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Before - Legends A Change of Plans--An O/Q Short Story--COMPLETED 6.4

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Apr 30, 2004.

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  1. jedimommie2

    jedimommie2 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 3, 2004
    Another great post...can't wait for more. I also like your OC's...they are so real, blending into the story as if they should have always been there. Poor Obi!! Maybe I should go and comfort him!
     
  2. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Ahhh that bit on Yoda was hilarious! Well atleast Qui knows it isn't a 'normal' sickness. I do hope they can get to the place quickly... must find Obi's prob so they can fix him up again!!!

    Great post! :D :D
     
  3. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    I really love this one, so you better get to work!!

    :D
     
  4. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    * You will write a story showing Knight Ullo coming into contact with a young initiate who changes his view on the whole master/padawan situation*

    So? Did my Jedi Mind trick work? :D
     
  5. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Again another lovely but shivery post. I liked the yellowed corpses of tropic leaves good image that. And your conversation flows very well.

    Are you going to kill him? Oh, I hope not. I've had enough Obi killing to last me a lifetime!

    Good job. Get writing, you!
     
  6. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Good mind trick o_e
     
  7. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Shaindl You desperately need to keep posting on this, or I'm going to personally come down to Arizona and hunt you down. Ooh. I'm shaking in my flip flops. 8-} I'm glad people, especially you, are liking this OC. It kinda gives me confidence about writing them. :)

    jedimommie2 Sure, you can comfort him..after I comfort him, that is. [face_mischief]

    Kynstar A little Yoda bashing's always good. :cool:

    Opal I will. :)

    o_e You're a wicked woman. :mad: 8-} The prospect of writing an OC-centered story, even a viggie, is pretty darn scary to me, in that I'm uncomfortable writing them--and it wouldn't contain nearly enough Obi-Wan! [face_love]

    diane Kill him? :confused: Just read my username and you'll know if I'm really gonna do that. ;)

    PK Don't encourage her. 8-}




    ^^^ () ^^^

    Qui-Gon watched the first rosy flourishes of daybreak surface in the sky, and noted with great discontent the scarlet hue matched the ruddy blotches that brightened Obi-Wan?s cheeks.

    The Padawan had slept deeply through the remainder of the night. But he began to interrupt the other Jedi?s companionable conversation with distressed moans and spastic, restless movements just as the sun made its slow ascension.

    The Master tried to masquerade his increasing apprehension beneath the steady layer of calm he injected into his voice. ?Obi-Wan? Are you alright?? He asked quietly.

    There was no answer. And, in the same instant, there were no more steps.

    Qui-Gon and Ullo?s eyes locked. A silent, turbulent wave of dread rippled between them.

    ?Obi-Wan??

    The ominous reply was a dry, wracking cough.

    ?We should take a rest.? Ullo proposed. Anticipating Qui-Gon?s agreement, he quickly slipped off his robe and blanketed it over a square of the jungle floor.

    ?Thank you.? With great care, Qui-Gon lowered Obi-Wan to his makeshift bed, then lingered at a crouching position beside him.

    Knight Tirr glanced around the sun-soaked atmosphere, then looked down at Jinn. ?How is he? Can you sense anything??

    Qui-Gon nearly cringed at the lilt of hope in Ullo?s otherwise pensive tone. His apprentice was unresponsive to his calls; his fevered body resisted every Force scan. More troubling, they were far from civilization, and even farther from their assigned destination.

    Against the deep brown of the Jedi robe, Obi-Wan?s pallor was alarmingly pale, like the contrast of snow to desert. He trembled in reaction to a chill exclusive to him, so Qui-Gon kept his warm hands on the young face.

    ?Qui-Gon??

    With a start, Qui-Gon realized he had yet to address the Knight?s inquiries. ? He isn?t doing well at all.? Weaker, ?And no, I can?t sense a damn thing.?

    He felt a strong hand grip his shoulder. ?We need to get to the capitol, Qui-Gon. Or at least somewhere he can receive medical attention.?

    ?Do you know our coordinates?? Qui-Gon glanced up at him, hands remaining on Obi-Wan?s damp, cool skin.

    ?Approximately.?

    ?Then contact the Eume?Li authorities. Tell them to send healers. I mean healers. Not just one. Certainly they can reach us before we?d be able to reach them.?

    Ullo spared the quickest of moments to admire the collected demeanor of the Master. He knew some who, in the same situation, would either be in complete mission mode, worrying little for their student?s comfort, or would be in pieces, unable to function with such control, such clarity.

    And while it was obvious Qui-Gon was very concerned for Obi-Wan, he did not stray from reality.

    It was an enviable trait that might just save the boy?s life, Ullo reflected?then jerked a little, realizing that, subconsciously, he thought the stakes were that high.

    Yet, following Qui-Gon?s example, he would not examine that discovery, not while there was more prudent work to be done.

    He reached for his travel sack and fished for the comm unit.

    Qui-Gon heard him rustling and managed to release a pent-up breath. ?Now it should only be
     
  8. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Evil! You're evil! Why must you continue to work my emotions like this! :_| So sad. :(
     
  9. jedimommie2

    jedimommie2 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 3, 2004
    I love this story as well! I really enjoy your OC and the interaction he has with Quigon and Quigon's interaction with Obi! Poor Obi! Thanks for posting--now huury with the next post and don't leave us hanging! :D
     
  10. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    You are one truly evil woman. Maybe, Shaindl and I will both converge on your location and make you rescue Obi-Wan!!! NOW!!!! :D Pushy, ain't I?
     
  11. Calantha

    Calantha Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2002
    :eek: Oh no! You're evil!

    The suspense is really building. You'd better not kill Obi-Wan. I've been reading enough of that and one more story is going to make me cry.

    And, yes, a cliffie is fine to start the weekend. However, I hope you plan to continue the weekend with further posts.
     
  12. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Bad, evil, wicked author
     
  13. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Nooo. That was mean, L_E. :)
     
  14. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Me? Evil? :confused:


    Oh, you guys are just overreacting. 8-}

    I'm a lamb, really. [face_laugh]

     
  15. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    *SNIFF!* No comm?? Uh oh ...

    I loved this line!!!!!! I nearly teared up!

    He tucked the hood around Obi-Wan?s head, then shook his own. ?You shouldn?t put me through things like this, Little One.? With a fingertip, he grazed the dimple in the round chin. ?I?m an old man. My heart can?t take it anymore.?

    Poor Obi!!
     
  16. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    This story's really starting to worry me. [face_plain] I don't know where it's going. :_| Well, I kinda do. [face_devil]


    o_e Cuz it's so much fun! :D

    jm2 I didn't leave you hangin' too long, did I? ;)

    diane Pushy? Yes, but I'm grateful to ya for it. :D

    Calantha Why is everyone convinced I'm out to kill Obi-Wan? [face_mischief] Geez, I do it one time and suddenly I'm an evil woman. [face_laugh]

    PK Thanks for the compliments. 8-}

    Opal :D

    Kynstar Thank you so much. [face_love]


    ^^^ () ^^^
    Cold.

    Obi-Wan came to consciousness sluggishly, with the single thought at the forefront of his clouded mind.

    Cold.

    Where am I?and why would anyone keep it so Sithly cold?


    Feelings of confusion soon gave way to the raw sensation of pain. Bone-deep aches ground in his back, legs and neck.

    With a frown, he wondered what strenuous physical labors he had undertaken to garner such consequence to his body. He flexed his hands and feet gingerly, eyes shut.

    ?Obi-Wan??

    Those eyes, the whites tainted by thin red veins, struggled open.

    Qui-Gon was smiling down at him, the sharper edges of his leonine features softened by Obi-Wan?s blurred periphery. ?At last you decide to wake up.?

    Obi-Wan tried to smile through the shivers. ?I think?? He took a feeble inhale, ?I think I made the wrong decision.?

    Qui-Gon?s relieved expression sank. ?Padawan, you?re trembling like a leaf.?

    ?Qui-Gon??

    Ullo?s urgent voice broke through the cavern of worry surrounding them. The Master reluctantly turned to him.

    The man?s olive-toned skin looked waxen in the glare of the sun. His eyes were wide, and rimmed with a dark dread.

    Qui-Gon?s heart stalled. ?What is it??

    Ullo swallowed thickly. ?The comms. Some water from the canteens spilled in the rucksack.? He watched horror drain the normal effulgence from Qui-Gon?s piercing gaze.

    It nearly killed him to go on.

    ?They?re shot. All of them-they?ve totally malfunctioned.?

    Qui-Gon bowed his head, a curtain of graying chestnut concealing his face.

    ?I-I?m sorry, Qui-Gon.? It was all he could think to say.

    The man shook his head. ?It?s not your fault.? The monotone stood flat in the air.

    At that moment, Tirr would have agreed with Obi-Wan: suddenly, the jungle was very cold.



    For the trio of Jedi, things did not improve, and the flawless sky seemed in great contradiction to the turmoil beneath it.

    Obi-Wan?s spiking temperature was helped none by the absence of clouds and the accidental depletion of much of their water supply. His limbs were needled with ache, and the attack on his muscles repelled the healing energies of the Force. Even a feather-light touch was enough to send him into near-hysterics.

    Qui-Gon sat with his apprentice?s head cradled in his lap, soothing him with whispered endearments when he began to make listless, writhing movements.

    Knight Tirr had taken to pacing, focusing on possible solutions to their dilemma, instead of the pain-laced moans that rose in the dried carcass of the jungle.

    Eventually, with his temples pounding and a fine snake of sweat trailing down his forehead, he stopped. ?Qui-Gon, we have to get moving again. This won?t solve anything.?

    ?He needs to rest.? The Master replied. ?I think?I think he?s in agony when I have to carry him.?

    Ullo ran fingers through his sweat-matted hair. He knew delicacy was required in these types of situations, but such niceties could pretty much be abandoned when you were baking in heat, and smelled worse than a decaying bantha. ?He?s in agony now, Qui-Gon.? He saw the quick tension in the broad back, forced himself to go on. ?But at least if we?re moving, we?ll be getting him to a hospital.?

    Qui-Gon?s jaw line was parallel with his shoulder. He looked not at Ullo, or Obi-Wan, but at the shriveled, faded plants beyond.

    Although, Ullo wasn?t sure the man was actually seeing much of anything.

    ?He?s cold, with a fever. He?s
     
  17. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    This has probably permanently scared that poor knight away from the idea of a little pet of his own.
     
  18. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    I really don't like you at the moment. You keep depressing me. :( You could make it up to me my promising that you would at least work on that little bunny I tossed your way. ;)
     
  19. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Poor Tirr... having to see Qui go thru the suffering of his Padawan! Poor Qui too!! He wants to comfort and take care of Obi but can't!!! :( Poor Obi!! Poor everyone!

    But that is all they can do though... keep moving. The more they move the quicker they get to civilization and possibly a medical facility as well.

    Great work :D I feel the angst!!!
     
  20. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Really good job, LE. You can just feel the heat and the despair. Poor Obi-Wan - either way, he's in pain.

    Keep going. The poor guy needs a hospital and fast!
     
  21. jedimommie2

    jedimommie2 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 3, 2004
    Great job as always! Can't wait for the next one. If I didn't have to pay to have them fixed...I would be biting my nails! Keep up the good work!
     
  22. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Kyn, one can always "feel the angst" when L_E decides to write. :D

    Another great one.
     
  23. jeday

    jeday Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 4, 2004
    Hope Tirr will learn more about love soon. Liked Qui-Gon's desperation. Sad but so beautiful. :)
     
  24. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    I think Tirr needs a Padawan. Why should Qui have all the fun? :p Lovely, heartbreaking post, LE. Would you please write something light and fluffy soon? I'm getting tired of writing that. :D

    Shaindl
     
  25. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Yeah... great plot bunny if ya ain't already got one. Tirr to get a Paddy! His very own!! :D Perchance one as heartening as Qui and Obi! 'Tis what I'm gonna try to make my 2 Jedi similar too. At least they'll eventually be like that hehehehe
     
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