Senate Mental Health Support Thread

I relate to this. I barely scrape by, and it's frustrating (understatement). This is a big reason why I'm back in school. I'm sick of living in poverty. I get it, I really do.

 

Wow.. wtf kind of nurse treats a depressed person like that? I hope your wife did or will complain to somebody. Nobody deserves that ****. It's totally uncalled for and unprofessional

 

To work, and to what the piece of paper defining your work, or your qualifications, says they are.

Spoiler: /rant

I don't have a degree. Not for lack of capacity - I didn't need to learn to work to graduate from high school with honors - but because I spent the next two years after that in deep depression without any assistance, but a lot of social and familial pressure demanding I live up to their expectations (I didn't, and they made certain I knew I was a failure). There was a suicide attempt programmed nine months ahead of time by the end of that. Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but it's rather hard to maintain a passable attendance record or sit exams when the black dog just won't leave you, let alone after you decided you are a dead person walking until you've reached the date you calculated would be the least disruptive for your family to have to bury you.

I began to work six months after that; and because I don't know what moderation is, I threw myself into work well, well beyond what I had signed up for. I had a part-time contract as school supervisor for 24 hours at minimum wage, but rarely ever clocked a week under 40 hours. In the French civil service, in Education in particular, the house stands upright because amid the ocean of people who slack thanks to being guaranteed a job for life, you have people who pick up the slack. My bosses knew that I was willing to - I believed, and still believe, that our students were worth the extra time and effort.

And my bosses didn't miss an occasion to express gratitude. With words; materially, all that extra work got me, at the end of nine years of service and despite continuing to battle depression throughout, was being denied an opportunity for advancement to a higher rank job I already could do. It's not a "maybe", I actually had learned enough on the job to fill in for two of my superiors who went missing at the start of the 2008-2009 school year, and to organize and run the team I nominally belonged to efficiently.

I was promised that promotion and a significant bonus, with overtime pay. I got no promotion, and my bonus was being told I would be out of a job at the end of the year, and they never wrote a word to attest to the skills and knowledge I'd acquired and used for them - again, despite numerous promises to do so - which barred me from converting actual work experience in a job that normally requires a PhD to be hired into even a college degree. I earned literally nothing for all my trouble; not a cent, not a bit of official recognition.

Then the day after my contract ended, before I even had a chance to register for unemployment, a solicitor rang at my door to inform me my tenure was ended early and I had two months to move out.

I didn't learn; I'm still too heavily invested in my current job to have time to restart formal studying. And I can't afford to stop working and pay for studies: you don't get a student loan when you've passed 40. But I picked up enough knowledge and skill that while nominally being a secretary with no degree, not only did I teach court experts how procedure works and what's expected of them, I'm a go-to person when an expert or a lawyer has a trick question about procedure with regards to court expertise, a go-to person for lawyers and judges who need a court expert recommended to them, and did three yearly reviews of candidates for applications to an administrative court of appeal's list of experts. Once again, I find myself bloody overqualified and actually doing work far above my paygrade - literally.

Officially, I'm a 41-year-old secretary without a degree, and can't qualify for expertise nor even for training courses to become a court mediator or arbitrator because I don't have a degree; and my current activity is too specialized to be worth an equivalent degree. I'm too old to be allowed in the competitions for a job in justice even with a derogation and a sponsor. With my boss now in poor health and needing someone to pick up the slack, I write complex and rigorous reports that are respected by judges and lawyers alike - but I can't legally sign them.

Being only a secretary is an obvious social status limitation. Although regionally, I have a reputation that makes people pause and listen, every now and then, there's a lawyer from Paris who will scornfully refuse to tell me why they're calling, because it's something that's the expert's business, not the secretary's. And in everyday life, there's the regular jibe about how people who didn't get a degree just don't have much culture or intellectual capacity, or are just lazy - either way, not someone whose opinion is worth listening to.

As it stands, I don't have a piece of paper that says I know something and/or can work intellectually demanding jobs. Society is made thus that it will give me no recognition for what I do, because I don't have the right pieces of paper available and can't have them. I'm just an uneducated white-collar worker as far as society is concerned. That is, not worth anything mentioning in the eyes of society. I'm one of those "people who are nothing", in the words of our recently reelected head of state.

A few years into my work in education, I did some maths. France has a generous welfare system - generous enough that I'd have made an extra monthly €200 if I'd stopped working, plus free public transportation, saving me another monthly €50. I'd have been given more money by the French state for not having a job than it actually gave me for working for it. And I'm pretty sure that, if I did similar maths today, and considering I have to spend a good part of my wages to maintain standing with people that earn several times what I make and are, in practice if not on paper, my peers, I'd find that I would be, once again, better off not working than I am working.

 

Yeah no kidding. She did was transferred to the head of the program after that.

 

Yeah this is bull****. Instead of just asking people what they do, we should ask people what they are passionate about. How do they define themselves. Because your job isn't it. And I say that as someone who loves my job.

 

"What do you do?" is such a weird question to ask, I really think. I'd definitely prefer to talk about other things, work talk is boring af.

 

Not sure what country you're from, but here in the US, it's really simple. We've been told and indoctrinated (programed) from almost birth into believing that our worth in this life is measured by our productive output towards someone else's profit.

When someone asks kids what they want to be when they grow up, or hell, even teenagers who are about to become adults, and who don't really even know themselves yet, or how the world works, the answers are always doctor, fireman, baseball player, actor, teacher, etc. Things that produce money. But it's never happy, loved, generous, kind, thoughtful, healthy.

 

Wow! Never thought of it that way before. Insightful.

 

I was prescribed Concerta (methylphenidate) for my adhd. I guess it's like Ritilin (which is what I've been taking), just longer acting. Starting out at 27mg per day, and going from there. I have ****ty concentrarion and focus, and I really hope this helps. I feel optimistic about it.

 

Cross-posted from the besties thread...

Double post, but...

we discovered Diva is deaf today. She lost her hearing since her last visit, I guess. We took her in to get her vaccines and they told us. This explains why she doesn't come when I call her anymore. She used to come running. She's getting up there in years. She'll be 17 in September.

 

Diggy says "hello, give me a blueberry". I love animal spamming you fine people. I hope you don't mind.

I started the Concerta today. I take it in the morning. So far, so good. It's always weird starting a new med, but I think I may have finally found the right combination... been working on this for years.

 

It is 4:15 am, and I am wide awake. It's the methylphenidate. I was told this would happen for the first week, or so. My system will get used to it, and it will do what it's supposed to, but right now, man... sheesh.

 

Yeah new meds can be an adventure. I'm lucky I've been stable on everything I take for a while.

Honestly though this vacation has had its moments of stress related to tight train connections, overall it's been really great especially for my mental health. I haven't experienced anxiety except on the plane.

 

I have to work in 5 hours... should be a fun one.

 

Oof that's the worst.

 

Still going strong at 9am. 3 hours until work... would not recommend.

 

Sorry, I've posted like a fiend these last few days. Hope you don't mind. I like you people. I decided I'm going to take my concerta to work, and explain my current situation. Being it may be like this for a week, I should say something.

Again, thanks for letting me talk.

 

Yeah my advice is to explain to your supervisor. Mine has been very understanding and accommodating in general though and I know not everyone's is.

 

My rule on a thread like this is post whenever you need to - we'll all get why you're doing so.

 

My supervisor is great. She works with my school and treats me with respect. It's a good arrangement.

I finished work. I made it through the day. Still awake.

 

I slept for about 12 hours. I needed it. I took my meds about an hour ago, including the concerta. I feel.fine, so far. Hopefully I've gone through the worst of it, and my sustem is adjisting to it.

 

She leans way forward from the top of the cage, like this, when she wants to be picked up and held. It took a while for this to happen. For probably the first year, she didn't like to be handled at all, so we just let her do her thing. Then she got super comfortable with us, and likes being held now. Punky has always liked being held.




I feel normal now. I just had 38 hours of weirdness, and then 12 hours of sleep. I feel like I'm adjusting well.

 

wrong thread

 

Martin Luther King made a habit of asking his parishioners "How are you doing" rather than "What are you doing?", having understood that many of them were forced to work demeaning, labor-intensive jobs. I think we should all adopt this nicety.

 

I usually greet people by asking them how they are doing, rather than the conventional greetings. And make clear by my non-conventional responses to the same question that I'm willing to hear something else than the "fine, and you?" that is normally expected.