Happy year of the dog to the JCC.

Tell me which Chinese zodiac sign you were born under, and I will tell you your future for the next 12 months

The Rat: 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
The Ox: 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
The Tiger: 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
The Rabbit: 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
The Dragon: 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
The Snake: 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013
The Horse: 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
The Sheep: 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015
The Monkey: 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016
The Rooster: 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017
The Dog: 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018
The Pig: 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019

 

Horse


Sent from my X Wing via sub space.

 

As a dog, you are prone to procrastination. You prefer to idle the day away on various Star Wars message boards, rather than actually do things the that you know need to be done.

Go out into the world, sniff some proverbial bums, and try to say yes to new opportunities this year, and you will find great riches.

 

Double Dragon. @mavjade will be kidnapped by the Black Warriors gang. You two must join forces to rescue her.

If you are able to work as a team, your superior martial arts skills should be more than a match for any low level bosses that come your way. Keep your eyes on the ground this year, and you will be rich in melee weapons.

 

Let your glorious mane grow this year, and go out into the world and run wild. You can do anything you want this next 12 months and people will praise you for it.

You could literally poop in the street, and people will thank you for helping them to grow their roses.

 

You know, so much as I'd like this to be true, I'm pretty sure I'd be arrested!! LOL!!! Having said that, I do have long hair, and I want to grow it out more, so my mane is growing!!!

 

Your next 12 months are going to be your best yet. I foresee carrots, lettuce, dandelions, beetroot, coriander, apples (avoid the seeds), brussel sprouts, asparagus etc.

You are the zodiac's most sociable creature, and **** knows how you managed it, but you are somehow incredibly fertile in 2018. Watch out for those frisky boy rabbits around springtime, and you should have your most prosperous year yet.

 

Your success this year is in your own hands - even though you have no hands. That's how good your 2018 will be. Who needs hands anyway? As Confusius once said "man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger." Eww, who needs that ****? Not you guys.

Form some great alliances this year, and then eat them during winter.

 

You complete me

 

Also, you will vote for @Diggy in the JCC awards

 

Diligence is what you need in this coming year. Do not feel overwhelmed that you have to transform your beloved pig pen into a glorious koi pond. You do not have to do it all in one day, just move your belongings to a higher shelf once a month.

I have great faith in your Feng Shui.

 

You need to take things up a notch this year. Things may have been niiiiiiiice, but you're a tiger - things need to be grrrrrreat. Get naked, stand in front of the mirror, and snarl. Look at those huge fangs. Then hold up your paws, show yourself your fearsome claws. Who is that proud beast staring back at you? That's you, the tiger. Now go and devour the next 12 months, it's there for the taking.

Put your clothes back on first.