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Before - Legends Alive - Pearl Jam songfic - Palpatine - Horror/tragedy/Angst Author gives thanks

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by BrentusofGath, Feb 11, 2007.

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  1. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Title: Alive
    Author: Brentus
    Characters: Palpatine, his mother and his Master
    Time Frame: Palpatine is a boy of six and then ten
    Genre: Songfic
    Notes: I had to change one word in the original song in order for this to work, I think you can forgive me. ;) Strangely enough, the song itself didn't really inspire me during the writing, I have Soundgarden's 'My Wave' to thank for playing in the background while I wrote most of this.




    ~Son, she said, have I got a little story for you
    What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...~


    "Mother," the shivering, pale boy asked the sluggish woman sitting on the side of his bed in the dead of night. "Mother, you said you'd tell me about my father when I got older."

    A cool breeze that eminated from seemingly nowhere passed over his neck; he shuddered all over and cowered under the covers.

    A warm, comforting hand touched him, making him a little bolder. He looked longingly into the woman's frowning, weary face. He'd had the nightmares for the past several nights, each time his blood-curdling scream sought out the only person in his life who cared a lick about him, besides his owner, that is.

    The dreams always had the same horrifying images of murder and mayhem which swarmed around the petrified boy. He felt encased in darkness, as though a heavy weight was secured to his leg and dragged him down into an ever crushing morass of pure, blistering rage.

    His mother opened her mouth as if to speak, but a tormented soul suffering beyond reason was all he saw. She closed her mouth and tucked the blanket in around him.

    "He's here," the boy said before his mother could stand. "He's in my nightmares. I need to know."

    ~*~*~*~

    ~While you were sittin' home alone at age four
    Your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked...~


    "Your father is dead," his mother told him. "He died when you were four years old." She sighed and a tear welled in her eye.

    The boy watched, hypnotized as her face told the terrifying story her lips refused to disclose. The fear, sadness and loathing concentrated in the tear, until it was a single, bare, vengeful droplet of liquid hate that seared her cheek as it sizzled across. It dropped in scorching acridity and became a pestilential disease of all that was wrong in the tiny galaxy that was their lives.

    It dropped right onto his face. He absorbed it, as if it was a final morsel of sustenance passed on by a mother who's death rattle was a cry of mourning, not for herself, but for her lost child, falling into a hell of darkness.

    "He's gone; he can't harm you, my son. I promise."

    Her words turned into shards of glass that rained down on this mere child's face, slashing his pallid skin into a hideous, agonizing phantasm.

    "Now, please, try to go back to sleep. Master Yikka doesn't like it when we oversleep." She pushed herself up from the bed and tiredly blew a kiss to him, before turning and trudging from the room.

    The boy stared up at the ceiling, the kiss blowing in the wind turning ancient and moldy, with jagged, rusty edges as it descended to caress his painful, crimson cheek. He cringed as the light disappeared, leaving shadow and abstract, ghastly forms playing liberally against the backdrop of an ever more terrifying hell.

    ~*~*~*~

    ~Oh I, oh, I'm still alive~

    Every time he closed his eyes, lying there in the frigid blackness, a glowing, blood-red monster with a maniacal gaze that would horrify stone. Visions of murder most foul dripped from the murky corners of his consciousness, challenging him to recall and recoil from their acid bite.

    Why was he here? Something tugged at his soul, something bitter, cynical and evil. He knew he was the one who was supposed to die; at least, he desperately wanted to believe it, anything to stop the barrage of dreadful images. He'd gladly give in to any whim, any thought not his own to be purged of what he saw.

    Still, he was alive, stuck in a terrible existence between lif
     
  2. Noelie

    Noelie Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2005
    In a way this makes Palpatine a bit more sympathetic than the somewhat pampered man you could imagine him being.

    It is a very dark, very sad piece full of pent up anger.

    It seems to say "good job" to something like this, but it is true.

    Great job BrentusofGath!
     
  3. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    Very haunting glimpse of the genesis of the man Palpatine later becomes... *shiver*

    Very well done, Mr. Gath!
     
  4. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Reading this the second time around doesn't make it any less creepy

    It's unfortunate Palpy didn't get a happy childhood but I still say he got what he deserved in the end. [face_not_talking]

    Very nice job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  5. Lea-El

    Lea-El Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 13, 2005
    Wow! I didn't know my mother in law was related to Palpatine!

    Fortunately my husband parted from his raising!

    This could almost make you feel sorry for Palpatine but he chose to be evil.

    You must have a mean streak in you to channel Palpatine so well.

    Wicked wicked work!
    =D==D==D==D=
     
  6. furrylittlebantha

    furrylittlebantha Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 2, 2005
    Wierd. And I repeat: Wierd. Twisted. I don't really get it, but that begs the question if anyone can really "get" Palps. The part about his mom was especially devastating. For a moment there I thought we were looking at some poor innocent darkside version of Shmi, but then she goes all dragon.


    Very cool and evil, Brentus!
     
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Very dark, very powerful. :eek:

    "Your father is dead," his mother told him. "He died when you were four years old." She sighed and a tear welled in her eye.

    The boy watched, hypnotized as her face told the terrifying story her lips refused to disclose. The fear, sadness and loathing concentrated in the tear, until it was a single, bare, vengeful droplet of liquid hate that seared her cheek as it sizzled across. It dropped in scorching acridity and became a pestilential disease of all that was wrong in the tiny galaxy that was their lives.


    Bravo! =D=
     
  8. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Oh wow! Pearl Jam - and one of my favourite PJ songs. You beautie. ;) I'll read it in detail and post a review asap. :)
     
  9. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Quite the intense look at a young Palpatine. Fantasticaly done Brentus. =D=
     
  10. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    I thought the imagery was stunning, especially that sense of disease and "wrongness" you acieved in passages like this:

    The boy watched, hypnotized as her face told the terrifying story her lips refused to disclose. The fear, sadness and loathing concentrated in the tear, until it was a single, bare, vengeful droplet of liquid hate that seared her cheek as it sizzled across. It dropped in scorching acridity and became a pestilential disease of all that was wrong in the tiny galaxy that was their lives.

    It dropped right onto his face. He absorbed it, as if it was a final morsel of sustenance passed on by a mother who's death rattle was a cry of mourning, not for herself, but for her lost child, falling into a hell of darkness.

    I got a real sense of the wretchedness of his upbringing, and it made me pity him, especially when he questions the meaning of "being alive". Death certainly would be a release, and yet at the same time I can appreciate the fact he feels guilty for living. You show his confusion well, and it creates sympathy for him.

    I'm really impressed at the way you seem to be able to get into Palpy's skin to show plausible causes for him being the way he is. The language was awesome. I could sense a kind of weird love-hate, almost sado-masochistic, relationship with his mother. Great job. :)
     
  11. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Noelie posted: It is a very dark, very sad piece full of pent up anger.

    Much like it's author. ;)

    DaenaBenjen42 posted: Very haunting glimpse of the genesis of the man Palpatine later becomes... *shiver*

    Thanks, sis. :) And thanks for the shiver. [face_devil]

    KELIA posted: Reading this the second time around doesn't make it any less creepy

    [face_devil] Thanks for reading it both times, Master!

    Lea-el posted: You must have a mean streak in you to channel Palpatine so well.

    Yeah, that steak was too well done. *burp*

    :p

    furrylittlebantha posted: I don't really get it, but that begs the question if anyone can really "get" Palps.

    Am I the only one who truly, "gets" Palpatine? [face_devil] And here I thought you'd understand, being a fellow Sith like me. :Þ

    VaderLVR64 posted: Very dark, very powerful.

    Once again, much like the author. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    Healer_Leona posted: Fantasticaly done Brentus.

    [face_blush] Aw, thanks, you'll make all the blood rush to my brain. :Þ

    Tahi posted: I can appreciate the fact he feels guilty for living.

    Don't we all? :eek: You mean you don't? Hmm, I guess I'm just a bit too cynical for this world. :Þ



    *Big hugs for all my readers*
     
  12. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    His mother: once angelic, suddenly morphed into a demon with scaly skin, breath of fire and brimstone, and a countenance as morbid and distant as Death itself.

    "Son, I love you; always remember that." She kissed his cheek with hell-fire that melted the skin from his face.

    I think that was the creepiest part right there.[face_worried]

    Creepy, creepy weird. Not odd though considering the source. :p

    Marvelous writing, BrentusofGath. =D=
     
  13. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Meredith_Kenobi posted: Creepy, creepy weird. Not odd though considering the source.

    Are you implying that I might be creepy and weird? :eek:

    [face_thinking]

    I guess you have a point. [face_devil]

    Thanks for reading! :)
     
  14. Jedi-Ant

    Jedi-Ant Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 3, 2007
    The boy stared up at the ceiling, the kiss blowing in the wind turning ancient and moldy, with jagged, rusty edges as it descended to caress his painful, crimson cheek. He cringed as the light disappeared, leaving shadow and abstract, ghastly forms playing liberally against the backdrop of an ever more terrifying hell.

    Ooh...this part was very powerful!

    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Palpatine!?!

    I should have known with you :D...but at the start I thought it was Anakin Skywalker. :p

    Great job with this, =D=you really made me feel sorry for Palpatine.

    Ant.
    ]-}
     
  15. NerdWOMAN

    NerdWOMAN Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2005
    Wow! That was great! =D= =D=

    Intriguing insight into the life of young Palpatine. I don't particularly like songfics but I enjoyed this one immensely. It's always refreshing to read the perspective of someone so freakishly evil.
     
  16. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Jedi-Ant posted: I should have known with you

    [face_shame_on_you] Yes, you should. :p

    NerdWOMAN posted: It's always refreshing to read the perspective of someone so freakishly evil.

    [face_devil]

    [face_thinking]

    Oh, you meant Palpatine. :( I thought you meant me.

    I'm glad you both enjoyed it!
     
  17. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Jut been rereading this and decided it deserved an up. The language is amazing - chilling, but SO good. :) [shiver, shiver]
     
  18. thusspakezarathustra

    thusspakezarathustra Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 30, 2006
    This is impressive and you sure get ino Palpatine's soul. I'm impressed. :)

    How could one define 'alive' when he dreamed only of the gentle release of a painful death? If twinges of desire festered in his tortured soul and baleful, stoic choruses forever hummed within his rotting carcass?

    His mother's sardonic love had killed everything his father's acute hate left in its battering, bruising wake. Crying an ocean of tears, cowering in his bed served only to deepen his shame and guilt for being 'alive' when his loving parents were gone.

    He was alive, and he would make them suffer for it. All of them.

    I think the way you got into the whole twisted nature of his parents love was very good and it made me sympathise with the poor kid. Love can be a double edged sword. :( It can be used as a weapon.

    Anyway you used the lyrics very well. =D=
     
  19. MotionWright

    MotionWright Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Feels like a mix of Poe and Shakespeare's writing styles. The horror/tragedy/angst label fits perfectly. [face_skull]

    He'd had the nightmares for the past several nights, each time his blood-curdling scream sought out the only person in his life who cared a lick about him, besides his owner, that is.

    So they're slaves? From Padme's reaction in TPM, it's hard to believe slavery was ever allowed on Naboo, but it does create an interesting analogy with Anakin.

    His mother opened her mouth as if to speak, but a tormented soul suffering beyond reason was all he saw.

    Mothers can't hide their suffering from their children, even when they don't cry in front of us, can they?

    "Your father is dead," his mother told him. "He died when you were four years old." She sighed and a tear welled in her eye.

    Who is the tear for? It feels like she's mourning his father's death. I can imagine ;) how that makes her son feel.

    Why was he here? Something tugged at his soul, something bitter, cynical and evil. He knew he was the one who was supposed to die; at least, he desperately wanted to believe it, anything to stop the barrage of dreadful images.

    The "dreadful images" are visions of his own future actions, aren't they? Of course that would frighten and horrify a child - so much that he will smother his own ability to feel in order to no longer be affected by what he sees.

    He'd gladly give in to any whim, any thought not his own to be purged of what he saw.

    Yes, and he will gladly kill his heart and become a Sith ... I know I would have.

    Still, he was alive, stuck in a terrible existence between life and death where fear was his only companion.

    There's a distressing ring of truth to this - you're describing the world of the abused child.

    The curse of his father's gaze seemed far away. It was hard to remember anything from that time; at least that's what he told himself.

    ... chillingly accurate insight into the mind of a child trying to conquer the past with a forced indifference.

    His mother's sardonic love had killed everything his father's acute hate left in its battering, bruising wake. Crying an ocean of tears, cowering in his bed served only to deepen his shame and guilt for being 'alive' when his loving parents were gone.

    He was alive, and he would make them suffer for it. All of them.


    There's a twisted logic in that.

    She was subtle, passive, sneaky; she was exactly what he wanted to be.

    Sounds very much like Palpatine. ;)

    "Why don't you weep, my son? Weep for your mother who you smothered in your pity and self hatred?" The ghost was transparent, yet opaque at the same time in its own plotting way.

    "I weep for a thousand dead mothers," he spat at the monstrosity.


    You're illustrating the curse of the over-empathetic soul devoured by guilt for its own and everyone else's actions.

    And rather than feel guilt for what he didn't do, he will do it all ...

    He would debase himself, create a persona for his evil that could go undetected for a time, using his anger to mask his desolation until the moment was right.

    Good insight into Palpatine's double life and how he felt about it. :)
     
  20. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Tahi posted: chilling, but SO good. :) [shiver, shiver]

    Thanks mate! ;)

    thusspakezarathustra posted: This is impressive and you sure get ino Palpatine's soul. I'm impressed.

    Thank you. :)

    I think the way you got into the whole twisted nature of his parents love was very good and it made me sympathise with the poor kid.

    Thanks again! All good villains need a little sympathy. :p

    It can be used as a weapon.

    It can indeed. I imagined Palpy had a lot of lousy people in his early life.

    Thanks for checking this out!

    MotionWright posted: Feels like a mix of Poe and Shakespeare's writing styles.

    [face_blush] Nobody's as good as those two, IMHO. Thank you so much for the comparison.

    From Padme's reaction in TPM, it's hard to believe slavery was ever allowed on Naboo, but it does create an interesting analogy with Anakin.

    Maybe Palpy isn't from Naboo originally. *grin*

    Mothers can't hide their suffering from their children, even when they don't cry in front of us, can they?

    [:D]

    I can imagine how that makes her son feel.

    Not too good I imagine. [face_devil]

    The "dreadful images" are visions of his own future actions, aren't they?

    Perhaps. [face_batting]

    ... chillingly accurate insight into the mind of a child trying to conquer the past with a forced indifference.

    [:D]

    And rather than feel guilt for what he didn't do, he will do it all ...

    The classic overachiever, trying to make up for what they perceive as a lacking in themselves. Except Palpy achieved far more than most.

    Good insight into Palpatine's double life and how he felt about it.

    :) Thank you.



    Thanks again to anyone who read this. And thanks for the noms. :)
     
  21. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi VIP star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 27, 2003
    I saw this during the trivia contest and meant to read it then, as I'm a huge Pearl Jam fan, but never got around to it (I don't come to Before enough [face_blush]). Anyway, I absolutely love this piece.

    For one, it was a great use of the song, and it's interesting how close you stayed to its true meaning. Most importantly though, I love the way you humanized Palpatine. It's so easy to write him as mindlessly evil, and that's really what he represents in the movies. Here we see Palpatine as a boy, with a mother he loves. It's dark, and painful, and beautifully written.

    Great work =D=
     
  22. Yuul_Shamar

    Yuul_Shamar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Great job brentusofgath, very well done, very well done. i would have replied sooner but i havent checked the fanfic boards since your last story ended(still cant wait for the sequel=P~ =P~ =P~ [face_praying] [face_praying] [face_praying] )
     
  23. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    :eek: I had more replies? Sorry about not seeing them before, guys.


    YodaKenobi posted: Most importantly though, I love the way you humanized Palpatine.

    Thanks! Since the PT, I've looked on Palps as just that - human. It was easy to make him simply a monster in the past because of the OT. His character really wasn't well done, IMHO, but in the PT, he really got to shine and show us his human side as well. I really like that part, and love the character in total.

    Thanks for the praise!


    Yuul_Shamar posted: Great job brentusofgath, very well done, very well done.

    Thanks. :) It's nice to write something that's liked, even if it does scare the bejeebas out of some folk. [face_devil] In fact it's even nicer when that happens. :p
     
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