Ten Reasons Why Qui-Gon Jinn Is Not On the Jedi Council [2023 Fanfic Summer Olympics][Humour]

Title: Ten Reasons Why Qui-Gon Jinn Is Not On the Jedi Council
Author(s): UltramassiveUbersue
Timeframe: AUish Before and PT Saga
Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Mace Windu, Yaddle, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Jocasta Nu, Oppo Rancisis, OCs
Genre(s): Mostly humour, some drama and angst
Keywords: Qui-Gon Jinn, Challenge, AU, humour, Jedi
Summary: Ten incidents that explain the Jedi Council's reluctance to consider Qui-Gon Jinn as leadership material.
Notes: This is my response to the 2023 Fanfic Summer Olympics Challenge; I have chosen the Decathlon (ten entries) featuring Qui-Gon Jinn.

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Index:
Entry #1: "The Forbidden Texts" (100 Word Sprint)
Entry #2: "Mediation" (Tennis Match)
Entry #3: "A Loophole" (Single Sentence Shot Put)
Entry #4: "The Dark Side of Passion" (Rugby 7s)
Entry #5: "A Serious Violation of Decorum" (1500 Word Dash)
Entry #6: "The Dark Side of Fan Fiction" (200 Freestyle)
Entry #7: "Immortal Love" (400 Word Cross Country)
Entry #8: "A Foreseeable Circumstance" (110 Word Hurdle)
Entry #9: "A Fact-Finding Meeting" (Synchronized Swimming)
Entry #10: "True Love's Kiss" (Fantastical Fencing)

 

Title: The Forbidden Texts
Author(s): UltramassiveUbersue
Timeframe: Before the Saga
Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Yoda, OC
Genre: Humour
Keywords: Qui-Gon Jinn, Challenge
Summary: Fan mail starts arriving at the Jedi Temple for Qui-Gon as he inadvertently makes himself famous.
Notes: My first entry for the 2023 Fanfic Summer Olympics! I am choosing the Star Wars Decathlon, and my character is Qui-Gon Jinn.

• This entry: 100 Word Sprint: A 100 word drabble about your character, family, friendship or couple using any theme.

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As Qui-Gon passes the front desk, Master Yoda flags him down.

"Fan mail you have."

The receptionist asks, "That researcher who interviewed you..."

"What about her?"

"Did you give her permission to use your name in her novel?"

He frowns. "I don't recall. Why?"

She hands him a datapad.


HE's a notorious Jedi Knight with a secret past--

SHE's a beautiful archivist with a broken heart--

Qui-Gon Jinn has made a solemn vow to never love; will he break his vows to heal her heart?

THE FORBIDDEN TEXTS


"A page turner, it is." Yoda laughs and walks away.

 

Aaand right on the Watch List this thread goes!

I'll just bet it is....

(Loved your intro on the Fanfic Olympics thread, too.)

 

Jinn. I am a great lover of all that is Jinn

 

Okay, this promises to be pure gold With your post in the challenge thread, that's twice I spilled a bit of coffee today, and I think I'll be needing a new keyboard before the Olympics are over.

I love that he's blissfully unaware of what may be going on!

 

Qui-Gon a steamy part of a torrid 'romance' novel. And your intro in the Fanfic Olympics thread, yup, Jinn sure knows how to wow the crowd!

 

Oh, no no no. It hurts to laugh this much. Especially with Yoda’s callback to TLJ. Jedi Council Book Club. I want to read such a thing happening.

 

See what you did there, I do.

Nice start and very funny!

 

Poor, poor, Qui-Gon! I'm also picturing the absolute cheesiest looking romance cover for that book!

 

I don't know why or how but......I can actually see this happening somehow and now I need to know more about Qui-Gon being part of a romance novel

 

There’s a scene in West Wing where someone describes one character as prickly and unpleasant and playing golf. After an awfully long pause, his friend said it was minigolf. I can see Yoda questioning some of the events and getting the equivalent of “wasn’t it miniature golf?” This is why I nearly inhaled root beer while reading this.

 

Very good, glad I'm reading this in the morning when I'm allowed to laugh loud in my apartment.......
Loved TLJ Reference

 

This is going to be fun! I see that Yoda is amused now, but I wonder if that will still be the case when we get all the way to Reason #10.

Who's going to play Qui-Gon when The Forbidden Texts is made into a holofilm? Does Obi-Wan ever come across a copy of the novel?

Great job!

 

He must, he must! *anticipates rest of tale avidly*

 

Oh boy, I was not expecting this much love! Thank you so much for reading, liking, and replying, guys! You're all super awesome and you made my week!

Also, while I can't promise that I'll fit every request into this challenge, you all are giving me a lot of great ideas... and if anyone happens to feel inspired to use them, I'd love to see them!

@Seldes_Katne:

I'm honoured to have a spot on your reading list!

Thank you, it was fun to write! And thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply!

@earlybird-obi-wan

=
Thank you so much for reading and replying!

@Chyntuck

I'm glad you're enjoying my weird headcanon. It'll get worse, I promise.

Thank you! And... sorry.

He's so sweet and innocent! ... for now.
Thank you so much for reading and replying!

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

What can I say? Ladies love Qui-Gon!

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

@DarthIshtar

*braces for impact from herd of plot bunnies*
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading and commenting!

@Dark Ferus

I'm glad you like it! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

@whiskers

I'm envisioning his hair blowing in the wind and a woman with horn-rimmed glasses and a pencil skirt clinging ecstatically to his torso, but feel free to share your vision, too.
Thank you so much for reading and replying!

@devilinthedetails

Thank you so much!

I've been giggling like a dork about this for months, so I'm glad to pass it on.

Thank you so much! And thank you for your lovely comments, too.

@gizkaspice

I'm glad you're on board with my vision! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

@DarthIshtar

@study888

I'm so glad to give you a laugh! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

@Thumper09

....

That's an excellent question, and I am open to suggestions.

*blocks flying plot bunny with bo staff* I dunno, maybe.

Thank you so much, and thanks for reading and reviewing!

@pronker

Well if you insist...
Thank you for reading and replying!

 

Title: Mediation
Author(s): UltramassiveUbersue
Timeframe: Before, Saga, and AU
Characters: OCs, Qui-Gon Jinn, Yoda
Genre: Humour
Keywords: Qui-Gon Jinn, OCs, Yoda, Challenge, AU
Summary: Qui-Gon retains legal counsel in the hope of convincing an author of historical romance novels to stop using his name in her works.
Notes: This is for the 2023 Summer Fanfic Olympics. I am choosing the Star Wars Decathlon, and my character is Qui-Gon Jinn.

• This entry is: Tennis Match: Write a story of 100 or more words that is dialogue-only to create a true volley of words.

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My client demands that you cease and desist publishing works that are defamatory to his reputation and that of the Jedi Order.

Well our client states that these published materials are clearly labelled as works of fiction.

My client states that the content of the fan mail that he has received indicates that your client's readers do not understand that the events depicted in her novels did not occur.

Our client is not responsible for the public's reading comprehension.

My client demands that you change the name of the protagonist.

Our client will include in all future editions a disclaimer that all names are coincidental and that this is a work of fiction.

My client states that your client's readers will obviously skip over that part and go straight to the saucy bits.

Our client states that your client is both projecting and mind-reading.

My client denies that he is projecting, and reminds your client that he has a true capacity to read minds.

Our client would like to hear more about this capacity to read minds and offers to pay for dinner as compensation.

My client states that that sounds like a date and is therefore prohibited by his profession.

Our client states that he may bring a chaperone if he so wishes.

My client inquires if your client is offering to pay for the chaperone's dinner as well.

Our client consents to this arrangement.

My client states that one chaperone will not be sufficient.

Our client inquires how many chaperones your client is going to need.

My client states that the entire Jedi Council must be in attendance for the sake of transparency.

Our client seeks clarification as to the seriousness of your client's request.

My client states that he is very serious, given that his conduct is now in question thanks to the defamatory content of your client's novels.


Successful the mediation was?

As successful as it could be, given that Qui-Gon has no legal case.

I got the whole Council free dinner at The Lumiere!

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Thanks for reading!

 

Great back and forth and legal negotiating.

 

I will be laughing at this piece for a week! (Which will get me some strange looks at my library, but will also allow me to give everyone the link to this thread.)

Yes, okay, let's give their client that one, although goodness knows educators everywhere have tried....

Because book disclaimers are like those multi-screen user agreements on software that no one reads.

Love how this conversation becomes a full-scale dinner party.

This thread is a blast! Definitely looking forward to more!

 

Can't ask anymore than that! Love the legalese exchange!

 

And you delivered!

Oh. Em. Gee. The lawyer in me had so much fun with this, you have no idea.

I certainly hope that we'll get to see the full dinner. Methinks the author's next book will have an ensemble cast.

And then, Qui-Gon arguing that at least, he got everyone invited for dinner in a posh restaurant... This was a riot. You may want to change the title of this thread to "Qui-Gon: The Age of Innocence"

 

Twelve free meals, and still he gets no seat on the Council. Dang.

 

Hmm, I notice that they didn't agree to change the name of the protagonist...

I really enjoyed the back-and-forth between the legal representatives. I wonder which of the Jedi end up in the Order's legal office the most.

Cheers to living in the moment, Qui-Gon! I'm really curious to see if this is going to backfire on him and the Council, LOL. Hopefully they'll get a good meal out of it at least. Great job!

 

I theorized years ago that sending Jedi on a blind date once a year would fix attachment. I now want to see yoda and mace humiliating Qui-gon as chaperones instead.

 

lawyers at it. All that legal talk ending with the whole council getting a free dinner