Saga Saga - OT A Crisis of Infinite Ezras | Meta-humor (Based on the Self-Realization Challenge)

Title: A Crisis of Infinite Ezras
Author: Raissa Baiard
Genre: Humor, meta-fiction
Timeframe: Um...yeah…
Characters: Ezra Bridger, Ezra Bridger, Ezra Bridger, Ezra Bridger, and Dev Morgan
Synopsis: The various versions of Ezra in Raissa’s stories hold a support group. Based on the Self-Realization Challenge

Thanks to @Findswoman for beta-reading!
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The Plains Overlook Room in the Northern Lothal Community Center is tastefully decorated in shades of gold and gray—the colors of the prairie grass and rock formations that are visible through the floor-to-ceiling picture window that gives the room its name. In one corner, a buffet table is laden with Garel City squagels and creamshmear, sliced meiloorun and a large carafe of Kamino salted caramel macchiato. In the center of the room, a group of dark-haired young men of various ages and styles of clothing sit in a circle. One of them, a boy of about fourteen wearing orange coveralls and a name tag that says: “HELLO! My name is: Ezra” addresses the others: “Hey, welcome to the first meeting of Ezras Anonymous…”

A slightly older version of the boy, wearing the same outfit only somewhat scruffier, crosses his arms over his chest, hiding a tag reading “My name is: Ezra (Diamond in the Rough)” and scowls. “You moof-milker! We’re all named Ezra—how is that anonymous?!”

Across the circle, a young man with a ponytail and goatee wearing an orange tesh-tunic and a khaki vest raises a tentative hand. “Uh...I’m not.”

Diamond Ezra looks confused. “Not what?”

“Named Ezra. At least I don’t think so; my memory’s a little sketchy on stuff like that. But I go by Dev Morgan in my story.”

Another Ezra whose name tag says “Ezra (Marzra-verse)” looks him over critically, and comments, “Well, given that you’re here and you look just like the rest of us, I’m gonna guess that you are an Ezra, somehow. An AU, probably. Raissa loves AUs.”

Dev wrinkles his brow pensively as he takes this new information into consideration. “Huh…”

The first Ezra clears his throat in annoyance. “As I was saying… this is Ezras Anonymous, a support group for those of us living in Raissa’s fan fic.”

“You’re not going to make us do the whole thing where we go around the circle and say ‘Hi, Ezra…’ are you?” Diamond Ezra rolls his eyes. “Who put you in charge, anyway? You’re the youngest, except maybe for that guy.” He jerks a thumb at an Ezra who sits crouched on the floor instead of in his chair. His tangled hair is pulled back untidily. He wears a ragged tunic and cut off pants; his name tag has a crude drawing of a Loth-wolf rather than a name. “Kind of hard to tell with him.”

He growls and bares his teeth. *I resent that remark.*

“I’m in charge because I’m Canon Ezra.” Ezra hooks his thumbs in his vest and puffs out his chest. “That makes me the official, original version. Which makes me the best…”

Marzra-verse Ezra snorts. “Get over yourself! I was the first one Raissa started writing. I’ve got the most screen time. Page time. Word count. Whatever…”

“So what are we supposed to talk about, anyway?” Dev asks, glancing around at the others as if he’s still not sure he’s in the right place.

“I’ve got a question…” Canon Ezra’s hand shoots up before any of the others have a chance to respond. “Please tell me I get together with Sabine in one of these stories.”

“Who?” Dev and Diamond Ezra exchange puzzled looks while Loth-wolf Ezra gives an interrogatory whine.

“Yeah, about that…” Marzra-verse Ezra chuckles at his younger counterpart. “You don’t.”

“What?!” From the look on Canon Ezra’s face, this is clearly the worst news he could receive. He looks wildly around at his other variants. “Aw, man...not in any of them?”

“It’s okay, though.” Marzra-verse Ezra lays a comforting hand on Canon Ez’s shoulder. “It’s not like we don’t get girlfriends. Just not Sabine. Like, I’m dating a girl named Mara from Legends. She’s awesome: beautiful, smart, funny...a Jedi.” Ezra smiles, thinking of her. “We get married and have a couple kids. Or we are married with a couple kids.” He shrugs. “It’s hard to tell sometimes, because Raissa’s terrible at keeping her timeline in order. Mara’s parents—one minute they were just starting to figure out they liked each other, next thing they know they’re married with three kids.”

“That’s so weird…” Diamond Ezra shakes his head before turning to the crestfallen Canon Ezra. “But yeah, he’s right, don’t worry about this Sabine person. I don’t have a girlfriend yet...but there’s this girl in my story, Ace…”

“Ace?” Marzra-verse Ezra leans forward. “Red hair, green eyes?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s Mara, too. I told you Raissa loves AUs. And AUs of AUs…”

“How about you?” Canon Ezra asks Dev. “You have a girlfriend, too?”

“Well, there is a girl in my story, Akaela. I just met her, though. Be nice if I could get to know her but Raissa keeps getting distracted…” He glances pointedly at Loth-wolf Ezra.

The feral boy whines, his eyes downcast. *Don’t look at me that way. I was just supposed to be a vignette.*

All the Ezras sigh. ”Yeah...she can never write anything short…” Dev agrees.

“So wait…” Canon Ezra’s brow is still furrowed, trying to figure out the vagaries of his author’s shipping policies. “We all get relationships…”

Marzra-verse Ezra nods. “Just not Sabine, right.”

“Does she not like Sabine or something?”

“Nah, Raissa likes her well enough,” Marzra Ez answers with a shrug. “She’s written a couple stories about Sabine, she just doesn’t stick with the usual pairings. Mara’s supposed to be with Luke Skywalker...and Raissa’s shipped him with three different women!”

“What does he think of that?”

“I think he’s just happy not to be an embittered hermit living with judgmental fish nuns.” There’s a faint bwop bwop bwop noise, and he glances down at his chronometer. “Oh, that’s me...gotta go pick Caleb up from grav-ball practice and Noemi from debate team.”

“You don’t look old enough to have kids in high school,” Dev observes.

Marzra-verse Ezra shrugs as he rises. “I know...it’s this crazy timeline. Raissa hasn’t written me that age, but she’s already written my kids. You get used to it, eventually. So, same time next week? I’ll bring Wookiee cookies from my mother-in-law's recipe.”

As he steps into the hallway, Ezra nearly bumps into a man dressed in Mandalorian armor of a curiously old-fashioned design and a young Lasat with unruly purple-black hair wearing Honor Guard armor. “Hey, Ezra, is this the ‘Half-started Stories’ group?” the Mando asks.

“Down the hall in the Azadi Ballroom.” The Lasat salutes him as he and the Mando head off, and Ezra frowns as he watches them go. Characters he knows? Will know? Might know? Characters one of the other Ezras knows? Sometimes living in a universe of infinite Ezras really does get confusing.

Notes:
Garel City squagels and creamshmear are @Findswoman ‘s fanon

Mara’s parents are my OCs, Doran Blayne and Raissa Baiard

Shipping Luke with three different women: Canon Mara, Princess Clarys Antilles, and one yet to be revealed

Ezra and Mara's kids, Caleb and Noemi

The Ezras:
Marzra-Verse Ezra, as seen in Star Crossed, Teenage Rebellion, Nothing’s More Important, et al.

Diamond Ezra, from A Diamond in the Rough

Loth-wolf Ezra, from Wolf Brother

Canon Ezra, from A Very Serious Mission?

Dev Morgan, from All Our Yesterdays

 

My sister, who is reading over my shoulder, started reading a line out loud and my literal response: "Be quiet. This is the most hilarious story I have ever read.' It's no joke, either. I laughed out loud at every "Raissa" mention and especially "Loth-Cat" Ezra's Hey, it was supposed to be a vignette (I started reading thinking, oh, yeah, I'll quote that line in my review...and that line... and it turned into...and that line...and that line...and that line... you get the picture). I am still confused by the whole Scribble Pad discussion and I don't know if this was just a writing exercise or something, but you literally made by day funnier (and improved my life-expectancy... if it's true that when you laugh you live longer)

Anyways... sorry for being long and that rambling is my natural state of communication. If you choose to skip over the long comment, the general message was, "I loved it"

 

Very happy to be a doula and help this fic's birth!

Aaaaaah, time is deliciously fluid, so who says we cannot freeze it and melt it and channel it as we please? A fun read!!!

 

You're welcome! I'm also glad to have been a progenitor of this fic. Yes, I said progenitor. This fix was a lot of fun and I liked the way you has had them at 'meeting'.

Nicely played.

Stang! I was wondering the same thing. That kid deserves someone as spirited as Sabine. I also enjoyed your question about whether you, the author, liked the Sabine character. I was wondering about that too. Well done and a lot of fun! I may have to do an updated version given all the eras and contexts we have to work in.

 

This was very good, and well realised.

Extra layer of awesome if everything referred to here, is happening in other stories.

I liked the counter-argument against being anonymous, and their noting of their writer's foibles, eg. too young to have kids, but she has already written them.

I love the kid who should have been a vignette.

Mm. This is all giving me ideas.

 

So MANY Ezras, and I luv! every. single. one.

 

Very interesting. Love the hilariousness of multiple people in an anonymous group, but all have same name. First thing I thought of while reading was multiple jacks from Pirates of the Caribbean. Very well written, can't wait to see where this will go.