A New Hope-Humorous Version

up

 

Well, after listening to quite a few people here asking about the TPM compilation, I got tired of waiting and compiled it myself. It can be found http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/2062/here.

You might want to check out the TPM thread, too. The post with the link in it is also a parody. (Okay, most of you probably don't care, but hey, a guy can't dream, can't he?)

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - DAYCARE CENTER - BALL ROOM

Hands falls into a large room filled with hundreds of multi-colored balls. Chunky is pulling at a door, which doesn't budge.

HANDS: Now we're in the daycare center! Wonderful idea, princess! Chunky, get out of the way!

MARCUS: No, wait!

Hands fires his blaster. It bounces off the door and ricochets around the room, making everyone duck for cover.

MARCUS: Would you forget it? I already tried, it's childproof.

Princess Lee climbs out of the balls with an angry expression on her face.

Whack

HANDS: Ow!

LEE: Put that thing away, you're going to get us all killed!

HANDS: You want a piece of me, woman?

LEE: Anytime, hotshot.

Hands swings at Lee. Lee deftly sidesteps the punch, grabs his hand, and with a quick twist, sends him slamming into the wall.

MARCUS: (laughing) Dude, you just got your @ss kicked by a girl.

HANDS: (grumbling) It could be worse.

High-pitched, childish giggling works its way up from underneath the balls. Marcus and Hands point their guns down at the ground.

LEE: It's worse.

MARCUS: Something just moved past my leg!

HANDS: Where?

Marcus is suddenly pulled under the balls.

LEE: Marcus! Marcus!

Marcus surfaces with a gasp of air and thrashing limbs. A toddler has his arms wrapped around Marcus' neck, and two more cling to his arms.

MARCUS: Blast 'em, will you!? My gun's jammed!

HANDS: But they're just kids!

MARCUS: I don't care! Kill them!

He is pulled back under. Hands starts firing his gun blindly into the balls. Suddenly, a loud mechanical clank is heard. Gasping, Marcus surfaces. The children are nowhere in sight.

LEE: What happened?

MARCUS: I don't know, they just let go of me!

Before anyone can say anything else, more balls begin pouring into the room.

LEE: They're filling it with more balls!

HANDS: We'll be buried alive!

Our heroes try to stay on the top, but the ball level steadily rises. Soon, it is up to their elbows.

MARCUS: Wait a minute! (he pulls out his comlink) Stinky-O! Come in! Dang it, Stinky-O, where the hell are you?!

[This message has been edited by Purp (edited 10-27-1999).]

 

LOL - HEY PURP, THE CHILDRENS DAYCARE WAS HELLA COOL...WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT BEFORE OH WELL, ON WITH THE SHOW


IMPERIOUS STATION SCENE:

A GROUP OF DROIDS IS ASSEMBLED IN THE HANGER DECK

STINKY-O: Hahaha So,So whats really funny, I was in the middle of interpreting up in ***kin endor,right? I was sitting under a big tree resting when i noticed this imperial officer standing right in front of me. He was like " you sitting under here resting?" I said I know what I'm doing...I'm resting! Then he starts tryin to act all tough, askin me all types of questions like " what are going to tell us today, tough droid?" I said I'm gonna tell you my usuall, Nothing, nada...I tell you, you ***k. Then he says " no, you're gonna tell something today tough droid." and I said ...uhhh okay, I tell you something, go ***k a jawa.

ALL THE DROIDS IN ASSEMBLY START LAUGHING LOUDLY

STINKY-O: Bing, Pow, Boom. I'm knock out and deactivated. when i finally come back around, who do I see ? is this big Prick again.He says " So what are you gonna tell us now tough droid? " I was like, bing what are doing here I thought I told you to go ***k a Jawa.

ALL THE DROIDS START LAUGHING EVEN MORE LOUDLY. ARTOO DETOO IS BEEPING WILDLY RIGHT NEXT TO STINKY-O

STINKY-O: Bing, Pow, Boom, knocking me out again.. I tell you, the imperious forces is a bunch of dimwits.

THE DROIDS IS STILL CHUCKLING HARD

TC-421: That is funny, Stinky-o, you are a funny droid...

STINKY-O: Funny, hehehe funny. what do you mean?

TC-421: The story is really funny

ALL THE DROIDS IS STILL LAUGHING

STINKY-O: No, i'm serious , what do you mean funny.

TC-421( Looking in stinky-o's direction ): I mean the way you tell the story with the character and stuff y'know

STINKY-O: Is it what the manner in which i speak or what, whats so funny?

ALL THE DROIDS STOP LAUGHING AT THIS POINT

TC-421: I'm saying, the way that....y'know the way....

ARTOO DETOO: Beep, beep, squarrrrk, toot, toot, whitsle, whitsle

STINKY-O: No, No ! Hold on Artoo, Tc-421 is big droid, he knows what hes sayin. Now TC maybe its just me, I dont know, I might just be a little ***ked up maybe, but how am i funny. Do I make you laugh. I amuse you, I'm a comedian here for your amusement, ha ha, ho ho,it is to laugh. I'm a clown, im here to ***kin amuse you...

TC-421: Its what you said in the story. that was .... y'know..about what you said..

STINKY-0( clearly pissed off ): No! i didnt say it, you said it! whats funny?! You said I was Funny , what the ***k is so funny about me, tell me ?!!!

ALL THE DROIDS STARE AT EACH OTHER IN A ERRIE UNCONFORTABLE SILENCE FOR CLOSE TO A MINUTE. NO ONE IS SAYING A WORD. STINKY-0 AND TC-421 EYS ARE LOCKED IN EACH OTHER UNMOVING UNTILL SUDDENLY.....

TC-421: Get the ***k outta here.... Stinky ?

ALL THE DROIDS STARTS TO LAUGH OUT LOUD AGAIN EVEN MORE ROWDIER THAN EVER

STINKY-O ( Laughing his metal face off ): I got you, you ***kin prick ya , I got ya.hahaha, I tell you , I worry about you sometimes TC-421, you may fold under questioning.

TC-421: Whooo boy, you are really funny.

STINKY-O REACHES AND PULLS OUT A SMALL LASER PISTOL AND POINTS AT TC-421, ARTOO DETOO PUSHES HIM BACK AS THE REST OF THE DROIDS ARE NOW SETTING UP TO PLAY SOME CARDS

STINKY-O: Thats it, I gonna kill you!!!! hahahahah... Speaking of killing, I wonder where master marcus is at...the prick ?

SUDDENLY THE COMLINK THAT STINKY-O WAS CARRYING STARTS TO BEEP LOUDLY

ARTOO DETOO: Beep, beep, toot, whitsle, beep , toot

STINKY-O: The comlink, oh yeah, I forgot about that. ( he speaks in to the device ) Master marcus, are you there, come in, over ?

AT THE SAME TIME IN THE IMPERIOUS DAYCARE

MARCUS( In a state of shock ): Stinky-o ?!

STINKY-O: Hey, marcus..whats going on ? I was...

MARCUS: Shut your hole and listen up....shut down all the daycare centers on this detention level, do you hear me?!!!!

MARCUS'S VOICE OVER COMLINK: Shut down all the daycare centers in the detention level!!!!!

STINKY-O: Alright , alright , I'm on it.

THE PROTOCOL DROID SUDDENLY LOOKS AT HIS GLASS AND SEES THAT ITS EMPTY. H

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - REALLY DEEP PIT

Been enters a room with a seemingly bottomless pit.

BEEN: (sighing) Why do they always have to put vital power junctions over huge chasms?

He looks over the edge and turns pale.

BEEN: (muttering to himself) I'm too old for this.

OLD MAN: Stop!

Been looks curiously at the old man who appeared out of nowhere.

BEEN: Where did you come from?

OLD MAN: Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

MARCUS: Oh, for pete's sake. (he shoves the old man over the edge)

OLD MAN: (shouting as he falls) Cheater!

INT. DEADLY STAR - OUTSIDE DAYCARE CENTER

Hands, Marcus, Chunky, and Lee stand outside the entrance to the ball room.

HANDS: If we can just avoid any more female advice, we ought to be okay.

Whack

LEE: Watch your mouth. From now on, I'm in charge. I tell you to jump, you say, "How high?"

HANDS: Look, toots, if you think I'm gonna let you just-

In one smooth motion, Lee spins around, kicking Hands' legs out from under him.

LEE: I wouldn't finish that sentence, if I were you.

CHUNKY: Roowwgh rawgh rooh gruwf. (Subtitled: Bout time somebody showed that guy who's boss.)

LEE: (glaring at Chunky) What did that walking carpet just say?

HANDS: I dunno.

MARCUS: You don't know? I thought he was your pet. You don't even understand him?

HANDS: What's to understand? He's just a big animal.

CHUNKY: Ruff bark grr rowrf. (Subtitled: Yeah, right. I'm only 165 years older than anyone else here.)

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - REALLY DEEP PIT

BEEN puzzles over the control console.

BEEN: Volume . . . track . . . pause . . . play list . . . ah, screw it.

In one lightning-fast move, he whips out his brightsabre and rams it hilt-deep into the console.

STOMPTROOPER 2: What was that?

The STOMPTROOPERS turn and run into the chamber.

STOMPTROOPER 1: What happened?

BEEN yanks his sabre out of the console and hides it behind his back.

BEEN: Uh . . . I had a slight power tool malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly all right now. I'm fine, everything fine . . . How are you?

STOMPTROOPER 2 (to STOMPTROOPER 1): Call in a squad.

BEEN: Uh, uh, negative, negative, we have a reactor leak here now. Give me a few minutes to lock it down.

Pause.

STOMPTROOPER 2: What the hell are you talking about?

BEEN: Uh . . . look behind you!

They turn and look. He quickly cuts them down.

BEEN (muttering): Boring conversation anyway.

 

Please....!You guys should finish what you started!

 

up 4 sith sake!!!!

 

Okay, I'll take a stab at it...

Been cautiously steps on the ledge of the tractor beam controller. A squad of Stomptroopers come down the hallway.

TROOPER1: All right you two smartasses, you stand guard; and if you come back to the command center with another lame excuse for losing your uniforms, I'll post you guys right next to the superlaser without any armor at all like the last two guys!

The Stomptroopers walk away. The two remaining begin to converse as Been locates the tractor beam controls.

TROOPER2: Well this is great, now we're guarding a chasm.
TROOPER3: Look, it's not my fault the duty officer is a heartless ***hole.
Whack!
TROOPER2: Not your fault?! Who told him that we were attacked by a Cookiee & an old man? Who was that? Hmmm, let's see...oh yes- IT WAS YOU!
TROOPER3: Well that's what happened!
TROOPER2: Crap, this sucks big-time. I liked hanger duty- it was interesting, I enjoyed it- but now I'm here with you guarding a big hole.
TROOPER3: I feel bad about it too, you know. I was just about to get a transfer to Endor moon, but that's shot to hell now!

Been finishes with the tractor beam controls and sees the two Stomptroopers at the end of the hall.

TROOPER2: Endor, huh? Do they have those new PT-16's?
TROOPER3: Yeah, some top guy was telling me about it, they say it's...it's quite a thing, they say. But I guess the controls are so easy to operate that natives have been known to take them without any technical training whatsoever.
TROOPER2: Natives, huh?
TROOPER3: Yeah, they live in the deeper parts of the planet, you know, in tree-hidden villiages and what not.
TROOPER2: Is that a fact?
TROOPER3: Yeah, they can really get going on those PT-16's.
TROOPER2: Do we consider those natives a threat?
TROOPER3: Naw. They're nothing to worry about. I'm sure we won't have any problems with them. After all, we're the ones with the armor & blasters, right?
TROOPER2: Heh, yeah. I guess you're right. (pause) Wait, isn't Endor moon a big forest locale? Isn't that a dumb place to have the PT16's, what with the trees and all?
TROOPER3: I suppose top brass wants to try them out in the harshest environments possible- you know, safety and ***t. Besides, I guess there's supposed to be some serious ***t goin' on there pretty soon.
TROOPER2: Really? Like what?
TROOPER3: I'm not sure...big construction job. They're signing up a lot of people for it right now, you should look into it.
TROOPER2: Yeah, I should...PT16's in the forest still seems like a bad idea to me, but what do I know...

Been thrusts his hand towards the Stomptroopers using the Force.

TROOPER2: What was that?
TROOPER3: Huh?
TROOPER2: You grabbed my ***!
TROOPER3: No way! It was hot gases, don't worry about it.
Whack!
TROOPER2: (Angrily) Hot gases my rosy-red ***! I'm sure somebody saw that on one of the security cams. It's bad enough everyone saw us in the hangar stumbling out of that p.o.s. Corellian ship with no uniform on, but now we'll be the talk of the station!
TROOPER3: I didn't grab your ***, man! tilts his head to the side Even though it is quite nice...
TROOPER2: What?!
TROOPER3: Sharing is caring...

Been makes another Force push.

TROOPER2: What the hillbilly hell are you doing?! Quit grabbin' my ***! Look, just stand over there, okay?

Been makes another attempt.

TROOPER2: Oh! That's it, make a grab one more time and I'm gonna shoot ya!
TROOPER3: I know what your trying to tell me...and I feel that way about you too.
TROOPER2: Stand on the other side of the hallway please.

Been puts his hand up to try again, but stops.

BEEN: Dammit! Aw, the hell with it!

Been turns on his brightsabre and makes a swing at Trooper2.

TROOPER3: No, don't hurt my boyfriend!
BEEN: Eh?
TROOPER2: Kill me...kill me!

Been strikes Trooper2 down.

TROOPER3: Ah, my betrothed!

Trooper3 starts to get his blaster out, but Been is faster and brings him down with a WHACK!

BEEN: (to himself) I'll take a wild guess the "don't ask don't tell" policy is in effect with the Imperious now.

Been makes his w

 

sorry, double post

 

nice work Mr K

let me gess u a A team fan as well.

 

Yo, foo'! I grew up wit the A-Team. My favorite episodes were when Mr. T had to get rough with guys messin' with the Youth Centers!

Mr. K

 

finish the story alll of it.
up up up

 

ROTFL - please continue!

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - HALLWAY

Hands, Marcus, Lee, and Chunky stop on a platform above the hangar. The area below the ship is swarming with troopers, which is strange, so they didn't run into a single one during their journey back from the daycare center. I mean, it was quite a hike, you think they would have run into at least one person capable of sounding an alarm-

Whack

GL: Leave it alone. Plot convenience.

Sorry.

MARCUS: (pulling out his comlink) Stinky-O, do you copy?

STINKY: (v.o.) Yes, but I'm just an interpreter, and not very good at such things.

MARCUS: Uh... right. Are you safe?

STINKY: (v.o.) At the moment. But I'm just an interpreter, and not very good at such things.

MARCUS: Suuuure. We're right above you. When you see us make a dash for the ship, follow our lead.

STINKY: (v.o.) Yes, sir. But I'm just an interpreter, and not very go-

Whack

STINKY: (v.o.) OW! Hey, how'd you do that over the comlink?!

MARCUS: Wow, Been was right. The Force is with me.

STINKY: (v.o.) Whatever you say, sir. But I'm just an inter-

Marcus turns off the comlink before Stinky-O can finish.

MARCUS: Remind me to wipe his memory after this.

HANDS: Sure. Hey, your highnessnessness, aren't you going to make some insult about my ship?

LEE: What would the challenge be in that?

The sound of booted feet echo around the corner. A squad of stomptroopers is approaching.

MARCUS: Quick, if we go this way we can avoid them entirely.

HANDS: No, it's not right for my idium.

MARCUS: Your what?

HANDS: I must escape more... (he trails off, at a loss for words)

LEE: Dramatically?

HANDS: Yes! Dramatically!

Roaring at the top of his lungs, he dashes around the corner and opens fire on the troopers. The squad commander is immediately cut down.

TROOPER: Run away! Run away!

The troopers all turn tail and run, shouting 'Run away!' Hands charges after them. Chunky sighs, and begins chasing after Hands.

LEE: Not the tactic I would have chosen.

MARCUS: Yeah, well, what can you do? He's a moron. Come on, let's go.

[This message has been edited by Purp (edited 12-12-1999).]

 

up, up & away!

 

up 4 sith sake!!!!
DarthDVD!!!

 

I'm a fan of the TPM Humorous Version and this is GREAT!!! You even carried over the Whack tradition!!! We can't stop now!!!

 

What were you guys doing that did not update this thread?

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - SUBHALLWAY

Hands chases the stomptroopers down the hallway. Suddenly, the lead stomptrooper stops and spins around, his gun at ready.

STOMP 1: Wait a minute! We've got armor, guys! He can't hurt us!

The stomptroopers turn around and begin firing wildly in the corridor. Not a single one of their shots even comes close.

STOMP 2: I can't see a thing in this darned helmet!

STOMP 1: Don't complain! At least it's keeping you safe.

One of Hand's shots blasts right through the stomptrooper's armor, killing him instantly. Another shot grazes a trooper's elbow, and his chestplate explodes. Another trooper stubs his toe, and his head blows up, spraying blood everywhere. Within seconds, all of the stomptroopers are dead. Looking around in satisfaction, Hands suddenly looks at the floor and screams. Coming straight at him is a mouse droid.

INT. DEADLY STAR - SUBHALLWAY

Chunky is running down the corridor, trying to catch up to his friend. Suddenly, Hands barrels around the corner, running for his life, pursued by a very angry mouse droid. Chunky turns around and starts running the other way.

INT. DEADLY STAR - HALLWAY

Marcus and Lee are running from several stomptroopers. They duck into a nearby hatchway.

INT. DEADLY STAR - CENTRAL CORE SHAFT

There is a bottomless pit with a narrow bridge crossing it. The bridge has been retracted, and Marcus nearly runs off the edge, but Lee grabs his belt.

MARCUS: What is it with GL and bottomless pits?

The stomptroopers chasing them open fire. Lee hits a button and the hatchway closes. Marcus blasts the controls, eliminating any chance they had of extending the bridge.

MARCUS: There, that should create some dramatic tension.

GL: No, not quite. Maybe some more stomptroopers.

Several stomptroopers appear on a higher ledge and begin firing at Marcus and Lee.

GL: Yes, that's much better.

Marcus ignores him as he roots around in his utility belt, practically begging to be sued by Batman for copyright infringement.

MARCUS: Let's see... compass, pocketknife, rebreather... (he continues looking) chewing gum, duct tape, via- viagra!?

Lee and Marcus exchange looks.

LEE: Somehow, I'm not surprised.

MARCUS: Yeah, I guess not... ah! Here it is.

He pulls out a small grappling hook with a length of cord attached to it. With an expert swing, he hooks it around a fixture.

As he is preparing to swing across, Lee suddenly kisses him on the cheek. Marcus looks stunned for a minute, then tries to french her.

LEE: AUGH! It was for LUCK, you pervert!

MARCUS: Oh. Sorry.

Lee and Marcus swing across the chasm, Marcus using the opportunity to feel up Lee. Once again, everyone who has seen RotJ shudders.

[This message has been edited by Purp (edited 03-15-2000).]

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - HALLWAY LEADING TO THE MAIN BAY

Been moves stealthily down the hallway towards the Millenium Fountain. As he nears the end of the hallway, Darth Vacuous steps into view, his sabre lit. Been ignites his own sabre.

VACUOUS: I've been waiting for you, Ob-Ewan. We converge again at last. The circle is now total.

OB-EWAN: Uh... what?

VACUOUS: Your vocabulary grows frail, old man. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the ruler.

OB-EWAN: Yes, well I can see you still haven't learned the proper way to use a thesaurus.

Ob-Ewan lunges suddenly, but is checked by a lightning move by the Sith. A masterful slash stroke by Vacuous is blocked by the old Jedi. Another of Been's blows is-- oh, who am I kidding. Look, this is the worst sabre fight in any of the SW movies. Ob-Ewan obviously hasn't been keeping up his fighting skills since TPM. Normally, I'd just tell you to get a drink or something while this is happening, but there's dialogue, so you might want to stick around.

VACUOUS: You should not have come back.

BEEN: Actually, I haven't 'come back', since this is the first time I've ever been here. Besides, you can't win. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

VACUOUS: I don't know... I can imagine an awful lot.

 

INT. DEADLY STAR - MAIN FORWARD BAY

Hands and Chunky are both breathing hard, obviously exhausted from running.

HANDS: I think... we lost it...

Marcus and Lee join them.

MARCUS: Are you okay?

HANDS: Yeah... just... out of breath...

MARCUS: What, did you guys run into Darth Vacuous or something?

HANDS: Worse. (he shivers) I'll tell you about it later.

MARCUS: How's the ship?

HANDS: Fine. Why? What are you implying? You saying it won't be fine?

MARCUS: Uh, Hands--

HANDS: Is that what you're saying? That my ship's a piece of crap?

MARCUS: Hands, I really think you should--

HANDS: Go ahead, say it! What's the matter, don't have the guts to say it to my face!?

MARCUS: HANDS!

HANDS: What?

MARCUS: I'm standing over here. You're talking to a wall.

Hands squints, then suddenly blushes.

HANDS: (muttering) I knew that.

INT. DEADLY STAR - HALLWAY

Vacuous and Been continue their duel. The troopers guarding the ship notice the two fighting, and move to investigate.

HANDS: Now's our chance! Go!

Hands, Marcus, Lee and Chunky race towards the ship. Marcus slows as he sees Been and Vacuous fighting.

Been looks at the troopers and realizes he is trapped. Smiling, he raises his sabre.

MARCUS: Been?

Vacuous sweeps his sabre across, cutting right through Been. Been's cloak falls to the floor in two piece, but he is not in it.

MARCUS: NOOOOOO!!!!

The stomptroopers turn around and begin firing at Marcus. Still in shock, Marcus returns fire.

INT. DAGLOBAH - YOGA'S HUT

Yoga is preparing his dinner. As he is about to taste his stew, an angry voice interrupts him.

BEEN: WHAT THE **** HAPPENED?!?

Yoga turns around to see the pale blue ghost of Been standing in his hut with his fists clenched.

YOGA: Ah, took my advice you did.

BEEN: And a fat lot of good it did me! You said I would become more powerful than he could imagine!

YOGA: Metaphorically was I speaking. One with the Force you have become.

BEEN: That's it?! That's the power you were talking about? In case you haven't noticed, I'm DEAD!

YOGA: Mmm, very observant you are, yes? Nothing gets past you.

BEEN: (muttering) Lying little toad.

YOGA: Happens, **** does. Live with it you must. Or in your case, not live with it.

BEEN: Oh, ha ha, very freaking funny.

INT. DEADLY STAR - MAIN FORWARD BAY

Meanwhile, Marcus has been steadily taking down stomptroopers, whose bodies are now starting to pile on top of each other. With one last shot, the final remaining stomptrooper falls over.

LEE: Could we go already? Come on, Marcus!

MARCUS: No! I wanna kill some more people! Make them bring more people!

Vacuous, who has been poking around at Been's cloak for the past few minutes, finally gets up and starts heading towards Marcus.

MARCUS: Uh... on second thought, maybe it is time to go.

He races into the Millenium Fountain.

[This message has been edited by Purp (edited 02-22-2000).]

 

This thread is so funny!!!

I just wanted to add something to one of Purp's posts on page 2. No offense Purp...

From the original post:

INT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT

The pirate ship is preparing to drop out of hyperspace.

HANDS: All right, Chunky, here we go. Cut in the sublight engines.

Hands pulls a lever, and the starlines outside the window shrink back into points. Immediately, the Fountain begins rocking back and forth. Asteroids zoom past the ship.

HANDS: What the... Chunky, what's going on?

Chunky growls a confused response. Reluctantly, Hands puts on his glasses and looks out the window.

HANDS: Looks like a meteor shower. Some kind of asteroid collision.

The part I'm adding:

WHACK!
HANDS: What?
CHUNKY: (subtitled) Haven't you learned yet not to state the obvious?

________________________________
Not great, but I've always wanted to add something to this thread.

 

Barbara, Purp thanks for bringing this back up. Always wished we had finished it. One question: after we finish this one, do we do the Holiday Special, or skip right to ESB?

 

Seeing as I've never seen the Holiday Special, I'd intended to skip to ESB.

And Barbara, well, I'm afraid I have to kill you. By daring to alter my post, you have commited a crime of the gravest nature. The punishment for this can only be-

Uh, Purp?

What?

Didn't you suggest changes for other people's posts before?

Well, I hardly see how this is related.

So you can change other people's posts, but they can't change yours?

Well, yeah. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Hey... hey, put that down! No, get away from me! You can't do this to me- WHACK

The management would like to apologize for the preceding post. We would like to remind you that Purp's views do not necesarily reflect the views of TheForce.Net or the Jedi Council. We now return you to our regularly scheduled thread.