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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Before - Legends Attraction (Obi/Qui/OCs) - humor - thanks so much, everyone!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Aug 3, 2007.

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  1. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    If it hadn't been so troubling, it would have been amusing - the chandelier with a Qui-Gon ornament attached, the crazed mob swaying back and forth in time with the fixture's movement.

    Too, too funny. Hilarious.



    He was catching up fast. Long legs and the added incentive of an aroused swarm of demented women would do that.

    I forced myself to go faster, clearing the way. But unfortunately, the hallway was the main conduit for food and drink to be moved from the kitchen into the ballroom. Hovercarts piled high with desserts choked the passageway and the remainder was filled with droids carrying trays of drinks.

    We were in trouble.

    Qui-Gon sprinted past, hair flying and tunics askew. "Keep up, Obi-Wan. Those women are..." And then, without missing a beat, he ducked under a mechanical arm and leaped over one of the floating dessert trays. All grace and style. "Irrational."
    [face_laugh]

    Behind me, I could hear the rasp of heavy breathing, chaotic snippets of conversation, mutters of wild desire and a few colorful descriptions of what the women would do once they caught my master. Normally, this type of talk would have made me blush or else sent me into the fresher for some alone time but this wasn't erotic. This was insane. [face_batting]

    Way too funny for this early in the morning at work, on Monday. On the other hand...perfect.
     
  2. Ara-gon

    Ara-gon Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Oh, my! [face_laugh] I'm going to laugh all day about this one.

    Qui perched onto the chandelier . . .

    Obi spilling the dessert tray . . .

    Your descriptions of their perspective on it . . .

    Just too funny.

    Qui-Gon sprinted past, hair flying and tunics askew. "Keep up, Obi-Wan. Those women are..." And then, without missing a beat, he ducked under a mechanical arm and leaped over one of the floating dessert trays. All grace and style. "Irrational."

    And that was just so Qui-Gon. =D=

     
  3. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    The disaster team is at it again [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]
    When will you update this?
    Its hilarious, ridiculous, funny to read after a day of work.
     
  4. Itachi-Uchiha

    Itachi-Uchiha Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Some of the women were calling to him, begging him to come down, hands raised in entreaty. A few of them were crying. Others were still hopping around, trying to reach him any way they could. An enterprising woman, shorter than the rest, had taken one of the high-backed chairs, climbed up onto it and was using the added height to try and grab his ankle. Without success.



    [face_laugh] I could picture the scene so well. Thanks for the laugh. :D
     
  5. azizah

    azizah Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Too funny. I know it has been said, but this line is priceless:

    Qui-Gon sprinted past, hair flying and tunics askew. "Keep up, Obi-Wan. Those women are..." And then, without missing a beat, he ducked under a mechanical arm and leaped over one of the floating dessert trays. All grace and style. "Irrational."


    And the cake was a nice touch. Great work.

    I laughed when I saw that this changed from 2 parts to 3, and now maybe more? [face_praying]

     
  6. Magier

    Magier Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 2007
    Don't stop now boys. You have a pastry covered mob hot on your trail. I guess Obi-Wan doesn't really have to worry as much, other than the possibility of being trampled by desperate women. I want a piece of Qui-Gon's cloak. [face_whistling] I guess Obi-Wan is too young in this for me to demand a piece of his as well. [face_mischief]

    I don't know how they are going to get out of this, but I would really love to see them trying to explain it to the Council.
     
  7. Fifilla

    Fifilla Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 9, 2006
    [face_laugh] =D= [face_laugh]
    That is so funny!!!

    If it hadn't been so troubling, it would have been amusing - the chandelier with a Qui-Gon ornament attached, the crazed mob swaying back and forth in time with the fixture's movement.
    [face_thinking] Hmmm, I think a Qui-Gon ornament would fit perfectly in my living room! ;) 8-} :D
     
  8. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    This is the perfect way to end the evening- Laughing hard enough to chase the dog off the bed!!!!
     
  9. palpyisgod2

    palpyisgod2 Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Send him to the 'fresher for "Alone Time" LOL!!!:eek: [face_laugh]
     
  10. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    They were eyeing him like he was a wrapped present and it was Life Day.

    =P~=P~=P~

    Totally understandable. :D

    I laughed out loud at the image of Obi and Qui running for their lives...well Qui-Gon's anyway. And Obi crashing into the dessert tray was the best!! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=



     
  11. snowspeeder_gunner

    snowspeeder_gunner Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2007
    Haha, poor Qui-Gon.

    I love the description of the women all sliding around in cake. [face_laugh]

     
  12. obsessedwithSW

    obsessedwithSW Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 24, 2005
    Behind me, I could hear the rasp of heavy breathing, chaotic snippets of conversation, mutters of wild desire and a few colorful descriptions of what the women would do once they caught my master. Normally, this type of talk would have made me blush or else sent me into the fresher for some alone time but this wasn't erotic. This was insane.

    :eek: Diane, are you suggesting what I think your suggesting?

    [face_laugh] [face_devil]
     
  13. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    It just gets better and better! :D

    Qui-Gon sprinted past, hair flying and tunics askew. "Keep up, Obi-Wan. Those women are..." And then, without missing a beat, he ducked under a mechanical arm and leaped over one of the floating dessert trays. All grace and style. "Irrational."

    [face_laugh] Priceless! =D=
     
  14. Veloz

    Veloz Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2004
    I just saw this and i cant stop laughing [face_laugh]

    I was a few steps ahead, barreling down the corridor toward the kitchen area. I could hear Master's footsteps clattering behind me.
    He was catching up fast. Long legs and the added incentive of an aroused swarm of demented women would do that.

    Oh dear gawd, poor Qui Gon...and Obi's descriptions arent exactly helping either, it's quite amusing [face_laugh]

    Behind me, I could hear the rasp of heavy breathing, chaotic snippets of conversation, mutters of wild desire and a few colorful descriptions of what the women would do once they caught my master. Normally, this type of talk would have made me blush or else sent me into the fresher for some alone time but this wasn't erotic. This was insane.
    [face_laugh] cover ur ears Obi!:p

    Uh, oh. Time to go.
    Run Jedi, run [face_laugh]

    Please add me to ur pm list, i serioualy need to see how this ends now [face_laugh]
     
  15. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Women were pulling at him and I could see him shrugging off the brown cloak that had entangled him in the mob, that hampered his movements.

    Ah ha!!! Their plan is working!! :D :D

    Others were still hopping around, trying to reach him any way they could. An enterprising woman, shorter than the rest, had taken one of the high-backed chairs, climbed up onto it and was using the added height to try and grab his ankle. Without success.


    Oooh, I like that short lady... she's smart!!! ;) [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    How he could fly through the air seemingly without effort was beyond me at the moment. But now was not the time to ask, not when a rabid mob was closing on us both.


    Why, because he's the tall and pwerfully built Qui-Gon Jinn of course silly!

    One persistent admirer, I think it was the chair-grabbing woman, ignored the danger, reaching out to try and catch my master, and then she fell, arms flailing madly, and skidded into a droid carrying drinks.

    This woman is focused!! :p
     
  16. ardavenport

    ardavenport Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2004
    I think that you got the slapstick down very well. :D All those squashed deserts and the mad escape of the Jedi from the feminine horde that wants to ravish Qui-Gon -- and is the determined woman with the chair anyone we know? ;)
     
  17. Jedikma

    Jedikma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    This is great, Diane! I could see it all so clearly, your descriptions are just perfect. [face_laugh]

    There was a sudden scatter of muffins and honeycrust and rainbow berry pie sliding across the floor behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a frothy-white tower of glaze cake with its thick layers of sweetcream tumbling into the crowd and splattering the walls, floor and mob with icing. [face_laugh]

    And it didn't even slow the mob down! Yep, Obi and Qui better keep running. :p
     
  18. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    jedidas3 ? I had such fun writing this. I really wanted to write some slapstick after all the drama I've been writing. The thought of Qui-Gon hanging from a chandelier was just too much of a temptation. :p LOL. Thanks, Padawan.

    Layren ? Happy birthday.[:D] LOL on you begging him to come down.:D I would be right there with you! Glad you enjoyed it.

    ratna ? I hope you're breathing. LOL. I did want to give it just a touch of danger. After all, all those women would be fighting over him so it could get ugly. LOL. I loved the image of the Qui-Gon ornament. [face_batting]
    LOL on the trusting the Force. It was a bit of luck, after all, hitting the dessert cart. As for reversing the spell, you won't find out in this post but there will be a hint. Thanks for reading.

    Valairy_Scot ? I had such fun writing this one.:D I'd forgotten how much I love to write humor. I'll have to keep it in mind. Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.

    Ara-gon ? Glad that you enjoyed it. I'm going to have to write more humor in future.

    earlybird-obi-wan ? LOL. I like that, the disaster team. :) Kind of describes them to a T. Thanks for reading. I update randomly. Only one more post after this next one, anyway.

    Itachi-Uchiha ? Thanks. I had a lot of fun writing (and picturing) this. Thanks for reading.

    azizah ? LOL. I loved the cake. The women fighting over dessert was just a lot of fun to write.[face_batting] There's going to be 4 posts total. Thanks.

    Magier ? LOL. Yes, Obi is only 16 in this and a young 16 at that. I also want a piece of Qui's cloak but I want Qui in it. [face_love]
    Getting out of it will take a bit more doing. But there's 4 posts total. Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate it.

    Fifilla ? a Qui-Gon ornament would fit in my house as well! :D Thanks. Glad you found it amusing.

    Kitara ? poor dog![face_blush] Hope this one will keep you amused. Thanks.

    palpyisgod2 ? I'm glad you caught the 'alone time' thing.[face_blush] It was something I put in there hoping someone would notice it. Thanks

    KELIA ? I had a great deal of fun writing the whole dessert cart thing. It was just too silly and I really love being silly at times! Thanks.

    snowspeeder_gunner ? LOL on the cake-sliding thing. I also found the image pretty humorous. Thanks for reading.

    obsessedwithSW ? LOL I think I'm suggesting that Obi-Wan is in the 'fresher alone and exploring his sensual side.;) I'm glad you caught that. I was hoping people would notice. Thanks.

    VaderLVR64 ? LOL. Glad you enjoyed it. I certainly had fun writing it. Thanks.

    Veloz ? LOL. Glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun putting them in ridiculous positions. I'll be glad to PM you with the next post.

    Leona ? LOL. Yes, their plan is working, sort of. As for the short lady, I based her on you! [face_laugh] I figured you'd be pro-active in going after Qui. She was certainly focused. Thanks for reading.

    ardavenport ? I was going for slapstick this time. I don't do it very often (in fact I can't remember doing it deliberately ever before) but I wanted it to be over the top. Plus I had a lot of fun. Thanks. As for the chair-wielding woman, I based her on Leona.

    kma ? Thanks. I had such fun with this one. LOL on the dessert and not even slowing the mob down. [face_batting] Of course not. They'd take Qui-Gon over dessert any day.
     
  19. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    As if anyone couldn't figure it out, I was going for absurd and silly. More of the same coming up. One more post after this and then I'm done. Glad you are all enjoying the ride!


    I turned and hurried after Master Qui-Gon. He was pushing past droids as he forced his way down the hall. He sent me a worried frown and I sped up, not wanting to be left behind.

    The growls of frustration told me that his admirers weren't far away. Shoving some of the mechanicals into their path slowed the women down somewhat but they'd learned from my clumsiness. They merely waited a moment and then slid past the mess.

    We entered the kitchen area at a run.

    There were droids everywhere - at the ovens, at the counters beating on white doughy masses, at blocks cutting into bright fruit - mechanicals of all shapes and sizes weaving back and forth as they baked and broiled and cleaned and dispensed. It was controlled mayhem but at least there were no humanoids and especially no females. Thankfully.

    One of the droids, a huge brute, clearly in charge of the kitchens, raised its four arms and shouted to us to leave. A second mechanical started toward us, mallet high, but Qui-Gon flowed past it and I followed in his wake. The droids trailed us for a bit but melted back into their stations once they realized we were just passing through.

    I was beginning to breathe a little easier. By now, I had expected lunatic hordes of females stampeding into the kitchen, fighting off droids in an attempt to reach Master Qui-Gon or else sliding across the floor on feet covered in sweetcream and cake, shouting wildly for his attention.

    But for precious seconds, no women appeared. It looked like we might have outrun Qui-Gon's admirers. Better yet, hopefully the effects were wearing off and they'd finally given up.

    We slowed to a trot, reaching the other side of the kitchen and were just about to retreat to speeders and freedom when our luck ran out.

    It doesn't happen often but there are times when I question the Force. In most situations, it would give us guidance, send us a clear signal, a kind of warning that prepares us for what is to come. But, and it's a big but, there are other times when I swear the Force is laughing at us.

    Like now.

    Two wild-eyed women cut right across our path, blocking the way. And the Force had given us no hint of approaching doom, no sense of danger, nothing at all to tell us that our escape route had been cut off.

    Laughing indeed.

    Quicker than thought, before we could do anything, the females rocketed toward Qui-Gon, hands reaching out to touch, to caress, to do whatever women everywhere seemed to want to do with my master.

    Trying to help, I grappled with the nearest one, pulling her away from Master Qui-Gon and suddenly there was teeth and claws and she was like a sandpanther, desperate to reach her goal.

    The other female, hair still matted in cake and sweetcream, latched onto my master and, grabbing his tunics, pulled him close and kissed him. It was a wild, passionate embrace - with groans from the woman. At least, I think it was the woman making noises although I couldn't be sure.

    Master Qui-Gon stilled for a moment, not fighting to get away. Letting her kiss him. We were in the middle of a fight for our lives, well his life since, thankfully, the women seemed to be ignoring me, but he was just standing there. Not even trying to escape.

    Getting kissed by a woman covered in dessert.


    But the odd thing was that my old master seemed to be enjoying it. That couldn't be right, could it?

    I tried to put that traitorous thought aside but it kept coming back, gnawing at me. In all the years I've known him, Qui-Gon has always been unfailingly polite and compassionate, sometimes too much so. He's never knowingly turned away from any lifeform, pathetic or otherwise, when they were in need of help.

    Was this helping her, though? I couldn't see how it was. And I certainly don't remember anything in the Jedi Code about kissing.

    Besides, we needed to escape and that...
     
  20. Musing

    Musing Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 2003
    Women could be really inventive, sometimes.

    Oh, what an understatement. :D

    Interesting how it's Qui-Gon the feminine horde wants to unwrap (with the way Jedi dress, it's unavoidable :p ), but it's Obi-Wan who's getting unraveled.

    I can think of one female whose inventiveness has had me in stitches every time - not sometimes - I read the latest post. [face_laugh]

    I love this fic! Great job, dianethx! =D=
     
  21. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    I'd forgotten our pilot was a woman.

    Blast!


    Well, Obi-Wan, at least you know she'll keep the other ones out![face_laugh]

    AND, it appears that the * ahem* research has just been dropped in these men's laps. A living library, as it were....



    LOVED the description of the kitchen and the droids and the melee. Maybe Disney/Pixar could do a little short on this? Can you imagine? Actually, you already have, much to reader's delight!


    ~*~*~*~*~*~


    Speaking of delight, Diane, you (with the aid of chocolate, of course!) have also given us the Unconditioned Feminine vs. Mecha and the Jedi Code. And you have wrapped it all in absurd and silly. 'Awesome use of the archetypes, dude (dudess)!'


    I tried to follow his example with my writhing, Master-fixated prisoner. Oh, not the kissing part since the woman was old enough to be my mother and the thought of kissing someone, anyone, would have sent me into hiding, but I shoved a sleep suggestion into her mind - and then another and then harder with another.

    It wasn't working.


    Dear Obi-Wan, clearly your education is lacking in certain key respects. Whether waking a woman from slumber or sending her to her rest, it cannot be done without the Kiss. The Kiss and Sleep are intimately linked. And as for the woman being 'old enough to be your mother', read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (I'm sure Jocasta can find it for you somewhere...) The Loathly Ladye was the Goddess in disguise.

    ... Something which Sir Qui-Gon appears to recognise....@};-
     
  22. Magier

    Magier Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 2007
    I tried to follow his example with my writhing, Master-fixated prisoner. Oh, not the kissing part since the woman was old enough to be my mother and the thought of kissing someone, anyone, would have sent me into hiding, but I shoved a sleep suggestion into her mind - and then another and then harder with another.

    [face_laugh]

    Qui-Gon kissed them -- the will of the Force. o_O Definitely a contrast between master and apprentice there.

    I'd forgotten our pilot was a woman.

    Blast!


    Oh my! That's just perfect. I'm sure she will be more than delighted to get them into hyperspace and away from the mob of women so that she can have Qui-Gon all to herself. [face_laugh]
     
  23. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003

    Just in time. As Qui-Gon yelled to the pilot to raise shields, I could hear the clank of frustrated fists pounding on the hatch.

    We'd made it.

    We were both standing there, staring at the exit when the pilot sprinted into the hatchway, calling out, "Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, what happened?"

    Before we could answer, she turned to Qui-Gon, sniffing at the air, taking a deep breath and then said softly, sensually, "Is there anything I can do?"

    I'd forgotten our pilot was a woman.



    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]




    Hahahhahahahhah excellent update Diane! No place for safety ;) :p
     
  24. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Oh, my...gasps for breath. Too, too funny - will of the Force, indeed

    And that ending - perfect. Sheer perfection, superbly executed.
     
  25. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Holy crap! [face_laugh] This is delirously funny, diane. I love that you chose to do it in POV, it's working out so well that way. Qui-Gon kissing those two women--I could just picture it. Exactly the kind of thing he'd do, and Obi-Wan reacted as anyone would expect him to. I wonder if Qui-Gon will ever explain those kisses a little more thoroughly. :D

    Lovin' it. You really know how to write humor. =D=
     
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