Resource Fanfic Writer's Desk: Your Place for Writing Discussion, Questions, and Advice

Stuck on what kind of in-universe swear/exclamations/derogatory insults a dark Jedi would use against somebody. The problem is that most in-universe swears I've been using generally relate to things related to the dark side of the Force, and logically a dark Jedi would not use them as an exclamation or swear. In one case I would say "you Jedi [illegitimate son]!", but can't both due to forum terms and not being a thing in a GFFA.. Honestly, I really could use an in-universe a drop-in replacement for [illegitimate son] with essentially identical usage, level of vulgarity etc. Of course the "nominal" non-insult meaning of the term taken on its face can be anything. But I've got a couple of places where the insult would work perfectly but have nothing to replace it.

Also could use a replacement for [illegitimate son]-ization in a semi-derogatory but non-person-insulting sense. (Spot used - "probably a [illegitimate son]-ization of several lightsaber forms".)

 

You're allowed to use "bastard" in story posts. And I don't see why it wouldn't be a thing in the GFFA, even if it's just a holdover from a much earlier time. More importantly, it's a real word with multiple shades of meaning that are understood in English, the language you're writing in and which your readers are reading in; there's no reason to bend yourself backward trying to avoid use of the word if it is in fact the perfect word. If you start trying to avoid words just because their meaning was shaped by real life Earth history, well... then you're not going to be left with very many words to tell your story.

I write Sith characters very frequently, and they say bastard all the time.

 

Oh. I was told you were't allowed to use it. Well there's four or five uses in that story alone, by a character who has a tendency to use it in "inspire the troops" lines.
Besides, it not like they're really speaking English anyway. It's Basic, translated by convention.

 

While were's on the subject of insults, for absolutely basic ones, are any of "idiot," "stupid" and "dumb" words that actually get used, or are they pretty much never said? Since for whatever reason when writing EU they stick out like a sore thumb of "this word doesn't belong in this story." (Even if "Admiral Ozzel is as clumsy as he is stupid" is an actual line from the radio play, and hen it's Vader saying it seems perfectly natural. Although these do seem to be far more "severe" insults in-universe then they are in real life.) Also, I know "Hell" was both in the Thrawn trilogy and even in the OT, are "damn" and "dammit" EU words? Then seem to fit a lot better then the last three, and for all I know where in the OT. Also "crud" seems to both fit and not fit. I'm a firm believer in using in-universe expressions and phrases whenever possible. For example, "datawork." But for the three simple ones above they just don't seem to fit, yet they're so simple I can't seem to find an equally convenient EU replacement.

(Although I have come up with a new in-universe insult with it's own meaning, that can stand in for other words in the correct context.)

Mod Edit: In future, please do not double post. This has been mentioned to you before. If you have more to add, you can edit the post—Fanfic has unlimited edit time.

 

There's a pretty good list of Huttese insults, including equivalents of 'Idiot' - Koochoo, and 'Stupid' - Stoopa.

 

What's the context? As in who is he insulting and why?

 

@JohnLydiaParker Fanfic has an exception for "bastard" (which is indeed on the disallowed word list otherwise) as long as it's an insult between fictional characters (check the "profanity" section of this post of the Fanfic FAQ)

Regarding GFFA swear words in general, here are a few resources listed in the Useful Tool and Resources for Writers thread (which I need to update, it's on my to-do list now that I'm back on the boards):
The Complete Wermo’s Guide to Huttese and other Star Wars languages (fan-made)
Star Wars Swear Words (fan-made)
"Don't you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!" - Namecalling in the GFFA (2006 thread in resource)
Swear Words in Star Wars (2002-2006 thread in resource)
The Coruscant Translator (fan-made, translates to and from 13 GFFA languages)

There's also the Wook's List of Phrases and Slang, which offers quite a few insults and provides context about them (e.g. insults used by clone troopers, by Hutts, etc.)

About words like "stupid" or "idiot", I personally don't feel that they don't belong in the GFFA but the English language offers quite a few options if you want to work around those (moron, nitwit, etc.) You also have the standby SW solutions like "nerf herder" and "moof milker", and then you can also just get creative. I mean, once you start coming up with the SW version of the toadstool and sauerkraut sandwich with arsenic sauce, the sky is the limit

 

So there's a point in my story where a character gets drafted for two years to an orbital garrison, briefly serving in the Imperial military. He has a daughter who just turned thirteen and will be fifteen by the time his service ends. I don't know what to write for this part, since I don't know how things work on a military base when you're a conscript and you have a family. Here's what I do know:

-The daughter is a Twi'lek, and since the Empire only conscripts human troopers, pretty much all the other civilians on the garrison are human
-The father has been to prison before and adapts disturbingly well to being stuck in a single facility with a strictly regimented schedule (his daughter doesn't know this— she notes that he looks uncomfortable in his armor, but that seems to be the only thing he's uncomfortable with)
-The daughter has never lived in one place for four years and has had three different sets of guardians— her mother, a Weequay couple who neglected and abused her, and her adoptive father (four sets if you count the time his friend agreed to pretend they were brothers so he and his daughter could live with him in a Mandalorian enclave.)

I know more or less thematically what I want to go for, but setting-wise and plot-wise, I'm stuck.

 

@rktho Paging @Jedi_Lover about your question; she was in the military for several years so she would definitely be able to tell you how the situation where conscripts have a family is handled. @Sarge may also be able to help if he pops by the fanfic boards when he sees this tag

 

@rktho , based on RL military, the way I would do it, he'd be in the barracks for boot camp with all the other new conscripts for a month or two with no contact with his family except for a short comm call once every week or two. See the movies Full Metal Jacket or Stripes for what that would be like for him. He should have the option of sending some or all of his pay to his family to keep them supported.

After the first couple of months, he should have a little more free time, and could possibly be allowed to go home to military family housing quarters at the end of his work/training day. Even then, he'd be subject to being called away at a moment's notice for emergencies, drills, or exercises, and could be gone for months at a time.

If you have more questions, just ask, I don't mind.

 

@Sarge You're the best

 

I know.

 

Hey, I wanted to revisit an idea I had a while back that I originally tossed aside. I came up with idea that Mother Talzin could destroy the entire Republic clone army by creating a voodoo doll of Jango Fett or a clone. My theory was that since Talzin created a doll of Dooku using his hair, a voodoo doll made with Jango's DNA would essential affect all clones of Jango since they all had the same DNA. This idea was shot down by readers here stating that a doll would only affect the specific person whose DNA was used to create it. I wanted to propose the idea again but with some revisions.

Since the clone troopers are all essentially the same person, I feel a voodoo doll made with their DNA would connect to them all. However, to pull off a ritual of such magnitude, Talzin would need more power. During the Clone Wars, Talzin attempted to increase her Force powers by absorbing the Living Force of Queen Julia and the Dagoyan Masters. In this scenario, she succeeds in her plan and becomes more powerful than any Jedi or Sith. This augmented power would give her the means to extend the voodoo doll ritual to all clone troopers in the galaxy.

In addition, Talzin would need the DNA of Jango Fett specifically and not just some random clone. Since the clones are all essentially duplicates Jango, Talzin would need the template's pure DNA in order to establish a spiritual connection to all the other clones. That DNA would have to be obtained by infiltrating the Republic defenses on Kamino and stealing a sample of Jango's DNA as Ventress tried to do during the Clone Wars.

With her enhanced Force powers and a doll of Jango Fett to connect to all the clones, Talzin would be able to extend the curse to torture and kill all clone troopers in the Republic army. This means that this curse would also kill Boba, Rex, Cody, and the Bad Batch.

A reference outside of Star Wars that I thought of was how in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, the pirates needed the blood of Bootstrap Bill Turner to lift the curse. Since he was gone, they were able to life the curse with William Turner's blood, who as Bootstrap's son had his fathers DNA in his own. Granted this has nothing to do with clones and voodoo, but it made be think of the whole concept of DNA and curses mixed together in that the DNA of two different people were essentially both applicable to the curse.

Does this whole thing seem plausible to you or just a load of BS?

 

^ Seems plausible enough for SW, if it's written well.

 

Who would care for his daughter when he's away for extended periods? Would he have to figure that out himself or would the Empire handle that? He's a single parent at this point, would he have to get a nanny droid or something?

 

I could see that problem handled a couple of ways. IRL, parents are expected and required to have a plan for child care while deployed; most of them have designated family or friends who will take care of the children. Buying or renting a nanny droid would work.

Another possibility is that the Empire would move the children together into a community living area where all the children of deployed parents were looked after together, like a sort of temporary orphanage. Ambitious Imperials could use that as an opportunity to indoctrinate the kids into the Imperial way of thinking.

 

If the child was old enough, could she be sent to something like a cadet boarding school for military training?

 

Would his daughter be planetside at their current residence until she's allowed to be with him again, or would she be moved to military family housing right away?

 

I could see that going either way. As a father, I'd assume he'd want her nearby, but there might not be enough room available right away in an orbital garrison. There's often a waiting list for base housing to become available.

 

Alright, I think that gives me something to go on! Thanks!

 

@Grievous2003 Honestly, I'd just write what I want despite what people have to say about what does and does not make a voodoo curse plausible. People will always find reasons to pick apart a story if that's what they want to do. Being a storyteller is about getting your readers on board with your ideas because they're entertained. And writing fanfic is about having fun.

Personally, I like your original idea and I don't think it needs fixing. It's a fun premise and it doesn't need to be complicated.

 

Quoted for truth.

Across here, ff.n, and AO3, I personally have noticed an uptick in people picking stories apart for tiny "canon" reasons, and it's annoying as could be. Fanfic doesn't need to match canon exactly, and let's all remember that canon has never fully matched itself anyway, not even back when there was only one canon. For heaven's sake, we had tiers of canon for the sake of navigating the inevitable conflicts. Oscar Isaac asked Harrison Ford, a seasoned real life pilot, for advice on how to play the role of a pilot, and Ford replied, "It's fake, and it's in space, so none of that applies." I suggest that we keep Ford's wise words in mind.

A story doesn't have to match up with every footnote from every dang sourcebook ever published, it has to be entertaining. Frankly, for anyone genuinely worrying about how to make their fanfic better, I'd suggest reading books/articles on how to write fiction, not more source material for SW. If you've seen or read or played anything SW at all, then you already know enough to write a fanfic. Now improve in your writing skill, if that's what you want to do.

But the most important thing is what Sue said here: have fun. Why are any of us writing any fanfic at all, if we're not having fun? We're not getting paid or published. Write the stories that are fun to you, and the odds are good that they'll be fun for the readers as well. And please don't pick apart anyone else's story either, unless you've been asked to do so as their beta or that specific writer has publicly invited concrit. We're all here to have fun, not be criticized. As our parents and teachers told us long ago, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

 

^^^ Preach.

 

For starters, I'm not a writer and I'm not writing my own fanfic. I just like imagining my own personal alternative storylines for my favorite shows and movies and I will do research into different things so that I can apply them to my stories and imagine them playing out in my head. When I imagine my stories, I don't just have them go the way I want to because its what I want but I try to make things make sense and not seem out of line. For instance, in my version of the Star Wars Universe I have the Separatists win the Clone Wars not simply because I like droid armies but because I feel they would have won if not for Palpatine's meddling. How that is accomplished I try to think of in a reasonable manner. I would not simply have one Dathomirian witch be able to kill off millions of clone troopers single-handedly if the method seemed too bizarre and overpowered, which is why a tried adding the additional conditions to make it seem reasonable. Won't just snap my fingers and wish all the clone troopers dead so that the droids can take over the galaxy without opposition unless it made sense and not like something pulled out of my butt.