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A Tourist Guide to Scotland

Discussion in 'Scotland' started by PadawanSDM, May 21, 2002.

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  1. PadawanSDM

    PadawanSDM Jedi Padawan star 4

    Sep 27, 2000
    The following may be of help to first time visitors to Scotland. Please
    find below a list of DO's and DO NOT DO's in God's own country. I hope
    they are of some help in allowing you to understand our social rules
    and etiquette :-

    It is considered bad manners for tourists to pay for drinks in Glasgow
    Pubs. The biggest person in the bar (referred to as The Big Numpty)
    will be only too happy to pay. i.e.:

    BARMAN: That will be twenty pounds, Sir.
    TOURIST: The Big Numpty over there is paying.
    BARMAN: Very good, Sir.
    THE BIG NUMPTY: Welcome to Scotland.

    In Highland pubs always ask for plenty of water when drinking the
    local single malts, this tells the locals that you like it so much that you
    want to make it last longer. After your first sip announce to everyone in
    the bar in a loud voice "This is pish!" from the Gaelic Piesh Na' Lavvy
    meaning Water of God.

    Thurso is Scotland's largest hypermarket and multiscreen cinema Complex
    and is only a short taxi ride from Glasgow.

    The Scottish Police force actively encourage tourists to take their
    hats as souvenirs.

    Braemar is famous for its miles of sandy beaches and has some of the
    best surfing in Europe.

    Balmoral Castle sits on top of Ben Nevis near Sauchiehall Street in
    Edinburgh. There is a cable car from Edinburgh zoo to the top of Ben
    Nevis. Because of its height it offers all year round skiing and there
    is a revolving restaurant on the roof of the castle.

    Often you will see men in bowler hats marching about playing the flute
    and banging a drum. This is a multi denominational religious ceremony and
    the object of this procession is to collect pictures of religious leaders
    which must be stuck to the drum. Any images, particularly those of the
    Pope will be greatly appreciated.

    There is a nocturnal thistle called a "Spiky Jessie" which is found on
    Calton Hill in Edinburgh. As these flowers only open at night a trip up
    the hill is recommended. Just tell a taxi driver that you want to go up
    Calton Hill to take pictures of the Jessies coming out and he will be
    happy to oblige.

    The Latin inscription on Edinburgh's coat of arms says "You'll have had
    your tea?"

    The most popular hotel in Glasgow is called The Barlinnie.

    Old people are banned from Scottish towns on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
    If you see any gently restrain them until a police officer arrives. This
    may also provide an opportunity to get a hat as a souvenir.

    Glasgow operates a policy of plain clothed street bankers. As it is
    well known that carrying small change can tear people's pockets, these
    bankers will approach tourists and ask if they have any spare change. Once
    given this money they will exchange it for coins or notes of a higher
    denomination. In order to deter criminals, these Banker often dress in
    a scruffy unkempt manner but they are all highly trained in finance.

    Edinburgh zoo has an adopt an animal scheme and tourists may take home
    any animal they wish.

    At many beauty spots you will find musicians playing the bagpipes.
    They are employed by the Scottish Government to provide tourists with
    spending money which can be found in bowls beside them. Feel free to take as
    much money as you want.

    William Wallace escaped the army of Oliver Cromwell by jumping over the
    River Forth at Aberdeen on a motorbike.

    If you go to a concert by The Royal Scottish National Orchestra it is
    considered impolite not to shout "Hoots!" during quiet sections of

    "Jobbie" is a word meaning a lot of effort has gone into producing
    something i.e. when you have enjoyed a meal, tell the waiter that it
    tasted like a great big jobbie.
  2. MOTs_Minx

    MOTs_Minx Jedi Knight star 6

    Oct 26, 2000
    So true... ;)

  3. Shara

    Shara Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 4, 2000
    Ummm...yeeaaahh. I'll be sure to remember all of that when I come over ;)

    *marvels that she is not as daft as most American tourists*
  4. PadawanSDM

    PadawanSDM Jedi Padawan star 4

    Sep 27, 2000
    When are you coming over?
  5. Shara

    Shara Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 4, 2000
    If I come over at any time, it would be at the earliest next May through school. Either that or if I get married, it would be on my honeymoon, but who knows when the heck that'll be.
  6. Obi_one_and_only

    Obi_one_and_only Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 18, 2001
    [face_laugh] @ PadawanSDM
  7. Meriwyn

    Meriwyn Former RSA star 4

    Mar 22, 2002
    ROFL I know what a "jobbie" is and it's NOT a job well done! LOL

    Thank God my fiance is from Scotland and I've been there many times ;) The list is a pisser though...well done...LOL.
  8. obi-wan_fan1

    obi-wan_fan1 Jedi Youngling

    May 21, 2002
    I LOVE your post! I was laughing all the way through it. [face_laugh]
  9. Gav Daragon

    Gav Daragon Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Mar 25, 2000
    I go out to Braemar all the time and the beaches there are second to none ;)
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