Saga A Promise of Heaven -humour, Sue-Parody fic; Obi-Wan -Final Chapter posted on June 18

GeneralKenobi7: Thank you! Glad I am, that liked my Yoda you did.
Valairy_Scot: Thanks! I think that Ahsoka will realize, at one point or another, that her clothing choices are slightly unreasonable -more so in some situations than in others, of course...
Gkilkenny: I think Yoda is just stuck with 900 years of experience and no one who understands what things were like in the good ol' days, so naturally, he needs to take the stress out on someone. Thanks for commenting!

---

Obi-Wan was not comfortable where he was, despite what an outsider would have thought. It would have been simple to assume that, because he was lying back on a couch, he was in a position that was both mentally and physically pleasing to him. However, such a statement would have been most inaccurate, given that the general mood of the ship was about as comfortable as that Council Session when Master Windu had been mistaken for the Sith Lord.

To say that the atmosphere of the ship was tense was like saying that Rhiannon?s hair was black: an accurate statement, perhaps, but it simply didn?t do the reality of the matter justice. Indeed, it was ?tense? in the single room, but more than that, it was like watching two Wookiees play dejarik. It was like waiting to see who would inevitably fall off of their floating pod in the middle of a Senate session. It was like standing next to Qui-Gon in the middle of a Council meeting, waiting for the moment when his Master would explain how whatever predicament they had been in had been Obi-Wan?s fault.

No, despite the casual positions, this was a most deep situation. Anticipation, along with mold of some sort, was practically dripping off of the walls. Who would snap first? Would it be Ahsoka, the peppy-on-the-outside, dark-at-risk on the inside young Padawan, going out to reclaim her glory as being the best of the best among Padawans from Rhiannon?

Or would it be Anakin, who wasn't nearly as at-risk for going to the Dark Side as his apprentice, but who could certainly be a bit impatient at times? Who it was that he snapped at would be debatable (Anakin seemed to hate almost everybody, except for Padmé. Rhiannon was probably exempt from that as well; Obi-Wan couldn't imagine anyone hating her, but it was hard to tell with Anakin) but that it would probably happen was not. Probably.

Or, Obi-Wan realized, would it be the Jedi Master who had started talking to himself and imagining which one of his companions was most likely to go mad and break the silence?

Well. All cynicism aside, he was perfectly sane. In fact, of the four people on the ship only Rhiannon was possibly able to rival him for sanity, and that was just because she was Rhiannon: He had a feeling that if she put her mind to it she could accomplish anything, just like the old lie that most Masters told their Padawans, except it was actually true in this case. Within the first hour of their two-and-a-half day journey, she had beaten Ahsoka in two dozen staring contests. By the second, that number had increased to five dozen. By now, in their fourth hour, nobody cared.

"We should play a game," announced Anakin suddenly, thus ruining a perfectly good far-beyond-awkward silence, and bringing the tension to an oddly anti-climatic halt.

?Anakin, we have fifty-six hours left. Let?s not make them more painful than they have to be.? And that number was pretty high up on the pain scale as it was, to the point where even Obi-Wan (who had been put through more angsty and pain-inducing things than could possibly be imagined) was wincing.

?We could play games on my Y-Touch. Oh, wait. I don?t have a Y-Touch because my Master doesn?t love me. See what happens, Master? Now we have to deal with fifty-six hours of having nothing to do. Thanks.? Ahsoka glared for several seconds following the outburst, and then returned to the pit of silence that she was wallowing in.

Anakin, however, had the current air of a man who had just had such a fantastic idea that nothing short of a beautiful woman that he k

 

Oh NIICCEEEEEE an update!

Anakin - you're awfully, um, dense, in your choices.

 

Very creative, Anakin I wonder what Padme would say about that...
Time will be passing very slowly for Obi-Wan, I think

 

Valairy_Scot: Anakin, Anakin, subtly is not thy name... Thanks for reviewing!
GeneralKenobi7: Somehow, I don't thin she'd be too happy. Thank you for commenting!
Note: I just had to throw in the card game joke there... thanks to Jedi Ani Unduli for suggesting it!

---

Peace, quiet and serenity surrounded Obi-Wan. A gentle breeze stroked at his back, ruffled his sexy ginger hair. Nobody existed in this paradise, brought on by about forty hours of meditation. Nobody but-

"Master? I have good news and bad news.?

"Anakin, I'm trying to meditate."

"And I'm trying to hold a conversation with you, but apparently neither one of us is accomplishing our tasks too well. See, we just came out of hyperspace. That's the good news."

"That's the obvious news." He had felt the ship jerk when they had stopped speeding at a practically illegal pace and come back to reality, although he had pretended that it was just a tiny groundquake, wiping out the last of civilization on the planet his meditations had brought him to.

?The bad news is that the engine is on fire. We?re about to break atmosphere now, but I don?t know if our landing will be very soft. Your Padawan is navigating it now. She?s not doing as good a job as I would be.?

Obi-Wan doubted the last statement, seeing as he hadn?t even realized they were in trouble. The smoky smell that he supposed must be the engines was undistinguishable from the odorous residue left by cooking experiment that had taken place sometime in the thirtieth hour, while the ride hadn?t been rough since they had left hyperspace. Rhiannon?s talents were clearly a far cry from Anakin?s ?while he was talented at keeping them up in the air, he also had the ability to hit a pothole in midflight, something Obi-Wan had never encountered before.

He finally opened his eyes and started by asking the most reasonable question. "Is the fire under control?"

"Not really. I think Ahsoka is stopping it from spreading, but I can't seem to extinguish it. The engine will probably stop working soon. Actually, make that the whole ship." As if on cue from some great, invisible director, the lights went out. ?Well, would you look at that! My visions are getting more accurate.?

Obi-Wan sighed and stood up. Was it so implausible that he actually get forty hours or so of peace and quiet while around him card games made for thinly-disguised wars, and Anakin wrote bad poetry? It wasn?t like he was asking for much. ?I take it you aren?t going to take care of this.?

Anakin gave him a pitying look. ?Have I ever completed an important task assigned to me? Without starting a war, I mean.?

?Point taken.? He really had failed in teaching Anakin the fine art of Getting Something Done, although he supposed it could be worse (after all, if his Padawan hadn?t gone to the Dark Side, then he was definitely doing something right!). With any luck, he would be able to instill a halfway decent work ethic into Rhiannon ?although really, it was quite possible that she already had one. ?I?ll go check in on Rhiannon, and then go help Ahsoka attempt to put out the fire. You stand there and try not to harm anything, all right??

?I?ll do my best, but I can?t promise anything.? His former Padawan pressed back against the wall, making room for Obi-Wan to squeeze by out of the cramped ?fresher. ?Oh, and I know that the journey is practically over now, but can we use the ?fresher again??

?I guess so.? Usurping the tiny closet-like space that was supposed to be a room really hadn?t been something that would normally give the Jedi Master joy, but it was the only room besides the main room, and it was difficult to get the silence that one needed for meditation when one was surrounded by roommates who pretended to like each other and be best friends who would gladly lend a should out for a cheap price when you were sad, but who really wanted nothing more than to see you cry and then post photos of it on certain social networks that were scattered across the HoloNets.

Not that Obi-Wan had any experience whi

 

Rhiannon?s talents were clearly a far cry from Anakin?s ?while he was talented at keeping them up in the air, he also had the ability to hit a pothole in midflight, something Obi-Wan had never encountered before.

<admiringly> That's SOME Talent, there - Anakin, I mean. Potholes in midflight - I thought you were going to go for smooth flight and rough landings.



Man, I love Obi in this chapter (but you teased us with the sculptured abs ) - and at least Anakin has learned some of his limitations.

Anakin gave him a pitying look. ?Have I ever completed an important task assigned to me? Without starting a war, I mean.?

 

A gentle breeze stroked at his back, ruffled his sexy ginger hair.

Obi-Wan?s first instinct was to strip off his shirt and reveal his masterfully sculpted abs to the world as he wrapped it around his face to help filter out the smoke, but seeing how Rhiannon braved the terror without looking anywhere near undignified gave him strength.

Can I just sit here and imagine that sexy thing.

 

Valairy_Scot: Anakin's many talents should not be underestimated. Thanks for reviewing!
Gkilkenny: Sure! No problem.

---

Before Obi-Wan was given the chance to finish his sentence, there was the comfortingly familiar sound of something exploding, with the clatter of metal against metal, making him wonder if he wasn?t back as a Padawan, with Qui-Gon trying one of his louder cooking experiments.

But alas, the smell here (while being equally unfortunate) was not that of burning sugar, molasses, and tomatoes. This one was the smell of metal and fire, and metal on fire. Actually, the scent was rather like the one that persisted to linger around Anakin's old chambers, despite his best efforts to scrub the place clean.

It also occurred to him that they were falling. Or perhaps dropping was a better term -falling brought to mind that there had been some sort of solid ground beneath them at a previous point, and that certainly wasn't true.

Although it was, perhaps, a bit too late to do any good, he had a bad feeling about this.

At the very least, he supposed he should be singing gleeful praises to the Force that he didn?t feel anything when the ship hit the planet?s surface. Far be it from his place to speculate, but that probably would have increased the bad feeling a slight bit.


***

Obi-Wan was in the middle of a sunshine-filled field. The air was as warm and soft as a baby?s breath, the sunshine as delicate as strands of gold spun into silk by angels? hands. Flowers surrounded him like the tiny pieces of a rainbow fallen to the ground, giving off a light, delicate scent like the perfume Rhiannon seemed to naturally exude.

It was so peaceful, free of Anakin, free of responsibilities, free of rising fuel prices, free of-

?Master? I think the engine exploded.?

-voices, free of distractions-

?Master! Let me pass by, Ahsoka. I was trained in both contemporary medicine and natural remedies by the most skilled Jedi healers. I was begged by Master Che to take on her role as head Healer after I figured out how to perform foolproof surgery on fractured vertebrae without even needing anesthesia to be administered. My presence was of so much comfort to the men and women that I was performing my art on that they were able to transcend such inconveniences as physical pain. Alas-?
"Your speech has even less of a point than the Chancellor's annual address, Moony."


"And your crude insults have even less creativity than the solutions presented within those speeches, but that isn't relevant. The important information that I was in the process of presenting to you was that my skills are far greater than yours when it comes to most things, healing included. Now get out of the way and let me tend to my Master!"


"Force, you're pushy." Ahsoka gave a huff, but apparently Rhiannon's ability to make a person see that they should best obey such a sensible request (or demand, but really, Rhiannon seemed far too gentle to demand) worked even on Ahsoka, because Obi-Wan also heard a soft shuffling as she moved out of the way.


"Thank you. Now, if you wish to delude yourself by imagining that you?re useful, why don?t you go and check on your own Master? You have such an art for speaking to Anakin in his own, bitter, angry language.?

?Good idea. Anakin! Are you okay??

A low moaning sound that Obi-Wan tried to pass off as the temperate breeze gently tearing down ancient branches from trees that really were too old to be allowed to remain undisturbed rose from somewhere in the ship. ?I think I stopped the bleeding.?

?Good. See, Rhiannon? He?s fine.?

?Wonderful diagnosis. Truly, your training has surpassed mine, and your kind, compassionate streak is almost overwhelming.? Something that he was reasonably certain was a hand touched his forehead, light and delicate like a butterfly touching down. ?Master Kenobi? Master Kenobi, can you heal me??

He wanted so much to stay in the well-lit field, surrounded by plenty of small, fluffy animals in case he got hungry, and water made crystalline by the bright sunshine

 

Obi-Wan was in the middle of a sunshine-filled field. The air was as warm and soft as a baby?s breath, the sunshine as delicate as strands of gold spun into silk by angels? hands. Flowers surrounded him like the tiny pieces of a rainbow fallen to the ground, giving off a light, delicate scent like the perfume Rhiannon seemed to naturally exude.

It was so peaceful, free of Anakin, free of responsibilities, free of rising fuel prices, free of-

?Master? I think the engine exploded.?

-voices, free of distractions-

Oh, that sounds like a good afterlife - but alas, it's only a temporary time out.

Qui-Gon?s rule of SPAM: Speech came first when one was waking up from a coma, then some minor Pain, then some Annoying pain, and lastly, the Major pain.

Oh, excellent, AS USUAL!

 

Oh God, SPAM really cracked me up!! That's so hilarious

 

Valairy_Scot: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it.
GeneralKenobi7: Thanks for commenting! Qui-Gon was, I think, very big on SPAM.

---

Obi-Wan struggled to place one foot in front of the other as snow whirled around him in gusts more furious than Anakin had been that time when he had commented that Padmé really was quite a pretty woman. His feet crunched into the deep snow, making impressively large tracks, made all the more stunning by how quickly they were filled.

Pain pulsed like a drummer whose arms had long since cramped up, and who was only playing based on the episodic twitches of his or her hands, stabbing in his leg and his chest. He grimaced; why did he always suffer so? His Master had never cared about him; the one Padawan he had fully raised was self-involved and uncaring, and?

Suddenly, he realized he was starting to angst, which was never a good sign because it was usually followed by an outburst of Manly Tears, which would probably freeze on his face, thus making the situation much worse. To distract himself, he focused on his companions as they traveled ahead of him, their youthful strength far surpassing his elderly weakness.

Rhiannon was closest to him. Her hair, still perfectly in place, shone against the snow; a raven beacon that let him know exactly where she was. Ahsoka, her skin like a lackluster tomato, was ahead of Rhiannon, leading by several paces. Anakin was somewhere. You could never really tell where he was, which probably explained the stealth missions that the Council always sent him on, and why he always won at hide-and-seek.

Rhiannon shouted something in her bell-like tones, although above the howling wind, which sounded as though its hand had just been severed by a lightsaber, he couldn?t be sure exactly what it was. ?What was that, Padawan??

She dropped back to stand beside him, a pale figure that would have easily disappeared into the snow, if it weren?t for her violet eyes and midnight hair. ?There?s a cave up ahead. I managed to find it by sending out waves through the Force, and seeing where they led me, although Padawan Tano's insistence on going only where she wanted to go made it a bit difficult. Should we head out in that direction??

?Well, that direction is as good as any.? Besides up, which was probably the best way to go at the moment, but since their ship was nothing more than a mass of twisted metal and dying hope, they wouldn?t be going that way anytime soon. ?Lead the way.?

?As you wish.? She turned in a spin so graceful that it was a shame that it wasn?t recorded and used as training videos for all of the dancers and ice-skaters across the galaxy. ?Ahsoka! Master Kenobi says to head for the cave that I discovered.?

?Master Obi said he?s got our backs covered??

?No!? Rhiannon raised her voice, still as clear and pure as an unpolluted stream beneath the gentle rays of a summer sun, but making it to be as bold as an ocean whose tides were pushing forwards against unsuspecting beachgoers. ?Go to the cave!?

?Go to it yourself!?

?Oh, for my sake!? Rhiannon danced lightly over the mounds of snow to degrade herself by standing next to the lesser being. ?Master Kenobi has given the command to go into the cave that I discovered.?

Obi-Wan couldn?t be sure what Ahsoka?s reply was, since the wind was louder even than the sound of the eternal burning agony that had been in his heart ever since the death of the man he had regarded as a father. However, if he had to guess, he would have assumed that she snapped back, ?Well, why didn?t you say so in the first place??

Rhiannon, he noted, didn?t demean herself by responding to such foolishness. Instead, she persevered on through the blizzard, the epitome of strength in difficult times, until her midnight locks suddenly disappeared into what Obi-Wan had been assuming was a solid boundary.

In its muddled state, the first thought to cross his mind was that he wasn?t surprised that a Padawan of her skill could pass through walls. The second thought was that it was actually not a wall at all, but

 

As usual, quite excellent and far too many goodies to quote. Hmm, think you could get Earlybird to show us those abs in a sketch?

 

I don't know the Padawan's seem rather annoying, I must congratulate Obi-Wan on his strength in staying calm around them all.

Very nice.

 

Yep, Anakin is exceedingly good at killing thingsWhatever they may be...

Excellent and funny chapter as always!

 

Valairy_Scot: Thanks for commenting! I suppose I could ask...
Gkilkenny: But of course! Obi-Wan is a wonderful man, but he has flaws. Rhiannon's perfection must seem rather annoying in comparison.

That's all I've got. Thanks for responding!

GeneralKenobi7: Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Anakin is... multi-talented, certainly.

---

?So, should we rush into this without a plan, or figure out what we?re doing first?? Anakin tapped the fingers of his robotic hand against the floor. The sound echoed with a ringing like metal on metal, which, mused Obi-Wan, made perfect sense, given that the floor probably was metal. Or perhaps durasteel. He wasn?t really sure what the Separatists were using these days to construct droid factories in the hearts of mountains on Hoth. As far as he was aware, no study or survey had ever been done on that particular topic, which really was a shame. The lack of funding for such things was a growing issue, and if they ever made it back to Coruscant, he would suggest that Anakin bring it up. He wasn?t sure how he did it, but his onetime Padawan had a way of getting whatever he wanted, at least as far as the Senate was concerned.

?Personally,? continued Anakin, ?I like the second option much more. Then at least if it fails, we can blame it on our lack of a plan. We?ll look incompetent if we make a plan and still screw up.?

?I want to sleep. Seriously, why can?t we sleep?? Ahsoka looked irritated. ?If I die, I want to die happily and quietly in my sleep because I?m frozen. Then, years later after civilization has fallen, rebels will discover my frozen body and cryogenically work to restore me. Ergo, my death will have been both peaceful and temporary, and I?m not really sure why you keep opposing it!?

?Ahsoka, nobody is going to die while we?re here. I don?t care how peacefully you would go, you are going to die somewhere else, is that clear?? If anybody was going to die, it would be him, Force curse it, and he wasn?t even going to give the Separatists the pleasure of dealing the final blow! No, he would probably just curl up and go to sleep when all this was done, which didn?t exactly make his words to Ahsoka meaningful. However, it wouldn?t be necessary for her to ever know that he was being slightly hypocritical, unless he actually did go to sleep and never wake up. And even if he did, it wasn?t as though he?d have to deal with the consequences of her finding out.

?Master, I?ve been thinking, and I?ve found a potential way to destroy the droid factory.? Rhiannon?s voice gave welcome warmth to the cave, like a sweet spring breeze blowing in through Hoth?s frigid summer air. ?It?s very risky, though.?

?Did anyone ever wonder if maybe I?m getting tired of always doing things the risky way? Maybe I?m getting sick of it. Maybe I have a wife I want to return safely to. Why doesn?t anybody ever consider these things?? It was hard to tell if Anakin?s questions were genuine or rhetoric. Actually, it was quite plausible that even he didn?t know, and that the only reason he had for speaking was to hear the sound of his own voice.

However, Qui-Gon had instilled in him that it was always better to be speaking than to be silent, unless you were at a funeral, and occasionally even then. For a man of few words, Qui-Gon had possessed remarkable wisdom. ?No. You?re getting sicker from your disgusting dietary habits and lifestyle than you are from taking risks, and the only time that you seem awake is when you?re doing something so blatantly foolish that even a droid without a self-preservation function wouldn?t attempt it. You certainly aren?t getting tired. And since you aren?t married, your last two sentences are more or less void.?

?All very logical points.? Anakin nodded, in a show of acknowledgment that was remarkably polite for him. ?Regardless, I disagree and think you?re being insensitive by not considering that some people might not want to take whatever risk Rhiannon is going to suggest.?

Obi-Wan chose to ignore him, following a different part of Qui-Gon

 

?Anakin, next time-? oh, Force; was there going to be a next time? He didn?t want to be pessimistic, but if they got out of here mostly alive, that was painfully possible ?-could you please mention the forthcoming troops of droids sooner? I know you like to improvise when stuck in a life-or-death situation, but I prefer to at least know that one is coming.?

?Yeah, and I prefer not to have my spontaneous artistic integrity compromised. I?m not promising anything

Oh, dear, what has Anakin led them into this time? And what Rhiannon save them from?

 

Anakin was classic in this chapter, really! And all the planning only to be seen by droids and jump into the fray unprepared as always

For some funny reason I really laughed at the description of Anakin's lightsaber sprouting like a tree on hormones

 

Valairy_Scot: We'll just have to wait and see what the full consequences of Anakin's foolishness are... thanks for commenting!
GeneralKenobi7: That was one of my favorite bits to write. Thanks!

We're on the homestretch of this fic...

---

Passing through the shield wasn?t exactly fun, but given all that he had been through, Obi-Wan couldn?t exactly bring himself to go up to the Temple?s mysterious thirteenth floor, where the Complaint Department was supposedly located. Or at least, that was where it was according to Qui-Gon, and he would know, given the number of times he must have journeyed there.

All he felt was a short, electrical sensation, akin to the time he?d turned on his lightsaber while it was still plugged in and recharging, and all things considered, it wasn?t that unpleasant. Not really.

The fall that followed, however, was. There was apparently quite a drop from where the ledge ended to the floor of the factory, and he recalled the brief, insignificant detail that all of the guards that Anakin and Rhiannon had destroyed had been hover droids.

The landing was even more unpleasant that the fall. Of course, the Force, like the kind, giving, parental figure that it was softened it, but like many parental figures it apparently didn?t want him to be getting off too lightly for idiotically agreeing to go along in the mission in the first place. Or for not harassing Yoda until he was sent on the mission instead of the qualm-filled quartet, because in all technicalities, Obi-Wan wasn?t sure that he?d ever agreed to go here.

Anyhow, the Force was kind enough to reduce the pressure on his knees as he landed standing up on the hard, possibly stone ground. Rather than shattering both of his kneecaps as he landed on them, or even shattering one (indeed, the Force was in a generous mood today!) he merely bruised both of them as his momentum carried him forward, and he collapsed in a heap.

He then, of course, did the logical thing and stood up from the heap, and then got a blaster shoved into his chest by a droid.

"State your rank and your purpose, or be executed immediately." As severe as the words were, the droid sounded rather droll. That was odd, especially when that this was probably the most exciting thing that had ever happened to it was factored in. To Obi-Wan?s knowledge, Jedi spies rarely fell into droid factories. One would think that it would have more of a reaction, all things considered.

Then again, perhaps droids just weren?t excitable. Some things were like that. Anakin, for instance: they had only done this whole ?go blow up a droid factory? thing once before, and while Obi-Wan hadn?t actually been there, he imagined that his Padawan had reacted with some sort of emotion to the new situation. Now, though, he seemed very comfortable.

?We?re surrounded,? he informed Obi-Wan, in a matter-of-fact tone, one with far less emotion than even the one that he used when discussing the moisture levels in the air. ?And, I don?t think the droids are very happy.?

?They seem rather apathetic. That?s far different from being unhappy.? ?Apathetic? was how he had always got when Qui-Gon had told him about all of his shortcomings. ?Unhappy? happened when he had to admit to Anakin that he was wrong. He wasn?t unhappy too often.

?The core reactor is in the very center of the mountain. That?s why it?s called the ?core reactor,? because it?s in the core.? Ahsoka stood next to her Master. ?Apparently, the center is right there.? She jerked her chin forward, indicating a point in the not-so-distant distance: it would take Anakin, in a speeder, about a minute to get there, which meant that whilst running as fast as they possibly could, they would arrive in about three minutes.

?Prisoners: identified.? Apparently, they weren?t worth getting excited over. Obi-Wan was more offended than he should have been at that realization. ?Status: to be executed on the spot.?

In the few seconds that the droids were processing this latest development, Obi-Wan was making several more obse

 

An update!

And who shall the sacrifice be? Rhiannon, of course, for only she might survive - her Mary Sue'ism should see to that, right?

 

Awesome fic, TheMacUnleashed! I wish I'd found this story earlier on...

I really loved the humour in this story. You managed to capture the bratty (Obi-headache) side of Ahsoka and Anakin without making them seem too annoying. The Mary-Sue parody was really well done, though, strangely enough, what I liked best about it was the way you subtly showed that Rhiannon too has flaws - she's really full of herself, isn't she? Poor Obi-Wan, saddled with one "perfect" Padawan and two imperfect tagalongs - are you sure this story doesn't require an "Obi-torture" warning?

Definitely agree with Valairy that it would be a good idea for Rhiannon to sacrifice herself, for the sake of Obi-Wan's sanity.

Would you please put me on your PM list? Thanks!

 

No, Obi-Wan is definitely not unhappy too often...

I think that qualifies as cliffhanger! /though I currently have problems trying to decide who is the most annoying and should die - probably Anakin)

 

Valairy_Scot: We'll just have to wait and see... Thanks for commenting!

Valiowk: Thank you! I'm doing my best to show Rhiannon's flaws in the subtlest way possible -she's too perfect for anyone besides the reader to see them, so I'm glad that they're showing through.

You're on the list!

GeneralKenobi7: Cliffhangers are even more irritating than Sues at times, aren't they? Sorry. Thanks for replying!

---

A silence fell within the pearly bubble following Obi-Wan?s macabre prediction. It was heavier than the burden that Obi-Wan bore each day, trying to live up to the high expectations that were set for him, but thankfully, it was also quicker than Anakin?s stint as an assistant to the Chancellor. That had taken place when he was a teenager, and had come to an abrupt end in its second hour, when Anakin had attempted to sway all decisions made to Naboo?s favor, while being unaware that his words were being broadcast from Ryloth to Malastare.

?Well, I?m always up for a good, noble self-sacrifice, but I?m going to have to sit this one out.? Anakin shrugged, looking apologetic. ?Blame destiny, not me. I have to bring balance to the Force. Dying would sort of interfere with that.?

?More people are killed each year in speeder accidents than by nobly giving up their lives for their companions? sakes, but that hasn?t stopped you from treating the skies of Coruscant-? or Elliad, or Adin, or that one planet where the citizens had never seen flying vehicles of that size before, and had taken Anakin?s back-flips and corkscrews as a sign of the forthcoming Armageddon ?-as your personal pod-racing track.?

?And what statistics have you to back that up??

?Touché.? Obi-Wan glared, but he was forced to concede; off the top of his head, he couldn?t actually recall seeing the two figures ever being compared. That was one more thing he?d have to investigate, if he made it off the snowball alive.

?I?m too young to die. Sorry.? If anyone else had said that, it would have been a statement most un-Jedi-like, bordering on arrogant and being overly attached to life. However, Ahsoka could get away with saying it, simply because?

Actually, now that he thought it over, there really wasn?t a good reason for her to go undisciplined for that statement; he simply wasn?t in the mood for doling out punishment, and quite honestly, now was neither the time nor the place for a long lecture about how it was wrong to love and cherish life. ?Of course. Well, I guess that means?? he took a deep breath as he stared into the depths of inevitability, a feeling that was not unlike the one that came as he prepared to enter the crèche to fulfill his mandatory Temple Service Hours, ??there?s only one person left-?

?I am prepared, Master.? Rhiannon?s voice was as gentle as the shimmering shield that she was maintaining for their sake, but beneath that kind, innocent exterior was a resolve harder than the unpadded durasteel floors of the sparring rooms. ?I have long since accepted that the only suitable death for me would be for me to sacrifice myself for the sake of other beings, as lesser as they might be.?

?What? Oh, no!? The very idea was unthinkable! Rhiannon was his apprentice, his legacy (for a brief moment Obi-Wan thought of his first Padawan, slightly guilty, but Anakin had paid so little attention to all of his teachings that anything he achieved would certainly be of his own doing, and Obi-Wan wasn?t going to falsely take the credit, or the blame). He wasn?t exactly sure if they had a bond going, and it wasn?t like he had actually taught her anything yet, but it was the endless possibilities of the future that kept him going. ?I will not let you die. The sacrifice is mine to make.?

?No!? She drew up her perfectly-sculpted chin in a blatant show of defiance, but it was defiance out of noble means, so of course, it needn?t be punished. ?You are the only thing binding together the four of us. Without you, none of us will ever get off of this icy Hell. If your continued presence requires me to join t

 

So much wonderfullness (I'm declaring that a word) that I would end up quoting it all.

?Of course. Well, I guess that means?? he took a deep breath as he stared into the depths of inevitability, a feeling that was not unlike the one that came as he prepared to enter the crèche to fulfill his mandatory Temple Service Hours, ??there?s only one person left-?

?

What? Oh, no!? The very idea was unthinkable! Rhiannon was his apprentice, his legacy (for a brief moment Obi-Wan thought of his first Padawan, slightly guilty, but Anakin had paid so little attention to all of his teachings that anything he achieved would certainly be of his own doing, and Obi-Wan wasn?t going to falsely take the credit, or the blame). He wasn?t exactly sure if they had a bond going, and it wasn?t like he had actually taught her anything yet, but it was the endless possibilities of the future that kept him going. ?I will not let you die. The sacrifice is mine to make.?

 

OMG! If you think of the content of this chapter it really should be heartbreaking, but somehow I can't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of it all...

 

Definitely agree with GeneralKenobi that the content of this chapter should be heartbreaking, but I just found myself laughing uncontrollably the whole way. Perhaps it's because we readers have the good feeling that none of our favourite characters are going to have to sacrifice themselves along the way? (That should be a pretty telling statement about who our favourite characters are. )

Like Valairy, I would definitely end up quoting the entire story if I were to quote every single instance that had me laughing uncontrollably. Here are some of my favourites:

 

Valairy_Scot: Of course wonderfullness is a word! After all, what else does Rhiannon embody? Thanks for commenting!

GeneralKenobi7: Rhiannon's death is the greatest tragedy that the galaxy has ever known, but your laughter means that I'm doing something correctly, so in all, I'm humbled by your words! Thanks for reading.

Valiowk: I'm glad that you've been enjoying it! Thank you so much for reviewing!

And, with this chapter, I conclude the story. Thanks to everyone who read, and to everyone who left a review!

---

[i]Obi-Wan was standing in a field that was a thousand times more beautiful than the one he had envisioned in his meditations so very long ago. It was like he had been thinking of Anakin as powerful and had seen Rhiannon for the first time: the standards were raised to a point so high that the first normality could hardly even be considered 'not bad' anymore.

His feet were placed upon a carpet of grass far greener than the other meadow; his lungs were breathing air so clean that it was as if it had just been bathed and scrubbed with rose-scented soaps. Flowers sparkled beneath a golden firmament, twinkling beneath a haze of multi-colored lights, flashing off of some great, invisible disco ball.

In the center of it all stood Rhiannon. She was clothed in a long gown that seemed to be woven of moonlight, with threads that were silver when they weren't reflecting the colorful swirls of light. Flowers had been braided into tresses that were darker than the darkest length of velvet and smoother than the smoothest silk. Her locks fell well past her shoulders, where butterflies were sitting, drawn in by her beauty and grace.

She had been standing with her back to Obi-Wan when he first entered the tiny bit of paradise, but she turned as he came to a halt in the center of the tree-surrounded clearing. Her skin sparkled, sunlight,
moonlight, starlight, or whatever it was catching on the tiny diamonds that were inlaid beneath transparent skin.

"Oh, Padawan," he whispered, and his voice sounded like he must have looked: far too clumsy and mortal to belong in such an ethereal place. "Padawan, I'm so sorry. I never wished for this to happen..."

She smiled at him, sad and gentle and forgiving all at once, which was really very expressive for something that had universally come to symbolize happiness. "Master, the Force works in ways that no mortal can ever understand. My death wasn?t your fault. Certainly, you could have worked harder to prevent it, but all paths would have eventually led to the same destination.?

?Here?? he asked, looking around. His awe shone through his tone, as well-hidden as a Sith?s lightsaber in the middle of a duel in the Temple. ?Is this where we come when we join the Force??

?The lucky ones come,? she replied, wearing another kind smile. ?But all mortals are inherently unlucky, and you need to leave now, Master Kenobi.?

?No,? he whispered. ?Not back there? I don?t want to have to deal with all of that again ?with the war, with the Senate, with Anakin??

?You?ll come back here one day,? whispered Rhiannon, and Obi-Wan understood that it was a promise that would she would never dare to break, just as her hair would never dare to break apart and lower itself into the land of split ends. ?And before you go, there is one more thing??

?What?? The light had begun to change from a gentle polychrome haze to one that bordered on psychedelic, and Obi-Wan understood that time was of the essence now.

?I?ve met your Master here. Qui-Gon Jinn. He says to tell you that he realizes now that you weren?t as big a failure as he thought you were, and to quit your angsting and do something productive.?

A great lightness overtook Obi-Wan, and it wasn?t because the strobe was giving him a headache. In a few words, his late Padawan had managed to completely absolve him of all of the guilt that he had been carrying. It was a gift far greater than any ?World?s #1 Master? mug that he had ever received from Anakin, and he realized that t