Before - Legends Attraction (Obi/Qui/OCs) - humor - thanks so much, everyone!

Title: Attraction
author: dianethx
Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn eats something that makes him irresistible to women. Obi-Wan would protect his Master with his life but really... this is too much.
Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Genre: ridiculous humor
Timeperiod: JA. Obi-Wan is 15.
Notes: I really needed to write something silly.
Disclaimer: I do not own Qui-Gon Jinn or Obi-Wan Kenobi or the Star Wars concept; Lucasfilm does. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No credits have changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

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He was at it again.

He was surrounded by females, two-deep, and the crowd was growing: not shouting or getting angry as some groups do but standing there, staring at him - rapt eyes and open mouths and once in a while a tentative touch as if he were some kind of holovid star.

As if they wanted to take a piece of him home.

I don't know how he does it. He isn't that attractive, although my friends tell me that he is. Quite handsome, I believe Siri said although she's only just fourteen and shouldn't be thinking such things about my Master. But I've seen older girls and women watching him, too.

In fact, when she thinks no one is looking, Master Gallia gazes at him like he's water and she is dying of thirst.

I don't get it.

He's too tall and has that broken nose. Long hair that gets knotted and stuck to things. Slouches when he thinks no one is looking. Beard and mustache that must scratch if he kissed someone - not that he ever would. After all, he's my master, Qui-Gon Jinn, and pretty old.

Besides, he snores.

So I just don't understand what they see in him.

But there must be something because it's the same every time we land in a system that's even vaguely humanoid. Females circling him like planets around a star. It's embarrassing.

And it was happening again.

At least, our mission here was done and we could go back to the Temple tomorrow - thankfully. It was nothing exciting, just treaty talk and a few heated words once in a while. For the most part, it was very routine and I was getting bored by the end of the sessions.

The only cause for alarm - or amusement depending on your point of view, was my Master's constant and unwanted companion, Erelia Zadros, the elder daughter of the Prime Minister of Septemus IV. In the past few days, he hadn't made a move without tripping over her. She had become irritatingly affectionate, watching Qui-Gon with those intense brown eyes, always a few steps away - or less - whenever he was in public, touching his hand or his arm or any other part that she could reach. She'd even tried to get into his room but without success.

Obviously enamored with Qui-Gon Jinn.

She was pretty enough but had a high-pitched giggle that grated after a while and her attitude was that of an annoying little tyrant, assuming that everyone and everything was hers to do with as she wanted. She was very spoiled.

I wasn't the only one irritated by her actions, apparently. Master was never one to brush off a pathetic lifeform but he came close with her. The set of his mouth, the way he drew himself up, crossing his arms, the hint of a frown on his face as he stared down at her, all told me that he was unhappy with the situation. He wouldn't be impolite - that was not his way - but he grew silent around the woman and avoided her whenever he could. Which wasn't often.

I don't know what he finally said to her but she flounced off, decidedly upset and didn't come back for hours. Of course, he maintained the stoic Jedi Master persona in front of our hosts but I could tell he was relieved.

The treaty was signed soon after that. The Prime Minister, EsSen Zadros, called for a party, and since his daughter was in charge of all celebrational festivities, Erelia returned at her father's command, her manner sullen and uncooperative.

But after a while, she seemed to relax into

 

Oh gosh, dianthx this is just priceless! An awesome bunny, and look what you did I can't wait for part two!

Obi-Wan's confusion as to what women see in his Master is pretty hilarious. He just can't understand, and won't, until he's in his master's shoes

This line:

There was a Hutt a few years back. She was a crowd all by herself, using that tail to keep others away from Master Qui-Gon.

Had me LOLing! A hutt They all have such good taste!

 

A head taller than the rest of the crowd, I could see that my master was concerned and not a little puzzled. The Force was muddied and I could feel him trying to use mind manipulation on the mob without success.

He couldn't move, certainly couldn't take out his lightsaber and scare them away and he couldn't push them aside, either. That would only cause injuries and after all, these were innocents. It was getting dangerous, though.

Our eyes met and I could feel Master Qui-Gon's apprehension. A clear plea for help in the Force.

Time to rescue my master.




Poor Qui has to be rescued by his apprentice, so glad to see this up! And I'm sure you and me and Leona are in the crowd trying to get close

 

This was wonderful, Master!

I needed some humor this morning and this certainly fits the bill. You captured Obi-Wan's thoughts so perfectly and I love the fact he has to rescue his master! Great Job!

 

LOVED it! Absolutely hilarious! Poor disgruntled Padawan. Please PM me when you post the second part. I don't want to miss a word of this!

He's at it again.

He's surrounded by females, two-deep, and the crowd is growing. Not shouting or getting angry as some groups do but standing there, staring at him. Rapt eyes and open mouths and once in a while a tentative touch as if he were some kind of holovid star.

As if they wanted to take a piece of him home.

I don't know how he does it. He isn't that attractive, although my friends tell me that he is. Quite handsome, I believe Siri said although she's only fourteen and shouldn't be thinking such things about my Master. But I've seen older girls and women watching him, too.

In fact, when she thinks no one is looking, Master Gallia gazes at him like he's water and she is dying of thirst.

I don't get it.

He's too tall and has that broken nose. Long hair that gets knotted and stuck to things. Slouches when he thinks no one is looking. Beard and mustache that must scratch if he kissed someone - not that he ever would. After all, he's my master, Qui-Gon Jinn, and pretty old.

Oh yes, anyone over thirty already has one foot on the funeral pyre!

Perfection!

 

Just you wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi, just you wait!

But in the mean time please rescue your Master from the fiendish pheremones!

 

What was in that chocolate?

Great story...let's see how Obi-Wan "rescues" his master.

 

Wow, Obi-Wan's tone is perfect. I love that he doesn't understand what anyone sees in Qui-Gon, and how Qui-Gon so gracefully handles his admirers.

Can't wait to see how they get out of this one.

 

Oh poor Qui-Gon!

The horror of all those female admirers

Please PM me when you update

Looking forward to more

 

Well, Obi-Wan. Some women get their revenge in different ways. Time to go rescue your master. Good luck. It might be more of a challenge than you think getting him out of there.

 

Diane!!
This is great!!
How do you get your inspirations?
Obi-Wan's thoughts regarding his master's attractiveness were great
the Hutt comment had me laughing out loud, as had the one about Adi Gallia and his exasperation at the female behavior was palpable! Though if I were there it would have been the
apprentice who couldn't get rid of female company!

I want to see how he rescues his master now!

 

Very funny.

This line really made me laugh - In fact, when she thinks no one is looking, Master Gallia gazes at him like he's water and she is dying of thirst.

and I loved how Obi-Wan just cannot figure out what all these women see in the old man.

I can't wait for more.

 

Diane, I love when you get silly!

A few of my favorite lines:

In fact, when she thinks no one is looking, Master Gallia gazes at him like he's water and she is dying of thirst.

There was a Hutt a few years back. She was a crowd all by herself, using that tail to keep others away from Master Qui-Gon.

But what was worse was that the few female guards present weren't helping. Instead, they were pushing aside members of the crowd and wading into the growing chaos, trying to get closer.

Poor Obi-Wan!! How is he going to get his master out of this one?

This is great and I'm looking forward to the next post!

 

Loved the part about the Hutt! Something tells me that in a few years the boot may be on the other foot and Qui-Gon will be fighting off Obi's admirers. Very funny.

 

Hey Diane cant wait to read how Obi will handle it.

 

"now a three parter"

the more the merrier. can't wait for our dear author to stand and deliver!

 

Very amusing. Obi-Wan to the rescue to peel all those women off of his Master. It looks like Qui-Gon scorned the wrong woman. And there are now three parts to the story? This job is going to be trickier for Obi-Wan than I expects.

 

Well, my first thought was, "I don't think Qui-Gon needs to eat anything special to make him irresistible to women." But, my, what you've done with it. Methinks Erelia found a unique way to get her revenge.

Obi's thoughts on the whole thing are perfect. He's just at that age to disassociate attractiveness and age. Silly boy.

You haven't even posted part two, and I'm already hoping for a sequel with an older Obi-Wan experiencing it for himself.

Will you be doing PMs? I'd like one, please!

 

Exactly my words!


He's too tall and has that broken nose. Long hair that gets knotted and stuck to things. Slouches when he thinks no one is looking. Beard and mustache that must scratch if he kissed someone - not that he ever would. After all, he's my master, Qui-Gon Jinn, and pretty old.

Besides, he snores.


Great!!!
Can't wait for the rest!

 

Jade_Max ? thanks. I had such fun writing this one. I really needed a break from all the drama I was writing?

I thought Obi-Wan at 16 would be pretty clueless about sex and his Master. After all, the guy is pretty old.

Of course, I had to throw in the Hutt. What self-respecting Hutt wouldn't admire Qui? LOL.
Thanks for reading!


Layren ? I figured you, me and Leona are leading the pack! Obi-Wan will be helping?. sort of.
I'm just having fun with it. Thanks.


jedidas3 ? I'm glad you are enjoying it. See, I can be silly, too. Yes, Obi will be rescuing Qui. I think you can call it rescuing. LOL. Thanks. Hope to see the next part of your story up soon.


VaderLVR64 ? Will send the PM. It's now three parts. You know how that is? LOL.
Yep, Obi-Wan thinks his master is so very very old and women wouldn't or rather shouldn't find such an old guy attractive. Plus he doesn't really want to think that his master actually might be a sexual being. LOL. Thanks for reading.


ratna ? LOL, those pesky pheromones are about to make things a whole lot worse. LOL.


Valairy_Scot ? Ah, the secret ingredient in the chocolate. Not saying but it certainly doesn't make Qui's day any better. The rescue is coming up. Thanks.


LuvEwan ? Obi is only 16 and he's so focused on being the perfect Padawan that the idea of sex and his master is just out of his worldview. Besides, to him, the guy is old. LOL. Getting out of this one might be a bit tricky. And silly. Thanks for reading.


KELIA ? PM will be sent. The horror indeed. Those women are pretty persistent. LOL. Thanks.


Magier ? The rescue will be a bit challenging. After all, they have a bunch of maniacs around poor Qui-Gon and they all want a piece of him. LOL. Thanks.


ClaudiaR ? LOL, the inspiration for this one is easy. I think Qui-Gon is sexy as heck. I've seen Liam in person and he practically exudes sensuality. What better way to show my appreciation than to make it into a story. A silly story. Besides, I needed to write something funny for a change.

I had a lot of fun writing this one. I figured Obi wouldn't understand how much Qui-Gon was lusted after. LOL. Poor kid. He would have the same problems once he got a little older.

Rescue coming up!


azizah ? That line is my favorite. I could just picture Adi doing that. LOL. Plus Obi is just oblivious to Qui-Gon attraction to women, except when it gets in the way of missions. More coming up. Thanks for reading.


kma ? I don't get silly often enough. I need to do that more!
I had a great deal of fun writing the lines you chose, especially the Adi Gallia one. I could just picture her doing that. LOL.

Oh, Obi will get him out but not without a bit of a mess. Thanks for reading.


Itachi-Uchiha ? LOL Thanks. Some Hutts have great taste. As for Obi and the other foot, you bet. He's got about a year, tops, before the girls are going bananas over the younger one. Thanks.


obsessedwithSW ? the 'rescue' will be coming up momentarily. Hope you like it.


ratna ? yes, I decided to expand it a little bit. Hope you approve.


ardavenport ? Qui-Gon tried to be polite but the woman just couldn't take no for an answer. So she got her revenge. LOL. Obi to the rescue ? sort of.

Thanks for reading.


Ara-gon ? That's my first thought as well. He's certainly irresistible to me! I figured this would be a perfect form for revenge.

LOL on Obi. He's 16 and still a bit clueless on the attractiveness of his yummy master.

LOL on a sequel. I try very hard not to do sequels. They get me into trouble but thanks for suggesting it!

PM will be sent. Thanks.


Healer_Leona ? Okay, thanks. I couldn't remember if it was you or someone else who had asked. CIV was just too much fun!

I wil

 

I've always wanted to write slapstick humor. I hope it's silly enough. And now onto the 'rescue'.

---

I knew I couldn't force my way into the crowd so we had to figure out a way to get him out without the women following. He couldn't go back or forward or to either side, couldn't really move at all. There was a chandelier high above and it looked like it would hold him if he could just get up to it. Unfortunately, he couldn't reach behind him to get his cable launcher, not with the press of the crowd.

At the moment, he was trapped. Women were pulling at him and I could see him shrugging off the brown cloak that had entangled him in the mob, that hampered his movements. The women seemed to enjoy this, lifting it high into the air and then they began to tear it to pieces, making happy noises while they shredded it.

This was not good. They were eyeing him like he was a wrapped present and it was Life Day. As one women, bolder than the rest, started to reach for his tunic, he was able to get one hand free and raised it high. I threw my cable launcher at him.

With a slight nudge in the Force, pushing the women back just enough to get some breathing room, he caught the launcher and then he was suddenly in the air, scrambling up the cable toward the chandelier.

There was a low collective moan and some of the more athletic in the mob were jumping up, trying to reach him. Frustrated that they could not.

He may be a large man but he's in good shape and Force adept. So he had no trouble climbing out of reach. He hung there, swaying slightly, looking down at the agitated crowd, a stunned and rather confused look on his face.

Some of the women were calling to him, begging him to come down, hands raised in entreaty. A few of them were crying. Others were still hopping around, trying to reach him any way they could. An enterprising woman, shorter than the rest, had taken one of the high-backed chairs, climbed up onto it and was using the added height to try and grab his ankle. Without success.

If it hadn't been so troubling, it would have been amusing - the chandelier with a Qui-Gon ornament attached, the crazed mob swaying back and forth in time with the fixture's movement.

But more women were gathering in the balconies surrounding the ballroom, pointing to his master, looking for ways to get him down and do whatever they planned to do with him. It was not a pretty picture. It was also only a matter of time before they figured it out and then Qui-Gon could be in big trouble.

The Prime Minister was shouting, calling for more guards, yelling at his master to get off the chandelier before someone got hurt. Behind him, his daughter was watching with avid eyes and the slightest of smiles on her face. She must have been behind this, whatever it was, but I didn't have time to wonder about the how or the why.

Qui-Gon's refuge was starting to disintegrate. Bits of dust and ceiling were floating down, covering the mob in white powder. And he was lower than he'd been just a few moments ago.

Not good.

His eyes flicked to mine and then out toward the door leading to the kitchens. Looking in that direction, I could see that it was relatively female-free and, if I remembered correctly, beyond the pantry area, there was an exit to the delivery docks and, hopefully, speeder bikes.

I nodded, a single slight movement of my head, and started moving slowly toward the kitchen door. Luckily, no one was watching me. All eyes were on my master.

There was a soft sputtering sound, and larger pieces of duraplast clunked to the floor. Qui-Gon and the fixture he was clinging to slipped again and now he was only a few meters above the mob. Jumping distance if the person was athletic enough or standing on a chair.

It seems impossible but the chair-grabber launched herself into the air, hoping to catch my master's foot and drag him down. She missed, falling instead into the center of the pack, collapsing the crowd. For a moment, there was a scramble of arms and legs as

 

Oh my gosh! I could just see this happening! This is truly wonderful, Master! It only goes to demonstrate your incredible talent! You can do it all! Way to go!

 

Yay! What a great birthday treat to find this updated! I'll pretend it was just for me


Some of the women were calling to him, begging him to come down, hands raised in entreaty. A few of them were crying. Others were still hopping around, trying to reach him any way they could. An enterprising woman, shorter than the rest, had taken one of the high-backed chairs, climbed up onto it and was using the added height to try and grab his ankle. Without success.




Poor man, I might almost feel bad for him, except I think I'm the one begging him to come down This was a great read, Diane, just what I needed on a busy Monday morning

 

OMG i think i died laughing!


At the moment, he was trapped. Women were pulling at him and I could see him shrugging off the brown cloak that had entangled him in the mob, that hampered his movements. The women seemed to enjoy this, lifting it high into the air and then they began to tear it to pieces, making happy noises while they shredded it.

Hmmm, Maenads. This could get ugly....


They were eyeing him like he was a wrapped present and it was Life Day.



If it hadn't been so troubling, it would have been amusing - the chandelier with a Qui-Gon ornament attached, the crazed mob swaying back and forth in time with the fixture's movement.

chandelier with a Qui-gon ornament!!!!


He was catching up fast. Long legs and the added incentive of an aroused swarm of demented women would do that.
Yes, I imagine it would!



Qui-Gon sprinted past, hair flying and tunics askew. "Keep up, Obi-Wan. Those women are..." And then, without missing a beat, he ducked under a mechanical arm and leaped over one of the floating dessert trays. All grace and style. "Irrational."
LOVE the visual! All grace and style, that would be Qui-Gon all right!



Behind me, I could hear the rasp of heavy breathing, chaotic snippets of conversation, mutters of wild desire and a few colorful descriptions of what the women would do once they caught my master. Normally, this type of talk would have made me blush or else sent me into the fresher for some alone time but this wasn't erotic. This was insane.
Poor Obi-Wan!!!



Jumping over the mountain of sweet treats floating down the hallway, tucking in as much as possible to avoid an accident, I thought I'd left myself enough room. Unfortunately, I was a little too cocky. Making it past most of the desserts, I came down on the other side of the hovercart but my boot clipped the edge.
Disaster.
Not disaster, Obi-Wan, brilliant tactic. Trust the Force!



Someone could get hurt. I called after Master Qui-Gon, "Shouldn't we try to help them?"
Not tonight, Obi-Wan!


Totally love this. But how are they going to reverse the spell?