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Title: A New Weapon
Summary: Do poems have summaries?
A/N: Thanks and fault go to LianaMara for this one. She told me to write a poem, I said that would be too hard for poor, un-poem-educated me, and she said, "Do it free verse!" And thus, here we are. Thanks for being persistent and then looking it over for me, Liana.


Feedback is, as always and ever and for eternity, appreciated.



He'd forgotten
how quiet
it could be at night.

When he stood
inside walls, the wind had always been
a thing of sound.
Here the chill was silent,
the wind serenely moving the desert,
the vastness
not marred by the shattering,
abrupt
moments of violence and survival.
He closed his eyes, the chill wind moving
around him, himself a break
to the unseen pattern.
The slashes of memory became real
once again,
the choking, horrific smell
suddenly vivid
once again.

He opened his eyes to the starlight,
turning
his gaze upward in hopes
of peace,
where before there had been dreams.
He refused to dream now,
the pieces of hope
being rearranged
into nightmares.
Those were dark, undeniable,
but he could no more change them
than the pattern of the winds
slowly shaping the desert.
He, too, would be shaped.

As elegance?
The shadow
of a more civilized time.
Or something hard and jagged,
forceful and powerful,
overwhelming and alone.
That path
was before him in a yawning crevice,
the footholds becoming
less and
less.
Neither had he wished.

He danced away
on the fractured path,
more graceful now
than he had ever been.
All would be,
in due time.
Now there was friendship,
and a rescue to be planned. Love to be played out
as action.
The dreams were nothing,
there was no mist on Tatooine.
The stars were
mere representations,
idols once held high.

True power was quiet
and slow,
the sand shifting a whole world.
Forgiveness was quiet.
Love was forgiveness.
In the walls where once
the wind had been loud,
that had been unspoken,
yet acted.
And remembered, now.

A new weapon had been forged.
>

 

Awesome. AS a fellow poet-on-occasion, it pleases me to be the first to reply. Your structure was magnificent, and the poem flowed unbelievably well. It was not choppy one bit, and the meaning within the poem itself was moving and powerful. Two thumbs up from your friendly neighborhood JMT.

 

Lovely, dear. I know naught of poems, but this one is very pretty and evocative, and flows nicely. Good job, oba. Thanks for pushing her, Liana.

 

Oh, this was beautiful, obaona.

 

Great poem. I could feel the emotion in the poem.

 

I'm not too well versed in poetry, either, but this was lovely.

You did a good job for someone who doesn't know much about poetry.

 

What I love about poetry is the ability to be lyrical without the necessity of making sense. It's okay to leave your readers confused. In this case, though, I'd say it's not that you confuse the reader, but rather that you overwhelm her (yeah, that'd be me) with so many cool lines that she has to read it a time or two to fully appreciate it. Yay for poetry.

 

That was beautiful! I've always loved poetry, and find rainy days to be the perfect time to curl up with a good book of poetry to lift the gloom and lighten the heart (or to help me wallow in it if it is that kind of day). Lovely!

 

Wow, loved this, Obaona. Beautiful flow of words and feeling - you can really feel that late-night quiet around Luke.

True power was quiet
and slow,
the sand shifting a whole world.
Forgiveness was quiet.
Love was forgiveness.

Again, wow...just incredible. I love the way you use words in your writing.

Excellent job!

 

JediMindTrick000: Wow, thanks! I'm glad you think it flowed smoothly, and liked the meaning. That was one of the hardest parts, figuring out what I wanted to say.

Gabri_Jade: Thank you. I spent a lot of time on it (compared to how much I would spend on a viggie, anyway). I'm glad you liked!

Gina: Thank you.

Laine_Snowtrekker: Thank you. I think that's important, in a poem like this.

Jedikma: I read and reread and reread Liana's poems before writing this. Thank you!

Leia: *giggles* The thing that I love about poetry is it's ability to say so much with so little. To be able to create a mood and a feeling within just a few lines. With this, I suppose my intent was to overwhelm you - I wanted it to be short but convey a lot. Thank you!

VaderLVR64: Thank you. I certainly like to read poems sometimes - Liana's constantly, of course. I'd recommend checking hers out. Thanks again.

Knight_Aragorn: Thank you. The interesting thing about this is that after writing it, I thought more about which words I used in my writing. Poetry makes you careful about what you say - good writing exercise, in that sense. Thanks again!

 

thats deep dude. wish i could write poetry like that. ~Gabby

 

Marvelous, Mum. I'm very glad I prodded you.

I think the greatest beauty of it is that you can express with a few lines what would take paragraphs - even a whole story - to explain in normal prose. The end, in particular, sticks with me even after the quadrillenth read-through; you worded everything so clearly, and so truly, that it really resounds with the reader.

And if you're ever open to writing another poem - go for the Obi ANH one. Because my brain really wants that.


Gabri- But don't forget . . . you're next!

 

jade_saber8000: Thanks.

Liana: I am too, honestly. It was really different doing this, and I enjoyed it.

That's the thing I've admired about poetry, when I've seen it done - something said said so concisely, so beautifully. That's what I was going for here. I'm really glad you see that in it. Thank you, petit enfant.

I'm open to writing another poem, we'll see if I get the bunny for it.

Thank you, again. Oh! And I got a PM entitled 'ACK!' from Gabri after she saw your reply here.

 

That was really beautiful and quite touching.

 

DreamOfKenobi: Thank you.

 

Thank goodness I keep stumbling into your work.

He danced away
on the fractured path,
more graceful now
than he had ever been.

That's some mighty powerful imagery ya got there, m'am. Right purty, too! And about Luke, too -- my mostest favorite character (right behind my Practically Perfect Jedi®, of course)!

You know what? Silly as it seems, you remind me of that funny Sonic commercial -- "Call up the jeweler 'cause I just made another gem!"

And you have...Brava!

 

WOW! I guess Emmi forgot to tell me that you were a poet to. Great job.

 

lvk1978: Hehe, thank you. And just - LOL. I wanted powerful imagery, and the way things ended up interconnecting was cool, I think. Anywho. Thank you.

z-95headhunter: It's my very first poem. Thank you.

 

A very moving poem, nice job. It had a good structure.

I am not really a big fan of poems, but i liked yours.

 

Mike-Sunrider: Thank you. I wasn't a big fan of poems either, but LianaMara's beautiful ones changed my mind.