main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga - OT A Rogue by Any Other Name (Humor, one-shot, complete)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Mistress_Renata, Feb 3, 2017.

  1. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Title: A Rogue by Any Other Name (humor, one shot)
    Era: Saga, shortly after the Battle of Yavin
    Characters: Luke Skywalker, General Rieekan, and Rogue Squadron
    Genre: DEFINITELY humor, and absolutely AU!

    Based on a plot bunny from Gamiel and @Sith-I-5…blame them!

    * * *

    Luke Skywalker and Wedge Antilles came to attention and saluted. Rieekan acknowledged them, and cleared his throat. “I have good news,” he said. “Our success against the Death Star has attracted a generous benefactor, who is going to give the Alliance several million credits. But, um, there is one small catch…

    Rogue Squadron was gathered in the ready room, milling around in consternation. Luke Skywalker bounded in, followed by Wedge, who was more subdued. Luke placed a basket with fluffy pink tulle on the table and beamed at his pilots. “Hey, fellas,” he said. The Rogues were still stirred up, debating intensely with each other. “Okay, guys, let’s get the briefing started, I promise I’ll keep it short. Guys? Hey, c’mon, listen up.” This had no effect. He looked helplessly over at Wedge who was slouched beside him. Wedge cleared his throat.

    “Ten-SHUN!” The pilots immediately came to their places and stood to attention.

    Luke took a deep breath. “Okay, great, let’s get started.” He waited for them to take a seat. They didn’t move. “Um, you can sit down now.” They remained stiff, unmoving. He felt his cheeks growing warm. Sometimes, his lack of experience with military training showed too well. He looked at Wedge.

    “As you were,” said the young Corellian. “Take a seat.” They did, muttering among themselves and casting dark looks at Luke.

    “Okay, um, so…you’ve all got the new flight suits, I see, so that’s great,” he began.

    “Great?!” said Janson. “They’re PINK!” A low growl of agreement followed this. Luke winced. Sure enough, the new flightsuits worn by the pilots were pink. A vivid, vibrant shade of pink, evocative of ripening beebleberries, foggy sunrises and sunburned human skin.

    “Yes, right. Okay, um, the thing is…” Luke took a deep breath and glanced at Wedge, who remained standing, arms folded, and completely unhelpful. “Okay. The Rebel Alliance has a benefactor. They’ve donated several million credits to the cause. High Command was glad to get it; we had to leave a lot of supplies behind at Yavin, right? But, uh, there were a few strings attached.”

    “Pink!!” repeated Janson.

    “Yeah, uh, see, the benefactor was the Sani’s So Sweeti Cosmetics Company, and they wanted the Alliance to adopt their corporate colors, so…” He looked at Wedge again, who looked back and said nothing. “And in addition to the money, they’re supplying the whole fleet with their products! Like, uh…” He reached in the basket, rummaging through the fluffy lining…”Oh, here.” He read off the bottle. “Candy Sweet Body cleanser.” He scooped up another one. “Pinky Perfection Scale Moisturizer.” Hopefully, he looked at the Rogues. They were looking back with their arms crossed, unamused. “It’s not just us, you know,” he said. “It’s the whole fleet.” The Rebel pilots looked at each other uncertainly.

    “Everyone?” asked Dak. “Even the Pathfinders?”

    “Everyone!” Luke felt a little more confident.

    “What did they have to say about it?” asked another pilot. Luke thought for a minute. Joss. Her name was Joss.

    “Uh, well...” He sighed. “I really don’t know; I don’t speak that language.”

    The pilots looked at Wedge. “They took it pretty much the way you’d expect,” he said. The Rogues snickered.

    “Look on the bright side,” said Luke. “Seven million credits buys a lot of torpedoes. And pink is very visible. It’s a lot more attractive than orange.”

    “Easy for you to say,” grumbled Hobbie. “Redheads look horrible in pink.”

    “So do people with green skin,” said Tellis, the Rodian, by way of her translator module.

    Luke took a deep breath, reached into the Force, and waved his hand the same way he’d seen Ben do so many times before. “It will be fine,” he intoned. “Pink is considered a very aggressive color in some cultures…I’ve been told.” They looked at him in disbelief. He turned to Wedge again. “What do you think, Lieutenant?”

    “Our ships should be done by now,” said Wedge. The pilots sat up.

    “Our ships?!” demanded Dak. “They didn’t!” Wedge nodded. Before Luke could respond, the Rogues rushed through the door to the hangar, and stopped just inside, staring in horror.

    The X-wings were pink, a slightly lighter shade than that of their flight suits. On the nose and the tips of the wings were delicate swirls of white, looking like the lacy doilies used to package the Sani So Sweetie cosmetics. Hobbie whimpered.

    Luke tried the Force trick again. It had almost worked, almost… “Everything will be fine,” he intoned, waving his hand. “The flightsuits look great.” The Rogues turned to look at him.

    “Are you out of your mind?” said Janson. “The flightsuits are PINK!” Luke grimaced. The trick always worked when Ben did it. There must be something he was missing. The pilots were muttering, on the verge of a mutiny. Helplessly, he looked at Wedge.

    Wedge sighed, and stood up straighter, with his hands clasped at his back. “Gentlebeings,” he said, “Welcome to Rouge Squadron.”
     
  2. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Adorable! Love how poor Luke just doesn't have the experience to command yet and depends on Wedge to help him out. The idea that they have turned the fleet into lace and frills is pretty awesome. Go on, imperials-underestimate them. Laugh it up, fuzz ball. That pink torpedo is still gonna hurt when it slams into your deck.

    Very clever little story and awesome last line!
     
  3. Gamiel

    Gamiel Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2012
    I have to admit, that word play was actually the first thing that come up in my mind when I begun to read. Wonderful that you used it :D
     
  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    ARGH, ROUGE ANGLES OF SATIN ATTACK.

    *snort*

    Now, that was funny. And pink is unisex. Says who? Says I.
     
  5. Gamiel

    Gamiel Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2012
    That's not true, you only believe that because society tells you that.
     
    Findswoman and Ewok Poet like this.
  6. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Well, I personally believe that it depends on the shade of pink and the shade of red. It can work. But this particular pink, eeeeeee...no. ;)

    Anyway, just a silly fluff for everyone in February.
     
    Findswoman likes this.
  7. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Oh, this was fun! [face_laugh] I'm picturing a loud, flashy Pepto-Bismol-like shade of pink, the color of some really snazzy clouds at dawn, and I have to say, a better color could not have been selected for this bunch. The fluffy tulle is of course an added bonus—and I love how it's all for candy-sweet cosmetic product placement, of sorts! :D They'll get used to it with time—and they just have to remember what divapilot pointed out: those pink torpedoes can nevertheles still take down a good fraction of a Star Destroyer.

    I too love how at a loss poor Luke is about how to keep order among the squadron (the failed mind trick is especially priceless... hel-looo, dude, who do you think you are, Rey? :p ), and how Wedge has to step in with his impeccable no-nonsense soldier manner. Which doesn't preclude him, of course, being the one who gets to utter that absolutely perfect final pun! [face_love]

    Fun stuff, in true Renata fashion—thanks so much for sharing! =D=
     
    Gamiel and Ewok Poet like this.
  8. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    [face_rofl] I laughed so hard when I read this that my little niece, who was playing nearby, visibly thought that her auntie had gone mad.

    “Candy Sweet Body cleanser.” (!) “Pinky Perfection Scale Moisturizer.” (!!) “It’s not just us, you know, it’s the whole fleet.” (!!!) And the failed mind trick (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    This was amazing fun and a great way to start my day!
     
    Mistress_Renata and Gamiel like this.
  9. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Well, Ben did say it worked on the 'weak minded.' I don't think you could call any of our Rogues 'weak-minded,' so yeah...Luke will need something else to keep them in line. (Silly boy...he should have known better!)
     
    Chyntuck likes this.