Saga And Let the Shadows Fall Behind You (DDC2016, Obi-Wan) Entry 13, September 9

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JadeLotus, Jan 23, 2016.

  1. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005
    This is a continuation of my DDC2015 fic, Turn Your Face to the Sun, in which Obi-Wan chronicles his exile on Tatooine, addressing his journal entries to Qui-Gon in a form of meditation.

    That fic covered the first five years of Obi-Wan's exile, as he formed a friendship with Beru and helped with early childhood care for Luke. He and Owen came to an understanding of sorts, although they generally disliked each other.

    Obi-Wan was also plagued with guilt and periods of deep depression, although he forms a strong bond with Luke. When Owen and Beru are forced into extreme poverty by Jabba's thugs and Jabba discover's Luke's identity, Obi-Wan convinces him that Luke is not Force sensitive, and agrees to work for Jabba in return for protection for the Lars family. On one mission, Obi-Wan chances across Bo-Katan and her daughter Mara, to whom he teaches some rudimentary Force skills. However some time later he hears that they have been killed by the Empire. Obi-Wan also corresponds with Bail Organa about Leia, who is also starting to show signs of the Force.

    After an incident in which Luke uses the Force to heal an injured dewback, Owen and Beru agree to let Obi-Wan train Luke to contain and control his abilities. But Obi-Wan cannot help himself from teaching Luke more, and when he is discovered he's thrown out and cut off from all contact with Luke.

    And so the story continues...

    Entry 1

    Dear Qui-Gon,

    It has been some time since I have written, although I cannot claim that I have been too busy to do so. It has been many months since Owen ejected me from his home and I have not attempted to return, for I believe his promise to shoot me on sight should I do so.

    I miss Luke terribly. I had expected to form of bond with the child, of course – he is Anakin’s son and our best hope to end the darkness which presently engulfs all of our lives. And yet…I find myself quite bereft of his presence in way that is quite separate from his heritage or destiny. Luke is such a happy child that his attitude cannot help but be infectious, and I feel as if I have been forced to live in a dark world where once I knew bright sunshine. I miss his insightful and eager responses to my teaching, that feeling of pride and accomplishment that this time I would not fail. That Luke would one day be the Jedi I could not make of his father.

    But I am banished now as well as exiled. Luke will grow up and forget his strange powers, dismissing them as an idle childhood fancy. And perhaps that is for the best. Perhaps Yoda and I were wrong to include him in our plans, to expect more of him than he may be willing to give. That was our mistake with Anakin, for when the nine year old boy wanted to become a Jedi I doubt he thought it would mean a life of war and hardship, of sacrifice where his love for Padmé would have to be hidden and denied. Would he have made the same choice?

    I know I would have. The Jedi have been my life’s purpose; it has given me structure and fulfillment. I have not always agreed with the Council, but I have always believed in the Code.

    There is no emotion, there is peace.
    There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
    There is no passion, there is serenity.
    There is no chaos, there is harmony.
    There is no death, there is the Force.

    All my life, I have looked to these tenets and found guidance and comfort in them. Yes, I have loved – Siri, Satine – but I have never felt the uncontrolled passion that must have coursed through Anakin’s veins, leading him to take such drastic steps so he would not lose what he had come to possess. I once told Satine that I would have left the Jedi Order if she had asked it of me, but I wonder now whether that had been nothing more than a flight of romantic fancy. Perhaps she had never asked me because she knew it would not have made me happy.

    Even with all that has happened, I still choose the life of a Jedi, although my resolve is often tested. A true Jedi does not work for a crimelord, although I convince myself that such acts are countered by the protection it affords Luke. A true Jedi should not have lied to Owen and Beru, and tried to train Luke without their knowledge, and I accept my error. Yet I believe my heart remains that of a Jedi, and every day I learn and I improve.

    I wish Anakin had come to me about Padmé, so that I could have counselled him. And yet, what would I have said? Advised him to leave the Jedi Order, to become another Lost One, shunned by his brothers and sisters? Or would I have begged him to stay, convinced him that his love was mere longing, and that he was needed in the upcoming war? That more was required of him, the Chosen One, and that he should put aside such fancies for the greater good?

    Perhaps he had been trying to spare me that choice. I had known of course, the nature of his and Padmé’s relationship although I had underestimated how deep his attachment was. Anakin made the choice to keep that secret, and I made the choice to pretend I didn’t know.

    Time will only tell what Luke’s choices will be.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Entry 2

    Dear Qui-Gon,

    I have received a missive from Bail Organa, so well encoded that it took me the better part of the day to read the message. We have corresponded on occasion but it appears security provisions in the Core Worlds have tightened and a meeting over the holonet impossible no matter how secure the line is. I reproduce the decoded message here:


    I hope this message finds you well and in good spirits. Alderaan is prospering under the benevolence of the Emperor, and he had honoured us with the particular attention of Lord Vader, who is to attend our millennial celebrations later this year.

    Breha is determined to hold an Organa family reunion in the lead up to the celebrations. I know you are only her distant cousin, but as a dear friend we would be pleased for you to attend should you have the time.

    Bail Organa

    As you can see, Qui-Gon, even in a coded message Bail must be careful, but I can easily read between the lines. The Emperor and Vader are getting too close – perhaps they sense Bail’s dissent, or my earlier warning that little Leia could give herself away are hitting home. I am of course in no way related to Breha Organa, but it is an easy lie and would not give raise flags should the message be intercepted.

    So I must journey to Alderaan. I am reluctant to leave Luke, but what good am I doing him here? Every day I journey out to watch Luke as he starts to assist Owen on the farm, learning the mechanics of vaporators so that they can be methodically checked and repaired. It is hard work for one so young, and although Luke has a vast aptitude for mechanics being out in the heart all day is exhausting. But he is old enough now to start earning his keep, the same as Owen would have done at Luke’s age.

    For the moment he seems happy enough, although every now and then he looks in my direction as if he can sense my presence. Perhaps he can, and wonders why I no longer visit. I hope Owen and Beru told him I was to blame, so the boy does not think it was anything he did. It’s likely, given Owen’s feelings about me.

    There is nothing more I can do for Luke at present, but perhaps I can help his sister. I can only hope Bail and Breha will be more receptive, or at the very least happy to see me.

    I can’t wait to take a proper shower.

    Ben Kenobi
  2. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    A beautiful and wistful title. I love the introspection and continued resolve in #1 as to which path he would have chosen - it takes a great deal of self-knowledge and honesty to know that with all that's happened as a consequence. I agree that any discussion with Anakin about attachments would have been frustrating for both.

    #2 - very much looking forward to the trip to Alderaan. I have a feeling it could get complicated, though hopefully not.
    AzureAngel2, Ewok Poet and JadeLotus like this.
  3. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic Mod in Pink star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Glad to see this continuing! Ever since Obi-Wan's heartrending banishment from Luke (as I guess one could call it) at the end of last year's diary, I've been raring to see how things will continue for him—for both of them. Naturally even the most stoical of Jedi is going to need time to process such a startling development, and the way Obi is doing so seems very much in character for him: turning to the Jedi Code and other basic tenets of the Jedi path, but also very systematically and critically reviewing his own choices and considering all the implications of his "different points of view."

    In a way, the message from Bail came at the right time. It serves the rather therapeutic purpose of snapping Obi-Wan back into awareness of the dangers facing the Galaxy and the twins, and given that he can't do anything for Luke (as he points out) there is at least the possibility that he may be able to do something for Leia—that is, unless he makes another of the same kind of blunder he made with Luke and the Larses. And given... well... various aspects of his personality, that seems like a very real danger! [face_nail_biting] So we'll just have to see. In any case, he will no doubt be welcomed with open arms (hopefully by all the Organas), and the tranquil greenscape of Alderaan will be undoubtedly be a very welcome change from sandy Tatooine.

    Would love to be tagged on further updates, if you please! :cool:
  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    At this point, I'm just nodding and clapping to this, as I need to go through the July-December entries in the 2015 journal in order to continue with this one. Until then, a) incredible title, b) glad that this is continuing. Sorry for this more or less pointless placeholder.
  5. gaarastar58

    gaarastar58 Jedi Master star 3

    Dec 19, 2010
    Brilliant start, I haven't had the chance to go back and read your DDC but it is now firmly on my reading list. I love that Ben realises he is still learning and growing despite being a Jedi Master., it must have been a terrible burden for him to be out there for so long thinking on his mistakes, no wonder he wanted to reach out to Luke and it must be awful to have that relationship snatched away as well. Please tag me when you update!
  6. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Grand Master star 4

    May 25, 2005
    Poor Obi-Wan. I am excited to read about Alderaan, and he deserves an amazing shower. All the showers. You are a writing machine, lady, and we are the lucky recipients!!!! ^:)^
  7. taramidala

    taramidala Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 18, 1999
    I, too, am intrigued by Obi-Wan's visit to Alderaan and hope it goes well! Perhaps he'll run into another old friend while there? And take her to tea? [face_love]
  8. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    Very glad to see this continuing! and your title follows so gracefully: Turn your face to the sun and let the shadows fall behind you. So poetic!

    How sad that Obi-wan doesn't realize that the reason he bonded with Luke wasn't because Luke was the son of Anakin or the best hope of the Jedi, but because Obi-wan fell head over heels for a beautiful, precious child.

    There were mistakes made on everyone's part. Obi-wan doesn't bear the whole responsibility, of course, but looking backward, things are always so much clearer. There are sins of intent, and sins of omission; what we do and what we fail to do.

    It sounds as if Ben has done everything he could do for Luke on Tatooine, and now the heavily coded message from Bail indicates a serious problem on Alderaan. It's time for Obi-wan to change locations, and I think that will do everyone good. Beru and Owen will have more normalcy in their days. Luke will learn self-reliance, Ben will have something productive to do with his days, and he can be a valuable protector to Leia.

    And, a more civilized place with a proper shower. We know how Obi-wan is all about being civilized. ;)
  9. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
    This ^^^ ;)

    Like everyone else, I'm going to say how happy I am to see this story continuing. Obi-Wan's years in the deserts of Tatooine is an interesting period to explore, and you did it masterfully by having him oscillate between depression, enthusiasm and danger. I am very curious to see what he will be doing on Alderaan, but also how he will manage to keep an eye on Luke from afar. At any rate, Turn Your Face to the Sun is now indelibly part of my head-canon in the way you built the explanation for Owen's rejection of Ben, and I'm sure that this story will add another dimension to it.
  10. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 25, 2010
    I love that you have started this again! I can't wait to see 'Breha's cousin Ben' on Alderan. Please tag me when you update if you are doing so.
  11. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005

    Hindsight is 20/20, and Obi-Wan sees all to clearly his mistakes but must come to realise that what happened with Anakin was not completely his responsibility.

    He's learning slowly, I think, and its quite the process. At heart he will always believe in and abide by the Jedi Code, but he now sees the rigidity in teaching it too narrowly, finding a balance perhaps where he was too strident before.

    Of course! And yes, in some way getting away seems like a good idea for Obi-Wan, so he can regroup and even get his confidence back - being separated from Luke has been hard on him mentally as well as emotionally. He's a Jedi who has lost his purpose, or at least been relegated to the background when he's used to being a man of action.

    Looking forward to your thoughts, and thanks for reading!

    Will do. Obi-Wan is one of my favourite characters, as his time in exile really fascinates me. It was a time that invited a great deal of self-reflection and loneliness, and I thought there had to have been more to it than that!

    He deserves a good wash and moisturise! I think he's getting an appreciation for Anakin's hatred of sand.


    You know me so well.

    It is one of the great tragedies of Obi-Wan's life, imo, that he loved Luke so much, and spent so much time watching over him, but they had so little time actually together.

    Indeed! Obi-Wan needs to be useful, and hopes he can be on Alderaan for a while even though he knows he will always return to Luke. And yes, it will give Owen and Beru a bit of much-needed distance.

    Much of this fic was inspired by wondering why Obi-Wan would keep so far away that Luke would only know him as a "strange old hermit" and I figured it had to be more than just Owen's dislike. His mental state was also extremely interesting to me as well, given the change in circumstances, the second-guessing and self blame as well as idleness. He's only a few years into his exile, so there is plenty more story to tell.

    Certainly will. I'm very excited to explore Alderaan again!
  12. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005
    Elements in this chapter inspired by @taramidala's works - if you haven't read her wonderful fic Life Among the Ashes, do yourself a favour and get over there (after you've read this update, of course! :p)

    Tags: Findswoman, gaarastar58, Briannakin

    Entry 3

    Dear Qui-Gon,

    Alderaan is even more beautiful than I remember. A planet of towering, snowy mountains, deep blue oceans and endless, fertile woods, she is not by some idle fancy that she is known as the jewel of the Core. When I stepped off my transport this morning the crisp breeze that caressed my face was so gentle and mild I’m ashamed to say it almost made me weep.

    I looked up at a sun that did not scald my eyes, and for the first time in years saw clouds. Tatooine was harsh and demanding, but Alderaan was like the warm embrace of a friend, every aspect of my surroundings from the smiling faces in the spaceport to the smell of orowood blossoms in the air giving a sense of welcome.

    Even so, I was cautious, as I had no idea if there were Imperial spies lurking about. I had dyed my hair a dark brown to pass more convincingly as a relation of Breha’s but I was worried that I was too fair, for the Organas are renowned for their beautiful golden-brown skin. But it seems the twin suns have done their work over the years, and my once pale complexion has become careworn and tanned.

    Though friendly, no one gave me a second glance as I headed towards the speeder rentals and I was confident my meagre disguise was adequate. Briefly, I wondered how many had once seen my face on the holonet, when news of a victory had been broadcast. I was one half of Skywalker and Kenobi in those days, a beacon of hope in the galaxy who had been too long at war. Children had play-acted as me and adults had felt reassured by my image, and now only a few years later I am just another face in the crowd.

    I never reveled in the adoration like Anakin had, but I cannot deny my own vanity is stung by being back in the Core, and wholly forgotten. But I quickly scolded myself for such thoughts and turned them into gratitude, as anonymity meant safety not only for myself but others as well.

    I was halfway across the spaceport when my breath caught in my throat and I stopped abruptly at the sight of a woman. No - a ghost.

    I have seen her sometimes in my dreams, of course, a scared, piteous woman in pain as she births her child. Sometimes her cries turn into accusations – help me, Obi-Wan, why didn’t you help me? We could have brought him back together. One error among many, I had revealed myself on Mustafar at precisely the wrong time, too upset with Anakin and desperate to stop him. The endless what ifs run through my mind – if I had waited until she’d calmed him down, if I had showed understanding instead of judgement, if, if, if…

    I swallowed heavily and blinked, shaking those thoughts away. When I looked again it was not Padmé before me, not a specter come to warn me away from her daughter as I have been warned away from her son. It was Sabé.

    I breathed a sigh of relief as she approached me, a delicate smile on her lips. She still bore a striking resemblance to Padmé, although perhaps age had differentiated them further; Sabé’s face was thinner and neck longer, her eyes darker and deeper. I had always considered Sabé to be the more regal of the two, although perhaps that was simply because I first knew her as queen and Padmé in her disguise as handmaiden.

    “Hello, old friend,” Sabé greeted me, extending her hand warmly. I grasped it with a smile, and it had been so long since I had done so the skin of my cheeks felt tight and cracked.

    “Thank you for meeting me.” A banal comment, to be sure, but I could not be certain Sabé was still using that name, or what cover story they had concocted. She gave me a nod in recognition as her smile widened slightly, as is pleased I had picked up on her cues. But then, we’d always made a good team.

    Sabé took me to the Palace, explaining that Bail and Breha would visit me tomorrow as they were involved in court duties until then. I was happy enough with that, particularly when I was shown luxurious guest rooms and given some time alone to refresh myself. I will admit only to you, Qui-Gon, that when Sabé left the room I lay on the blue silk sheets of the bed and ran the soft material against the desiccated skin of my cheek for longer than perhaps necessary.

    The shower was heaven itself, washing away years of accumulated dust and dirt that no stanisteam could properly remove. I rubbed at my dry skin until it was a plump pink, and experimented with the various oils and creams set out for me until I felt civilized again. There were fresh clothes as well, of stylized cut and fine material in shades of Organa blue, a thousand times more comfortable than Jedi robes.

    When I emerged from the refresher I saw Sabé had returned and was seated at an ornate table by the window. The cups and saucers set out before her were recognisably royal – delicate porcelain with intricate blue brushstrokes made by a skilled hand. But the teapot doesn’t match – it was red and black, engraved with the images of flowers and vines; old and well-worn, yet delicate despite its cast iron construction.

    I took a seat beside Sabé as she poured the tea, a dark amber liquid which gave off an enticing aroma. It brought back fond memories of tea ceremonies we’d shared over the years, the first when she was still masquerading as Queen and had offered to show a young and bored apprentice the practice of her people. Since then on the rare occasions we met it had often been over a cup of tea, trading blends, stories and advice.

    “How have you been, Ben?” she asked, even in private using my assumed name. “How is young Luke?”

    I raised the teacup to my lips and blew on it lightly before taking a sip. “Oh, that it lovely,” I said with relief, the tea strong with herbal undercurrents. “Luke is a precious child,” I added with a smile. “Clever and sweet, and everything a young boy should be.”

    “I am glad to hear it.” Sabé took a sip of her tea, her smile as gentle and warm as I remembered. “I have been acting as dear Leia’s governess, and she is precocious and mature beyond her years."

    I drank my tea as she spoke, so happy to hear friendly words and anxious to know how Leia had been faring. It was almost like the old days, even though I know that they are long gone and will never return.

    "She will make a wonderful queen someday," Sabé said, toying slightly with the tablecloth. "But...she still dreams of the boy who lives in the sun, and sometimes I catch her seeming lonely even if a crowd of people. As if she misses something she has never truly known.”

    I finished my tea, allowing the last mouthful to linger pleasantly on my tongue. Sabé poured me another cup without me needing to ask as I pondered her statement. Luke was a lonely child also - I had attributed that to his isolation but perhaps it was something more.

    “I have wondered from time to time,” I said eventually, “if it was a mistake to split the two up.”

    Sabé seemed impassive as she took another sip of tea, but I knew from experience there was something brewing beneath her cool expression. “How did you come to the decision in the first place?”

    I thought back to those moments on the Tantive IV. “There really wasn’t much of a discussion at all,” I conceded, and saw everything I needed to in Sabé’s raised eyebrows. She gently put her cup back in its saucer and wiped her hands delicately on a napkin.

    “I see.”

    “It was a trying time for us all,” I attempted to defend myself, wounded by her unspoken accusation. “Yoda rightly suggested that they needed to be hidden, and Bail said he and Breha would adopt Leia. Why he did not offer to take them both I do not know.” The selfish part of me thought that perhaps it would have been a better option, and then I would have been able to watch over them both in relative comfort.

    “Alderaan needs a Queen,” she pointed out. “It was natural for him to want a daughter, and perhaps he felt Luke would grow up in his sister’s shadow.”

    I nodded, although somewhat shamed for never giving it thought before. “Luke’s powers have already begun to manifest,” I added, the thought coming to me easily. “Both of them together may only amplify each of their strengths, and all of us would be in far more danger.”

    “Hmmm.” Sabé seemed unconvinced. “Yet I wonder if an absence in the heart is even worse. From each other, and their family still on Naboo…”

    “They can never know,” I said firmly. “You as well as anyone know the planet it too volatile now.”

    Her sharp eyes flicked back to my face, and the corners of her mouth turned downwards. “Yes, I do.”

    “I’m sorry.” I reached forward and placed my hand over hers. “It is so painful to know you will never see your home again. For you Naboo, for me the Jedi Temple…all that is lost to us now, and we must look to the future – to Luke and Leia.”

    Her expression softened. “You are right, of course. We mustn’t cling to the past too much.” With her free hand she touched the side of her teapot lightly, heedless of the heat that was surely held by it.

    Our conversation shifted to more pleasant topics – I told her of young Luke’s love of my eopie Rooh, and she spoke of Leia doing her level best to ruin every outfit she owned by playing in the mud. I did not tell her of my banishment from the Lars’ farm, pretending instead that we were both speaking of our wards as equal and loving guardians. Once I reached up to stroke my chin, the smooth skin feeling odd rather than the beard I was used to, and Sabé laughed into her tea.

    “I like it,” she told me. “It reminds me of when we first met.”

    “How young we both were then,” I said wistfully, thinking back to that arrogant padawan who thought he knew it all, and the steely handmaiden who had absorbed the life of another as her own. “How foolish.”

    “Or perhaps,” she countered. “We were wiser than we would ever be again.”

    “Perhaps you were, my dear,” I teased. “But I look back on that young fool and think only of the mistakes he will make.”

    “You are too hard on yourself, Obi-Wan,” she said softly, for once her adherence to protocol slipping. “I remember a young padawan who gave reassurance to a girl conflicted without her Queen to guide her. She watched him grow into a man who took on far too many burdens, and blamed himself too harshly for events over which he had no control.”

    My heart was warmed by her kindness, however unwarranted. I have felt so alone and rejected these past months, and Sabé’s gentle companionship has been a balm far better than a hot shower or silk sheets.

    Tomorrow I will meet with dear little Leia – with any luck I will provide the same kind of relief to Bail and Breha Organa, and not let Sabé's faith in me prove misplaced.

    Ben Kenobi
  13. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Oh how I adore this!!!!!!!!!!! I love the whew, lovely contrast you can just taste in Obi-Wan's writing of Alderaan versus Tatooine. His luxuriating in blue silk LOL and the hot shower! Bliss!

    But the topper was of course Sabé as you knew it would be!!!! [face_dancing] Her warmth, her honesty, and the delightful tea! :D Probably the decision to split the twins up was the best at the time, for everyone, but there would be unlooked-for consequences. [face_thinking]

    Can Ben just stay there and never leave? [face_laugh] ;)
    AzureAngel2, JadeLotus and Ewok Poet like this.
  14. taramidala

    taramidala Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 18, 1999
    This was lovely, missy. They're such naturals with each other despite the time. Even as friends, I ship it! [face_love]

    Sent from my SCH-I415 using Tapatalk
  15. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 25, 2010
    Lovely reunion between old friends. Somthing Kenobi probably needed,

    And seeing him in such a civilized place seems so very fitting for him. I'm loving reading this.
  16. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic Mod in Pink star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    I like how Obi-Wan's reaction to life on cool, beautiful Alderaan—so diametrically opposite to hot, harsh Tatooine—is a combination of that fish-out-of-water feeling (and quite literally too, with the actual shower he gets to take!) and sheer delight. Like Nyota's Heart, I almost wish he could stay there, too, if I didn't know what would soon happen. [face_nail_biting]

    Very sweet conversation with Sabé. It's neat how she and Ben worked out to be counterparts of each other, the way they're each watching over one of Anakin's two separated children, though as Ben himself notes they are not quite "equal guardians" after the incident with the Larses. It's an arresting contrast: on one hand there's the official, family-approved governess grooming her charge to be the future queen, and the semi-exiled guardian forced to watch his charge from a distance in a harsh and hardboiled palce, and not really knowing what will become of him later. And given the more official and formal interactions Obi-Wan is probably going to have to undergo later when he meets the Organa family, it's especially nice that he got to have his spirits lifted by this informal chat over tea with an old friend. (Of course, the silk sheets and shower don't hurt either!)
  17. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005

    Thank you! Once I got the image of Obi-Wan rubbing his face against silk gleefully I couldn't get it out of my head :p I'm sure he wishes he could stay there - and there is an interesting AU where both twins were taken to Alderaan with Obi-Wan and Sabe as their instructors!

    Thank you! I was getting the shippy feelings when I was writing, let me tell you!

    Thank you! Yes, Obi-Wan needed to get back to a bit of civilization, just to reclaim some of his sanity ;)

    Writing this did make me wonder why the twins were split (other than because they had to match the OT!) - it does make me sad that Luke and Leia grew up apart, and Obi-Wan spent the latter years of his life in self-imposed exile. He would have thrived on Alderaan.

    Yes, Obi-Wan and Sabe are pretty interesting mirrors to one another, the same way Bail and Breha are to Owen and Beru. The former were official mother and father, with Sabe as acknowledged governess; Owen and Beru were aunt and uncle, and Obi-Wan a guardian from afar. Which isn't to say that Luke received any worse care, far from it, but it makes sense that he grew up as the boy who longed for his father and wouldn't denounce him, whereas Leia kept her adopted name and heritage.
  18. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005
    A day late, but oh well!

    Tags: @Findswoman @gaarastar58 @Briannakin

    Entry 4

    Dear Qui-Gon

    It was mid-morning when Sabé escorted me down to the Great Hall of the Delanieve Palace, where Queen Breha was holding court. She sat on a massive throne of gold and white, several steps above all those in the room. And yet her expression was serious as she listened to her trade minister give his report, a dedicated and involved monarch. To her right and down one step sat Bail Organa on a smaller throne of brass, although his attention was distracted by the small girl on his lap.

    My heart leapt at seeing little Leia after five years, so different from the serene infant I had once held in my arms. In many ways she resembled Breha, dark hair bound in braids around her head and wearing a gown of shimmering blue. But her skin was fairer, the most obvious indication she was not an Organa by blood. They had of course never hidden Leia’s adoption – she was one war orphan among many and we had taken great pains to ensure everyone believed Padmé’s child had died with her.

    I see so much of her mother in the child, and Anakin too. While Breha sits absolutely still, her hands resting lightly on the arms of her throne, young Leia is squirming in Bail’s arms, seeking to escape. I glanced at Sabé with an indulgent smile, but see the corners of her mouth slightly downturned. Evidently Leia’s behavior is not as one would expect from a princess of Alderaan, although I think privately that it is exactly what one would expect from a Skywalker.

    “She is just a child,” I say under my breath. “Is so much required of her?”

    Sabé arched an eyebrow at me. “Any more than was required of younglings at the Temple?”

    “Fair point,” I conceded. Have I already forgotten the rigorous study and responsibilities of young Jedi, that I contrast Leia’s upbringing to Luke’s rather than my own? I think back to the harsh life on Tatooine, and the struggles Luke will face ahead, and yet while he will never know the finery of Leia’s life, perhaps he will have a different sort of comfort.

    The public audience ended soon afterwards, and as the various attendees filtered out of the room Sabé brought me forward in a way that was oddly formal. Yet as I reached the base of the steps which lead up to the throne Breha’s face split into a friendly smile.

    “My dear Ben.” She rose gracefully and approached, kissing both of my cheeks in greeting. I had met Breha a handful of times in my life, and yet her demeanor made even me believe we were family. “How good of you to come.”

    Bail brought Leia forward, the child’s hand grasped gently in his own. “Leia,” he introduced her as she eyed me warily. “This is your cousin Ben.”

    I crouched down to Leia’s eye level and gave her my most charming smile. “Hello, Leia.”

    She gave me a curtsy, but it was very shallow indeed. “Have we met before?” she asked, her voice crisp and her dark eyes inquisitive. “You feel familiar.”

    I glanced up at Bail, and he grimaced. And yet Leia’s gaze was so probing, I could feel her unconsciously reaching out through the Force to discern the truth. She was not a child who could be easily lied to.

    “Once,” I said, reaching forward to pinch her cheek. “When you were a tiny baby.”

    “Perhaps you should adjourn to the private apartments,” Sabé suggested, giving a worried glance to the collection of officials still clustered near the doorway.

    “Yes,” Breha nodded. “But Leia is due for her equus lesson.”

    “I’m going to be a steeplechase champion,” Leia declared, her little chin lifting proudly.

    “Oh?” I smiled at her confidence, and thought perhaps we had found some common ground. “I once rode a varactyl, she was a very fine mount.”

    Leia cocked her head to the side and looked at me quizzically. “What’s a va-rac-tyl?”

    “A kind of giant lizard,” I told her, impressed by the way she’d sounded out the word. “Native to the world of Utapau.”

    Leia’s eyes widened in excitement, but Bail touched her lightly on the shoulder and shook his head. “Don’t even think about it.”

    “Cousin Ben can tell you all about it later,” Breha said kindly, reaching down to give Leia a kiss on the cheek. “You don’t want to be late for your lesson.”

    “I will take her, my Lady.” Sabé took Leia’s hand and gave me a reassuring nod before leaving the chamber. Breha led the way to more private rooms, and I took a seat on the low couch she indicated, crossing one leg over the other. It was not unlike a session in the Jedi Council, as Bail and Breha sat opposite me. It felt good to be consulted again.

    “So you have not told Leia who I am?” I asked, simply wishing to confirm the protocols.

    “That was more for the benefit of any spies which may be lurking about,” Bail said seriously.

    “Many members of my family have been visiting this year for the millennial celebrations,” Breha explained. “So your presence is easily explained, but we must be careful. It is really only in private we can speak openly.”

    I nodded, stroking my chin in thought. “In your letter you mentioned Vader planned to attend the celebrations.”

    “The Emperor is suspicious of me – with good reason,” Bail said with a grimace. “Although I keep a low profile in the Senate, and am forced to vote horrific measures in support of his regime, he likely fears we will use the ceremony to spread dissent.”

    “We worry most for Leia,” Breha spoke up, a crease forming between her eyes. “He is her father – will he not be able to sense her through the Force?”

    “It is possible,” I considered. “He would certainly be able to sense me, if I were here. But he has never been in Leia’s presence, so he would not know her unique signature.”

    “But you cannot be sure,” Breha pressed, looking worried.

    “I have had some success in teaching Luke to suppress his Force abilities. He is a powerful empath, and he had learned to…cocoon himself, for lack of a better word.”

    The couple shared a glance, and Bail reached for Breha’s hand, clasping it tightly. “Leia’s gifts are so extraordinary,” Breha said. “We would not wish to stifle her.”

    How different, Qui-Gon, from Owen and Beru’s attitude. And yet they live very different lives, with very different expectations.

    “Would you wish for Leia to be trained?” I asked, careful to keep the hope out of my voice. Another glance between the two, which told me everything I needed to know.

    “Being the future Queen of Alderaan is pressure enough,” Bail said, but it was kindly, as if knowing his words would disappoint.

    “So what would you ask of me?” I spread my hands. Bail looked to Breha again, and she nodded her head slightly, as if in consent.

    “If you could teach Leia some basic skills, enough to decrease her risk of detection by Vader or the Emperor, we would be grateful.”

    I sighed, but forced a smile. “Of course.”

    This is the third time I have received such a request – perhaps this time I will finally get it right?

    Ben Kenobi
  19. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Oh, I love Leia's precociousness and Bail and breha's warmth and parental concerns. So open and caring. No less than Beru and Owen but Owen was definitely more prickly. :p Ouch on the sense of resignation and I hope I get this right this time of Obi-Wan's reactions. [face_thinking]
  20. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic Mod in Pink star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    As Obi-Wan himself notes, there is such a stark contrast between Luke's and Leia's situation. It's encouraging to see her parents so supportive of her Force potential—but that is indeed due to the very different kind of life they lead, and the privilege that they enjoy as a powerful ruling family. The Larses' caution and distrust of cultivating Luke's abilities isn't just because they're hidebound (or, more precisely, because one of them is); it grows out of the fact that they could be placed in real danger if Luke is found out, and as humble, powerless peasants they have less leverage against such danger than a family like the Organas.

    All the same, Sabé isn't wrong to be cautious about what Leia blurts out around the courtiers, though. That is one particular danger of Leia's situation: all the politically powerful people that keep passing through her place of residence, day in and day out. If any of them are the wrong kind of politically powerful people... [face_nail_biting] Uneasy lies the head, etc. (Fun to see her taking equitation lessons—just like noble youth of a certain period here on Earth! :D )

    Curious to see what form Obi-Wan's training of Leia will take. Though here too it's a bit of a "[face_nail_biting]": after all, when he was back on Tatooine, it was originally just those "basic skills" that he wanted to teach Luke, and things went sour anyway. Here's hoping that the third time's the charm! [face_good_luck]
  21. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 25, 2010
    “Once,” I said, reaching forward to pinch her cheek. “When you were a tiny baby.”

    Hehehe. The desert is making Obi-Wan soft. It is sad how he places the failures of Anakin and Luke on himself.

    And Leia is simply wild as expected.
  22. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
    The encounter with Sabé was bittersweet -- there is definitely kindness and warmth between them, but also some deeply unpleasant memories and emotions that seep in to the conversation here and there. that was amazingly well-handled!

    Kid!Leia was absolutely precious there, wanting to be a steeplechase champion, and being most definitely a Skywalker. But of course, this makes the last line of entry 4 a little ominous -- with Skywalkers, is it even possible to get it right?
  23. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005

    I love writing little Leia, and Breha and Bail are parents of the century, in my opinion!

    Yes, there is difficulty and danger in both the Lars and Organa households, and both have advantages over the other, but drawbacks as well. There is also a difference, I think, in the Organa's choice to raise Leia as their daughter as opposed to Owen and Beru remaining aunt and uncle - not that they love Luke less or don't treat him as their son, but it makes sense to me why Leia grows up to embrace her Organa heritage rather than her Skywalker one, and I enjoy the irony that Owen and BEru were less knowledgeable and accepting of Jedi yet that's what Luke became.

    Well, according to the Leia comics, she did become a steeplechase champion, so I though it was a fun little tidbit to include and seemed about right to me!

    I think Obi-Wan's learnt his lesson, but we'll see..

    Obi-Wan really is a big old softie when it comes to younglings!

    Obi-Wan and Sabe are very much alike in many ways, they share a history as well as having front row seats to the Anakin/Padme disaster - on some level they are the only one the other can confide in.

    Probably not! Skywalker's cannot be contained or controlled.

    @Findswoman @gaarastar58 @Briannakin

    Entry 5

    Dear Qui-Gon,

    I have spent several days with young Leia and have made little progress. Where Luke was keen to learn and quick to trust, Leia is as stubborn and sceptical as her father, and I have struggled to reach the child. Her mind is nigh impenetrable, which demonstrates her natural skills of course, but makes teaching her anything vastly more difficult. Luke’s mind and heart were open, his immense aptitude in the Force making him feel the thoughts and emotions of others too deeply – a true empath. In contrast Leia is a thinker – analytical and precise in everything she does.

    I do not mean she lacks feeling, in fact I have witnessed a great kindness and sense of justice in the girl. But all of her energy is directed outward, with such great self-control that I fear there is little she lets truly affect her.

    I’ve tried to teach her to hide herself in the Force – to enhance her natural shields to reduce the chances of detection by another Force sensitive. It was under the guise of meditation, of course, since her parents felt trying to explain to Force to her would appeal to Leia’s ambition and take her down a path they feared.

    But I found my efforts frustrated, Leia unwilling to relax and allow me into her mind to demonstrate how the skill was learned.

    “Why don’t you trust me, child?” I asked, frustrated. We were sitting cross-legged on the floor in Leia’s rooms where she usually took lessons. Sabé sat in the corner, idly overseeing the session.

    Leia looked at me through narrowed eyes. “Because you’re lying.”

    “Oh?” I was curious. “What makes you say that?”

    “I always know when people are lying,” Leia said matter of factly. “Mama lied when she said you were her cousin, and Papa lied when he said you were a tutor, and you lied about everything.” She stuck out her lower lip. “I don’t like it.”

    The Force manifesting itself in her, Qui-Gon, ordinarily such a wonderful thing to behold. But now it is dangerous. Could I trust a little girl to keep my secrets? On the other hand how can I expect her to trust me, unless I give the same to her? I looked to Sabé for permission as much as advice, and she gave a small nod.
    “My real name is Obi-Wan Kenobi,” I told Leia, looking directly into her eyes. “And I am a tutor of sorts, but unlike one you have ever known. Have you heard of the Clone Wars?”

    Leia nodded slowly, and through the Force I felt the tension in her lessen slightly.

    “I fought in them – with your father in fact.” I amused me, I do admit, to use language in this way, since it was not a lie at all.

    Leia narrowed her eyes again. “Papa wasn’t a fighter.”

    I smiled to myself. “Quite right. Bail was a Senator who nonetheless was drawn into battle occasionally, and I was a General often charged with assisting his relief efforts.”

    “General Kenobi,” Leia sounded out the words slowly. “I like that.”

    I had struck something within the girl – she was drawn to order, a need to find her place in the chaos. “You can call me that if you like,” I told her. “And be my cadet?”

    Leia seemed to mull this over, toying with her braids as she studied me. “Aren’t Jedi cadets called padawans?”

    Sabé, halfway through eating a biscuit, almost choked on it, coughing and spluttering and giving me a bewildered look. I was no less shocked, but took it better.

    “Why do you think I am a Jedi?”

    Leia shrugged and rolled her eyes. “Most generals in the Clone Wars were Jedi, and you want to teach me stuff to do in my head. I’m not stu-pid.”

    Clever girl. “It is not safe in the galaxy for Jedi,” I reminded her, seeing that denial would be useless. “So you see why your parents and I had to lie?”

    “I can keep a secret,” Leia looked up at me, her large, dark eyes earnest with a spark of excitement lingering within.

    “Good,” I nodded. “Because what I want to teach you is for your own protection. Alright, cadet?”

    Leia straightened her back and lifted her chin, giving me a stern salute. “Yes, sir.”

    Later, Sabé and I shared tea in her quarters. Much like the woman herself, they were refined but not sterile; lavish without being showy. Similar to the rest of the Palace the room was adorned with furnishings in Organa blue, but there were hints to Sabé’s own heritage in small touches – accents of red on the drapes and tablecloths, a large painting of Theed Palace hanging on the wall, and of course her cast iron tea set of black and red, the only keepsake of her family she had left.

    “You say that Master Jinn can reach you from the beyond?” Sabé asked as she poured the tea, a calming blend of khama and sweet-roots.

    “Yes,” I said, inhaling the delicate scent of the tea. “Not always, but we can communicate sometimes – I speak to him more often, and believe he hears me.” Or rather, Qui-Gon, that somehow you sense the words I write, since even to Sabé communication via journal may seem too strange!

    “How?” she pressed.

    “I admit I do not quite know,” I admitted. “Everything passes on into the Force as you know, but somehow he was able to retain form and consciousness. He is teaching me, for when I pass on.”

    Sabé set the teapot down on the table a trifle hard, making it shake. I steadied it with one hand and regarded her curiously – eyes downcast, teeth sinking into her bottom lip, and a shadow passing over her face. But it disappeared as she looked up again, as ever serene.

    “Do you think non-Force sensitives could do this?”

    “You’re thinking of Padmé,” I realised, reaching out to over her hand with mine.

    “It would be nice to talk to her,” Sabé said with a sad smile. “I know I can, and sometimes I do, just like you with Qui-Gon. But she never answers back.”

    “I’m sure she would say she was grateful,” I assured her. “For you looking after Leia. She is a wonderful child.”

    Sabé brightened then, her thoughts clearly drifting the girl who was the centre of her world. “Yes,” she nodded at me. “And you, with Luke.”

    I withdrew my hand and took a sip of tea, the floral-sweet flavor instantly calming. “It is nice to be teaching again.”

    Sabé gave me an odd look, and I knew she had spotted a discrepancy. “How eager you must be to resume your training with him,” she said, prodding cautiously at the hole in my story.

    “Oh, Sabé.” I looked up at the ceiling, the weight of my secret too heavy to keep up. “I have not seen Luke for some time. No,” I corrected myself. “I have seen him from afar, but I am not even permitted to speak to him. I am exiled twice over.”

    The whole, dreadful story spilled from my lips – my initial friendship with Beru, the deal with Jabba, my encounter with Bo-Katan and her daughter and finally my arrogance and betrayal of Beru’s trust leading to my violent dismissal at Owen’s hand. To her credit, Sabé simply listened to my tale, quietly sipping her tea and giving no outward sign of judgement.

    “So you see?” I finished, offering her my palms as if that would absolve me. “I have failed with Anakin, and now Luke as well. You should send me away before I can do the same with Leia.”

    A crease formed between Sabé’s eyes. “I have never known you to be so self-pitying," she scolded me. "Anakin made his own choices despite your training, and while you overstepped with Luke, I can see it was only out of concern for his wellbeing. A bit of arrogance, perhaps,” she added, a small smile appearing. “Which is hardly a fatal flaw, and one reigned in easily enough.”

    “Anakin used to help with that,” I said wistfully, tracing the rim of my teacup. “His skills and achievements kept me humble, and now I am unchecked.”

    “I can berate you, if you like,” Sabé said, her dark eyes sparkling with mischief. “But it seems you need reassurance. How strange,” she added with a light laugh. “That a Jedi Master would need praise from a governess.”

    “I am not a Jedi Master anymore,” I pointed out. “And you are far more than a simple governess.”

    Then Sabé looked at me in a way I can’t quite describe, the barest of smiles gracing her lips. I wonder if she has always looked at me so, and I simply did not see it, or if time and circumstance has caused such a feeling to bloom within her. It was the look of a dearest friend and confidante, and yet so much more that I felt a blush rise to my cheeks.

    I have always considered her beautiful, but in the way one might appreciate a delicate flower. And yet she seemed different, as if I had always admired from afar and so had never fully appreciated the colour, bloom, and scent. Looking back over our friendship, I wonder if something had always been brewing there below the surface, never quite strong enough to breach until now.

    “I should go.” I cleared my throat and rose to leave, nerves skimming under my skin.

    “Don’t.” She rose as well, tugging lightly on my arm. “Please.”

    I could not refuse her, turning to see her face close to mine. “Sabé,” I sighed her name. “In my heart, I am still very much a Jedi. And attachment is forbidden – look at what happened with Anakin.”

    “I know,” she said, and my gaze couldn’t help but linger on the way her mouth formed the words. “And soon we will part again, as we have done so many times before. Duty first, always.” She cupped my face gently in her small hands, her thumb brushing over the side of my mouth where the skin was smooth. “But comfort, fleeting as it may be – is that also against your Jedi code?”

    She waited a few moments for my answer, but I had none to give her. For the first time in a long while I felt understood and accepted, her presence and conversation helping to lift away some of the burdens which had plagued me these past months.

    My dear Sabé, who was not a Jedi, and yet understood the life I lived perhaps better than any other. Sabé who drew my face towards hers and pressed her soft lips against mine, a kiss of deep affection and companionship, a culmination of years and distance and brief conversations over tea, of support and reassurance and yes, even love, although not the great passion that had driven our friends to the brink and beyond. Rather, something far more pleasant, her arms winding around my neck and drawing me close to find strength in her, and in return to take comfort from me...

    But to write any more would be indelicate, so I will leave it there.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi
    AzureAngel2 and Chyntuck like this.
  24. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Happy melty melty [face_sigh] !!!!!!!! Oh that was warm and mutually consoling - just what each has wanted and deserved and was uniquely able to give the other, all along. :)


    Loved Leia's forthrightness and the way Kenobi was able to gain her trust. Her way of seeing the world and her place in it - very much in character. =D=
    AzureAngel2 and JadeLotus like this.
  25. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 25, 2010
    Oooooh. Obi-Wan is being a bad Jedi! Though he has not been a Jedi for quite some time. So I am glad he can find comfort, as fleeting as it probably will be, in a friend. Great update. I just love stubborn little Leia!
    AzureAngel2 and JadeLotus like this.