main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends Infection

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Dream-Thinker, Apr 4, 2021.

  1. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    This is my first fanfic that I'm posting here, so if it's terrible that's why. XD
    Also, full disclaimer: this fanfic takes on a One Canon approach, so you'll see some aliens and stuff from the newer films, amongst other things.

    CHAPTER 1: HISTORY IN THE MAKING​
    Aboard the AA-9 freighter, Jedi Knight Naiya sat in meditation. She had taken solo missions before, of course, but this one would be different from her past experiences. She was tasked with infiltrating the Behemoth, which was launching in only a few short hours. A vanity project of the Mutdah family, the Behemoth is the largest commercial vessel ever made. Many kilometers long, it will serve as the top vacation destination for the galaxy’s #1 percent: all the famous actors and heads of companies and local governments as well as politicians. It was the last group that brought her here.

    Specifically, one politician by the name of Mardos Sayul. A Senator representing the Adari Sector, Sayul was long suspected to have more greed than morals. Suspicion alone isn’t enough to necessitate action, but when the daughter of the Senator of Ryloth is kidnapped while passing through the Adari Sector, combined with some very suspect quotes from Sayul about said kidnapping…

    That bares investigation.

    Despite Jedi not being unallowed passage, the Council thought it wise to send an undercover agent, so as to not alert Sayul. Her papers were all in order, if anyone looks too closely, they will see only “Jezamine Kriel” a wealthy banker of no real importance to the big scheme of things. She exhaled as the freighter docked with the massive pleasure ship. She will find out if Sayul is behind the kidnapping, and she will rescue Esli Montrose.

    She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she failed.

    ///​

    Dessh Roost was incredibly excited. As a recent graduate, he never imagined that he would have the honor of flying escort to such a historic vessel. Of course, there was some sense in it. He graduated the New Academy for Space Pilots among the top of his class and while he didn’t like to boast he did take pride in his flying skills. So, when the call went out and he was recommended by his old flight instructor (he made a mental note to thank Ji-Ning in person as a holo wouldn’t do justice) it wasn’t too surprising that he got a high-profile gig.

    What was surprising was the sheer size and scope of the Behemoth. It was truly an honor to protect and serve th-

    “Sir!”

    Dessh was shaken out of his thoughts. Realizing that he was at the front of the line, he quickly straightened his back. “My apologies ma’am! Won’t happen again.”

    The lady behind the desk, a particularly mean-looking Blood Carver, glared bloody murder over her spectacles. “I’ve been calling your name for a full minute! Old Ones take us if we have to rely on your quick wits to save us from danger.”

    Deesh took the harsh words without outwardly reacting. He had been through worse at the academy. She was right though. He did need to focus more on his job and less on the circumstances around it. “I have my papers here.”

    “About time Horn Head!”

    The slur stun, but he let it slide. There will always be people like that, he told himself. Handing her his papers, she directed him to one of the auditoriums onboard.

    Alright then. He thought to himself as he began the long walk to the correct turbolift. Here we go. The first day of the rest of your life.

    ///​

    “I want to visit the zoo first!”

    “No! He always gets his way! I want to see what holodramas are showing!”

    “I’m hungry.”

    “Don’t be such a baby!”

    Rannek Obdris gave a weary sigh. When he signed up for this trip, he had imagined him taking it alone, but his ‘darling’ wife would not have it…

    “DAD!! Jesse’s poking me again!”

    “AM NOT!! DAD!! Maris is lying again!”

    At the sudden yelling, Murgh covered his ears with his hands and began grinding his teeth, unable to take all the noise.

    Rannek narrowed his eyes at his three children. “Be quiet. You’re making a scene.” When that didn’t work, he fell back on his tried-and-true strategy: the one thing all three of them liked. “If your quiet, I’ll buy you all some Nectrose Freeze.” That worked, and the three of them quieted down, looking up at him with their big, lying eyes. Truth is, he despised all of them.

    “You better keep your promise this time, or else you’re going to be quite unpopular around here.” Muttered his wife as she sipped more Corellian wine. He hated her as well. Taking a deep breath, he forcefully calmed himself down as he looked around. Luckily, no one was paying them much mind, despite that outrageous outburst.

    “All right. Our room is this way.” He marched ahead, his family trailing behind him. Despite everything, Rannek felt confident that he would be able to make the most of his vacation. If only Maris hadn’t broken that useless nanny droid…

    ///​

    Dessh was glad that he wouldn’t be spending most of his time out in the main lobbies and plaza-sized hallways. He was quickly becoming very overwhelmed as he made his way to the correct turbolift. If the escalator the size of a spaceship didn’t intimidate him (and it did), the myriad of different species, most of which he had never seen, certainly did. Pushing past a group of chatty Chadra-Fan, Dessh nearly ran into a lumbering Bufopel engaged in what sounded like a debate about mathematics with a well-dressed Gotal. The two of them didn’t notice him, too wrapped up in their conversation. Dessh brushed himself off and, spying the doors to the turbolift, quickly made for them.

    As the doors started to close, he cursed under his breath. “Come on! No, no, no!!” Suddenly, a hand jutted out and caught the doors before they could close on him. Reaching the turbolift, Dessh gave a sigh of relief.

    “Going down?” Asked the man who held the doors, a slight smile on his face.

    Dessh chuckled. “Yes, actually. Thank you, I was worried I was going to miss the orientation.” Dessh looked at the man, realizing that he was a Human. Or, at the very least, Near-Human. Some of those related races confused him. Recalling an embarrassing moment at the academy, where he thought his Tholothian classmate was a Human in a headdress, he decided not to push the issue, despite the man’s non-matching eyes making him think that he was Near-Human.

    “Orientation?” The man asked, looking curious.

    “Ah, yes. I’m going to be one of the pilots flying escort.”

    The man perked up, a wide smile appearing. “You don’t say! Well, how about that, it looks like we’re going to be flying together then.”

    It took a moment for Dessh to realize what he meant. “Oh! Your flying escort as well? Go figure!” He extended his hand, which the man took. “Dessh Roost.”

    “Darin Mavr.”

    ///​

    Cynthia Broom was Queen of the Clouds, as far as she was concerned. Of course, one must always be professional while on the job, and she was. Can’t have short-sighted stupidity jeopardize the outcome. Especially not when a prize of this magnitude was on the line. And she made sure the others knew so as well, threating violent death when needed. “Port in a Storm.” She ordered, chuckling. “And don’t water it down now!”

    The bartender, a friendly-looking Iyra, nodded two of his eyestalks as his tentacles begin preparing her drink.

    The Behemoth, she thought to herself as she leaned on the bar, has four thousand, seven hundred and twenty passengers. That’s not including droids, staff or members of the crew. Of those four thousand, seven hundred and twenty passengers were some of the richest most popping individuals this side of the galaxy. She rested her head in her gloved hand, a look of deep satisfaction coming over her. So much money. The things she could do with that…It almost makes one believe in the supernatural. The mystic mumblings of the Jedi or the mad ravings of Hextrophon and his feverish devotees. But no. She knew better. Growing up alone on the streets of Metellos taught her at a very young age that only fools put their trust in some higher power.

    That’s why she was here. To pull off the “crime of the millennium” as her employer so dramatically put it. And why not? She thought to herself. Of all work to take pride in, this is the one.

    “Here ya go!” The Iyra slid the drink over to her.

    “Much obliged!” She drowned the burning drink down.

    “…Special occasion?” Asked the Iyra.

    “I’m about to be very rich.” Replied Cynthia with a devious grin.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2021
  2. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Oct 30, 1999
    Ooo!

    Welcome to the boards and what an amazing way to start your adventure here! This is really cool. I love the introduction to the entire suite of characters and all their schemes, thoughts, and desires. Very nicely done. I can't wait to see what happens next.
     
  3. Sinrebirth

    Sinrebirth Mod-Emperor of the EUC, Lit, RPF and SWC star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Ooooh this is going to be fun.

    Special mention for “old ones take us!” I like that. ;)
     
    Kahara and Dream-Thinker like this.
  4. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you liked it. :D
    I'll be honest, I was kinda inspired by disaster films in the sense that they (usually) have a large group of wildly different characters stuck in the same place.
    If you want to see Chapter 2, check back in here in a week. Specifically April 11th. (I'm writing and releasing them by a weekly basis.)

    I thought you'd like that. ;)

    I was trying to give an unlikable character depth, by hinting that not only has she read Hextrophon, but believes his claims. Ultimately though, Dessh doesn't know or care about all that. It's from his eyes and all he sees is a jerk so that's all we get.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2021
    Sinrebirth likes this.
  5. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    CHAPTER 2: LAUNCH AND SETTLING IN​
    The auditorium where the orientation was being held was quite large. As Dessh settled into his seat, he looked around at those present. There were a number of Humans, which wasn’t all that surprising given how common they were. There was also an Advozse, a few Twi’leks and Duros and an alien Dessh didn’t know the name of. A large, humanoid…crustacean, he decided.

    “How long do you think this will last?” He muttered to Darin, who sat next to him. He hoped the orientation wouldn’t last too long, as it was nearing oshmahr and he did not wish to miss it.

    “Who really knows?” Darin shrugged. “Probably not too long.”

    As if summoned, the door on the side of the stage opened and through it came the strangest thing Dessh had ever seen. It looked like a large tree, but it moved and had a face. Its roots dragged itself along the stage as its branches held a datapad, which it’s massive plate-sized eyes studied.

    “Woah…”

    Darin smirked at his reaction. “Never seen a Yarin before?” He whispered.

    “No, I haven’t.” He made a mental note on the alien’s name. He would have to look them up later…what a beautiful species.

    “I know there are some of you who believe this to be a cushy job with no real stakes.” Rumbled the Yarin, as he looked out over them, his deep voice rolling along wooded vocal cords. “That this is merely a way to increase your own reputation and prestige. That is not the case. This ship has thousands of people on board, a great many of which have brought with them millions of credits worth of items and goods. This ship itself is worth who knows how much. It falls to you to be the last line of defense against any pirates or raiders that we may encounter, no matter how unlikely that may be. And those aren’t the only threats to be found out in the depths of space. Exogorths, flocks of Neebray Mantas, swarms of Mynocks, Colossus Wasps and even rogue Purrgil. All are potential threats to the safety of this ship and its inhabitants. Protecting that safety is your first and only responsibility, you understand?”

    “Sir, Yes Sir!”

    “Good! Now, you will be divided into two separate squadrons…”

    ///​

    Captain Bartholomew S. Marrow sat back in his command chair as the bridge hummed with activity around him. So far, so good. Everything was operating as it should, there were no technical issues thus far and the Behemoth was ready to launch. Despite himself, he smiled. Though not involved with the construction or design, he was quite invested with this maiden voyage. He knew the route by heart: Leaving Kuat, which is where they were now, they would take the ship on a tour of the Colonies. Their next stop would be Commenor, but there was no rush. The guests paid for luxury, not speed. Made no difference for him.

    His chief navigator, a particularly reliable Vintian who Marrow had known for years, issued a report to First Mate X5-D9, who sounded out that they were ready to debark. Marrow nodded.

    “Make it so!”

    The large magnetic clamps holding the ship to the station turned off and for a brief moment it seemed as if the universe was holding its breath. Then...

    “The all clear-symbol! We’re off!” Cheered Second Mate Thelcar.

    Marrow let loose the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. That was that. To think that it had taken two galactic years to get to this moment. Sheer madness! He grinned at the thought, only to quickly let his professional face take over. Patching himself through to the ship’s speakers, he began his announcement…

    ///​

    “Attention all passengers, this is your Captain speaking. I’m happy to report that we have just launched and shall be jumping to Hyperspace in approximately four standard hours. In the meantime, please enjoy yourselves with…”

    Fallah Obdris ignored the Captain’s words, her attention firmly on the fresco on the wall. Bpfasshi, she thought. Possibly some other race, but most likely Bpfasshi.

    She took another sip of her wine.

    “Dearest, can you help me decide which show to see?” Asked Rannek, holding the schedule for the theater onboard. With a sigh she turned to her idiotic husband, snatching the datapad out of his hands.

    Looking through the acts, she frowned. Performing Jindas? Trite and dull. A rendition of Squid Lake? She’d already saw it. Old news! Opera?

    Hmm…Opera is always classy…

    She was about to voice her thoughts when she caught sight of the singer and screaming, dropped the datapad.

    Rannek glared. “What the hell is it now?!?”

    She pointed an accusing finger at the datapad. “They let a slimy, disgusting Hutt on board! I thought this was civilized, not some cheap garbage excuse for a cruise!”

    Rannek rolled his eyes as their daughter Maris picked up the datapad, looking at it in curiosity. “I didn’t want you to come in the first place, so why are you complaining?” He growled.

    Fallah threw her hands up in the air, the glass of wine smashing on the ground. “I can’t take this abuse right now! Come on pet, mommy needs a stronger drink to deal with your father.”

    “I want to see this!” Demanded Maris, her large eyes pleading.

    Fallah glanced at the datapad. A reenactment of the Battle of Christophsis? Eh, whatever. “Of course! Anything for my darling!”

    As the two of them left, Rannek glared after them, his teeth grinding.

    ///​

    Udo Solimar sighed as Syylk checked his gear for the third time. “Why are you so nervous?”

    “I’m not. It’s just a habit of mine.”

    “Yeah, an annoying one.” Udo gave his friend a small smile. “…You sure your okay?”

    The Yarkora sighed. “I’m fine. Truly. It’s just nerves. Not everyday we get new recruits.”

    Udo nodded. He understood Syylk’s anti-social personality. He meant well, of course. And his heart was as big as his brain. Helped out in more than a few tight spots. He would be very useful if they were going to serve as security onboard this giant circus of a ship.

    “Look, why don’t I greet them. You can be in the other room, if that makes you more comfortable.”

    “Oh no. I wouldn’t want to make things awkward.”

    “You sure?”

    Syylk nodded, his whiskers drooping. “I am.”

    Before Udo could respond, his comlink buzzed. “Lt. Solimar here. What’s up?”

    “The new recruits have arrived.”

    “Thanks Jek. I’ll greet them.” Casting one last look back at Syylk, Udo walked up to the door of the common room. Thinking back at the briefing they had received earlier, he knew that the new recruits numbered three, and that they had showed great effectiveness in previous jobs. He opened the door.

    He looked up.

    Two large, dark compound eyes stared down at him.

    Oh.

    The Huk standing in the doorway was far larger than Udo. It might have even been slightly larger than Syylk. It’s spindly limbs bent at sharp angles and it’s mandibles opened and closed in a way that unnerved Udo.

    “Are you Lieutenant Udo Solimar?” It hissed in a harsh voice.

    Udo blinked out of his shock. “I am. Sorry.” He stepped aside to let him (for it was a him) in, which was when he noticed the Huk’s two companions: Two hulking Dowutin, each one looked like it could easily take him out without breaking a sweat.

    “Hey man, what’s happening?” Asked Syylk, trying to be friendly.

    The Huk stared at him. “We have no interest in pleasantries. We are here on a job and to make money doing that job. So shut up.”

    Syylk blinked, clearly taken aback. “O-oh. Alright man, it’s cool. Sorry to upset you.”

    Udo glared. “Hey listen bub. I don’t care how good you are, that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a-” A large, muscled hand grabbed Udo by the throat and held him up. The Dowutin sneered at him, their faces an inch apart.

    “Release him.” Hissed the Huk.

    The Dowutin immediately dropped Udo, who fell to the floor gasping for breath. “My…” The Huk swallowed. “…Apologies, Lieutenant. This one is a fool who lacks manners. I assure you it won’t happen again.” He did not sound sincere in the slightest.

    “It better not!” Udo stood up, glaring at the new arrivals.

    This might be a problem.

    ///​

    Dorniekek Redd’s loud laugh caused several eyes in the lounge to glance over at them, much to Corbin’s chagrin. While Corbin greatly admired Dorniekek and they had been close friends for years now (even before the proposal), he still felt embarrassed by his husband’s lack of tact in public.

    “Like Rashnolds on a Kalak! You are too funny Corbin!” Dorniekek slapped his massive hand on Corbin’s back, causing him to almost drop his drink.

    “It wasn’t that funny.”

    “Sure it was! Why, that reminds me of the time I was spelunking on Utapau. Did I ever tell you about that?”

    Corbin blinked. “Is this the story where you ran afoul of a nest of Ginntho?”

    “Ah.” His face frowned, a strange look for a Bufopel. “So, you do know the story. Shame, it’s a good one.”

    Despite himself, Corbin smiled. As a Gotal, his conical horns could pick up electromagnetic emissions. This included the subtle changes in another being’s emotional state. He knew Dorniekek wasn’t actually all that disappointed.

    Dorniekek just liked to talk.

    And, if he was being completely honest with himself, Corbin liked to listen to him.

    “What about that one time on Pasaana? When you were part of the archaeological dig?”

    Dorniekek gave a chuckle. “Ah, yes. That was quite the adventure. This was…oh…ten, fifteen years ago? Something like that. I was in the Ikledu Wastes, you see, searching for the Gauntlet of Ido-Zu. A legend of the Aki-Aki, and of great importance to them. While conducting my dig, I received word that my arch-rival, Milbog, was present on the planet. Naturally, I knew that he was here for the same reason as me. So, I…”

    Corbin took another drink as he sat and listened to his friend’s story. Life was good.

    ///​

    Niya looked out over the lounge, her eyes fixed on the Adarian Senator she had been discreetly watching for two hours now. It was not the Jedi way to hate their enemies, but if he was responsible for Esli’s kidnapping she couldn’t help but feel hate for him. She just had to wait, keeping tabs on him. Eventually he will let something slip. Once she figured out which room was his, she will search it, but not yet. She could sense his unease from across the room. No doubt due to the amount of people present on this ship.

    “I bet your enjoying yourself.” Muttered a voice next to her, causing her to jump. Karabast! She was so focused on Sayul that she hadn’t realize someone had sat next to her. Quickly composing herself, she turned to look at the young woman. She was a Human in a red dress with white gloves. Through her short, black hair ran a red stripe, most likely dyed.

    “…What do you mean by that?”

    The woman shrugged. “From my experience, Zeltrons have a healthy appreciation for the finer things in life.”

    That caused Niya some pause. It was true, her people did have the reputation for being…hedonistic. It was their telepathic makeup, at least partly. It’s the reason most Zeltrons don’t become Jedi, and it served as a stigma she had worked her whole life to overcome.

    “…I suppose so.” She wished this person gone. There was a strange sense of discontent around her that was proving a distraction to Niya’s true purpose on this godforsaken ship.

    The woman stared at her. “You seem tense. Can I get you a drink?”

    “No.”

    The woman shrugged and stood up. “All right, your loss. But hey, if you ever need to talk, I’m in Room 4756. The name’s Cynthia Broom.”

    Niya absent-mindedly nodded, thankful that this distraction was leaving. “Sure.”
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2021
  6. Sinrebirth

    Sinrebirth Mod-Emperor of the EUC, Lit, RPF and SWC star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Nov 15, 2004
    A Huk and an Adarian and a Zeltron go into a bar...

    Stop me if you've heard this joke.

    chuckles

    I'm looking forward to more of this, @Dream-Thinker!
     
    Dream-Thinker likes this.
  7. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    I know this is super late, and it's a shorter chapter on top of that. Needless to say, real life reared it's ugly head and kept me a bit busy. That being said, next chapter (which hopefully will not take as long lol) will have more of a word count. XD

    CHAPTER THREE: TENSIONS RISE​
    Dessh Roost looked up from his bowl of ahrisa. He was sitting in the mess hall with his squadron: there was Darin Mavr, for which he was grateful, two Human sisters by the names of Tasha and Tuija Ardross, a spectacle-wearing Advozse named Kaz Erantes-do-Nascimento and Shamasi Werjua, the crustacean that Dessh had learned was a Nephran.

    “…and that’s when I knocked his teeth out!” Laughed Tuija, finishing the story that Dessh was only half-listening to. Her sister rolled her eyes in annoyance.

    “I don’t think Orgons have teeth…” muttered Kaz, pushing his sliding spectacles up his nose.

    Now it was Tuija’s turn to roll her eyes. “Shows what you know…”

    Dessh had to chuckle at her. The two sisters were pretty much opposite of each other, at least as far as he could tell. This was definitely proving to be an interesting venture.

    His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of laughter.

    “I didn’t know they allowed horn heads to be pilots! How will he fit in his helmet?”

    Dessh didn’t know the name of the pilot walking by, he was in the other squadron. Before he could respond to the rude idiot, Darin spoke up. “They have specialized helmets for that. Same as those Twi’leks you’ll be flying with.” His tone was casual and friendly, but the look in his eyes betrayed a deep annoyance with the other Human.

    “Woah! What’s up with your eyes man?!?”

    “Heterochromia.”

    The man looked at Darin like he had grown another head. “Hetero-what now?”

    Darin chuckled at him, then shrugged. “It’s a condition I was born with. I choose to take pride in it. But what about you?”

    “What about me?”

    Darin gave him a pointed look. “What’s your excuse?”

    “…” The man, looking unsure of how to respond, went back to his table.

    “…That was really impressive…” Muttered Kaz.

    “Not really. I just don’t like people who are antagonistic for no reason.”

    Thinking back to the Blood Carver, Dessh raised his glass. “I’d toast to that."

    ///​

    If there was one thing Maris Obdris hated, it was not getting what she wanted. This simple fact of her character was why she and her brother Jesse were sneaking around one of the kitchen areas, looking to steal some Nectrose Freeze. Especially since their dad promised and didn’t live up to it again.

    The only reason their lame brother Murgh wasn’t there is cause he was too scared of getting caught, the scaredy-tooka. Ah well, more for the two of them. And by ‘the two of them’ she of course meant ‘herself’.

    “Are you sure there even is some?” Wined Jesse, already board with this misadventure. “I’m missing my holonet show!”

    “Quiet! Their going to hear us!” She peaked around the counter where they were hiding, but luckily it seemed like no one had overheard.

    “Well, it’s not my fault! You’re the one who dragged me down here you inconsiderate jerk!”

    “HEY!”

    The two of them jumped in startlement as one of the cooks, a four-armed giant of a man, ran over to them. “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!”

    The two siblings looked at each other, nodded, then made a mad dash for the exit. Maris reached the door, only to turn back to see that the cook had grabbed Jesse by the scruff of his shirt and held him aloft, his feet kicking in the air.

    “Let me go! Our father is a very important banker and he’ll have your hide and your job!”

    “Ah shut it! You two brats aren’t supposed to be here and you know it!” Growled the cook. Maris decided to pull out her tried and true Plan B, held in reserve for situations such as this:

    She loudly screamed.

    Startled by the sudden noise, the cook dropped Jesse, who hit the ground running. By the time the cook realized what was happening, the two had vanished.

    He growled. “Damn brats…”

    ///
    Udo Solimar surveyed the squad. Their was him, Syylk, the Ugnaught Jek, the Culisetto Neeva and Vendoisk, a particularly grumpy Trandoshan.

    And the new arrivals, of course. Bad first impressions aside, Udo still didn’t fully trust nor like Kin’dak and his two Dowutins. But it was what it was, and part of the reason for this training exercise was to build teamwork.

    As the training droids rose from the platforms on the ground, the team took their positions. Immediately it became clear that Kin’dak’s team had a totally different strategy. While Udo and the rest ducked behind cover and fired at the droids from a defensive position, with Neeva and Vendoisk flanking, Kin’dak and the Dowutins charged forward. Udo’s eyes widened as the Huk became a swirling mass of limbs. Within the blink of an eye, four of the eight droid’s heads hit the ground, cleanly separated from their bodies.

    As to the remaining four, they were blasted and torn to shreds by the Dowutins. It was messy, but it was quick.

    Udo lowered his gun, a deep frown etched on his face. “Kin’dak!”

    The insect gave Udo what could only be a glare. “Yes?”

    Udo returned the look. “This is a team-building exercise! Not a competition. Also, your methods are far too lethal for this assignment!” These hotheads are going to be nothing but trouble.

    “Our goal is to…protect this ship and it’s inhabitants.” Hissed Kin’dak as he walked up to Udo. “How are we to do that by cowering and taking our sweet time engaging the enemy?” Udo took a step back, despite himself. “The anoobas at the door will not hesitate to take what they want, believe you me I know.”

    Udo stood firm, glaring up at the Huk. “You have no discipline, no respect for the chain of command, no…hey!”

    Kin’dak had turned and begun to leave. “I told you this was a waste of time.” He hissed.

    “On that we can agree on.” Muttered Vendoisk, causing Neeva to glance over at him.

    “Please, everyone calm down.” Spoke Jek, his arms held out in an appeasing manner. “We need to work together or else…”

    Whatever it was that Jek was about to say was lost as loud alarms suddenly began blearing over the speakers.

    ///​

    Captain Marrow glared out the viewport. “X5…what is that?”

    The starship-sized insect crawling on the side of the Behemoth continued to bite and claw at the outer hull. If left unstopped, it wouldn’t be long before it punctured the ship.

    “That would be a Colossus Wasp, Sir.”

    “I see.” Marrow narrowed his eyes. No ugly bug, no matter how big, would jeopardize his ship. “Launch the fighters!"
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2021
  8. Sinrebirth

    Sinrebirth Mod-Emperor of the EUC, Lit, RPF and SWC star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Nov 15, 2004
    A Colossus Wasp is an old school reference.

    I like.
     
    Kahara and Dream-Thinker like this.
  9. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    The more old school and obscure, the more fun. In my opinion, at least. XD
     
    Kahara and Sinrebirth like this.
  10. Sinrebirth

    Sinrebirth Mod-Emperor of the EUC, Lit, RPF and SWC star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Nov 15, 2004
    100% in agreement!
     
    Kahara and Dream-Thinker like this.
  11. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    Not to toot my own horn, but I think my favorite reference that I've had so far is mentioning oshmahr in Chapter Two.

    I feel like you can't get much more obscure then that: a Devaronian lunch that showed up in one comic more than a decade ago. XD
     
    Sinrebirth and Kahara like this.
  12. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    I've told you this on PM already, but I'll say it again now that I'm finally here for a review: your first fanfic doesn't suck at all! On the contrary, you have a fantastic and diverse cast of characters, and from the first chapter alone I already had this disaster movie vibe where a whole bunch of very different people who are all gathered in the same place for very different reasons are going to have to get to know each other under less-than-ideal circumstances.

    I love the setting of a ginormous space cruise ship that should in theory travel fine, but will encounter every sort of danger that lurks in the depths of the void, and it's a great setting for this sort of story. The purpose of the crew we met so far is to ensure the passengers' safety, with the captain, the fighter pilots and the security service, and it's interesting that Captain Marrow is very proud of his assignment, his pilots too but somewhat less so when the Yarin flight officer brings them back to reality, yet pride isn't even a concern for Udo Solimar and his security team – although if I had to deal with a Huk and two Dowutin as new recruits I probably wouldn't have time to ponder the glory of my assignment either. As far as I can tell, we haven't met (yet) any characters who intend to take over the ship, so I'm assuming it'll be boarded by pirates at some point, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if one of the innocent-looking passengers turned out to be more than meets the eye.

    Speaking of passengers, Rannek Obdris, his wife and their brats sound like the stuff a traveller's nightmares are made of. I'm not entirely sure which one of them is most obnoxious, but I already know that I dislike them all!

    Meanwhile, we have an undercover Jedi Knight posing as a banker who is on a mission to elucidate the kidnapping of a Twi'lek and Cynthia Broom, who is apparently there to pull a heist, approaches her. I'm very curious to see how this situation will develop; did Cynthia pick the wrong target, and will Naiya detect her plans? For now, Naiya's mind is focused on the mission and she didn't seem to pay much attention to anything else, but I expect that to change. Also, since you mention that Jedi aren't allowed passage on the ship, I'm wondering what will happen when she has to reveal herself – because I know that she will!

    And, lastly, we have Dorniekek and Corbin, who appear to be there on a happy leisure trip. Either these two dudes aren't quite what they seem, or they're going to bite the dust.

    One aspect that I very much enjoyed during my read was the presence of so many aliens of so many different species. Since this is set in the far future, it really gives the sense that the galaxy has evolved quite a bit since the movies where humans and aliens appear to be a lot more segregated. However, it also reminded me of the scene on Canto Bight, which I guess is an apt reference since the travellers on this ship are supposed to be the richest of the rich.

    It took me so long to come and leave a review here that I'm not really in a position to demand a new chapter, but I'm watching the thread and I'll be around whenever you're able to return to this story!
     
    Dream-Thinker likes this.
  13. Dream-Thinker

    Dream-Thinker Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2020
    @Chyntuck You are such a kind person. Thank you for the lovely review!

    Believe it or not, the setting (and core idea of the plot) came to me in a dream. The spaceship-sized escalator from the first chapter in particular is lifted directly from that, it was such a fantastically strange image I had to include it.

    I won't say to much about this, cause of spoiler reasons, but I will say that you have a very good sense of intuition.

    In the PM we had, I mentioned that I dislike one-dimensional characters. Well, I'm a hypocrite cause the Obdris family are some of the most one-note, written to be hated, awful people ever! XD

    But some people in real-life are like that, and I thought it would be realistic to showcase people who have money, but shouldn't.

    The galaxy would be a much poorer place without the Jedi.

    Dorniekek is my take on an Indiana Jones-style character. If Indiana Jones was a boisterous, gay, giant, furry alien in a committed relationship. I love him, he's one of my favorite characters. XD

    I've often said that I love the aliens in Star Wars, and if you would follow some of my posts on Lit you would know that I do bring it up unprompted time to time, but I don't know if people really appreciate how much I'm into all the various designs of SW aliens. My favorite scene in the Original Trilogy is the Cantina scene, the first time you see a massive group of them and realize "woah, this ain't Dune or Star Trek!" Love those guys.

    So...I might have gone a little overboard with the aliens. It got to the point where I had to make some characters human in order to not have only aliens.

    That's also probably the reason why there's a Canto Bight influence that you've picked up.

    Well you timing is very good, because in a few hours I'll be on my two-week winter break and I'll try to devote some time to continuing this thing.
     
    Chyntuck likes this.
  14. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    A great story with a spaceship the size of a town with all the passengers of different species and the crew. Interesting OC's in the crew and passengers. And an undercover Jedi in it and groups of commando's and pilots to protect the Behemoth
     
    Dream-Thinker likes this.