set up my first appointment with a new psychiatrist. Hopefully someone who will see me more than five minutes a year...

 

With the same days of the week, the same weather, the same light, and many trivial details similar to what they were five years ago exactly, I'm not exactly surprised I'm reliving the two days when my father was on his deathbed. I spent those two final days being my family's support and providing the backing to ensure his suffering wasn't going to be prolonged, and then went on to stay that support for everybody else in the family while they were mourning (third person intentional, I couldn't have been there for them if I'd allowed myself to feel back then, and on top of that, I had to hide my own cancer - fortunately caught early - while my father was dying of his...) So in a way, I didn't get to experience that time for myself.

So now trigger after trigger brings me back to everything that happened during that couple of days, and I've begun reliving it all, but without the need to push aside my feelings and do something or comfort someone else. And I think it's a good thing that it's finally hurting as much as it does today, and as it most likely will tomorrow. It's time it does...