A story of my own...

This is my first time on here, so be nice to me and give your opinions on my story, please. It is called 'Remembering', so, here goes.

The fading evening sun shone on the travelers going through the Shaderi Canyon Pass. The cardabeasts labored to pull the carts loaded down with supplies and the drivers were ready for anything that might happen to the wagons.
Each riding on a Madrini bordok, a Jedi Knight and her Padawan Learner accompanyed the supplies.

"Halt!" the caravan leader, Atkinad, called out. "We will camp here for the night!"

As the workers set up camp, the Jedi talked together.
"Master, we should arrive at the caves tomorow from what a driver told me. I look forward to returning to the others. With the Jedi Hunters out looking for us, I feel safer in a group." the Padawan said.

"Shaela, do not allow yourself to be distracted. It will do Heracious and the others little good if we fail to get the supplies to them. We both must concentrate on the Living Force. I feel danger tomorrow."

"Yes, Tahsh." the twelve-year-old girl paused for a moment, deciding if she wanted to continue.
"Master, with everything that has happened under Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, what will happen to the Jedi Order if we are all killed?"

Tahsh closed her eyes in meditation for a moment, seeking to know what to say. Finally, she looked her Padawan in the eyes.
"The Order will continue on, but not the same. Of that, I am certain. Now, it is time to sleep. We will talk more in the morning."

On the other side of the camp from the Jedi, Atkinad cooked meat over a fire. Through the snaping and popping of the fire, he thought he heard something.
No. It was nothing. he thought. Then he heard it again.
"Atkinad, over here." a voice whispered.
The caravan leader stood and entered the woods toward the person calling him, recognizing the voice.
"Jerill? Is that you?"


I hope to get replies, and I will get some excitement added later.

 

Sounds pretty good, so far. I'm looking forward to hearing more.

Fallon

 

Good work on coming up with new characters and especially new names. I borrowed a lot of characters from the EU in my fanfic. I really only came up with two character's unique to my story. I like the idea of following the lives of certain Jedi as they are being hunted down.

 

it's really good so far keep posting!

 

Thank you! Here's the next bit. Enjoy!


A figure in dark clothes stepped into the moonlight, revealing his young face.
"Glad you remember me."
"Do you think it's that easy for a father to forget his son?"
"Enough of this little reunion, Atkinad. I have come to tell you that you have with you two Jedi, and that is as good as a death mark these days."
"They are customers, nothing else. If they had no credits, they would have no help from me."
"So you haven't forgiven them for taking me away all those years ago. Good. Then you won't mind hearing out my offer."
"What offer?"
"Tomorow, you are to stop the caravan for nothing. In exchange, I will leave your family alive, and you will live to see tomorrow night."
"You would kill your own family?"
"If the caravan stoppes, Atkinad, I will have a problem. I will have to decide if it's worse for a mother to see her daughter killed slowly and painfully by her son, or for the daughter to wittness the same being done to her mother. And you will be killed."
"Jerill," Atkinad's voice was pained.
"One other thing. You will tell nobody we spoke. And so you don't forget we did..."
In a flash, an emerald green blade appeared and flew toward Atkinad. The caravan leader felt the flesh on his shoulder burn, and then the blade was gone.
"That is a taste of what I will do to the family if you get in the way."
"What turned you against us, Jerill?"
"The Jedi."

Sleeping near her Padawan, Tahsh Hapay felt a surge in the Force. In a moment, she was on her feet, lightsaber activated. Tahsh looked and felt around, trying to find where the surge came from, but it was gone.
"Master, what is it?"
"I'm not sure. There was a disturbance, but now, there's nothing. We better get back to sleep. I feel that tomorrow will be hard on us both. I know it's your thirteenth birthday tomorrow, Padawan, but you must not be distracted. Focus in the Force, not the mind."
"Yes, Master."

 

I'm liking this!

Post more soon!

 

announcer:"And now, the next exciting chapter of Remembering..."

Shaela awakened early the next morning and took in the peace of nature. She closed her eyes and reflected on her life. She gathered the Force about her to enhance her early memories, and wondered how many others could remember leaving their families. Gradually, the sun rose to shine warm on her face.
"Everyone up! Break down the camp! Let's go!"
The girl stood, somewhat annoyed by Atkinad's interruption.
"I was done reflecting anyway." she said to herself as she stood.

Before long, the caravan was ready to get moving again. Shaela jumped up on a bordok and looked over at Atkinad, noticing that his left arm was in a sling. Tahsh rode up to the girl.
"Today, you will need to stay up front with me. I still feel uneasy about something. Oh, here."
The Jedi Knight handed her Padawan something wrapped in leather. Shaela quickly unwrapped it, and found a pendant in the shape of a drop with three stones arranged in a triangle, a fourth in the center.
"Oh, Master! It's wonderful!"
"The outer stones represent committment, patience, and a sober mind. The one in the center represents a true Jedi at her best. Wear it and remember, my Padawan. And be aware today."
"I will treasure it, Master."
"Onward ho!" the leader called out.

As the supply caravan traveled near the ravine to enter the Nicos Cauldron where the caves are at, Tahsh felt something ahead. The feeling of dread had increased. She pulled out a comm unit and flicked it on.
"Heracious, you there?"
"Cahn here. What is it, Tahsh?" a man's voice answered.
"Heracious, I would like you and three others to get to the ravine as fast as you can. I feel uneasy about something, and I'm certain it has to do with the ravine."
"I've felt a disturbance on this planet. I will get to the ravine. And as soon as we have the supplies, we're leaving this place. It's getting too dangerous."
"I agree. Tahsh out."

Next post, you will find out what's up with the ravine. I'll post it A.S.A.P.

 

I guess I'm a bit faster than you post-ers. Well, here's the next bit anyway.


"Master, I feel danger ahead." Shaela told Tahsh a few moments later as the caravan neared the ravine.
"An ambush. That's what it must be. I feel that now."
Without another word, the Jedi galloped her bordok up to Atkinad, Shaela following behind.
"Atkinad, you must stop the caravan." she told him.
"Why? The child need to use the refresher?"
Shaela felt the sting of that comment.
"I am NOT a..."
"There is an ambush ahead." Tahsh interrupted. "If we stop now, my Padawan and I can clear the danger, and we can continue to the caves unharmed."
"Listen, woman, you came to me to get these supplies to the caves as fast as possible. You know how hard it is to get cardabeasts going once they've stopped."
"It is true that I hired you to get the supplies to the caves, but I assure you, if we continue, my feelings tell me they will be destroyed."
"I have been running supplies for years, and not once have I been ambushed. We continue."
Shaela had had enough of this, and she turned to her master.
"Shall I make him listen?" she asked quietly, recieving a dissappointed glare from Tahsh.
"No, Padawan. You wish to force your will on him out of anger. A Jedi does no such thing. Besides, I already tried back in Shaderi. He is too strong minded."
"Stubborn would be more like it." Shaela muttered under her breath, recieving another glare from her master.
"Atkinad, the caravan MUST be stopped. I do not understand why you would go against the warnings of two Jedi."
When the leader replied, his voice was icy and menacing.
"Let me tell you something Jedi Woman. I had a happy family once. A wife, a daughter, a son, then a Jedi came and took my son away to your precious Temple to be trained. I no longer have that son. A Jedi stole a dream from me. Stole away my son, and that's just the begining. So you ask why I would go against a Jedi? It is because I trusted one once, and I lost. The caravan continues."

With that, the discussion was over, and the ravine loomed large before them.

The caravan began to enter the ravine, and Tahsh turned to him one last time.
"Atkinad, this is your last chance. Stop the caravan."
All she got was a glare. She rode near Shaela.
"I want you to get behind the ambush. Take care of them, but leave them alive if you can do so without putting yourself in danger. I will stay with the supplies."
"But, Master..."
"I believe you can do this, Padawan. May the Force be with you."
The two grasped arms in farewell, and Shaela was off, climbing the volcanic mountainside, using the Force to guide her to her enemies. Finally, she reached the top and saw several men with blasters and projectile weapons crouched behind the boulders. Looking past them to the floor of the ravine, she saw that the caravan had stopped.
'Of all places, why there?' she thought, and then she saw.

At the far end of the ravine stood a man in dark clothes, blocking the way. Tahsh rode up to him, said something to him, and faster than she could blink, two lightsabers ignited. Tahsh lept off her bordok as the man slashed at her, killing the beast. The men waiting in ambush open fired on the caravan, and Shaela attacked, slashing, jabbing, deflecting, dodging. She wanted to keep from killing, but once she would disarm any of them, they would throw stones, or rush her, forcing her to kill them.
Tahsh was unprepared for the attack, but the Force protected her from the initial blow, and now, she found herself working hard to protect her life. This mysterious man was good, and she could only hope she was better. The man attacked with a verocity that indicated deep anger for the Jedi, and Tahsh found herself being driven back against the ravine wall. Knowing she would be in trouble if she continued any farther back, she lept over the man, doing a flip in mid-air, but he twisted his emerald green blade toward her, slicing her right ankle. When Tahsh landed, she stumbled on her wounded foot, and before she could regain her balance, the man raised a hand and pushed her over with the Force,

 

Coolness... keep it up!

 

eek.gif WOW! This is good!

 

Keep it up!

 

*I love copy/paste! Makes it so much easier!*

Cirani Hancas flew with fairy-like wings above Heracious Cahn and the Wookie Jedi Krythraar as they headed toward the ravine. She saw the rockslide that burried Tahsh, and now, she saw the Padawan facing the man that fought the Knight.
"Krythraar! Cahn! Hurry! I'm going ahead to help!"
Cirani saw the girl go down and she dove. When she was close enough, she kicked the man in the gut and he fell backward. Cirani picked up the girl, and took off into flight again.
"Hang on." she said to Shaela as she flew her back to the caves.
"Tahsh." Shaela said weakly.
"Don't worry, young one. Cahn will take care of her."
Soon, the caves were in sight.
"Geisha! Come quickly!" Cirani called out as she landed. She placed Shaela on the ground as the healer came out of one cave.
"There was an ambush. We need you at the ravine. Have one of your students care after the girl, and I'll get you there."
"Tari!" the healer called.
"I'll take care of her, Master."
Cirani lifted Geisha, and was, once again, headed toward the ravine.

Cirani reached the ravine with the healer at the same time as the other two Jedi. The caravan had been completely destroyed, and dead bodies littered the ravine floor.
"Look for survivors." Heracious ordered.
"I've got to find the man who did this." Cirani announced, and she took off, again.
Heracious and Geisha reached out with the Force to find Tahsh, while Krythraar looked for anybody alive.
Geisha felt the dimming Life Force of the Jedi Knight under the heavy stones from the rockslide. Looking over to the stones, she saw a bloody and bruised hand reaching out.
"Tahsh!" the healer called out.
She and Jedi Cahn ran over to the slide,
Heracious Cahn focusing on the stones and lifting them off Tahsh.
As soon as she could, Geisha pulled the Jedi out and lay her flat on the ground. Reaching out with the Force, the healer discovered just how bad off Tahsh was.
"I'll do what I can for her." Geisha told Heracious. "Go look for others."
As he left, Geisha concentrated on Tahsh's wounds and began the healing process, afraid that she may be too late.

*I'd changed one detail of the story. Shaela and Tahsh, before they reached the ravine, had struggled to keep the inner peace, and when Tahsh contacted Heracious, he told her that he'd broken up a fight between two of the students, and thank the Force their sabers were at low power. I tell you all that because I'm posting from my word pad document where I'm typing it, and that detail might be important to know for later.*

 

*Once again, I post to fast. Well, I've about caught up to what I have written already, so...*


Heracious heard a moaning under one of the wagons, and found Atkinad there.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Atkinad looked over at the Jedi, startled. Then, he recognized him.
"You! What are you doing here?"
"I'm looking for survivors. All the supplies were destroyed, and we are a day away from the nearest town, but only minutes from the caves. Do you want help, or to be left here? It's your choice."
"Of course I'll go to the caves. I have no choice BUT to go to the caves. Have you found any other survivors?"
"Not yet, but we just..."
"Rahhrawra!!" The Wookie Jedi called out.
"Krythraar found one!"

Shaela opened her eyes to find herself in one of the caves. The healer student, Tari, stood over her. Shaela immediately reached out to find her Master, but felt nothing.
"How are you feeling?" Tari asked.
"Where's Tahsh Hapay?" Shaela demended, catching the healer by suprise.
"I, I don't know. I haven't heard anything since Cerani dropped you off and took Geisha to the ravine."
"I need to find Tahsh!" Shaela said, trying to get up, but Tari pushed her back down.
"You need to rest. I don't know what happened, but you've not fully recovered."
Outside, one of the other Jedi students announced that the survivors had arrived, and Shaela managed to get out of the cave while Tari was distracted.
Coming down the trail, Shaela saw Geisha and Heracious supporting a man with a leg wound. Behind them was Atkinad, and then came Krythraar, carrying Tahsh's limp body. Shaela stared in disbelief. Her Master, dead? The man who could have stopped it still lived?
Shaela felt something build up inside her that she had never felt before. Rage. She was suprised at the feelings it gave her. The power it gave her. Before she knew what she was doing, her lightsaber was in hand, and she was charging at Atkinad with the intent to kill.

 

That poor girl. Loosing her Master on her birthday. And her Thirteenth too!
Does she get that man? Does she turn? I'd started reading, and you've gottem MY attention.

 

Don't leave it there! Come on, more more more more more

 

Nah! I think I will just let you wonder a bit longer.

 

Long enough.


Shaela moved swiftly toward the caravan leader, but the Jedi around her did as well.
Heracious felt the change in Shaela, and gently shoved Geisha and the wounded man to where they would be safe. He jumped in front of Atkinad as he ignited his lightsaber, hopeing he would not have to use it against the girl.
Tari, just emerging from the cave, saw Shaela charge, and she reached out and pushed Shaela over onto her side.
Krythraar placed Tahsh's body down and, sensing that the Padawan was off-balance, pulled her lightsaber out of her hand and into his own massive paw.
Shaela rolled as she hit the ground and managed gain her feet once again, having a clear path to Atkinad. Not caring that she had no weapon, she lept at him, only to be boxed on the side of her head by the wookie. As she lay trembling on the ground, four Jedi Knights surrounded her, lightsabers ready to strike her down if nessessary, but they backed away as Krythraar approached.
"Rahsarooko, come with me." the wookie growled.
Shaela stood, trembling, and Krythraar, placing his paws on her tiny shoulders, guided her up a path that went above the caves.
"Okay, now that the excitement is over, I have bad news." Heracious began. "The Jedi Knight Tahsh Hapay is dead. We must begin gathering wood to construct a funeral pyre for her. She will be honored this evening as soon as the sun has completely set."
As the Jedi dispersed to gather the needed wood, Atkinad went over to Heracious.
"She was going to kill me." He stated, still in shock from the attemped attack.
"I wasn't about to let her."
"You were ready to harm her to protect me? Why? What makes you put the life of a man who hates you above the life of a girl of your own kind? I don't understand."
"No, you don't. When I became a Jedi Knight, I'd sworn to protect the defenseless. At the time, that was you."
"I will reward you for saving me, of course."
"No. I don't expect anything from you. I only hope Krythraar can talk some sence into that girl. You better go to Geisha. She can take care of that shoulder of yours. How did you hurt it, anyway?"
"I... tripped and fell into the fire last night."
Atkinad rushed off to the healer, and Heracious could tell he lied about his shoulder, but why?

That's the end of what I have written so far. I hope it will be enough to last for a bit.

 

See I told ya i'd reply!

Absolutly cool!

 

I'm in the process of typing up the next part in my briefcase on my computer, and it's getting late, so I will probably have to wait until tomorrow night to post anything new.
Just thought I'd tell you all that so I could bump this back to the top for a few minutes.

I'll post more when I get it done.

 

okay, I didn't think I could, but I got enough to post. farewell for now, my friends.

When Krythraar returned an hour later without the girl, Heracious was reluctant to approch him. He was obviously irritated, and Heracious knew better than to approach an iritated wookie, but he had to know.
"Where's the Padawan?"
Krythraar looked at his friend, a struggle within him.
"She will return when she is ready. I... told her some harsh things, Cahn. I left her to decide what to do."
"Are you okay?"
"I never expected that of her. I will be."
Cirani finally returned from her search for the mystery man. The Bryian Fairy approached the two Jedi, her white hair begining to come out of her ponytail.
"Cirani, did you find him?" Heracious asked.
"No. Whoever it was, he seems to have just dissappeared. I did manage to find Tahsh's lightsaber. Where is she? Is she going to recover?"
As soon as she spoke the words, she knew Tahsh didn't survive.
"Geisha did what she could, but her wounds were too severe." Heracious told her.
"Then this should go to Shaela." she said, looking at the smooth handle of the lightsaber. "Since you taught her in the Temple, Krythraar, I think you should present it to her."
The wookie sadly shook his head and walked off.
"What's wrong with Krythraar?" Cirani asked Heracious.
"We had a problem with one of the young ones. She attacked out of anger, and Krythraar spoke with her, but things are not looking good right now."
"Poor Shaela. Who did she attack?"
Since Cirani figured out who he spoke of, he decided not to hold back any details, and he told her the whole thing.
"And, I don't have to tell you that a Jedi can be kicked out of the order for such an offence." he concluded.
"And where is she now?"
"Krythraar left her to decide what she must do."
"I'll go speak with her." Cirani decided.
"No. She doesn't need any reminders of what she did. She will return when she is ready. She needs time to think. She..."
"Needs to know she has a friend." Cirani interrupted. "I will speak with her, but promise not to bring up the attack."
Heracious could see that he could not stop the Bryian Fairy, so he let her go.

 

Things will get more exciting again soon, so bear with the following mushy stuff.

Shaela sat on a stone, holding her pendant to her heart, finally finding her center of peace. For the second time this day, she reflected on past events, attempting to determine why she had lost control the way she had, not finding any answers.

"Shaela?" Cirani's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Go away."
"No. I came up here to accomplish one thing. I wanted Krythraar to do it, since he's trained you, but for some reason, he won't."
"He has a good reason. What do you want?"
"To give you something."

Cirani held out Tahsh's lightsaber, the smooth silvery handle reflecting the colors of the sky as the sun set. Shaela looked over at it, and she could not keep tears from her eyes.

"I can't accept it." she told Cirani.
"The Master's lightsaber, when that Master dies, is handed down to the Padawan."
"I no longer deserve to be called a Padawan." Shaela confessed. "I attacked Atkinad. I was going to kill him."
"Why would you do that?" Cirani spoke gently to keep the girl calm.
"When they arrived, she was dead. I saw Atkinad alive, and I attacked." Shaela broke down into tears, but continued.
"Why is he alive and Tahsh dead? He should have stopped the caravan like she told him to! She would still be alive if he stopped the caravan, why didn't he?"

Cirani gently pulled the girl near and cradled her, rocking her gently.

"Shaela, things will be okay. With the Hunters out looking for us Jedi, do you think death is all that bad a thing to happen to one of us? Tahsh lives on in the Force, and in your heart."

Shaela felt a hand on her shoulder, and somehow, she knew it was her master. The two sat for a few minutes while Shaela shed tears that needed to come out, and finally, the girl pushed Cirani away.

"Are you ready to join the others in honoring Tahsh Hapay?"
"Yes." she replied calmly.

Cirani handed her Tahsh's lightsaber, and she took it. Together, they descended the path back to the caves, only stopping so Shaela could retrieve her own saber from where Krythraar had left it, and they returned just as Heracious was preparing to light the pyre. He turned, seeing Cirani and the girl, and without speaking, he knew things were well with Shaela.
Heracious beckoned the girl with a look, and as she came to him, he handed her the torch.

"You know what to do." he told her. "Go ahead when you're ready."

Shaela saw her master's body lying on top of the wood, looking so peaceful. She looked closely, and thought she saw a smile on Tahsh's face. Feeling herself begin to tremble, she stepped forward and placed the torch in the wood, lighting the pyre, and stepped back to watch the flames consume her master's body.

*well, with Tahsh's death, Shaela needed SOME comfort. After all, she IS only 13.*

 

Touching.

Now What? Will Shaela avenge her Master for the sake of the Jedi? I hope so!

MORE PLEASE

 

I have to write it still. Something had come up, so I haven't been able to write more. I'll get more later.

 

Up!

So I can read the post and others.

My computer's chopped off the bottom.
mad.gif

 

That night, when the final glow from the pyre had died, Shaela fell asleep near the ashes, tightly gripping Tahsh's lightsaber in her hands.
When she awakened, she began along the trail leading above the caves. There was more thinking she needed to do. Before she got very far, Cirani called out to her.
"Shaela, I want to talk to you." the Bryian Fairy told her.
In responce, the girl turned and waited for her to catch up.
"I extend an offer to you. If you wish, I am willing to continue your training."
'You don't know what I'm capable of. I might end out turning on you, and one of us would be dead.' she thought.
"I will think on it, Cirani." she said instead, "I've got some decisions I need to make. Please don't let anybody disturb me."
"I will. May the Force be with you, Shaela. Choose your path well."

Shaela returned to the place above the caves, placed her master's lightsaber on a stone, and kneeled about a meter from it in meditation. While she meditated, she realized what she must do.
Cirani means well, but Shaela felt she must decline the offer to continue her training. The Jedi were being hunted down. It would be safer to leave the Jedi.
Besides, durring the pyre, Shaela felt many eyes on her. They were not friendly gazes. Although she had rid herself of the anger, she knew she would never be accepted as a Jedi by them. And there was the matter of her Master's killer. Jerill Durrango. They had been fierce rivals in the Temple, but then he had left, after turning to the Dark Side. She knew the death of her Master was meant to be a blow against her.
Knowing now exactly what she should do, Shaela retrieved the lightsaber and returned to the caves.

She walked to one of the unused caves, all the Jedi avoiding her, and she went near the back of the cave. She ignited her lightsaber and moved the violet blade to slice a chunk out of the cave wall. In the next few minutes, she had carved a hole in the cave, placed Tahsh's saber inside, and using the Force, she slid two long thin stones into holes on the stone plug she had created, completely hiding the lightsaber.

*This will have to hold you for now. I know what you mean, comp troubles. My Yahoo messenger is frozen up. I'm lucky that's all.*