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Saga - ST A Promise Kept

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Cowgirl Jedi 1701, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    Author: Cowgirl Jedi 1701
    Time Period: During TFA
    Characters: Rey, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo
    Notes: Slightly AU. Not meant to be Reylo, but I guess somebody could read it that way if they want to. Written to appease a persistent plot bunny.

    The falling snow, hissing against humming lightsabers, went unnoticed. The two youths battling in the dark forest could see only each other, while the ground shook beneath their feet, as the world began to fall apart. As their blades locked, the young man spoke to the girl. "I could teach you the ways of the Force."

    "The Force.", she muttered to herself. Summoning power from that very entity, she shoved him away, and he flew several meters before slamming into a tree, as the trembling ground cracked open just a few meters farther on. Powering down the lightsaber in her hand, Rey turned and hurried for the Falcon. She didn't get far before something made her stop and look back. Kylo Ren looked so pathetic, crumpled into the snow at the foot of the tree. A memory sprang up, unbidden...... Leia, pleading with Han, "Bring our son home."

    "Dammit.", Rey grumbled to herself. Almost before she knew it, she was scooping her enemy of a few moments ago out of the snow and, tossing him rather unceremoniously over her shoulder, jogging for the ship.


    Once aboard the Millennium Falcon, Rey deposited her live burden on the sofa, answering Chewbacca's disgruntled growl with, "Disintegrating planet. Fly now, gripe later." As she accompanied him to the cockpit, Chewie barked a more chipper comment, gesturing towards the sleeping quarters.

    "You tucked Finn into bed and you think he's gonna be okay? Good to know. Let's punch it." The Millennium Falcon escaped the gravity well and blasted into hyperspace mere moments before Starkiller Base imploded.

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    As Kylo Ren slowly regained consciousness, the first thing his mind registered was that he hurt. A lot. Then his eyes flickered open, and he saw her. Rey was standing over him, looking very thoughtful, and just a little bit peeved. A moment later he recognized where he was, and couldn't help being a bit surprised. "You....you saved me."

    "Don't bother thanking me." Rey shot back, "I'm already starting to regret it."

    "Why?"

    "Why? As in, 'why did I save your miserable arse?' I've been asking myself that very question, and I thought of a number of answers. I did it because I'm a sucker for hard luck. I did it because I have no sense. I did it because I'm too kind and compassionate for my own good." Irritated, Rey turned her back on Kylo and stared at the wall for several seconds, then, with a frustrated sigh, she spun around to face him again. "I did it because your father promised your mother he'd bring you home, and since a dead man can't keep a promise himself, I decided to keep it for him, because he's done enough for me that I think I owe him at least that much." As she finished her voice started to break, and she swallowed hard.

    "You're mourning a man you hardly knew." Kylo observed quietly.

    "So what if I am?" Rey returned, "You're trying to emulate someone you never even met."

    A wry look crossed his face. "True."

    An irate grumble sounded from the direction of the cockpit.

    "Chewie said--"

    Kylo, having slowly eased himself to a sitting position while they were talking, raised a hand, cutting her off. "I know what he said."

    Rey, now seated across the room, pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed. "Of course you do. But can you really blame him for saying it?"

    He didn't answer, but just looked at the wall behind Rey's shoulder.

    "Well since you're feeling so chatty right now, I guess it's my turn."

    "Your turn?"

    "Yes. My turn. My turn to ask why. Why did you kill him?"

    He had long since ceased to look her in the eye, but now he found that he couldn't look at her at all anymore. He dropped his head and stared at the floor.

    Suddenly, Rey understood. "You didn't actually kill him, did you?"

    The answer came as a whisper, barely audible over the sound of the engines. "No." He continued, slightly louder. "Didn't want to, almost decided not to, when he.....he--" He couldn't finish.

    "He turned your lightsaber on himself."

    "Yes." A realization dawned on him. "It was a sacrifice."

    "Yes. He took his own life and let you take the blame for his death."

    He raised his head a bit, looking bewildered. "Why would he do that?"

    "He's your father. He loves you. Your mother loves you too."

    Ben buried his face in his hands. "How could they?" He broke down completely and began to sob. "After all that's happened, after all I've done, how could they possibly still love me?"

    Rey crossed the room to sit beside Ben. "Because you're their son." Suddenly it no longer mattered to her that less than two hours ago this boy had been trying to kill her. She embraced him, cradling his head against her shoulder as his tears soaked her tunic, forgiving him for everything.

    Chewbacca walked in, muttered to himself bewilderedly at the tender scene, and left as quietly as he had come.

    The End
     
  2. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Okay, first of all - let's cure your cantwaittopostitits. The next time you have two or three paragraphs of a story, don't post them before you have something sustainable, because because because...people won't figure out that you updated it. I am crazy and I've been waiting for your first story eagerly, so...yeah, I was just trying to DDOS the server by refreshing this (JK!), until I got bored with that and went to bed.

    An AU where Rey is even more human is intriguing - Kylo could have turned against her and Chewie at any given point, but she used his ability to read her mind against him and...redeemed him? Great idea. Sure, it would rob us of two more films, but redemption = love.

    This moment is awesome:

    Rey surely knows how to stand her ground. And that's what we love her for.

    And I love the situations where we never find out what was said. :p

    You, tease, you... *snort*
     
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  3. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    First of all, you are indeed right about the I-Can't-Wait-To-Post-This-itis. In my defense, however, it was insanely late and I probably should have just waited to do it in the morning because I was falling asleep posting it. And I also had to deal with this situation:

    Plot Bunny: *bounces on my head* Write me!
    Me: Shut up.
    Plot Bunny: *bounces again* Write me!
    Me: Would you stop?
    Plot Bunny: *bounce, bounce* Write me, write me!
    Me: Quit it! Leave me alone!
    Plot Bunny: *bouncing* Write me, write me, write me, write me!
    Me: *reaches up, grabs Plot Bunny by the scruff, and plops him on the bed* Okay, fine! *creates thread and starts posting story, starts dozing off after about two paragraphs*
    Plot Bunny: Don't stop now! That's not the end! I know that's not the end!
    Me: *grabs Plot Bunny by the scruff again so I can pick him up and look him in the face* Do you really want this story to fall victim to the craziness that can be a result of posting sleepy? It's insanely late and I need to sleep. I'll finish it tomorrow. *posts what there is and goes to bed*
    (Next day)
    Me: *finishes story and shows to Plot Bunny* Happy?
    Plot Bunny: Uh-huh. *snuggles*

    Kylo is simply stating what he observes here. Rey is peeved, for various reasons, but chooses to be snarky instead of getting mad.

    Considering the situation, I think we can probably guess what Chewie said, knowing Chewie.
     
  4. Venator77

    Venator77 Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    May 2, 2013
    I sometimes have this "condition", but I usually check myself before posting. If I forget (which I did with my fanon post about my made up army), then I quickly go back and fix any mistakes.

    Anyway, very good oneshot. Perhaps I should try writing more oneshots myself.
     
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  5. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    Thanks, though I may possibly add more to this in the future, as the plot bunny is still lurking around in my brain.
     
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  6. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    If I did not have that "condition" I would not be alive and kicking to be honest. Fan fic writing always down with my nerves or need distraction.

    I liked your short story and the way your characterized Rey, Chewie and their "live burden" a lot. That hopefully teaches Kylo/ Benny-(Plot)-Bunny a lot about love. Plus the light side of the Force.
     
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  7. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    I'm sure it will.
     
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  8. gaarastar58

    gaarastar58 Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 19, 2010
    First off, I'll just echo what other people have said and recommend not posting a story (or a chapter of a longer story) before it's complete. Not only is it frustrating for readers who want to delve into a cool story (and it is a very cool story!) but it means they only ever see the first draft, before you have had some time to finish, mull things over for a while and edit the story before posting.

    That said, on with the review:

    It's solidly written and has a natural flow to it. You wrote the dialogue between the characters extremely well. Rey is so spunky in the film and that definitely comes across here in the way she talks to both Chewie and Kylo ("Disintegrating planet. Fly now, gripe later"). The only time her dialogue strays of piste is during her ""Why? As in, 'why did I save your miserable arse?'" speech. Her dialogue is always snappy and to the point, whereas this feels a bit baggy to me and could certainly do with an edit.

    I loved loved loved Kylo's observation about her "mourning a man she hardly knew". It is such a great statement, and totally in character for him, and Rey's response is also perfect. A great way of demonstrating the parallel themes between the two characters.

    I thought the twist was great. The idea that it was Han himself that activated the lightsaber is one that had never occurred to me before, but it is just such a fabulous idea to change the whole meaning of that scene. This, however, is where I think the story could have benefited from editing and possibly a re-write. While I love the idea of Han sacrificing himself, I'm not at all convinced by Rey's response that he did it because he "loved" Ben. Eh? What? Here we need to consider what Han's intention was. Did he want to push Ben towards the dark side or the light? How did sacrificing himself help Ben? And, most importantly: what does the sacrifice mean to Ben, and how does it affect him as a person? I think this scene could have used a little more depth and explanation, because it's too cool to let it go to waste.

    The final moment of the story is just lovely, with Rey sitting there holding Ben (and he's definitely "Ben" here and not "Kylo") and forgiving him. So very Jedi of her, and re-enforces the idea that he is just a lost kid trying to figure himself out. You almost don't need Chewie appearing in the last line, because he adds a slightly different dynamic to the scene and tugs the reader away from where the focus should be: on Rey forgiving Kylo.

    At the end of the day these are just my opinions. Feel free to agree/disagree as you like and I'd love to discuss any of my comments further if you want. Despite some aspects of the narrative which I felt could be improved, this was a really fun story to read, so I hope the Plot Bunny Strikes Back and we get to see more soon!
     
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  9. Ridley Solo

    Ridley Solo Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Nicely done. :) Now write the sequel where Leia gets to reunite with her son!
     
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  10. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    Thank you for the comments. I really appreciate getting thoughtful feedback from my readers.

    I am actually working on that. I may even get around to posting it eventually.
     
  11. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Ha, I knew that story, Cowgirl Jedi 1701! And I thought when reading it. What a jolly good writer. Mixes drama, fun and action in a breath-sucking way. I better follow this one around, even though having little time at hand for that. But I must, must, must...
     
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  12. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    I guess I'll have to get writing then...... :D
     
  13. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Of course you have to! When you happen to have time to do so!
     
  14. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    This is a nice little twist on the evacuation of Starkiller Base. I rather thought the way they did it in the movie was a bit deux ex machina - you'd think they'd just leave Kylo there to die (Ain't no lie, baby bye bye bye! :p ). So the idea of Rey coming back to save him makes much more sense. She's doing it out of a sense of duty to Leia, not for him.

    It's interesting when you think that Rey doesn't have a family, and yet how quickly she attached herself to the Solos. She definitely sees Han as a father figure, she's like a daughter to Leia. She understands why Han, as a father, would literally give his life to his son if he thought it could help him. And here she's like a sister to Ben/Kylo. That's why this doesn't read as Reylo to me at all but rather as a friend or family member. I do agree with gaarastar58 that this scene where Rey? Ben? figures out that Han deliberately ran himself through with the lightsaber could use an edit; it's unclear why Han would deliberately do this. Han had been trying to get Ben to come home with him at the time it happened, so what triggered Han's turnaround from "Hey let's go home, I'll buy you an ice cream on the way back" to "Here, impale me"? Would Ben have been punished (tortured) if he hadn't followed through and Han did it to save his son from that eventuality? Would it have helped Ben to stay alive by making him look stronger than he actually was?

    Also, did Rey know how to speak Shyriiwook in the movie? I don't remember.

    Overall, a really good insight into the character of Rey - not just who she is as a fictional person but the values and the moral code that she lives by.
     
  15. DARTH_MU

    DARTH_MU Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2005
    Oh Han.

    I guess he was just so depressed.

    Well, he got his son back at least, back to Leia.

    Well done.
     
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  16. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Beautiful, Cowgirl Jedi 1701. I noticed the name change from Kylo to Ben at the end there. Insightful characterizations. =D=
     
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