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Saga Assassin (Emperor's Hand vignette, a few years pre-ANH)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Darth_Suzi, Jun 30, 2004.

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  1. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Okay, this is just a moment in the life of Mara Jade... Just after the first time she assassinated someone. It's not in my normal writing style... First person and present tense. :eek: And this is not Mara the nice person...

    Disclaimer: All characters and places in this fic belong to either George Lucas or Timothy Zahn. Don't sue.

    And now, on with the show...

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I walk down the hall with confidence, ignoring the stares of courtiers, guards, and anyone else who might happen to be in the Imperial Palace today. When they look at me, they see nothing more than a young girl. They think it strange, of course, to see a girl so young walk with no fear. But I am still but a girl to them.

    No fear. Hah! I am going to see the only one that I do fear. It is not what the fools consider fear, though. It is a fear mixed with a great trust. For I love him like a father, and yet I know that he could destroy my life in an instant if he wished.

    I am Mara Jade, Emperor?s Hand.

    I come to the great double doors of the Emperor?s throne room. The red guards that stand on either side of the doors move to intercept me. I put on my best Imperial glare as I look at them. The fools?I could take them down with no strain if I wished to. But I don?t wish to. The Emperor is very?upset when I damage his property.

    ?I?m expected,? I inform the red-clothed idiots. It is best to avoid a confrontation if possible.

    They start to argue. I have no identification, they say. The Emperor did not inform them of any visitors. I snort contempuously as they quarrel between themselves. It is only a momentary distraction, but it is amusing. They are spoiled, working as guards, I decide. They would have made excellent Senators.

    However, the show quickly ends. The Emperor has grown impatient and commands them to allow me passage. As a walk into the throne room, I catch no glimse of the Emperor?s true guards?Noghri?and yet, I know they are there. I know through the Force.

    For the Force is why it is I serving the Emperor, and not another. He chose me, for while I am not strong, he says, I have remarkable talent for communications. And he has bonded us so that I can hear him wherever I am, whatever I might be doing.

    Now I kneel before the sovreign whom I serve. The man who raised me, taught me, formed me, and yet also my ruler, my Emperor.

    ?Was the mission successful?? he asks me.

    ?Yes, your highness,? I reply. ?He will trouble you no more.?

    He laughs quietly as he leans back in his throne. I strain to hear the word spoken next. ?Excellent,? he murmurs.

    My mission had been to kill. The man was a threat to the Emperor. He was not a politician, but he spoke as loudly as one. He compromised the loyalty of the people to the Empire. Thus, the Emperor commanded me to assassinate him.

    I had completed missions for the Emperor before?successfully?but never with the sole purpose of ending a life. I?m ashamed to say that I had some reservations before I set out. Part of me was afraid; if I was caught, the charge would be murder. While I know that the Emperor could pardon me on all charges, I was not entirely sure at the time that I was worth enough to him. He has since reassured me otherwise.

    I completed the mission with few difficulties. It was simple enough. The man was overconfident, setting no more than one or two guards, and ignoring the windows. He had entered his home, and before he knew it, was dead.

    Some part of my stomach twists in slight guilt at the fact that it was I that killed him. He would never again speak with a friend; he would never laugh or watch the sunset.

    But he would also never again trouble the Empire. He would never again stir the people into rebellion. He would never again interfere in the Emperor?s plans.

    And I?m proud. I silence the small part of me that protests. I live to do my Emperor?s will.

    The Emperor tells me to rise. I obey. Still la
     
  2. VadersMistress

    VadersMistress Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 7, 2004
    I have no criticism here! Perfectly Mara Jade! Really good job.
     
  3. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    I have no criticism here! Oh, come on, I'm sure you can think of something!

    Thanks for the compliment, though! :D I'm always worried that my characterization is messed up somehow. Especially with evil/semi-evil people. I always try to make them somewhat good. I must have written this over a thousand times trying to get Mara unfeeling enough...

    Suzi
     
  4. Keeper_of_Swords

    Keeper_of_Swords Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2003
    Good work on this vignette.
     
  5. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Thanks! :D

    Suzi
     
  6. VadersMistress

    VadersMistress Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 7, 2004
    I was being honest when I said I had no criticism! I swear! Mara Jade wasn't nice and it was well written! :)

    Yeah yeah. I'm doing a double postie. So sue me. LOL! J/K!
     
  7. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    I was being honest when I said I had no criticism! I swear! Mara Jade wasn't nice and it was well written! Oh, you're too kind... [:D]

    And it's okay, I always write quite a few reviews of any given story.

    Suzi

    EDIT: Whoops, sorry, I'm HTML challenged... [face_blush]
     
  8. kayladie97

    kayladie97 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2003
    Very nicely done! I like the way you show Mara's arrogance and pride in her position as the Emperor's Hand. Luckily for us, Luke changes all that for her later on. :D [face_love]

    I also like the way you show her having some doubts and second thoughts, although she pushes them aside. I think this would especially be true for her very first assassination for the Emperor. And your Palpy was very evil! *shudders* The way he just laughed...scary! :eek:

    Great job! I hope to see more from you soon! :D

     
  9. DreamOfKenobi

    DreamOfKenobi Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2004
    Oh this is great! I'm new here and if this is the quality of work I can expect I am impressed!
     
  10. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    Excellent! It's kind of sad because Mara loved the emperor but he truly didn't care as much for her. If she would have been caught he would have probably let her be charged. He had other hands to serve him.
     
  11. Pelly-Welly

    Pelly-Welly Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jan 10, 2004
    That was really good: excellent how you wrote that Mara had already some doubts (bad Mara, we all know the Empire is the best, Palpatine is slightly icky though), but she pushed them all away, to serve Palpatine.
    I liked her attitude :)
     
  12. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Thanks to all for reviewing! :D

    Kayladie Thanks! She was really fun to write as, even though I had to go through several rewrites to make her Mara enough.

    And your Palpy was very evil! *shudders* The way he just laughed...scary! Thanks! I tend to have a lot of trouble writing people completely evil sometimes, but oddly enough, I've never encountered that with Palpy... Probably because I can't concieve of him being good.

    I hope to see more from you soon! Thanks! At the moment, I'm still arguing with my plot bunnies, but who knows, that could change.

    DreamofKenobi Thanks! And welcome to the boards! Hope you like it here! :D

    Starfigher5 Thank you!

    If she would have been caught he would have probably let her be charged. He had other hands to serve him. Exactly! That was what I was thinking as I wrote it--typical teenage insecurities, but they turn out to be true. Poor Mara...

    Pelly Thanks! I figured that, in order to become the person she became (Hmm... weird sentence...), Mara could not have actively craved killing when she was young. Of course, she didn't protest much, but some part of her must have treasured life.

    Bad Mara, we all know the Empire is the best, Palpatine is slightly icky though Slightly? Palpatine was a sadistic freak whose face looked like my former carpet! However, I have nothing against the Empire itself. Just Palpatine.

    Suzi
     
  13. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    My criticism is that it was only one post. Suzi, you've got great command of character and situations. Well-done.
     
  14. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Ish Thanks! :D

    I could never make this a full-length, though. I'd start screaming at my computer because I'd get mad at the first person point of view. Not to mention present tense.
     
  15. LizBennet

    LizBennet Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Apr 23, 2004
    I silence the small part of me that protests. I live to do my Emperor?s will.

    Creepy. And very Mara :)
     
  16. Kermit_The_Jedi

    Kermit_The_Jedi Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2004
    Hooray! Mara Jade! I love her and you've done a good job of portraying her. I like your style.
     
  17. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 1999
    Very nice!!! :D

    Excellent EH-era Mara. =D=
     
  18. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Loved it! You really captured Mara flawlessly. Well done!
     
  19. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Umph. I'm not very awake today, even though it's after noon... So the replies aren't going to be very long or very coherent.

    LizBennet :D Thank you!!! I tried to show Mara's blind servitude while still making her Mara. (Strong-minded, determined, etc.) A very confusing combination.

    Kermit_The_Jedi Thanks! I love Mara too--she's my favorite character. Along with Luke and Ben. (Kid Ben, not Hermit Ben. Though I love him too.) And Owen Lars. Can't forget Owen. And... ;)

    Jedi Trace Thank you!!! :D I tried to make her ruthless and unwillingly caring a little bit at the same time.

    VaderLVR64 Thanks! I have a lot of trouble with characterization, so that means a lot to me. :D

    Thanks to all for reviewing! :D
     
  20. Jayden112233

    Jayden112233 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 21, 2003
    Suzi, this was a great insight into the mind of a young Mara. I liked how she felt some guilt, but that her loyality far out weighed it. I can't wait to read more from you.

     
  21. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Jayden112233 Thanks for the review! :D I really think that Mara as EH must have felt some guilt as her character decreed, but the loyalty bred into her made it shut up.

    I'm writing some other stuff, just very slowly. And my beta's on vacation.

    Suzi
     
  22. ForGoodOrForAwesome9

    ForGoodOrForAwesome9 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2004
    I noticed we seem to share the same taste in fanfic, so I had to read your stories, this is the first one I've and it was really well done!

    Some part of my stomach twists in slight guilt at the fact that it was I that killed him. He would never again speak with a friend; he would never laugh or watch the sunset.

    awww, that's the Mara that Luke'd fall in love with! I love that you showed she still has feelings, and isn't as much of a cold-blooded killer as she'd like to project.

    excellent job :)
     
  23. maramijade

    maramijade Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 17, 2000
    Very Nice :)

    Really cool view into Mara's mind. Just like her to be cool and efficient, but also nice to see her questioning at first as well.

     
  24. Darth_Suzi

    Darth_Suzi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 23, 2004
    Nicole LOL, we do seem to end up at the same fics a lot, don't we? It's because Luke/Mara is awesomeness.

    That's the Mara that Luke'd fall in love with! Well, there has to be some reason that he gives her the lightsaber... I mean, he wouldn't do it if she was a female Palpy, would he? ;)

    Maramijade Thanks! :D I went through, like, five rewrites because I had her too nice. ;) So, it's nice to know that I didn't fail dismally at her characterization.
     
  25. Gina

    Gina Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    And I?m proud. I silence the small part of me that protests. I live to do my Emperor?s will.

    Oh, this was chilling. Loved her inner struggle, that moment of doubt concerning her task, but she buried it to serve the Emperor. Again, chilling.

    Also loved the little bits of humor interspersed throughout the viggie, such as her less than flattering thoughts on politicians and how she left the guards alone because the emperor did not like her to damage his property.

    Excellent viggie!

     
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