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Saga A Short Time Ago, In A Neighbourhood Not Far Away (Dare Challenge response) Complete | Thanks all!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by bi0nic, May 18, 2006.

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  1. bi0nic

    bi0nic Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2006
    Title: A Short Time Ago, In A Neighbourhood Not Far Away
    Author: bi0nic
    Timeframe: ROTS
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Anakin, Artoo, Grievous (though not as you know them)
    Genre: AU, very AU. To illustrate just how AU this is, it might be worth pointing out that Artoo isn't even a droid, but a child.

    This was the dare I received: "In an alternate universe, the PT characters have all chosen to live very ordinary lives. Obi-Wan is a trashman. The best damn trashman ever. Write a story about one of his adventures."



    A Short Time Ago, In A Neighbourhood Not Far Away


    War! The Republican Waste Management Company is crumbling
    under continued strike action by the Journeymen's Excess Disposal
    Industrial Union, otherwise known as the JEDI Union. There are
    heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.

    In a stunning move, the fiendish strikebreaker, Gerald Grievous, has
    swept into the Company's headquarters and led a group of workers
    to begin trash collecting again, in defiance of the picket lines.

    As the replacement non-union employees attempt to flee the besieged
    workplace with their valuable paychecks, two JEDI trashmen lead a
    desperate mission to stop the scabs and restore honour to their
    beleaguered profession . . . .



    "Keep your eyes locked onto him, Artoo," Anakin ordered from the front passenger seat.

    "Uh huh," Artoo replied from the back, before going back to whistling and fiddling with his digital watch.

    It drove Obi-Wan up the wall sometimes, the kid's constant whistling of a tune and beeping of his watch. Whistling and beeping, whistling and beeping, that's all he ever seemed to do. I swear to God he's got a loose wire somewhere, Obi-Wan thought, bringing his foot gently off the clutch and steering them around the bend in the road ahead.

    "Gerald Grievous' car is directly ahead," Anakin announced, bobbing his head to get a better view through the fogged-up windshield and out into the darkened cityscape, the car's headlights and the flickering streetlamps providing the only relief from the blackened dead of night. "The one covered with Palpatine for School Board President bumper stickers."

    "Oh, I see it. Oh, this is going to be easy."

    "Relax Obi. This is where the fun begins." That tell-tale smirk that he knew so well spread across Anakin's face and Obi-Wan knew that soon he was going to regret having agreed to this assignment.

    The road was slick with ice from the recent frost and Obi-Wan was having a difficult time keeping control of the car. They were barely going faster than walking pace, but even so, the slightest of turns threatened to send the car into a skid and begin sliding off towards the kerb. That momentary sense of panic that came over him as he felt his control over the car's movements ebb away for a split second was beginning to gnaw at him. He seemed to have a continual grimace on his face as he valiantly did battle with the stubborn automobile and the infuriating obstacle course that nature had lain down before it.

    "Ugh, driving is for cabbies," he groaned.

    He could see that Anakin was loving every second of it though. This wasn't work, this was just another adventure for him. The 'Trashman With No Fear' they all called him. You could toss him into a skip which was full to the brim with rotting garbage and he'd come up with a fist full of recyclables, a pocket full of change and a smile on his face. Obi-Wan was immensely proud to have such a talented protege. But Anakin wasn't the best JEDI Union trashman yet. Obi-Wan still held the record for the most garbage pick-ups in one day; and he felt quietly confident that that was a record that wasn't going to be broken anytime in the near future.

    The little car continued to trundle dutifully along, keeping its distance from the bumper sticker-riddled pick-up truck a couple of blocks ahead. After a few more minutes of navigating along treacherously icy roadways liable to induce drastic hairline recession, the pick-up they were follo
     
  2. VA_Parky

    VA_Parky Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Oh!!! [face_laugh] Sides. Hurt. Can't. Stop. Laughing. Tears. Running. Down. Face.

    bi0nic! That was one of the funniest things I have ever read when it comes to taking on an AU version of ROTS! Whoever thought up that challenge was brilliant!! Hee! And you are brilliant for writing it so cleverly! =D=

    The quotes from the movie made it especially priceless. The "Palpatine for School Board President" bumperstickers??? GENIUS!

    Wow, I can't say it enough - excellent work! You made me laugh so hard I had to disguise it as a coughing fit... since I'm at work and all... [face_whistling] [face_blush]

    GREAT JOB!!!

     
  3. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    That was great! I loved it! :D
     
  4. Kissa

    Kissa Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 30, 2006
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    That was almost too funny.

    When I read the dare I thought that it was impossible. But you wrote it brilliantly.

    I especially loved the opening scrawl..

    And Grivious's bumper sticker. One thing though. Did they suceed in thier mission? Will there be more?[face_praying]

    Great job again.
     
  5. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    The whole "opening crawl" was fabulous . . . you did a terrific job with it. [face_laugh] "Journeymen's Excess Disposal Industrial Union" even makes a certain amount of sense. :p

    "The one covered with Palpatine for School Board President bumper stickers."

    Ahhhh!! Noooo!! ::Has vision of future::[ul]SCHOOL SUPERINTENDANT TARKIN: Since you are reluctant to provide us with the address of your Education Association Union Local headquarters, I have chosen to test this budget's redlining power . . . on your home department of administrative support!

    LEIA: No! The secretarial pool is peaceful. We have no office supplies . . .[/ul]Uh . . . *ahem*. Sorry about that. Back to the story . . . [face_whistling]

    The road was slick with ice from the recent frost and Obi-Wan was having a difficult time keeping control of the car. They were barely going faster than walking pace, but even so, the slightest of turns threatened to send the car into a skid and begin sliding off towards the kerb.

    Oh, the action! :eek: Oh, the suspense! Oh, the money George could have saved on special effects if he had filmed RotS this way . . .

    The 'Trashman With No Fear' Just [face_laugh]. That's all I can say.

    "Ray Shields!" Anakin exclaimed.

    "What?"

    "That guy over there, that's Ray Shields!"


    [face_laugh] x 1138 . . . *this* has got to be the best dialogue in the whole piece.

    At the same time, several more of Grievous' men appeared out of nowhere all around them, all of them brandishing guns and leveling them squarely at the two brazen trashmen.

    "Do you have a plan 'B'?"


    Aaaagh! What a cliffhanger! What will happen to our bold trashmen now?!

    (I actually want to know. I want to see Anakin and Obi-Wan take on Grievous with . . . what? Garbage-prodding poles? Long-handled street sweeping brooms?)

    Awesome job. [face_laugh]
     
  6. Noelie

    Noelie Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2005
    War! The Republican Waste Management Company is crumbling
    under continued strike action by the Journeymen's Excess Disposal
    Industrial Union, otherwise known as the JEDI Union. There are
    heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere


    Too funny! I will always hear the word Jedi and think of this now!

    "Ray Shields!" Anakin exclaimed.

    "What?"

    "That guy over there, that's Ray Shields!"
    Yeah.. watch out for Ray Shields!


    He could see that Anakin was loving every second of it though. This wasn't work, this was just another adventure for him. The 'Trashman With No Fear' they all called him. Now I know who to blame for my dented Trashcans!

    This is so funny! What a great job Bi0nic! (see even on TheSaga and my busy life I still found you! hehe)
     
  7. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    [face_laugh] Oh, this is BRILLIANT!!!
     
  8. bi0nic

    bi0nic Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2006
    Thanks for the great replies guys! You've all really made my day and made me feel better about a story that I actually didn't think was all that much cop.

    VA_Parky: Thank you so much! I am not worthy of such praise, but thank you nonetheless. :D I'm dead chuffed you liked it so much. The Palpatine for School Board President bumper stickers? They might not be as dangerous as vulture droids, but they'd still scare me silly if I saw the car in front sporting them. :p Thanks again, your reply made me grin like a goon. :D

    jedi_of_ennth: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. :)

    Kissa: Thanks a lot! When I first got the dare, I thought it was impossible too. I had absolutely no clue what to do with it, so I'm glad you thought I did okay by such a unique challenge. The opening crawl was the part I found easiest to write, I suppose becuase I was working off what's quite a rigid template. Glad you liked. :D

    I'm still toying with whether or not to do more. I know I kinda left it up in the air at the end, but it becomes increasingly difficult to try and synch it up with the movie as the storyline goes on towards things like people crash-landing massive interstellar spacecraft on vast city-planets. But I might give it a bash all the same. Thanks again!

    ophelia: Thanks! You are far too kind. :) The "Journeymen's Excess Disposal Industrial Union" is quite a stretch, I know, but I think it just about putters across the finish line in the race to make even a semblance of sense.

    That School Superintendant Tarkin idea is brilliant! [face_laugh] I smell a spin-off . . . o_O

    I know, my little nod to including some action in there was really something, wasn't it? With ROTS, you get a quarter-hour eye candy fest of a mammoth space battle rendered seamlessly by stupefying special effects; while in this you get a crappy little lemon of a car going about five miles an hour and almost skidding a little. Not quite the same, is it?

    I'm glad you liked the Ray Shields bit, that was easily my favourite part as well.

    I'm still up in the air as to if I'm going to continue this, or if I even can. You're ideas for them to use garbage-prodding poles or long-handled street sweeping brooms have inspired me though, so maybe everybody'll get their wish and I'll find a way to carry this on. Thanks again! :D

    Noelie: It just wouldn't be the same without you Noels, thanks for reading! Yes, I think I've forever sullied the name 'Jedi' in my mind too now. They don't have quite the same mystique now that they're a bunch of dirty dust bin men (as we call them round my way), do they?

    Yes, indeed do watch out for Ray Shields. Now that I've been badgered into continuing the story, I might have to give him a speaking part or something. Hmm, how to characterise a wavy particle energy field in the form of a renegade trash collector, I wonder? [face_thinking] Thanks again!

    Meredith_Kenobi: Thanks a lot! :D

     
  9. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    That was really funny. I'd quote you a bunch of my favorite lines, but everybody else already has.

    Suffice to say that was really good, and a fantastic response to a chilling challenge.
     
  10. RK_Striker_JK_5

    RK_Striker_JK_5 Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 2003
    Bionic, that was kriffin' brilliant! An excellent parody/homage to the opening part of ROTS.

    But now I gotta know how they got out! You've gotta write more! And you've gotta use Ophelia's bit of dialogue, there.

    Man, the entire PT and OT could be done like this...
     
  11. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Wow, that was very unusual and very humorous!
     
  12. raisedbywolves

    raisedbywolves Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 1, 2005
    Oh my goodness... that was hilarious!

    Ray Shields [face_laugh] and the bit about how if you threw Anakin into a trash can, he'd come back up with recyclables and a pocket full of change. Funny, funny stuff!
     
  13. cdmcc

    cdmcc Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Fantastic response. Very funny. The Palpatine bumper sticker, Ray Shields, the trashman with no fear.

    Wonderfully funny.[face_laugh]
     
  14. hyperspace_police

    hyperspace_police Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 22, 2005
    This is sooo funny.

    Great idea and reponse to the challenge you were given.

    Hilarious. I'm rolling around on the floor.

    [face_laugh]
     
  15. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Oh dear! [face_laugh] Totally hilarious!! Loved the quotes from the movie! Well played out!! =D=

    I'll have to bookmark this one as well! [face_laugh] The 'Ray Shields' was great!! Loved the bumper sticker bit too! :D
     
  16. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    You could toss him into a skip which was full to the brim with rotting garbage and he'd come up with a fist full of recyclables, a pocket full of change and a smile on his face.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Yep, that sounds like Anakin :p

    What a wonderful response to the challenge.

    Great job

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  17. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Superb, start to finish [face_laugh]

    treacherously icy roadways liable to induce drastic hairline recession

    One of many highlights. Fantastic throwaway line!

    You could toss him into a skip which was full to the brim with rotting garbage and he'd come up with a fist full of recyclables, a pocket full of change and a smile on his face.

    And another. :D It's great how they're recognisably the same guys, despite their rather different occupation.

    And spotting that "Ray Shields" is someone's name was a stroke of absolute unadulterated genius. Genius, I say! =D= Great stuff :)
     
  18. TigerofRobare

    TigerofRobare Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2006
    I'm sorry, it wasn't the funniest thing I've read, but it came pretty darn close.
     
  19. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Wow, that was really quite hilarious. Loved how you redid the beginning of ROTS.

    "Ray Shields!" Anakin exclaimed.

    "What?"

    "That guy over there, that's Ray Shields!"


    This bit really tickled my funny bone. [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
     
  20. bi0nic

    bi0nic Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2006
    Woah, so many replies. :eek: I'm not used to receiving so much attention, as I'm the fan fiction boards equivalent of a small-town country bumpkin, born and raised on the Before boards. The fast pace of you cosmopolitan Sagaites is too much for someone more accustomed to the leisurely speed of life as a Beforian. But thank you all. :D



    BrentusofGath: Cheers mate, I'm pleased you like. When I first got it, this dare chilled me to the core as well, I had no clue how to stay true to it while making it in some way actually interesting to read. I'm glad you thought I pulled it off. :)

    RK_Striker_JK_5: Thanks a lot! Now that I've been coerced into doing more, you will indeed get to know how (or if) they get out. So never fear on that count. As to doing the entire PT and OT in this style, not on your life mate. :p It's been enough of a headache just doing the opening scenes of ROTS; trying to do all 6 movies would give me the equivalent of a migraine crossed with a hangover crossed with a fist-sized brain tumour. But if you're feeling sufficiently masochistic, you're more than welcome to take such an Everest-esque task on yourself if you wish. No? I didn't think so. ;)

    DarthIshtar: Many thanks, Ish. I'm honoured to have you grace my humble little fic.

    raisedbywolves: Thank you! Yep, Ray Shields seems to be a favourite. I'm glad it's gone down so well, it certainly made me giggle.

    cdmcc: Thanks! Those three do seem to be the ones people liked the most, I'm glad you enjoyed.

    hyperspace_police: Thanks! I'm chuffed I got a few laughs in there, 'preciate your reply.

    Kynstar: Cheers! I'm glad you liked the quotes, they were really the skeleton of the whole thing and I just tried to build around them, hoping that it would still kinda make sense in the end. I've been bookmarked! I guess I've definitely arrived as a fan fic writer now. :eek: :D

    KELIA: Thanks a lot! I'm really pleased you thought that sounded like Anakin, as this is my first time trying to write him.

    JediNemesis: Thank you! I liked that 'drastic hairline recession' line too, it's pretty much how I feel when I'm trying to drive down really icy roads. Back when I was a learner, I came centimetres from hitting another car because the road was iced-up, nearly gave me a bleedin' heart attack. :mad: :p I'm so glad you thought Anakin and Obi-Wan seemed to be recognisably the same guys, as this is my first time writing them. Actually this is my first time writing any canon characters for that matter (unless you count KOTOR's Revan and the Exile).

    TigerofRobare: I agree with you, when looking at some of the other entries in this Dare Challenge, I think this hardly even compares. But I'm delighted you thought it comes close. :D Thank you!

    Healer_Leona: Thanks a lot Leona! Always great to have the stamp of approval from a mod. :)



    I've decided to do just one more part to this story, wrapping up the whole Anakin and Obi-Wan vs. Grievous arc of ROTS. Look for it to appear sometime before the Dare Challenge deadline of the end of the month.
     
  21. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
    Oh gosh [face_laugh] Priceless!


    The JEDI Union?! ROFL! [face_laugh] [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    This was wonderful, bi0nic, I can't wait for your next part :D
     
  22. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    This was hilarious and inspired. Reminded me a little of the Wallace and Grommit bits![face_laugh] :D

    The 'Trashman With No Fear' they all called him. You could toss him into a skip which was full to the brim with rotting garbage and he'd come up with a fist full of recyclables, a pocket full of change and a smile on his face.

    Perfection! Funny and beautifully written!

    Can't wait to read your second piece. =D=


    (I usually don't comment on other replies, but the Board of Ed vs. teacher's union scenario posted by Ophelia is a hoot, too! Talk about a war!)
     
  23. LadyLunas

    LadyLunas Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2005
    bi0nic, this was so funny.

    Your Anakin and Obi-Wan are perfect. You captured their characters well.

    My favorite parts were the Ray Shields (of course), the JEDI union, and the comparisons Obi-Wan makes between himself and Anakin about their job.

    I look forward to the next installment.


    I'm glad to see you in the Saga. As your Padawan sis, I say you should post here more often. You write the characters well.
     
  24. bi0nic

    bi0nic Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2006
    Jade_Max: Thanks! Glad you liked. :D

    divapilot: A comparison to Wallace & Gromit, wow! That's high praise indeed, they're one of my country's finer comedy duos. I'm pleased you enjoyed. :)

    I know what you mean about ophelia's bit, that was just inspired.

    LadyLunas: Well hey there fellow Padawan. [:D] Thanks a lot! I'm really glad you thought Anakin and Obi-Wan sounded all right, as this is the first time I've attempted writing them. I'll say one thing for posting in The Saga, and that's that you seem to get a lot more replies here. So it's nice and all, but I think I'll always think of Before as home. ;)
     
  25. bi0nic

    bi0nic Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2006
    Here be the second and concluding part:


    ___________________________________________



    "Hello there."

    Obi-Wan immediately felt stupid for coming out with something so chirpy in response to what was indisputably a pretty dire situation. There were around a dozen men standing all around him and Anakin, all with pistols pointed directly at them and all with a rabid hostility to the people who seemed to be making it their lives' work to ensure they weren't to get paid?the JEDIs.

    Grievous opened his mouth, but before anything came out, he was overcome by a sudden coughing fit.

    Anakin leaned across to Obi-Wan, with an incredulous look on his face. "Is?is he beatboxing?"

    Obi-Wan shook his head, more as an expression of disbelief at his trainee's patently absurd question than as a gesture to indicate an answer in the negative.

    "Ah yes," Grievous finally rasped, having recovered from his spluttering seizure and regained the power of speech. "The interloper. Obi-Wan Kenobi. We've been waiting for you."

    One of Grievous' men walked forward and proceeded to pat both of the JEDI trashmen down. Satisfied that they had no weapons on them, the man simply removed two items from within their grimy overalls and walked back over towards Grievous.

    "That wasn't much of an entrance," Grievous gloatingly continued as he snatched at the fruits of the pat-down away from his lackey's outstretched hand.

    "You're welcome," the man answered irritably.

    "And?Anakin Skywalker. I was expecting someone of your reputation to be a little . . ." Grievous leaned in towards him, "smellier."

    That's what you get for rummaging through rotting garbage all day, Anakin, Obi-Wan thought.

    "Gerald Grievous." Anakin stood his ground, not skipping a beat. "You're fatter than I expected."

    Grievous wheezed loudly before turning away, his voice dripping with disdain. "JEDI scum."

    "We have a job to do, Anakin," Obi-Wan interjected, always the voice of calming reason to his rash and sometimes childish apprentice. "Try not to upset him."

    From just outside the door, Obi-Wan could make out a faint series of beeps. He strained his ears to pick it up and then immediately realised what it was. Artoo! I'd recognise that damnable irritating noise anywhere. He let out a small sigh of relief. There may yet be a way out of this situation.

    "Your union cards will make a fine addition to my collection," Grievous hissed, holding up the two items that had been taken from the two captive trashmen a few moments ago. He then tucked them inside his jacket pocket.

    "Not this time," Obi-Wan retorted defiantly. "And this time, you won't escape."

    Grievous didn't look convinced. Not that Obi-Wan could blame him, there appeared to be no conceivable way out for the two of them. Sensing that the idiot boy outside would need a good deal longer in order to get them out of this mess, he decided to try and stall for time.

    "Do you really believe you can usurp our position in the waste management industry, Grievous? You must know that only JEDIs have a true understanding of the nature of trash collecting."

    "You fool," Grievous replied emphatically. "I've been trained in your JEDI arts by one of the greatest trashmen ever. He goes by the name of 'The Count', although you may also know him by his real name?Andrew Koo."

    Drew? Drew Koo? It couldn't be. The man had once been a JEDI, but had since embraced the dark side of waste management: polluting rivers, poisoning wildlife, dumping unsorted waste into unregulated landfill sites. If he was in league with Grievous and the scabs, this whole situation was even worse than they had previously thought.

    A slight rustling sound from beyond the closed door to his back told him that Artoo was ready and waiting.

    "You can't win, Gerald. If the strike is brought down we shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

    Grievous, still unfazed, grinned sinisterly back at Obi-Wan. "Strike or not, you must realise yo
     
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